Entries for July, 2022
Almost midnight and I'm still awake. Must be the mocha thingy I drunk earlier, or the matcha frappe.
Been snapping a lot lately. Even at work. I'm not usually like this. I wonder where this bitchiness is coming from.
Been back-reading old entries. My old self will probably be disappointed if she will get to take a peek into the future and find that her future self is still the same. I'm sorry, old self.
These days, it really takes so much of me not to throw or break things out of unexplainable anger and frustration.
11:32 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
My 1st Tabulas account was created 2004. Been here for 18 years na pala. Thanks, dear Roy, for keeping this site up. Really, thanks.
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Rest day today. Naglaba ako ng rubber shoes at payong, naglinis ng kwarto ng pusa, nagpakain ng pusa, nag breakfast, then by the time I was done, alas onse na. BL manga time na. Lol.
I want to go out and have a brazilian treatment for my hair, pero nagtitipid ako. Isasabay ko nalang siguro sa diode session ko on August 3.
A lot of things scare me these days, I've been trying hard not to think. I can't plan my own future because I'm afraid of what's in there... or maybe more afraid of what will not be there anymore.
Mom said she dreamt of her parents. They're both dead. I don't know what's the meaning of dreaming of dead people. I used to dream of Cristina a lot after she passed away.
I wish I can keep my parents forever.
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Dad's siblings are planning to separate their land. This is the same land where we live. One of my Titas plans to sell her share to us. My brother will buy it daw. Mom said I can keep Dad's share. I'm not really interested. I'd probably just give this to my neice, so that my nephew can have his dad's share for himself. Well, it will change a little if Brother will have more babies in the future.
I'd probably get a condo. It will be less hassle to maintain in case I'll be needing to leave the house a lot. I need to think about the cats though.
Ugh! I don't want to think about the future anymore.
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Got a lot of things I wish to buy, but maybe not yet. Maybe once I reached my target savings. For the mean time, I'll dump the list here.
1. Nike air rubber shoes
2. Crocs sandals
3. Decent flats
4. Decent choker
5. Cropped pants
6. G-shock wrist watch
7. Converse shoes
8. Shouchie beanie
9. 3-level Cat tower condo
10. Cat scratcher
Feeling a little sad lately. I think I should meet my friends. It's LA's birthday early August. There are plans to meet. If I am to meet them, I need a place to sleepover since I have work the following day. I can just sleep in our usual spa, but that's in Makati pa. Is there any spa around QC na may sleeping area? Please drop recommendations. TIA!
11:38 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
1:14AM. Jeez, gising pa ko. Alarm is set at 4:45. Tokwa, wala na akong itutulog.
Been reading manga until past 11. Must be the reason why I can't sleep. I remember the doc used to warn me about using cellphone before bedtime back when I was complaining about insomnia.
I'm grateful that I have a job. But if I can choose better, and if money is not an issue, I'd like to go back to school. Maybe I'd study graphic arts, or anything that will get me closer into creating films, literary works, or whatever. I want to create stories and touch the heart of many people. Gaya nung nararamdaman ko whenever I find a good manga, book, anime na sobrang nagugustuhan ko. Maybe I can write a book, but I think I really like to do films. Instead of creating my craft alone, I think I'd like to collaborate with brilliant people.
I should've picked ECE as my college course, instead of Civil Engineering. I picked the course because of my love for math and drawing. I think ECE can also give me that.
Oh well, it's all done now. I can only more forward.
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I gained 3 effin kilos lately. Mom's and Dad's birthdays are only a few weeks apart, kaya sunod sunod ang kainan dito sa bahay. Kailangan ko na mag diet.
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Teka, tokwa, kailangan ko na talaga matulog.
01:38 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I saw an old classmate's post flexing her kid's drawing at 7. I was on that level when I was 3. At that age, I can already draw a decent Son Goku of DragonBall Z.
Binabawi ba talaga ang talent pa di ginagamit? My drawings are so bad now, there are times when my neice tells me, "ah, si Tita hindi marunong", sabay tawa. Arg.
