Entries for August, 2013


. August 2, 2013

daydreams in the midst of panic

yow!its been a while.

my 3rd co has a ridiculous security so i didnt dare access this acct at work. 

so, how are things going?

--

its been a crazy week for me. my day one at work was awesome. i get to meet awesome people, i feel like a had a barkada for a day.

there were 5 of us that day. aileen, tony_g(g as in girl), tony_b(b as in boy), billie and me. really, i was never the type who make friends with people easily, but for some reason, there seem to be something about each of us that made us jive. too bad, i was taken away by my team the next day so i wasnt able to be with them for the rest of the week.

1 training week down. 1 more training week to go. before, when i was itching to write in here about my adventures, i thought i would write a lot. pero ngayon hindi ko na masulat.hehe..the security kasi..nakakapraning.

anyway, just to give you a preview..

there is this guy kasi....eeeeeeeeee!!!hahaha..eto na naman..wahhh!!

parang highschool akong muli..wahaha..but i think im really happy now. and giddy..and...wahhH!!!!!ang adik lang.

i dont know yet if he's single. tingin ko oo, sana. basta.. bahala na.

--

anyway, career-wise. ayun. nung day 2 ko dito sa co i was convinced na talagang nagkamali lang sila na nihire nila ko. nakakapanic mode. i still believe the same thing now. so be it. but since im here na im gonna make it count.,.basta gagalingan ko.

--

know what, feeling ko the past was ages ago na, even though in reality, it was just a few months away. hindi ko alam kung hanggang kaylan pero sa ngayon masaya ko sa pinili ko. but i know i still have a long way to go. but im gonna give my all in everything. and enjoy doing so.

--

And i guess im just gonna enjoy the ball for now..

thank you fairy godmother..

{ mood } just happy


Written by cinderellaareus at 10:18 PM.

6 comments


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. August 4, 2013

day one

we were having lunch then, and amidst the introductions and other exchanges, someone asked me where do i live.

i told him i live in Bulacan.

he, then said..

"talagang magaganda ang mga taga Bulacan no?"

--

confirmed.

isa talaga akong malaking utu uto.

{ mood } at kinilig ka naman kagad, amp ka.


Written by cinderellaareus at 06:40 PM.

2 comments


* * * *

. August 8, 2013

huuuyyy..

spent my precious time sa internetan para makapagpaprint ng pre-employment requirements only to find out na ngcrash ang yahoo sa mga panahong ito..very good. dapat natulog nalang ako

thursday..holiday daw pala bukas. baket kaya kami may pasok.

onleave si qm, walang tl. happy fiesta!!haha..hindi rin.

bored much. hindi muna ko mgkwekwento. wala rin naman akong makwento...

hayy....future future..bat ang labo labo mo..

goodnight..


Written by cinderellaareus at 07:06 PM.

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* * * *

. August 9, 2013

some post to welcome the weekend

friday, 10:26 in the evening.

how are you?

--

seems like insomnia was extracted out of my vocabulary now, i really feel so sleepy. the training's over. id go live next week. im just neutral about it. but let's wait till i get to the actual scenario. damn.

i use to be this workaholic type, working for like 14 hours a day and sometimes 7 times a week. nakakacultural shock lang ang ganitong environment na super petix. sighs...siguro naguguluhan na saken ang universe kung san nya ko ilalagay. but, really, mother earth, im not complaining..but part of me is scared. i dont know. uncertainty.. fear of stagnation.. and a lot more things..sighs.. ang hirap magsulat. 

--

weekend na tomorrow, but apparently, rest is still out of sight. injan's bro passed away. im gonna go to their house for the funeral. its been a while since i last saw injan and its really sad that this has to be the reason. pero promise, im so itching to tell her all my adventures, and i bet she too got her own share. sighs..but then, i know that she'll gonna recover. that, i really hope. she seems fine when i was talking to her thru text. but i dont really know. im gonna find out.

will be going out with mom tom too. going to tita's house. attend to stuff. really, i never felt how sociable my parents are until i quitted my first job. now im not so sure if that can be counted as a good thing. social life means money wasted. the payday is a few days away pa. with my wallet's content, i dont know how i can survive. damn. money-wise, tulad parin ako nung jobless pa ko. sheeet..pak meeen.

