Entries for December, 2014
social life's in all time high. kung kelan im in a strong need to tone down my expenses. Christmas is up and coming and i have like a dozen or so inaanaks. wahhhh!!naiistressss na ko!!!!
sighs..
life's still in a bear market mode. wala naman talagang problema.mejo nalulungkot lang ako for some unknown reason. signs of aging, maybe.
qm's planning for a meetup among j-speaking agents this thurs. timatamad ako. im actually hoping and praying na hindi nalang yun matuloy. ew, KJ.
sighs ulet.
was talking to nini yesterday. its been ages since we last talked.
sha is now pregnant. said the condition's sensitive that's why she's staying home now. nini and i are planning to visit her soon.
it feels weird. i think ive been moving so fast lately that i might've overlooked a lot of things--people included--along the way.
--
will be seeing injan again this weekend for some food tripping. the hell with diet. i just remember the very reason why i have chosen to be here in the first place. and that is for me to be able to make time.
cant wait to get myself out of here, though.
funny i thought i had a lot of time now. but i guess people can only do so much.
{ 本} Bo Sanchez-Is your love tank empty
{ 気分} SAD and sad
11:16 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
down down down down.
sh*t. the last time i felt like this, i ended up sending a resignation letter.
the Heavens know i cant afford to do that right now.
oh, God..
i feel so bad these past few days i feel like im being poisoned inside.
Lord knows how much ive been trying real hard to get myself out of here as fast as i can.
No progress still. ive been thinking hard and long everyday but i still cant seem to end up with a plan.
i feel sorry for mom.. but i dont think i can stand this for a few more months.
oh, God..please..
{ 気分} troubled and begging for mercy
09:50 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
10:56 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i want to wrap myself in a cocoon and doze off.
{ ショー} the voice
09:11 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
"And the best is available only to those who are willing to truly fight for it."*
-
i will remember that, world.
goodnight.
*Source: http://www.businessinsider.com/the-problem-isnt-that-life-is-unfair-2014-12
{ 気分} determined (so fb, ryt?)
11:22 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
totoong pwede ka palang mapagod without moving a finger..
grabe parang pagod na pagod ako lately. or signs of aging lang ba to? wahhh!! ewan.
ive read a book back then entitled "think and grow rich". i feel like im taking the title literally. ang sabi nga naman kasi e 'think' hindi 'work'. hayyyst.
i feel like december is the most expensive month of the year. baket ba kasi ang dami kong inaanak??!!..huhu.. haysst..
will be visiting my niece soon. i promised to buy her headbandS (with an S) even before they found out that she's a girl. joke lang naman talaga sana yun. i didnt know she'll really be a girl coz bro have long been wanting a boy. i just wanted to annoy my brother then. malay ko bang magiging babae talaga anak nya. huhu.
and boy, ang mahal mahal ng baby headband!!huhu ulet.. hayyss.
and to add some more troubles to my already troubled life like im not yet having enough, i said yes to yang for a trip to cebu on jan-feb. im pretty sure by then hindi pa ko nakakarecover sa gastos. ang galing galing ko talaga!!WAHHH!!gumagawa ako ng sarili kong problema..sighss...
bahala na.
{ 気分} tired
09:26 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
my Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test result said so.
just finished binge reading oliver emberton's blog. grabe ang galing nya. was reading his about page and found out that he's an ENTJ. made me retake the test. hehe. they are the verbally fluent type, people with sky high standards and all daw. he pretty much reminds me of someone..who's no longer there..
sighs... loneliness bites.
i thought living a troubled life will make me immune from the holiday blues but its starting to take effect now.
qm will be leaving after being downsized. next week its gonna be just partner and me nalang. ngayon palang sobrang nag-aalala na ko. i dont know how can i manage doing this type of work without his help. sobrang kinakabahan talaga ko.. hayyyys.. bahala na. feeling ko naooveruse ko na ang salitang "bahala na" lately.
the year's about to end. ano bang ginawa ko this year? ano bang na achieve ko? hindi naman as in zero accomplishment pero kahit ganon, hindi parin ako happy sa sarili kong progress. siguro sadyang mahirap isatisfy ang sarili mong standards. and my standards are not even that high to begin with.
nakaka frustrate, nakakalungkot, nakakapagod. grabe, hindi maubos ubos ang pagod ko.
i remember yang's post back then that says something like:
sometimes you need to let the world know that you're sad and helpless...
world... im sad and helpless.
