Entries for May, 2014
bff's back in ph.
i just came home from our meet up. clearly, you'll know when you're bff with someone when a day with that person will end up with you filled up with ..erm, what?joy? i dont know. basta happy feeling. i really love having bff around.
today, we ate at Crisostomo in fairview terraces. Their lechon kare kare is really AWESOME!! i never really like karekare before, but this one's really superb. quite a bit pricey though. anyway, we watched spidey afterwards and ate at jco and drank at seattle's best. sigh.. i remember, im suppose to be on diet. whatevr.
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ump, know what, just a few days ago, i proposed to bro that he and i should put up a biz. mom and his wife laughed me off as i've told him my vision on how our biz would go. maybe they're thinking that its too good to be true. maybe it is. but i dont care. still, im glad that bro was convinced. bro seems to be taking it to the heart. nakakatuwa. he even started doing the project even before our agreed starting date. really, my bro is the type who procrastinates a lot. and seeing him looking so dedicated makes me a lot more hopeful. siguro nga suntok sa buwan lang ang project na to. totoo, hindi ako kasing confident ng pinapakita ko.. hindi rin ako sigurado kung meron ba talaga kaming future. basta ang alam ko lang, hanggat hindi pa namin nasusubukan, walang sino man na pwedeng magsabi samen na hindi namin kaya. im not gonna let anyone, i mean, ANYONE to tell us that we're not gonna make it, until we try. kahet ano pa yan--bring it on, world!
bro's gonna have a baby soon. me, im practically on the verge of a career suicide. impressive paycheck, yes, but blurred future. pagtatayo lang ng biz ang naiisip kong way out. or pag-aasawa ng mayaman. out of the two, of course setting up a biz is a lot more realistic. kaylangan namin ng pera. i am hopeful. i know we can pull this off. and what can we lose by trying ba? wala namang mawawala. kaya to.. bahala na.. basta kaya to.
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shara texted me this morning. our simpleng kamustahan ended up with her offering to introduce me to a single guy she knows. i didnt decline but filled with my response with a little too many "hahaha" in it. i think im just trying not to sound too pathetic. the truth of the matter is...well, see, i've read this certain book that told me that i have to talk to as many (single)guya as possible and have as many dates as i can, etc. etc. the book's title is "how to find your one true love". its really a good book. see, i just want to live up with what ive read because otherwise ill be missing the point on why ive read it in the first place. besides, i think, shara's right. it might work out. what would i lose in trying? i know shara will not set me up with a troll. she's my good friend. I just hate how i can be so defensive about the whole thing. i mean, if i really want to try it--then, i should try it and not feel embarassed about it what so ever. i hope that shara had taken my response as a yes despite the too many "hahaha". whatever.
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bff agreed to come with me to the feast tom. im really excited. i havent been to the feast for a while. im really glad that i'd be coming with bff. im so happy.
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no work on mon and tues too. its a super long weekend for me. who wouldnt be happy with that, huh?
12:19am. i thought long weekend means more sleep.. i can never be more wrong.
but whatever. who cares about sleep? cant wait for tomorrow!!oh, m "tomorrow" is technically now na pala.
i've got to sleep. goodnight.
{ 本} how to turn your passion into profit
{ ショー} amazing spider man
{ 気分} happy heart, happy tummy, sleepy head..goodnyt <3 spreading love
12:24 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
been staring at walls a lot. i wonder if im already losing my sanity.
01:34 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i feel like im already on the edge of the wall and yet life is still pushing me farther back. i dont know what am i suppose to do anymore.
11:57 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i typed "a" in my mail's search box and deleted everything that has "a" in it, which happens to be everything.. and so, i no longer have any emails on my inbox now including the important ones that ive kept for years. oh, very smart. arg.
i just feel like organizing my stuff. to help myself think clearly, i guess. ive started with the inbox. im way to go.
do you think its weird that im doing all i can--searching my brains for an answer when i dont even know what the question is?damn, i still feel so lost. i wonder if id ever stop feeling lost.
soooo, how was everything?
we're half way in may.still, i am yet to figure out what im gonna do and what i want do with my life. so its quite explainable why im still not making any progress.
ive finished off 2 books this week, plus nearly a hundred articles (not an exaggeration, i swear. I have loads of free time).. these too didnt give me an answer.
i can feel the lack of motivation eating my spirits away.
i miss having a dream. i miss feeling alive. i think i just want to find another dream to pursue. i cant understand why im having a hard time in figuring that out. i dont know what i want. i wonder if i already stopped wanting things.
do i need a psychiatrist?
sighs.
well.. i think, i still want a better self. a better life. a great future. maybe its not that i do not know what i want. maybe ive just lost the ability to believe that i can make them happen. i wonder which of the two is more pathetic.
