I've lost a cat last Saturday. Despite the ideal pet environment, he still died. I was busy taking care of my other cat who just had a surgery. By the time that I noticed that my other cat was sick, it was already too late. I thought he'd survive. He didn't. I don't know how you call this feeling. Is this guilt?

I was crying when I brought him to the clinic that day. But when I got a text message from Mom by the afternoon that my cat was already dead, there was a twisting pain in my chest. But I didn't cry. I couldn't. The twisting pain is still here, yet I'm still not crying. It's like an emotional constipation. The poop is there, and your stomach hurts, but it won't come out.

Today, I had a meeting with my TL, Account Manager, and SME regarding the my jump aux escalation. I asked them who escalated me, and they refused to answer. But it's pretty obvious because they held their meeting with Robert before mine. I've told my officemates about it, and they were very angry with Robert. When I was leaving as my shift ended earlier, nakakwentuhan pa namin yung ibang nasa night shift, and they too were opposing Robert.

I don't know why, but I dont feel angry at all. I defended myself during the meeting, but that was about it. I didn't feel angry. I didn't feel anything. Well, I did feel a little scared that my other officemates will believe him, and they will get to hate me. When my officemates displayed their support, I thought I'd feel happy, or at least relieved. I didn't feel any of these at all. I don't feel anything. Why?

I don't know. Is this grief?

Human emotions are so complicated.

I wonder when will I have my feelings back.

11:51 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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