{ 気分} sad and helpless and more
01:12 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i typed my greetings on your timeline today at past 10pm knowing that it could be lost among the sea of people greeting u on this special day. there were hundreds of greetings already and there's this one message that caught my attention:
"Happy happy birthday sa pinakawow na prof ng CE dept sa <insert unversity name here>! Yung prof na kahit walang kuryente, kahit umuulan, kahit nagugutom, inaantok o pagod, nagkaklase pa din. Yung prof na bawal mo sabihang gwapo kasi tataasan ka lang nya ng kilay at sasabihing "it doesnt affect ur grades". Sir M yan eh. Hahahaha. Happy birthday zerrr! Hope you have a good one. GOD BLESS!"
natutuwa ako sa dedication mo. hindi ka parin nagbabago. larger than life ka padin. nag eexcel ka padin. magaling ka padin. at aba, hearthrob k padin. haha. nakakaproud ka talaga.
remember when i outrightly told u that im gonna beat u in class? well, i didnt. i wasnt able to. but im glad that i didnt. kasi ibig sabihin lang non, you are a worthy opponent.
u're soaring with ur career now. i heard u've written a book narin. nice. naisip ko lang kung ano kayang sasabihin mo pag nalaman mong hindi na ko CE ngayon... naalala ko kasi ung reaction mo nung bumagsak ako sa soil. or yung time na sinabihan mo kong galingan ko para parehas tayong maging quizzer. pati yung pang bi- build up mo saken sa mga prof naten..etc, etc. gusto ko talagang marinig ang sasabihin mo ngayon. usually tatlo lang naman yan eh. either magiging supportive ka or magiging sarcastic ka or wala kang reaction. adik ka kaya. haha.. i wonder if alam yan ng mga estudyante mo.
ano nga kayang sasabihin mo, r?
binyag ng anak ni g tomorrow. cant come because nini wont. if only we are how we were use to be, siguro ikaw ang unang itetext ko. siguro ikaw ang pipilitin kong sumama. siguro ikaw ang kasama kong manood ng hp movies or lahat ng movie version ng mga paborito nateng libro.
tapos mag ki Christmas na. remember ikaw ung katext ko twing CHristmas? madalas inaabot tayo ng madaling araw non. and there was this one time na hindi maganda ang naging Christmas namin sa bahay, but texting with you made my Christmas a whole lot better.
just checked fb. commented an awkward comment sa comment mo sa greetings ko. akala ko hindi mo na mapapansin ang greetings ko sa dami ng bumati sayo....it was followed by another comment and then i replied with another awkward comment and so it goes..jeez, ang awkward ko..ilang taon na ba ko? sighs..
most people call you "sir" now.. i miss calling u by name.. i miss u calling me by the name.. i miss....u?
siguro guni guni ko lang nung akala ko gusto kita dati.
if you loved liked me then, is there a posibility that you still love like me now?or guni guni ko lang rin ba yun?
nakakalungkot na dahil dun hindi na tayo close ngayon.
12:20 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
oh, this made me LOL.
--
ugh, dead sleepy.. slept at way past 3am only to be awaken up by loud barkings and with the dogs licking and slapping my face. grr..if only i can throw them out of the window..
the hell with productivity. i just want to rest. sleep is virtually impossible at home because its too noisy. staring at the ceiling, thinking nothing is probably the next best thing..
so, goodnight, world.
image source: https://www.facebook.com/reflectionsofagoodwoman/photos
{ 気分} dead sleepy
01:39 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i miss you already..
{ 気分} lazy
07:10 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
10:52pm.
just got home and aching for a good night sleep.
goodnight tabby..
--
4 days before Christmas. from how things look, it seems like we're gonna have it merry this year.
so far so good.
{ 気分} merry
10:56 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i sure love this song..
but man, i love bamboo more.. eeeee!!hahaha
{ 気分} fangirling
11:10 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Almost a week of eating because I have to. hindi rin pala talaga masaya pag lagi kang busog. uhmp. sobrang namimiss ko nang mag diet. i miss feeling healthy kahit hindi naman talaga..haha
seems like we wont be having a Christmas party with the relatives due to some family issues.. but whatever. bro and his family is at home now. we picked them up since sun. my beautiful niece has been with us since sun. im in my hyper tita mode. too bad i caught terrible colds yesterday so i wasnt able to get near her..huhu..
at the office now. yeah, its Christmas eve. but im not complaining. i find it handy actually since ive got a legitimate excuse not to help out with the preparations..hehe..
--
a day to go.
Merry Christmas everyone!!
11:00 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
3 days before the year ends.
this holiday season is making me so lonely.
foods, feasts, people are everywhere and yet i never feel more alone.
2015 soon. ive read the goals ive written in different notebooks i have. i feel like ive failed myself again this time. but i dont want to be hard on myself anymore. i feel sad, yes. i feel frustrated, yes. i feel lonely, yes. and i am still taking the responsibilities for all these. but dont want to consider everything as my fault. its not anyone else's fault either. i just want to think of ways on how can i make things better this time around and i refuse to blame anyone, including myself, including the circumstances and everything else.
i just wish i dont feel this bad.
--
the past few days had been low.
i feel like i was back to my old self who doesnt mind losing her life because she doesnt like it anyway. i know i dont wanna go back there..
---
i hope that as 2014 leaves, it will take all this negativity and sadness and loneliness with it..
please heavens..
04:18 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
