Entries for March, 2014
last night at eastwood, i finally met the infamous half japanese half french new j-guy agent for a new j-acct in eastwood branch that partner and QM had been teasing on me even before WE actually meet him. well, he sort of met the expectations. he's handsome with a typical latino look, well-built, wash and wear type etc. etc..
at first, we all had dinner in a mexican cantina (with unli margaritta!!!woot woot!) and then went to a karaoke bar for out nijikai. from the dinner up to the karaoke bar, the french guy and i were forced to sit beside eachother.. pictures of us were shot and the QM, apparently really enjoying himself with all these, commented that i look happy-claiming that its because,im sitting next to the french guy. i warned the frech-guy beforehand. i told him everyone had been teasing me with him before we actually met and that he shouldnt believe in everything he hears from that moment forward. the french-guy acted like a good sport and i think his super cool. i straight-forwardly asked him if he's single and he said yes..hahaha.. i was amazed by my own guts after this.
partner came in late, because he came from an event where he was the moderator(host/interpreter among other stuff). it was the same event that i went to last weds.. well, see, partner is sort of celebrity type..or at least in his own rank..i dont know why i feel like bragging about this now..haha.. well, i really love partner..i love how he makes every gathering more lively and on how he can talk with any kind of people.. and on how he do super cool things.. see, i can write about this on and on for hours and would eventually appear like im head-over-heels for him.. but really, im just greatful.. im his bestfriend after all.. or so, he said.haha.. shet..i was bestfriend zoned by the most amazing guy ive ever met. but the fact that its not really hurting me made me think that maybe, that's what he is for me too. but to be honest, im not so sure. im just so overwhelmed by how partner had rocked my world. even QM's wife was complementing our closeness..
so, ok. back to the french-guy. partner and i had been calling him frenchy.
frenchy, smokes. he's nice naman, i think.. too over qualified for the job since he's holding multiple master's degree. he even told me he has a company or something. he doesnt speak tagalog, so, we talk mostly in english and little japanese..nosebleed moments, man.. oh, he also teach arnis.. thus the bulging muscles. he's tall and looks like a model..
after a few bottles of margaritta, QM got all red and drunk and noisy. and the whole time, i was his favorite teasing subject. good thing, his wife is a good sport too.
after dinner, we went to a karaoke bar for our nijikai. on our way there, partner was placing his arm on my shoulder (i mean, akbay---oh, what's that in english, again?) when i brushed him off. not that i dont want him doing that and not that he doesnt normally do that..its just that, having a hunk bestfriend can sometimes take a toll on you. haha. when i did that, partner was like, "ahh, ganun ha.." so as an excuse, i told him, i did that because frenchy can see us and i dont want him to have the wrong idea. i hope i got him convinced.
QM went really wild when we were at the karaoke bar. he came into me, taking both of my hands, then holding my back, urging me to stand up and dance with him. I WAS CREEPED OUT. i had to move away and sit next to his wife telling her "your husband's getting scary"... arg.. even when sober, QM has the habit of "accidentally" holding my hands..which in itself, annoying, but yesterday, he was really creepy. there were times when partner and i were speculating that he could be gay because he's been talking a lot about frenchy and he talks about him as if he's super in love with him.. i would have felt better if it was frenchy that he was harrassing and not me. i was sitting next to frenchy before i changed seat because QM was harrassing me. frenchy has that look in his face at that time. i hope he's not thinking that im just trying to avoid him or anything. after a while, we had to trasfer to another room. frenchy handed me my drink from way accross my new seat which i found sweet.. i dont know if its the alcohol effect, but i feel like frenchy had an odd look in him by then.
i sang "head over feet" during our karaoke session. partner look uneasy by then. i hope he's not thinking that im making a confession whatsoever, because, really, i wasnt. i just happen to know the song. but the fact that this is bothering me made me think that maybe, im sort of guilty.. but well, not really.
by that time i was sitting next to frenchy again and on the other side, i was sitting next to partner, who took off his jacket. he was wearing sleeveless polo then. partner doesnt look bad. he go to the gym like everyday so he's well-built too. he doesnt have abs yet unlike frenchy, but maybe he's getting there..
see, the setup was, to the left was a half japanese half french arnis master who look like a latino model. to the right was a half japanese half korean who look like johnny of endless love. oh, a girl can only be so lucky sometimes...hahahha.. harots.
when we go home, frenchy offered to drop me off to mega mall since he'd be riding a cab to makati. i actually asked partner to drop me off there with his car, but since he actually lives in kapitolyo and wont really be needing to go to megamall, i decided to go with frenchy instead so as not to cause him any trouble.
we left at around 1am. came home at around past 2am. read partner's text asking if i was ok. replied and slept. partner responded around 9:30am saying nakatulog sya after my reply and asked " nasa makati ka ngayon"? when he knew for a fact that i live in bulacan. frenchy lives in makati. he's obviously teasing me so i told him "yeps, i am next to frenchy now...echos.haha"..crazy. he just responded "kelan kasal" after that.
aarrg.. hanging out with gourgeous men can be overwhelming. but sometimes it hurts the ego on how i cant own even one of them..
well, i guess, you dont have to own the stars.. you just stay amazed by just looking at them..
06:48 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
red alert. its that time of the month again.
supressing bitchiness takes to much effort, im feeling so strained right now.
damn, hormones..jeez.
--
just got home from the feast.
yang and i will meet again laters to go to joie's wake..
we're of the same age i suppose.
is 29 a young age to die? i dont know..
i really dont..