--

im reserving my sunday to study and review stuff. im not sure if this is all worth it. i use to be scared of not being able to keep my job. now im scared that my job will not be able to keep me. see, i dont really fear losing a job, i just fear the potential embarrassment i might face if they're gonna kick me out.. sighs..sighs ulet..sighs talaga.. 

siguro, ang pwede ko lang gawin e gawin yung kaya ko. tapos yung hindi ko na kayang icontrol na mga bagay bagay e ipaubaya ko nalang sa universe. una, yun lang rin naman kasi ung choice na meron ako. pangalawa, wala rin naman kasing maso-solve ang pag aalala lang di ba. sighs..bahala na..

...

haiiiis..

nakakatanda daw ang pag sa- sigh...mukha parin ba kong 27?taeness..watebs.

じゃあ。。

so much for this. goodnight.


Written by cinderellaareus at 10:58 PM.

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* * * *

. August 11, 2013


panic eating.

4:16pm. the day's about to end pero wala paring nadadagdag sa nalalaman ko.

sentensya na bukas. pak. gusto kong magsakit sakitan..taeness..

..arrrg!!..MORE RICE PLEEEEAASE.

tapos sa halip na mag aral, nandito pa ko. very good.

---

sighs..hindi ko alam kung baket nalulungkot ako today. pag nalulungkot ka tapos hindi mo alam ang dahilan, di ba parang ang laki ng problema mo non?ewan ko. signs of aging ba to?

i didnt make it to injan's brother's funeral yesterday, so i joined the procession for his burial today. i learned that the brother is 47 and he's single..got a kid he was never able to meet..and so on. actually, he was killed.. but as a form of respect, i wont be including the details here.

well, it just made me think that..what if..soulmate, destiny, or whatever you may call it is actually for real..and then, what if for some reason, my destiny, soulmate, whatever, had prematurely died. what will happen to me then???

aarg. whatebs. see, when we went to meet tito and tita yesterday, they keep on telling me that i shoudnt follow the footsteps of my other 3 tita's who got old and still hadnt married. so on so fort. this things are not really new to me, although i feel like as time passes by, they are getting more persistent.

the truth of the matter is, im not really that concern of growing old and remain unmarried. well, maybe partly. still, what im more concern about is not finding "it"..marriage and finding "it" may sound the same but they are actually different. i mean, you can find your "it" and not have him. or you may get married but not to your "it"..damn, do i really have to elaborate all this? ang hirap, men..basta.

ayun. ewan ko.

--

today, G(or maybe the girlfriend) changed his fb status into "engaged"..the news have long reached me, but i dont know why it still sucks. i dont think im actually jealous or whatever. i guess im just---what? bitter? i dont know..

damn.

whatever. goodnight.


Written by cinderellaareus at 04:44 PM.

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* * * *

. August 12, 2013

the prince and the witch

damn what? are you really hoping that thru the language barrier you can get away unnoticed with that flirty flirty act of yours..

goodluck to that, cinderella..

--

shet man,,

naway di ka gisahin sa sarili mong mantika..

{ mood } testing waters..


Written by cinderellaareus at 07:23 PM.

4 comments


* * * *

. August 17, 2013

of dreams and saturday blues

it was raining.

i cancelled R A V E's supposed meeting because mom asked me stay home to help out. we were expecting customers to flood our tiny store today because of the scheduled registration for a medical mission near home. but seems like it was move for some reason. so today, im all study mode for work related stuff. still got sunday. will it be enough. i should be studying now.

change.

yesterday, i asked the qm for an audio file recorded from my sempai's voice. currently listening to it now. this is depressing.. i cant understand a thing..i feel like im ages away from being fluent to this language. damn..i want to cry.

i wonder how far working hard can get me with my current ability.

