Entries for July, 2013
friendship has been around for some time...
will loving be next?
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you never seem to learn your lesson, cinderella..
{ 気分} feeling stupid
07:09 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
hey. its thursday.
at home now. i decided to stop jobhunting for a while to think. pero yesterday and today two companies called to say that i was shortlisted. nakakatamad. im still thinking of turning them down. i actually turned down the 2nd one. grabe ako pa ang may ganang mag turn down ng company..shet.pag di ako umayos san na kaya ko pupulutin neto.
dad said ive got two options if i really want to have a job. 1st, accept one of the job offers or 2nd, go back to my first company...... the 2nd option ive long eliminated. dad has been trying to let me see the logic. and i know..i know he got a point. grabe ang laki talaga ng problema ko. sarili ko.
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last tue, shara called telling us the date of her wedding. to my horror, it landed to the date when we are suppose to meet the parents of my brother's fiance. hay..ang saket sa ulo. sabi nila, if there's a will, there's a way daw. basta ang alam ko lang, i need to attend both. jeez..kaylangan ko ng doppelganger .
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sighs..gusto ko ng time.. pak. ang dami ko na ngang time, ano pa bang gusto ko.
my plan is/was to actually get to this job that is outside of my field where i can earn twice or thrice the usual. this will help me save money that i can invest in stock market at sa biz namin ni yang. 5-days a week lang ang work, so i can get to take a tesda course. im thinking of studying baking or yung bar tending something na course.o kaya i can get back to school and study graphic arts. parang ganun. then, i can give my sundays to yang for our meet up. then i can have some time for seminars too, etc. time and money. its like hitting 2 birds in one stone. pero kasi..as dad said, hindi yun sigurado. ive been to 2 company's that offer such job. even my used-to-be-so-zealous head hunter seem to have given up na already. its been 2 days and he hasnt called yet. ewan. my last ace to that type of job said they'd be calling me next week to schedule me for an assessment test kasi they dont have a test schedule this week. the exam i took to another co, i failed tragically. kung magaaral ako before next week comes, i might make it, wont i?haiist...as dad said, hindi nga sigurado. really getting back to my first co would have been my best option..pero kasi nga...hay..kasi nga..ayoko. pag tinanggihan ko pa etong isang co na to, masisira na talaga ang record ko ang mauubusan na ko ng maganda gandang company.. sighs self.
gusto ko lang ng time. to learn new things.to be with my friends. with my family.enjoy life. to do a job where i can excel and be good in it. be beneficial... nung mas bata pa ko, ang hiling ko lang ay mag land sa job kung san pwede akong maging beneficial at maituring na asset ng kompanya na pagtatrabahuan ko. hindi pa super big deal ang pera saken non. feeling ko ngayon din naman. ako parin yung dati. sobrang idealistic ang sarap nang batukan. pero kasi hindi naman na pwede yung katulad ng dati.
bro getting married. dad having maintenance meds. house in on-going construction. bills. debts. name it. we have it. kahit yung cake na kaylangan kong bilhin sa darating ng bday ng dad ko prinoproblema ko pa..haha..kulang talaga sa hulog. shet, kaylangan ko na magtrabaho...shara's wedding in two weeks. i dont want to give her a card. i want to give her something good. its her wedding. a dear friend's wedding. sighs.. sa tingin ko hindi talaga totoong money is the root of all evil. kasi sa tingin ko kaylangan mo rin nang pera to show your love for people. of course, presence and action do count. but still, kaylangan parin ng pera. basta. sighs..
bahala na.
02:15 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
at yang's place, watching the voice..
pogi ni bamboo hehe..
sat today. tom sunday. i wonder what's in store for me for the coming days and the days ahead. i use to say that i dont fight because i hate to lose, but i realized, that's not always the case. sometimes im just lazy. see, being jobless can be action-packed sometimes. days are uncertain and unpredictable. but to survive or sink, its all gonna be up to u.
we named our biz, rave..if u happen to see it somewhere, please support us (commercial, commercial)..
a contestant from the voice sang 'uwahig'.. i was blown away.. and sure enough, the judges too were..
sighhhss..i wonder how it feels like to be knocked off your feet.. for real..
