It's been a year since this Work From Home setup started.

I am supposed to have APE on Wednesday. Kaso ayun, lock down na naman ulet. Hindi pa ma confirm ng HR kung kelan pwede magpa sched sa clinic. I was actually looking forward to my planned SL. Pa APE sana ko ng maaga para maagang makauwi at makapag kdrama marathon. Lol.

I can kdrama marathon daily though. I just don't. 

For some reason, bringing back the lockdown made me remember how I felt like nung 1st time na nagkalockdown last year. I hate this uncertain feeling. See, uncertainty is something a control-freak like myself find really disconcerting. I feel like grasping to find control again. Tokwa. Bahala na.

But as long as I still have the people I love, and we still have money to feed ourselves, then maybe it's not so bad.

Know what, a former colleague's mother just died. The Mother is not far from my age. Maybe late 30s or early 40s. Biglaan daw. Na stroke. After 2 days, deds na. She looked pretty fit in pictures.

Ewan.

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An officemate and I were talking about a dating app while I was on lunch. Kulit ng convo.

Officemate: ang dami ring poging AFAM dun, kaso yung iba mga mukhang puday.

Z: hahahaha. Anong hitsura nung mukhang puday? May hiwa sa mukha? Hahaha.

Officemate: I mean, mahilig manghingi ng nude pictures. Hahaha.

Tokwa, hanggang ngayon tawang tawa ako sa imagination ko sa kung ano hitsura ng mukhang puday. Hahaha. Ang literal. Tokwa. Hahaha ulet.

Sabi ng relationship coach na finafollow ko sa FB, don't put your life on-hold daw dahil lang sa pandemic. Kung ayaw mo makipagdate at a time like this because you're not good at chatting, then take it as an opportunity daw to learn this skill. And dating is a skill daw.

Kaya ayun, nag open ako ulet ng dating profile. Hahaha. Tapos ang tamad tamad ko naman mag reply. Hahaha ulet.

I'm actually interested in someone at the office. Wala lang naman. Pampasaya lang ng araw, tsaka inspirasyon din para magpapayat ulet para makapag post na ko ng bagong picture sa FB. Hahaha.

I seem to really like men with authority, no? Pero sigurado ako na ayaw ko sa taong authoritative. Gusto ko ng lalaking chill, pero ayoko rin nung hindi maingat sa trabaho nya.

Was backreading entries from years ago, and came accross my posts back nung may ganap pa kami ni L. 

I never hated that person, you know. And I don't think I hated any men na nakaharutan ko lang, tas nawala nalang. Lol. Because even for however brief moment, they actually added color to my life. And in however little ways, may natutunan ako sa kanila about men, or about relationship itself. At napapangiti pa rin ako sa memories ng mga kilig moments eventhough the feelings I've felt for them had long left na. All cool.

You know what, I feel really comfortable about being single. I actually love the freedom of being single. Hindi naman talaga ako natatakot to stay this way for the rest of my life. It's just that... 

I like men. I genuinely do. It's not even in lustful ways. I just feel like they were built to suit my taste.

And I still think about building a relationship.

So I figured, if I still think about it, then maybe it's because, I still want it. Di ba? Idk.

Kaya ayun. I plan to do what any normal person who would like to build a relationship will do—attend a seminar! Hahaha. 

Wala lang. Hahaha. Paparegister ako sa workshop tungkol sa mga lalaki. Sounds silly, but I really think this will be fun.

Dami ko pa pala gagawin. O sya! Ja!

08:02 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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