Entries for November, 2012
happy halloween!!
im working now. my normal self would work tomorrow and the day after that, but well, i guess im not my normal self now..i feel so bored and lazy..kung kelan isang araw nagising nlng ako na ang dami dami ko na palang trabaho.. pak.
hay..tabby..things happen. it sucks when i cant do anything about it..but really, i wonder if i REALLY cant do anything about it.. ive been doing my best to make things better..i hope in the end id succeed in doing so.. know what, some things are getting worse. im so use to holding myself back so i think i wont be having trouble in doing so, but still there is this nagging feeling of wanting it.. and the what if's..it plain sucks..
last night, i brought a new rosary..halloween kasi..im hoping that it'd keep me away from the ghosts.haha..very childish. but whatever. i guess humans need something to cling on. something that will make them feel safe. and so, ayun nga, since bago sya i thought of praying the rosary. kaso nakalimutan ko na kung pano..what a shame, i am a caatholic school graduate..haha..tae..whatever..i even texted my friends kung ano nga ulet ung mga mysteries..bla bla..i use to hate praying the rosary..but this time, it really helped..
father mario was there last night sa mass..sabi na nga ba he was at the canonization kaya sya wala in the past 2(or was it 3?) weeks.. he's really something. i wont be surprise if he'd be the next bishop, then cardinal, then maybe, our very own first filipino pope.. i wonder where id be when that time comes..i hope id be able to go to vatican myself to witness that first hand.
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high hopes for a better tomorrow!!!cheers to us all!!!
as of now, the only thing i want is for me to be able to let things go..
shet, i cant shake this sad feeling away..
12:25 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
the weight ive lost for the past months, i gained in the last 3 days. 
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nothing much. i slept away my long weekend.
but look, i discovered something awesome.
funny how the thought of us sharing the same sky no longer brings me comfort..
pero siguro hindi porket nakakakita ka ng ganitong sight dapat ka nang magpaka-emo. whatever.
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PS: relationship status : sinasaktan ang sarili.
--alam mo na dapat yan..
11:37 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
what was done was done.. you can sulk and all, but it will just remain there..
move on..
but what the hell, i still feel like a shit!!
its a bad morning tabby..
07:57 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
hello tabby..
i need to be on work mode, pero ang daming magulo.
my fave cuz sent me an im asking me to sell my cp to him for half the actual price. he liked it since he saw it, but then, he, who's more broke than i am had no way of buying it. kaya naisipan nya akong utuin..if i had been my normal self i would've given in..but see, im in serious need to control my expenses, and i can't buy a cp even the ones with a cheaper price. shet. ive got to work my ass off. not only for the money..my deadline's getting deadlier as time passes..pero nasan ako?i shouldve been working..but shet, nasan nga ulet ako? i dont know..i feel like im lacking the motivation to do anything.
JLPT(Japanese Language Proficiency Test) due on dec 2. as of now stored knowledge lang talaga ang meron ako.sheeeet..extreme panic mode!!!ayawan nalang kaya?the test vouchers came a few weeks ago. too late to back out. magsakit sakitan nalang kaya ko?
kung nagreresign nalang ba kasi ako e di hindi na sana ko na,momroblema ng ganito..
ayokong bumagsak..
ang dami ko pa man ding ni lu-look forward ngaun..
injan's bday on 17th
meeting up with nini and sha..
ai, shet, wala nga pala kong pera..
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hay..ang gulo ng buhay..parang washing machine.
03:26 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
lakas maka spoiler ng facebook.. alam ko na tuloy na si kristin ang matatanggal..
but then..whatever. at least it made everyone happy(including me)..someone commented the she/he feels bad for the people who got to put up with her on a daily basis.. i super agree..well i can tell, because i guess, we had here a male version.
oops!!..whatever. things are really getting on my nerve. lets see how long can i put up with it..
but yay to ANTM!!!..im rooting for nastasia!!such a sweet girl..
sheeeet..i cant help but lust over their clothes..forgive me..im just a girl.. i wish i got the money for brands like those.. i bet they feel awesome on the skin..
i was searching for a white layered skirt that i had in mind a few days back. i saw it at a boutique that sells clothes all in 4 digits up. it was so pretty that it pains me that i couldnt buy it.. really, i guess the wisest decision i ever came up with this year would be cutting off my credit card. if i happen to have it at that time i would've jump in..
why do pretty things got to be so expensive??
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this is just a pathetic attempt to cheer myself up, i suppose..
coz right now, im really pissed and fed up that i just want to get out of here right away...
11:40 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
yesterday, our jap-class sensei thought us how to test our body strength. the test was very simple.
first, you got to CLOSE YOUR EYES. then PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR WAIST. then RAISE ONE OF YOUR FEET OFF THE GROUND at approximately 4inch above the floor. then try to remain in that position.
ages 20-30 are suppose to be able to balance for 70seconds.
ages 40-50, for 50 seconds.
when my turn came, i managed to stand up for...
tenteneneeeeen!!(drum roll please..)