{ 音楽} uwahig
{ ショー} the voice
{ 気分} having goosebumps
10:19 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
ignore the title.
i dont know, but i really find comfort in writing "friends-only" entries.
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nothing much. a long day today. just got home from a sleep over at a friend's house. earlier this morning, we went to PICC to attend the mass and "the feast" where i heard Bo Sanchez gave a talk for the first time. He's really something. i still miss father mario, though.
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sighs..time. i know i have plenty of it right now, but i dont know why it doesnt seem to feel so.
monday tomorrow. the 1st days in weeks that i dont really have a plan whatsoever. i wonder how long will being like this go on. but really, i feel so tired that i dont really mind to have a rest right now. i actually dont have any plan for the entire week, damn. this is getting more depressing.
shara's wedding this sun. i need a dress and a gift. pak, i need money. =(
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got a special novena thing from PICC where you can write 7 magic wish.. im really excited to fill it up with my wishes, but my eyes is cursing me na already, i guess, im gonna save that up for tom.
know what, Bo Sanchez's "the feast" is really nice. a good venue if you want to feel spiritual sometimes. it just bothers me that bo speaks so well that im finding it hard to focus on God instead of him. see, i suck at multitasking, i can only think of one thing/person/Existence at a time. but its really nice. his presence makes people exude in hope and faith and peace and all good things, basta mga positive vibes. ganun.
nakakagoosebumps lang yung way ng mga tao of raising their hands. as if reaching out for an unseen divine Existence. i could almost taste their beliefs, their confidence that their God is reaching out for them too. Tama, hindi ko rin alam kung meron nga ba talagang Diyos. isa yong bagay na hindi ko kayang patotohanan. basta ang alam ko lang, kung hindi sya totoo, lahat--yung buhay ng tao, yung earth, yung universe, yung mga idea like love, peace, hope, friendship, basta lahat yon, feeling ko, mawawalan ng saysay kung wala sya. hindi nga siguro ganun kalakas ang faith ko, pero ang alam ko lang, etong Diyos, na hindi ko kayang patotohanan ang eksitensya,na hindi ko alam kung talagang totoo nga o hindi, gusto ko parin mahalin.
sa isa sa mga libro ni bob ong nabanggit nya yung ang pagtatalo daw kung may Diyos o wala e parang pagtatalo ng mga garapata kung may aso ba o wala. ang pagtatalo sa kung ano ang pangalan ng Diyos e parang pagtatalo ng mga garapata sa kung anong pangalan nung aso. tas sinabi na pa sa bandang huli yung something like pag namatay daw sya sana dilaan sya nung aso sa mukha.
hindi ko alam kung meron ngang Diyos. pero.. sana talaga may Diyos. hindi lang dahil sa kaylangan ko sya, kundi dahil kasi, importante Sya saken..
--
ang weird. nakakaiyak naman to..haha..
ops, 12:04 na..hindi na tuloy sunday.
happy monday!!
12:05 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
logged-in to my 1st co's skype account to ask some info to my former manager..
"paano mam babalik ka na ba dito..." she asked..
..
sighs..ang saket ng puso ko.. T_T
{ 気分} confused, depressed, confused
11:23 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
been extracting whatever charm i have to sales talk with people..haha.. this is actually exciting pala. i hope yang and i can make it to our goal. for our product to be sold out by the end of the month. goodluck to that. im gonna do my best for this..i am normally shy talaga, and i think yang too is the same..pero ngayon, talo talo na to..haha..sana magawa namin.. but know what, it feels nice to do something you've never done before..nakakatuwa...i hope yang and i can make it there...kung saan man yung there na yun..
anyway, here's our biz..
hey..please show us some love... *^_^*
{ 気分} hopeful, getting there..sana
08:04 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
you're gonna die in a few years...
that was the thought that hit me this afternoon. scary, i know. but what's really pathetic is that i dont care.
maybe the sign that you're not really happy with your life is when you dont care about losing it.
..sighs..
its a thursday. change was what i wanted then, and so it was given to me. im actually fine with it. the problems, the uncertainty, the trials and fears..maybe that's what makes life exciting after all.
but still...