--

ask, and it will be given to you.  biblical yan..

for the past months after leaving the comfort of my first company, isa sa mga bagay na natutunan ko ay yung, the easiest way to get what you want is to ask for it. i know it is the fear of rejection that keeps most people from asking..pero if you think it over, people can only say no..you can just move on after that, right?

wala lang. i use to be this really shy type of person. tipong hindi mag-iinitiate ng conversation with people. yung hindi magsasalita kung hindi mo kakausapin.. but circumstances pushed me to change. pag mag-isa ka kasi at you cant do everything on your own and you need to get something done, you will be left with no other choice but to ask. for information, for people's help, etc. basta. and some people are more than happy to help you. at sa tingin ko mas masayang gumawa ng mga bagay bagay na meron kang kasama kesa yung pag nag-iisa ka lang. basta..

teka, ano bang tinutumbok ko?

ewan ko din..hehe. masaya ko ngayon na malungkot na medyo depress ng onti. i dont know how that can be possible, pero basta medyo ganun.

sa tingin ko, people are made to work with, laugh with or just simply be with people in general. we are humans. that very fact is our thing in common and enough reason to connect..teka, ano nga ulet ang ibig kong sabihin?

ewan ko..haha.. basta. kaya kung minsan, nalulungkot ka. baka kaylangan mo lang ng kausap, talk. ask. be brave and try to connect with other people. it makes a lot of difference. it will not only make you happier, you'll never know, the other person might just be waiting for you to talk as well. 

--

i do not know what the future holds. pero kung may isang hindi nagbago, yun e yung dati ko paring gusto.

yung, to live a great life. be a great contribution to the world. but after living the day's greatness, i want to go home, in simplicity, in a simple life, together with the one i love..ha! so yun pala yun. taeness..hehe..

sa tingin ko, gusto kong maging gift for that someone. or just make that someone happy. simple lang naman di ba?

hindi ko rin alam kung matutupad pa yon. pero hindi parin siguro masama kung maniniwala.

sighs..

basta.


Written by cinderellaareus at 08:23 PM.

4 comments


* * * *

. August 22, 2013

hey

sneak into here. i should be sleeping.

the storm had subsided somehow..im hoping for a dry day tomorrow. its gonna be friday!!Hhooooray!!

a lot of things happened. most of which, i just cant write here..maybe im just trying not to make things worse, but it all falls down to the same stuff..work stuff...hayyyst..ang gulo gulo..gumugulo pa lalo. ang bleak parin ng future for me.. pero sa ngayon gusto kong maniwala na everything happens for the best...tapos bahala na.

--

was chatting with former colleagues from my 1st co. pati sa kanila parang ang dami na ring nagbago. siguro minsan, kaylangan mo lang maging brave enough to take that 1st step towards change and everything else will just follow. siguro, ewan ko. tama, marami akong pinanghihinayan pero sa tingin ko hindi parin ako nagsisisi. sabi noon ni jane, hindi ko daw malalaman kung hindi ko susubukan. kaya ngayon, nasubukan ko na ..alam ko na.. at least may isa na naeliminate sa sangkaterbang listahan ng what ifs sa buhay ko.

--

know what, nini texted me yesterday about lu giving birth. hindi ka nga talaga kayang saktan ng mga taong hindi mahalaga sayo. naalala ko lang yung baby shoes...yung promise..yung wish..nasan na ba yon.. hindi ko maisip kung baket nagawa ni lu yung ganito. na bigla nalang wala lang. ganun lang. hindi ko maisip..kasi kahet anong tumbling ang gawin ko sa tingin ko hindi ko magagawa yung ganun nalang sa mga taong nakasama ko.ewan ko.. shet..ayoko na nga..

sa totoo nyan, konti lang talaga ang mga kaibigan ko. siguro, gusto ko lang na ikeep silang lahat. pero alam ko namang may sarili din silang buhay. sariling issue. sariling choice. i remember how jenna reacted to these back then. i wonder how she'd react now. but jenna is a woman of pride. i can imagine her brush this whole thing off with indifference..sighs..ewan ko. nalulungkot parin ako. sya lang naman kasi yung ganun..baket sya lang naman nakaisip nang ganun..ewan ko..

--

jguy2 was sent to the hospital yesterday. hindi ko sya masyadong makausap ngayon. i feel like the training will last forever na this time..jeez..ano bang gagawin ko? i was on my own for like half of the day yesterday. i messed up big time, but i learned a lot. got to be with the other morning people. ate lunch with them..talked with them..all in all, naging masaya din..but as expected from a typical japanese, jguy2 went back to work by afternoon. i know the mess i made while he was out will cause him so much trouble. the emails he sent today consist mostly of sorries to our clients. sorries for the mess ive made..i know i should have been the one to make those sorries. know what, in my life, i was used to doing my own thing. cleaning my own mess. fixing things by myself. and now, with them (him and jguy1) around to fix things, it just cant feel right. i do not feel productive at all. sighs.. ano bang pwede kong gawin..