3 seconds!!..
shet!!strength-wise im 200 years old..very nice..
i guess i have to do sport or something.
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its a fine saturday morning tabby..how are you?
11:26 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i heard what i needed to hear.
it made me happy.
i know this little crush might not go anywhere..
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which sends us back to the real problem..
he's in a relationship... T_T
and im not fit to be in a relationship
so, im through with the flirting and im off here..
i guess..
12:02 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
today.
my feet seem like they dont like to walk.
can i refuse to walk?
i want a wheel chair.
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that's what you get for wearing high heels, baby.. T_T
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absent ako kahapon.
i got this self-imposed no ot day every wednesday.
i do not plan to ot on sat because its injan's bday and we're suppose to go out.
my current project status is telling me that im in need to ot.
i wonder if its just me. i wish that i dont have to feel guilty for not being a workaholic or something.
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looking back, i think, even when i was a child, ive always been a responsibility freak. i wonder if its a good thing or otherwise.
11:59 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
wednesday. 7minutes before the bell..
sometimes i feel like things will be so much better if you're not here.
rude thoughts i know...maybe because, i am. and maybe i am because you are. i trained myself not to hate people. coz i know it wont do me any good. dont worry, ill get over this.
or just go elsewhere. for good.
that, we will see.
{ 気分} nurturing hatred
03:27 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i think most women has it too.
yesterday, as i step out of the final escalator ride to the chap, i just felt that there wont be fr. mario tonight. and indeed, there werent..
a few days/weeks back, i also felt that a phone call for me would come from the boss which was absent that day, and true enough, a few seconds later, a phone call did came. and it was the boss asking for me.
its been like this even when i was younger. its like being hit by an arrow of thoughts. sometimes you could feel the thoughts coming as if from your peripheral vision. but back then, it only happen to people i have stong connection to. i dont know..
i wonder if strong intuition could be some kind of a supernatural powers or something. if it is, then, its totally useless. whatever. but to whatever level this thing is right now, i just hope that it will just remain there and will not evolve into something else. coz really, i dont mind being a normal person for my whole life time. jeez, i dont think id be able to handle this if id start seeing visions, hear things and so on and so forth.worse, it id start seeing or hearing ghost...oh please, heavens..im perfectly happy being normal. oh please..really, i dont need this..pak.
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ooppsy, bells na..
jaa.
12:02 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
is awesome.
i so love this man..
too bad..he's married..lols. ;b
03:18 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
haw tabby
last sat, jie officially turned 27. exactly 1 month and 11 days after i did. and jeez...i can already feel it..we are finally ADULTS!!..well, i know i shouldve felt this a long time ago..
so, ok,
we watched BD(the craze)..jeezz..it was awesome!! nakaka-HYPER!! edward is sure gorgeous, but jacob's abs is breathtaking...eeeee!!!hindi makaget over!!haha..im not exactly a fan of twilight. i havent even watched the part one of breaking dawn, but really, this one's great.
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we then sang at the videoke tas ngpakasasa sa ice cream. we were hoping to get ourselves paos. i dont know what's with being paos, but i think its cool..or maybe there something wrong with my brains for thinking so.
that's mainly it. our talks revolved mainly to jie's lovelife. there's this guy kasi who she had been texting with for some time and now the guy's asking her to chill in a motel..i was shock when i heard about it, but well, being the good friend that i am, i told her to go for it if she wanted too..haha..
but well, my thing is, we are old enough. its not like we're little girls wherein every romantic act will take a toll on our innocence.. i dont think we should be innocent at 27... well, whatever to me..and of course im all talk. that day, jie agreed to have a date with that guy after our meet up. and she said, she only agreed because she has a period and the bataan will not be in danger..the logic really made me laugh..
jie and i have been friends since elementary. we are already adults now..and know what, im liking it.
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yesterday, i saw for the first time the televised mass that fr. m had mentioned before. the chap looks different on tv.the mass proper too was different.there were dancing and stuffs. fr. m talked about death, which was timely because i almost died the night before. funny, i know i said something before about me not minding to die and so on..but really, when you get face to face with the real thing, you just cant help but get scared. what's next to dying, i do not know. as to whether heaven is real or not, that too, i do not know. but still, i dont want to fear something that i cannot actually run away from.
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in what way do you want to die?
my brother said, he want to die in his sleep. painlessly.
me, id rather die thru sickness. like cancer, maybe.. with that, at least, i wouldnt die unexpected. at least i can prepare somehow.
wait, why am i talking about all these??
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well, jaa, for now..
{ 音楽} decode
03:21 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
you're making my eyes and my head ache.
literally and figuratively..
pak.. i should've prevented these from happening..
but, well, im stupid e..
over badtrip..
arrrrgggggg!!!