..sighs..
i still want to wake up one day, soon and realize that its over. not my life, but the troubles that i brought myself in to.
heavens..please fix my life... fix me
{ 気分} broken still
09:30 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
being faithful to someone who's not even yours is plain stupid..
i know..
shit...
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oh, save your youth and give up, cinderella..
09:28 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
the bouquet: up close and personal..
next would be the downfall of bataan..this got me really really curious..
...
well, still, it all meant game over for the two of you..but best wishes..
{ 気分} feeling flower girl
03:59 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
its a peaceful tuesday afternoon. ang tahimik ng celfone ko ngayon. no usual calls from potential employers. nakakapanibago. nakakakaba. sighs..heavens..my days for the past weeks since i had been unemployed had been action-packed but today seems to be an exception.
at home now. patience level going down at a rapid pace along with my confidence. true, being jobless has its pros if you set the cons aside. but it just cant go on forever. i have given up my line of work and decided to work on getting a post on a job that pays twice up to trice the salary. i had long been updated by two potential employers that i had passed their exam and interview and would me calling me for the schedule of another assessment test and final interview soon. i dont know what's taking them so long. sighss..i sent my resume to other companies yesterday. wala paring tumatawag.. jeez..waiting game. hayy..
----
last sunday, we drove more that 3 hours from home to go to naic, at my brother's girlfriend's place, for my parents to meet her parents. wedding date was agreed. a few hours after we get there, i excused myself to both parties and commuted 2 hours to get to paranaque to attend to shara's wedding. met up with nini and tope. grabe, wala kaming kakilala. shara kept here wedding from our other friends and apparently kami lang palang 3 dun yung hindi nila kamag-anak.
shara looked very pretty. she was wearing a white dress, not a gown. she was trembling and obviously trying to hold back tears when she was walking down the "impovised" aisle. i still cant understand why women cry in their wedding. i would like to ask sha, but maybe someday i will. i dont really want to intrude in their honey moon now.
ive met sha's groom-then-now-husband first time on that day. he looked mabait..gwapo ba?hmm..mukhang mabait..basta yun. i remember some time around 2 years ago when sha showed us the picture. back then, we couldnt believe that shara accepted the guy to be his boyfriend. well, actually, i think he would have look way better if he had a different hairstyle. i mean, his features are all not bad. he even has a dimple!! he's rather dark which would have been a plus if he had been tall, but he's not. but whatever. as long as he'd treat shara well, then all will be fine.
married life..
para other dimension. parang outer space.
marriage..
at the wedding, we were sitting on the same table with shara's sisters. sapul ako kagad sa mga tanong...
ikaw san ka nagwowork?, asked one of the sisters
jobless po ako. i replied.
they didnt ask if im single. they already know. i dont know how. they talked about setting me up on their cousin but in the end thought better of it saying alam mo naman yung pinsan naten na yun.. said that cousin of theirs is an extremely shy one. i dont know why pero when i heard the whole thing, feeling ko they were trying to perform an act of "kawang gawa" like being single is some form of a handicap. im not actually offended..im more like..curious..wondering. basta ganun.. pero syempre nakakainis parin. hindi sila, kundi yung situation itself yung nakakainis. ewan ko. sighs..
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sa ngayon, i think i want to work on things i can control. career siguro. finances. investments. im doing my best to make R A V E work out. there are many times that i feel like we're not gonna make it, pero sa ngayon, i want "giving up" and "losing hope" to be the last in my priorities. basta..gagawin ko lahat ng kaya ko. tapos bahala na.
oh, heavens..please bless us po..
{ 気分} trying to be hopeful
02:21 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i feel free.
{ 気分} all smiles
08:47 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
feel like the old days. me, being the only child present at home, kumo- quota na ang mga tao dito sa kakatawag ng pangalan ko.
anak bili ka ng ganito.
nak, kunin mo nga yung ganito kay ganito.
nak, abot mo nga saken yung ganito..
im not actually complaining. it just makes me realize how so not-adult i feel whenever im here at home. no responsibility whatsoever. see, i dont cook, i dont wash clothes, i only run errands. its not really that bad. kung tutuusin, nagkakaron lang talaga ko ng pakinabang sa mundo pag meron akong trabaho.