--
in the end, everything will go back to the box.
your efforts, your perseverance, achievements, collections, wealth, debts. trophies, hurts, heartbreaks..
everything..
back..
in this box..
this box is what makes all of us equal.
so, from life till death..
lets make it count..
04:13 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i feel restrained with my words. and so, i will write until the awkwardness stop.
sooo,
saturday at home. sis-in-law is not home today.so, i cooked our lunch. i dont really cook at home. i just felt like doing it today.
fried tofu, fried fish, steamed broccoli, sautéd chayote and carrots and i also cooked rice (without rice cooker). everything tasted just right. i think i can make a good house wife..
i intend to spend the rest of the day reading; or watching j-drama minus the subs to improve my japanese; do some body pampering regimen..anything productive. anything that will cause self-improvement.
the truth is im just feeling lonely.
been browsing facebook. damn, i hate facebook. its like everyone are telling you that, "hey, im better than you", "hey, im happier than you", "hey, i have more in life that you"...and the list goes..
i know its not their fault that im like this. its not anyone else's fault when someone's insecure. i dont know whose fault it is. i think i dont really care.
know what, im not really asking so much in life. ive learned to live within my means..im actually living beyond my means in preparation for my future, and im actually ok with it. my needs are rather scarce to begin with. i think, i just want to be happy. is that so much to ask for?
sighs..i hate sounding like this.
--
tomorrow, im gonna go to the feast. the feast and my wednesday mass were the things that're keeping my sanity intact at times like this. with this, im really greatful. i know this will pass.. i just wish that better days are ahead.
im gonna swim tomorrow too, i found an indoor pool in pasay..or technically just a pool under a roof so that i wont get negrita and all.
maybe we can signup for a connect group too. i wish i have the money to help me create more life.
--
sighs.. there..
my insides still feel like a sponge being squeezed to extract all the water out of it.
they say visualization has powers.. so, let me visualize, what i want in life.. what i want for myself.
..
here it goes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
sunday. i will wake up with the delicious aroma of coffee and sumptuous breakfast..
"wake up the kids,hon..breakfast is ready." he will say inbetween singing some song. he sings random songs all the time, sometimes i think he's got massive collections of songs and lyrics inside his head.
i will walk my way to the kids bedroom..will kiss their foreheads and will whisper.."wake up baby, it's time for breakfast"..
they will open their eyes.. say their "good morning, mommy", and then, one of them will go back to sleep, one will sit up and snooze off, and the other one will jump up and down the bed waking the other two..
we will eat our breakfast together. share stories of how the few days had been. share eachother's plan for the day ahead. and then head back to fix ourselves as we will be going to our sunday mass in PICC.
"so, who's gonna drive the car now?" he will ask.
"you.." i will say with a teasing smile.
"oh, ok".. he will say, smiling back.
and off we will go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...
urhg,. i dont know if this is helping.. but this is gotta be all for now.
{ 気分} in dreams and prayers..
01:51 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
j-holiday today, so its gonna be a long weekend for me.
woke up feeling under the ground.
i got home almost midnight last night. met up with a former collegue. biz stuff. mom reproved as usual. she thinks im just off for the money. well, partly, i am. but more than that, i intend to expand my connection, improve my socializing skills and improve my character in general. i want to be better. right now i really feel otherwise.
spent the day cleaning the house. woke up at 9. i usually wake up earlier than that when i dont have work. fed the dogs, washed the dishes, ate and then washed the dishes again..i actually feel like cleaning the whole house.. even the neighbor's house..clean, mess it up, and clean it again. i need diversion. badly. its really hard to get thru the day without wetting my eyes.
--
i have to go out tom. maybe id look for some place to move to. i am thinking of boarding some place near work. enroll to the gym to swim. etc, etc. i need some air to breathe.
sometimes its nice to do something you've never done before. something you thought you'd never dare doing. sometimes when im cooking, i look at the knife in awe.. it makes me think that maybe, some things are not really too hard. we just think that it is and stop right there. it is unless we try that we'd know if its really hard or not aint it?
--
im just 1 mo away from my trip with bff. my baguio trip is up and coming too. i let bff plan the whole thing for our trip, and that other friend to whom ill be going my baguio trip with left the whole baguio trip's plan on me. i havent plan a trip before. im actually surprised that im quite enjoying it. please flash us forward to april 25.
--
to say that im currently sad and lonely is an understatement.
helplessness and hopelessness sucks.
i actually feel like completely shutting the world out now.
but will that make any difference? will that help? i know it wont.
ive been like this for countless of times. the frequency doesnt make it less painful. but nontheless, knowing that it will pass just as how it did before really helps.
sometimes i wish that life has a skip button. to skip the painful part and fastforward us into the better scenes of our lives. but then it is thru these times that we learn. skip this part and we'll skip the learning process as well. i just hope that these are worth all the tears.
--
still, i am not giving up.
{ 気分} brave
06:00 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
today, i shut my eyes tightly..
its not helping..
{ 気分} on a silent mantra that says this too shall pass
03:30 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
been thinking of the "box" lately so as to gear myself back to having a better perspective. that "box" that makes all of us equal.
if the deathbed is what's everyone's destination is, then we are destined to lose everything. and if losing everything is our fate, what there is to fear then? if we are not going to lose something we're not gonna lose eventually, then, what should we be afraid of?
change is unconfortable. even just the thought of it makes me cringe. but im just so tired of being just me. i want a better me. i want a magnified me. a great me.
--
but really..
in the end of the day, i know a part of me longs that someone will see the just me and find it wonderful...
...
even if its just me.
{ 音楽} landslide
{ 本} something happened on my way to ever after
{ ショー} a 100-year legacy
10:53 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