--

father m were inviting people to wear white and go to luneta on mon for an advocacy.. yung sa pork barrel issue ata yun kay napoles, something, i dont know. everytime that father mario is talking things related to issues against powerful and rich people, kinakabahan ako. siguro masyado lang akong nanonood ngtelenovela, pero, sana naman, hindi nya maipahamak ang sarili nya.

--

random kung random lang..

eto nalng muna

grabe, antok na antok na talaga ko..

good night..


Written by cinderellaareus at 08:55 PM.

4 comments


* * * *

. August 25, 2013

dreams, afternoon nap and other things

haw!

i had a weird dream yesterday. i enrolled for college daw. i forgot that i had already graduated. ang weird pa na nagenroll ako sa college sa dati kong high school. i attended a catholic high school run by nuns and priest kaya siguro dun sa dream, madre yung nag assess saken. ang weird pa e japanese yung madre. tas pag uwi ko daw, saka nag sink in saken na graduate na ko kaya mali na nag enroll pa ko. mom then consoled me in the dream saying ayos lang yun kasi may mga bagong subject na wala pa nuong nasa college pa ko. ang mas weird pa e yung mga subjects na yun e mga softwares na related sa job ko ngayon..taeness..nagkagulo gulo na ang lahat sa panaginip ko. wahehe..

pagkagising ko, it took me some time to realize na panaginip lang yun, super worried talaga ko akala ko totoo..taeness..

--

sighs..back to work tom. yeah, holiday. but im not complaining.

--

been watching anime to help me improve my skills in the language. the title's fairy tale. its a good one. nakaka addict.

mejo tinatamad tuloy akong pumasok at mag aral. feeling ko diversionary tactics ko lang to para maiwasan ang conventional way ng pag aaral ng jap..

sighs...ang sarap matulog.

we've been postponing rave stuff over and over again. this cant go on. kung manonood lang ako at matutulog pano pa ko aasenso. jeezz...kaylangan ko ng motivation. something na magpapaalala saken kung ano nga ulet yung goal ko para hindi ako nadidistract. teka, ano nga ulet ang goal ko??

sighhss...

--

but this will do for now..

goodnight

{ mood } acting dense


Written by cinderellaareus at 06:37 PM.

2 comments


* * * *

. August 31, 2013

happiest

injan posted a cryptic message in facebook which says something about her having a second life something. texted her about it and found out that she was almost shot (i mean gun shot). said that during the incident, she had the moments of her life flash before her... ganon nga kaya yon? when you experience near death, magkakaron ka ng memory flash back??

nakakaemo saturday today. tingin ko delaying tactics ko lang to para makaiwas sa pag-aaral. wasted my day sleeping, eating, and now blogging.. iniisip ko lang rin kasi..kung ako kaya ang mgka near death experience..ano bang magfa-flash saken..

ano bang happiest memory ko?

siguro yun yung araw na natupad yung isa sa mga major dreams ko sa buhay..happened around august 2008.. feeling ko nun natransport ako sa mundo ng fairy tales.. my ckc days.. been looking at the pictures. i wonder if somewhere in my future, may moment pa kaya na mangyayari saken na kayang ibeat ang moment na yun..

sighs..

kung pati yung mga happy moment mo nakakapagpalungkot sayo, ang laki siguro ng problema mo..taeness no?..amp.

i dont know when will i die. pero gusto ko..gusto ko talaga..gusto kong gumawa ng masasayang memories that could beat the best ones that i have.. gusto ko ulet bumalik sa mundo ng fairy tails..dun sa mundo na akala mo hindi nageexist. na kala mo hindi mangyayari sayo.. 

gusto kong gumawa ng magandang memories. something that could beat the best ones i had. pero tingin ko kaylangan ko ng partners or teammates to have it done. hindi rin kasi ako naniniwala na kayang maging masaya ng tao kung nagiisa lang sya. i think the best thing that a lone person can do is to make himself NOT sad. and that's different from being happy. sa totoo nyan hindi ko rin alam kung tama ba ko..

---

ok, sobrang delaying tactics na to..

i guess, じゃあ for now..

{ mood } aching for that "thing"


Written by cinderellaareus at 06:38 PM.

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* * * *
« 2013/07 · 2013/09 »

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my name is z


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