Pero ok lang. Gusto ko lang naman maging magaling mag drawing para maiguhit ko yung mga favorite BL manga or anime characters ko. Gusto ko rin gumawa ng manga. Gusto ko pa rin maging magaling mag kwento. Hindi ba pwedeng maging magaling both sa drawing at writing? Mababawi ko pa ba yung mga talent ko nung bata na wala na ngayon?
Nakakatamad mag effort. Gusto ko nalang yumaman, at maging malaya. Yung may absolute financial freedom, ganun.
11:10 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I must've gone a little overboard today. On our clan's GC, the talk about separating Lola's land amongst her children is ongoing. There were a few misunderstandings, and I wasn't very calm when I reacted. It could've been worse if Mom wasn't there to constantly tell me to be careful with my words. Just for today, alam ko, I was at fault.
Tita was said to have ran off with my other tita's money. If I'd listen to what I truly feel about this, deep down, I really think Tita didn't do any of that. But the other stronger part of me chose to believe my other tita, who was the victim. Siguro dun nanggaling yung hostility ko kanina. Just now, I started feeling bad, but I'm too lazy to do anything about it. Maybe I should send a quick sorry to Tita, no?
Kanina pa nagpapapansin ang pamangkin ko sakin. Gusto nya kasi makipaglaro. But I was busy consulting people about our land, answering our GC and stuff. Kawawa naman yung pamangkin ko.
I'm not super close with my titas, kaya masaya ako na I have so much better relationship with my own niece. My nephew is still too young, but I hope we'll be as close. I love my neice and nephew to bits, it will really break my heart if they will see me the way I see my titas when they get older. Sana maging close parin kami when they grow up.
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I just sent a quick sorry to Tita. Kinda feel better now.
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I didn't have enough dose of BL today, that's why I'm all cranky.
11:06 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
A bad dream woke me up at 3AM kanina. Hindi naman talaga bad yung dream. Just a little alarming.
In the dream, Mom and a guy friend agreed to have us get married. It got me feeling conflicted as the situation was not something I can easily explain to our common friends. I was thinking of keeping our wedding a secret to our friends, but it kinda made me feel guilty, because those friends went out of their way to invite me back when they had their own weddings. I woke up feeling so worried, it took me some time to realize that all that was just a dream. Saka lang ako nakahinga ng maluwag. Nakakatawa na yun yung una kong prinoblema at the thought of getting married.
Last night (technically, kaninang madaling araw), I was thinking that if it's with that guy friend, I think I can actually marry him even without any romantic feelings involved.
Pero nung gising na gising na ko at tirik na ang araw, it all dawned on me how the whole idea felt incestuous. Lol. Hindi ata kaya. I'm pretty sure the guy will feel the same.
Ewan kung saan nanggaling yung panaginip na yun.
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Time of the month. Kaya pala bad trip na bad trip ako sa buong mundo nitong mga nakaraang araw.
10:02 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
1. Back to work, and super sleepy.
2. I'll be taking a leave next week, so that will be a long "weekend" for me.
3. I want more sleep.
4. I've realized how looks matters, and how most people are attracted with good looks, yet very few people actually do something about their own looks to make themselves attractive no? Well, that's a bit understandable. Magsuklay nga lang, nakakatamad na.
5. Kailangan ko na mag diet.
6. Wendy's Shrimp Burger is one of my favorite burgers in the world.
7. I miss having action-packed life.
8. I feel like I should start to actively go out on "friendly dates" again, kaso nakakatamad lumabas.
9. Conversing with people via chat is good, but if you want to get to know people, I guess the quicker and more efficient way is meeting them face to face.
10. Kumasa ako sa weight-loss challenge with a female officemate, tas parehas kaming mahilig magpadeliver ng food. Good luck.
11. I really want to start dating this year. Wish me luck, I guess.
12. Came accross a pinoy comics website. Pretty nice, with a number of BL too, though most are ongoing. Someday, I will post my on manga there. : )
13. I want to work on becoming the woman I wish to become. Siguro yung may shoulder length, beach wave hair, tas with bolder color, siguro blond. Tas very slim. Tas tamang feminine, pero bad ass parin. ^<
14. Jeez, I keep updating this list.
15. What the eff can I do to be so good in drawing comics like Kashenori?
09:57 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
