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金曜日: November 19, 2021



I've been having nightmares for 2 days in a row already. The type of nightmare that is hard to wake up from, and makes me scream in my sleep. Yesterday, Dad woke me up from the nightmare. Today it was Mom.

I feel mentally and spiritually weak these days. There were a lot of things going on. Usually, I'm only having nightmares when I watched or heard something really scary. This time, hindi horror story, but Mom's scream over something petty, ang naging trigger sakin. Pakiramdam ko nagkaron ako ng trauma.

I feel mentally unstable. For these past 2 days I've been screaming in panic whenever something startles me. I've also been having this pounding headache at the side of my forehead that  wouldn't go away. Persistent thoughts of wishing to just die and so on. I swear, I'm so much stronger that this.

I listened to a few videos from Feast Worship. I remember a docu kasi that says na yung mentally at spiritually weak people ang madalas sapian ng evil spirit. My prayers don't feel strong enough to protect me. I'm happy worship songs were able to do the trick. 

And there's also that sad realization that at times when I'm weak, wala pala talaga akong matatakbuhan.

But then again, I'm mentally unwell, so maybe my thoughts cannot be trusted.

----

Feastcon starts today. I invited Mel to join. I miss live KCON before pandemic. I'm not really looking forward to this, pero sana ma enjoy ni Mel. This will be her 1st time to attend. Ang saya siguro kung live tong FeastCon na to.

Listening on Feast Worship earlier, naalala ko yung crush kong si Aio. He'll surely be there. Ayan, excited na ko. : )



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Written by cinderellaareus at 04:13 AM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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私の名前はZです。

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