I had my first fight when I was around 6 or 7 yrs old. Grade 1. We were at the school chapel where I banged my classmate's head against the wall. I wasn't hurt whatsoever and yet when the whole commotion was over, I started crying. Mom saw me and asked what was wrong. The classmates explained that they were fighting against my cousin, not me.
When we were young, Mom always told us, no matter what happens, she got our back. Even when we're wrong, she may not tolerate, but she will always take our side. She kept true to these words up to this day. I think in a way, that made me both fearless and stubborn.
What Mom told me that day was so effective that it became my first and last fight ever: "Anak, may tahi pala sa kilay yung kaklase mong inuntog mo. E paano kung mamatay yun? Alam mo bang makukulong ang Nanay?"
I grew up with Mom saying, wag daw kaming magpapaapi. If someone wrongs us, she told us to tell her at sya na ang bahala. She told us to avoid fighting. I swear there were many times na hindi ako nagsumbong sa nanay ko, not because I was scared of the person involved, but because I was scared FOR the person involved. I figured that taking matters in my own hands is way kinder than making my enemies experience my mother's wrath.
Because of Mom, I became a person capable of protecting myself. Now that I'm an adult, I don't know if that's always a good thing.
I'm feeling a lot better lately but I still don't feel like mingling with anyone. But I got to attend our club's meeting tomorrow because it's payment time. Besides, I can't go on hermit mode all my life, right?
I know my taste and I know the kind of men I'm drawn to. Sabi nila, "follow your heart." l think that's bullshit.
Siguro nalulungkot lang ako.
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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:07 PM.