金曜日: January 7, 2022

Today was quite a difficult day for our family.

I remember Bro. BO Sanchez used to mention about being in a "surrendered place", while he was battling with Covid.

Paano ba mag surrender?

We met with the doctor today. Siguro maaga pa para manlumo, but that's how I feel. I was confident when I got our lab results as I had listened well to the discussions that I had with the doc. 

Pero kasi, hindi namin napag-usapan yung yung tungkol sa tirads.

Mom has multiple nodules in her thyroid. 1 is tirads 1, 2 are tirads 4 and 1 is tirads 5.

I have 1 nodule. Tirads 4.

Doc said that past tirads 3, the nodule is suspicious and could be malignant. I just searched the possibility of malignancy, and it's pretty high. Even for me at tirads 4, more for Mom who has tirads 5.

I'm supposed to get a biopsy. The hospital said my health card doesn't cover the radiologist's TF, so I need to shell out 15k cash for the biopsy. Lord knows, I have the money, but I don't want to spend that much when I know we would be spending so much more if either or both of me and my mom happen to have cancer. 

Sa totoo lang, naiiyak na ko kanina, but I know my mom easily gets scared when it comes to getting operated. I know I need to be strong. I even joked that we'll need to record her voice in case she'll lose it from the operation. Sabi kasi ng doc, sa last 10 patients nya who had surgery, dalawa "lang" yung naapektohan ang boses. In my perspective, that's a whopping 20% rate. Naiiyak na naman ako thinking I wouldn't hear mom's natural voice anymore.

Only to find, na posibleng ako rin pala, kailanganing magpa opera.

We'll be in so much trouble if I get sick. Lalo na pag nawalan ako ng boses. My work revolves in my voice... I mean... it's just unimaginable. 

Bukod don, ako ang main source of income ng pamilya. So grabe. Ewan. Hindi ko talaga alam.

At hindi lang yan ang pangit sa araw na ito. Brother will be sending his wife and kids sa Cavite today. He learned kasi na 2 of his workmates are positive with covid and he got exposed. He went on a half day leave today. Hewears mask at home. The test he had was an antigen test. He tested negative. But just to be sure, he still trying to be more careful.

My niece and nephew, our house's source of joy, will be far away for indefinite time, ngayon pang kailangan namin ng mama ko ng something that will keep us sane.

Ang panget ng pasok ng taon. It could get better, or could get worse. Ang hirap maging positive. Sinusubukan ko, ang hirap.

Bahala na sa amin ang langit.

* * * * * * * * *

Written by cinderellaareus at 06:11 PM.

2 コメント

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Comment posted on January 10th, 2022 at 05:53 PM
hugs, za. been there. andito lang ako if need mo ng kausap about that.
Comment posted on January 11th, 2022 at 12:09 PM
Salamat, Celine!❤
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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