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bite your lips. smile. and dont roll your eyes...ok
hold it.
pak
{ 音楽} ordertaker
{ 気分} pissed
12:01 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
stumbled upon my old blog..
thought ive lost it..ive got to stop reading because its starting to make me cry...
its been almost 6 years..
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would you believe that back then, i thought of ending my life?
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nothing has change though. i chose to continue, obviously..but its still here..its still killing me sometimes..
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today's one of those days...you have no idea how much of me it takes just to last this day without doing anything i might later regret....
im hoping that ive trained myself enough for this..
11:50 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
insomia's back in full blast. nkakastress mging sleep deprived.
how are you?
may event sa opis today. pre-pagent ng mr. and ms. (insert our company name here)..
this is the first time that we have something like this in the office. kinda excited. i hope they'll do their best on this to give us a good show..oh well, im gonna find out later..
we have a j-visitor now. he arrived last tue..kaliwa't kanan tuloy ang kainan..lakas makasabotahe ng diet.
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i cant write properly. im sorry...
siguro dapat tigilan ko na ang pakikinig ng hard core music..tae..lalo akong nagiging suicidal..
whatever..
i wonder if its the age, but i can feel like im changing n...acoustic to rock, chic flicks to action..this is weird..im so not like myself lately..
i was eating at mcdo the last time when i was looking thru the glass window trying to figure out whether its gonna rain or not, a reflection of a girl stared back at me. it took me some time to realize that the girl was me. i did change.
maybe change is not always bad..
let's hope for the best tabby..
頑張りましょう。
{ 音楽} KAMIKAZEE x PAROKYA NI EDGAR x GLOC9 CONCERT PORT HUENEME CALIFORNIA thru mabagal na internet connection sa opis
11:59 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
promise po next week i'll work hard na..huhu
..
social life muna.
minsan lang to..
one week straight na walang OT na parang hindi busy..
oooohhhh yeah....
HAPPY FRIDAY TABBY!!
03:22 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
ohhh haa...how's my new layout?
thought of having something sunshiny, happy type of layout but found this one, and i think its ooowww..so now, there, got it..i dont like the color, though
gud saturday tabby. im working.
i was with my officemates last night. we went to videoke. we sang, ate, and screamed our hearts out. it was fun.
considering that i had a fun night, its really weird that i woke up with a heavy heart. ang emo. whatever.
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2012 is expiring soon.
i want change. and change, i will. goodluck to me.
12:00 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i heard this from sa radio caller.
the topic was, how to keep yourself from falling for a jerk.. and then, basta, a caller, who's also a guy, said, guys like to make girls fall for them. they see it as a trophy or something..but when they do fall in love, they'd do everything. they'd even move mountains..
arrrgg..guys are aliens talaga..haha..kidding..
but it just makes sense..
07:31 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i want to shut my eyes hard and believe that this isnt happening.
ftl.
12:01 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i was reading posts from two related people with extraordinary circumstances, and i was like..WOW...
wwoowww..
i cant believe that things like this can happen in real life..awesome..ill read some more..haha..
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i am in so much trouble right now.but for some reason im not bothered. there's nothing a cola cant fix..shet..i might get acidic again..oh, well..
exams soon. the boss asked who among us will have an ot on the holidays. i said im in..pati saturday, so he asked hindi ka mgrereview? oohh..maybe i should...wahh!!..i dont like to fail. i slept away my sunday last week when really, i was thinking of studying seriously for the exams. i woke up shocked that its 6 and its too late to cram, so i watched tv instead..very good.
i know i would look like a smug when id show them that im apprehensive about the exam because they know i was getting high scores in practice tests(salamat sa kapangyarihan ng chamba)..so i told the boss, hindi na po kaylangan jokingly..whatever to me..
i dont like to study..work sched's freaking me out.. i want to go out with shara and nini..i want to watch movie..why do we have to work and study and miss all the fun..
oh, yeah..im not being myself..im way better that this..pak..signs of aging ba to? whatever.
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i hate failing..i will study..ohh, i need a huge motivation for this..
11:58 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
nini txted me ds morning. top 1 at to 10 daw ang nasungkit ng mahal nming alma mater sa board exam. oh well.. im proud too..
ang weird lang..on my former prof's status, an alumnus commented na success doesnt really rely on the cost of tuition fee.. hanggang ngaun dama parin ang grudge ng mga iskolar ng bayan sa mga pinagpalang bata na nakapag aral sa private university.
defense mechanism siguro. back in college we dont have much. but its fine, kasi lahat nmn kami ganun. and for some reason, all of us were good. maybe because, when you dont have so much in life, all you can do is work hard to have something better..
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ang pinagtataka ko lang..
bakit dati..wala akong pera..
tapos ngaun..wala parin akong pera..
pambihira.
11:40 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
