Heartless and Blue
Saturday: September 9, 2017



Ang sama ko sayo. Hindi ko naman talaga sadya. 

Years ago nung nagyaya ka, akala ko next na sasabihin mo, "open-minded ka ba?"

Tas nung sabi mong sabihan kita if magsisimba ko near sa work mo dahil ililibre mo ko, kala ko naman nang nenetwork ka.

Tapos ngayon, magyaya ka pala sa MIBF, kala ko hihiram ka lang ng books.

Ang labo kasi ng intro mo lagi. Hindi pwede sa slow at dense. Lol.

Pero E for effort ka rin e no. Never say die pa ang drama. Ganyan ka lang ba talaga? 

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"Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self."

It's been a while since I last answered a table topic.  The question can't be anymore timely. 

I joined Area Director T-Jay today in holding a meeting for some dying club he wishes to revive, the Blue TMC. Tinatamad talaga ko at mas gusto ko sana matulog nalang pero nakakaawa rin kasi Si T-Jay at nakakaawa rin yung Blue. Things went fine naman.  Nakakasad lang na wala manlang actual member nung club na nakadalo. 

I was the topics evaluator. I wasn't suppose to answer a table topic pero sinigurado kasi nung topicsmaster na lahat magsasalita. OK lang rin. Na enjoy ko naman. The topic made me remember some of the darkest days of my life. Kinwento ko sa kanila how I discovered a church inside a mall and on how I gatecrashed what seemed to be a religious meeting for couples eventhough I was alone (and single) all because I was feeling rebellious. Nakakatawa. 

But at the same time,  I realize how my days now closely resemble those days.... 

The week had been bad. On the external,  I looked fine.  Nice even. In a way,  I guess it was. Afterall, I received a few blessings and the days were generally peaceful. It's just that I can't shake this gloomy feeling inside. Eto na naman yung dark days. paano ko ba maalis hung sarili no dito. 

I'm scared. I remember when I was younger, I used to have a whole lifetime ahead of me.  I remember facing a bright future for myself with alluring options all lined up. Tapos ngayon,  putek, wala ng option.  it's like I'm already against the wall and yet life is still pushing me further back. 

I used to believe that having too many options is not healthy for people and I still do. I remember it was I who kicked mine out one by one until I was left with barely anything. Pero kasi, pag ikaw yung walang option at nagsa-suffer ng consequences, ang hirap paniwalaan na healthy yun para sayo. 

Pagkasulat ko ng entry na to, maybe matutulog na ko. Sana pagkagising ko, ayusin nalang ng Langit any lahat ng mga pinoproblema ko para sakin. 

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I took out my last ace. You didn't take the bait. 

Sabi nila, pag may masakit daw ibig sabihin may mali.

Wala namang masakit.

Siguro, finally...

wala na saken ang mali. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:45 PM.

1 comments



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Comment posted on September 15th, 2017 at 06:26 PM
it's normal to feel that way. like something dark is looming in the horizon. but don't worry it will pass. take it a step at a time. kaya mo yan.
C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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