final interview ko na tom sa isang company na gusto kong makuha. yung j-guy na naging textmate at skype-mate ko na after ng initial interview ko sa company nila, nasa japan daw ngayon. tatanungin ko sana sya kung anong ibig sabihin ng "technical interview" at ano bang magandang preparation ang dapat gawin. dapat talaga nag-aaral ako ngayon.
hindi naman ako tinatamad. i just want to prepare R A V E stuff. see, my tito will be having a house blessing this sunday. syempre aalukin ko sya ng products namin pati yung ibang bisita. business, business. yeah..hehe..
dati ang laman ng isip ko e kung pano ko maayos ang error ng jupiter. kung pano ika-kaiwa ang complicated na buzai. kung anong tumbling ang dapat kong gawin para tumama sa coordinates ng senkei sa ginawa kong honegumi..
absorption. siguro ayun yon. pati sa panaginip dinadalaw ako noon ng mga bagay na related sa trabaho ko. ngayon, dahil wala akong work, sa ibang bagay naman ako absorbed. sa rave, minsan sa stock market. minsan sa pangarap kong yumaman. basta ganun. siguro nga in someways adult narin ako.
sa ngayon, gusto kong iexcute lahat ng plano ko. pag nag materialize na kaya lahat ng plano ko, sasaya na ba ko?
may mga time parin na hindi ko talaga alam kung meron pa bang makakapagpasaya sa akin. bagay, tao, achievements, ewan ko. sabi nila choice daw ang pagiging masaya. ewan ko din. bahala na.
kinakabahan ako para bukas. pag kasi wala parin to, waiting game na naman. i know i shouldnt be afraid of failure. failure shouldnt be included in my options in the first place. ganun ako mag-isip dati. kung may isang bagay kasi na sigurado ako sa sarili ko noon, yun ay yung mga kaya kong gawin. pero ngayon ewan ko kung nasan na yung confidence na yun. baka namundok na, o baka nasa outer space na.
sighs.
a few days from now, ano kayang isusulat ko sa blog na to?yehey or huhu or magpapanggap nalang na walang nangyari..or pwede rin na wala naman palang "a few days from now"
hay, buhay
03:14 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
something to ponder on a hot thursday afternoon. good aftie tabby pips!!
{ 気分} feeling better..pero onti pa.
02:12 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
sabi nila meron daw talagang nakatakda.
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taeness. i failed the 1st exam. i failed the 2nd exam. akala ko talaga pati medical exam ifefail ko pa. ang baba daw bp ko tas enlarged pa daw ang heart ko. pambihira. they made me have the xray 2x. false alarm lang pala. ok. shoots.buti naman.
kanina talaga, masayang masaya na ko. pero pagdating ko sa bahay, isang epic question ang nagpabago ng isip ko.
ok ka na ba dyan? ayaw mo nang maging engineer?
pak. ang saket sa puso ng mga ganitong tanong, men..baka magkatotoong enlarged talaga ang puso ko kung mga ganitong tanong ang naririnig ko. sigh..
..
made me miss my bro. i bet he has better things to say. he always does. nakakainis. nalungkot ako bigla.
nuon talaga., paniwalang paniwala ako na may nakatakda. may mga bagay kasi na kahit harangan ng sibat, nangyayari parin. pero ngayon naisip ko na kakagawan to ng desire.
desire something and its gonna be yours. even the universe- the mother nature herself will bend for you to have it.
desire.
tingin ko, eto yung nagpapatakbo sa mundo. dahilan kung bakit yung seemingly impossible na bagay nangyayari parin, dahil sa desire.
and the infinite resources of the universe can suffice in supplying ways of making each and everyone/s desire to happen. tingin ko ayun yon.
so, technically, ako rin ang nagdala ng sarili ko dito. sighs.
..
i dont know kung anong meron sa future. pero nandito na to. iniisip ko kung one way ba tong daan na tinahak ko at kung may way pa ba na makabalik ako. hindi ko rin alam..basta. choice ko to.
--
sa totoo lang, mas convinient maniwala sa fate para ano't ano man ang kinahihinatnat ng choices mo, iisipin mong hindi mo yung kasalanan, kundi kasalanan ng universe.
ewan.
kumain nalang tayo ng masarap o kumanta ng lalalalala..
08:40 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