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totally unrelated:
im listening to this at the moment.
is it just me?or talagang bang she doesnt sound like human? i think she sounded like nature..parang elemental ganun. like a faery or something. or maybe im just lacking sleep.
but i like this song. hindi ko ma absorb (yet) yung meaning.. but i like this song..
{ 音楽} skinny love
11:47 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
one of the articles ive read during my idle days at work was this. Its about a school teacher who quit his job and moved to Japan to become a ninja. What makes the article more amazing is that its a real life story.
Funny, 14 years back, i remember i had the same dream. when our homeroom class adviser asked us to write something about what we want to be 10 years from now, i wrote something that goes like:
"10 years from now I'm gonna be a successful engineer. Im gonna find a high paying job and earn lots of money. Im gonna buy a huge mansion for my parents as what i promised to them. And after that, Im gonna go to Japan to pursue my dream of becoming a martial arts expert ."
i decided to replace "ninja" into "martial arts expert" because i figured it would sound embarassing.
hayyys..dreams.
as of now, im not so sure if i still want to be a ninja. i think im more interested in becoming a supermodel. i wonder which of the two sounded crazier. maybe the latter. whatever.
but i just cant help feeling ...amazed?awed?...whenever i remember that teacher turned ninja story. well, he's not technically a ninja by the way. you can read his blog here.
when i graduated from college and passed the board exam, i was hunted by a consuming desire to go to Japan, learn the Japanese language. I happen to make it. and i guess,that's how the hard part started. once you achieved your dreams, what are u gonna do next? most people find another dream. its something im having a hard time with. at times im having little day dreams of going back to Japan. of living there. of marrying some japanese or raise my own japanese kids and so on. some part of my brains are deciding against it since a huge part of my heart belongs here. in the philippines. in my own home. in my own country.
siguro nga may power ang tao na gumawa ng sarili nyang future. pero kung hindi mo alam kung anong klaseng future ang gusto mo for yourself, then, may malaki ka nang problema.
hindi ko alam kung saan ba naka wire ang brains ko ngayon. minsan gusto ko lang yumaman. minsan gusto ko lang maging masaya. minsan gusto ko lang maging beneficial sa mundo. minsan gusto ko lang ng lovelife. minsan gusto ko lahat ng nasabi ko above. all at once. God is a big god. i know i dont have to settle for small dreams because the universe has infinite resources to bless me. kaylangan ko lang isipin kung anong gusto ko. dapat madali lang yun di ba? baket ba ang hirap. hindi ko rin talaga maintidihan.
sighs.. bahala na. maybe i should give myself some more time.
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i got the picture above from the 30 year old ninja's fb page. i can almost imagine his parent's reaction. i mightve been funny. If i did something similar..maybe mine would go into something like this.
me: mom, dad, im moving to europe to become a super model.
mom, dad: ~silently walks away~
..
ive said far too many crazy things to my parents that i dont think they would ever take me seriously.
07:52 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
should be sleeping now, but im waiting for GMA's new horror romcom.
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met up with yang yesterday for our usual feast. we then attended a CG. it was the first time i ever attended a CG. all and all it was worth it.
met paolo, billy and luisa. its always fun meeting new people talaga especially when you have common interest. all of them got background in finance. billy and paolo are financial advisers by profession while luisa is an accountant. because of the meetup, yang and i was able to discover an awesome way to subscribe in truly rich club for less.. yay! i hope we can start this off soon.
as the CG's next activity we're gonna have a Truly Rich quickstart workshop. im really looking forward to this. plus the week after that yang and i will be attending a financial seminar to be conducted by sha nacino(that same girl whom we sat with in a writing workshop in BGC. back then i had no idea that she's already making a name in writing and giving seminars about financial stuff). eee!!excited na ko!!
sa ngayon wala parin akong plano..pero nakakatuwa kasi in i way i know im doing something.
wish me luck..
10:07 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
random thoughts along with the thoughts i had while swimming at the pool this morning:
1. mom is sick. she got pilay (what's pilay in english?). i wonder if she's getting old. know what, i think i love my mom more than anyone else in the world which in a way sucks. i mean, in my age it should have been my husband or my kids or at least a boyfriend.. but well, yeah, that's another story. i just hope mom will get well soon and will not get sick again.
2. i swim 500 to 1000 meters every morning. do hiphop abs every night. fast 14 hours a day. i dont eat rice. i barely eat carbs. ..so, how come im not getting any way nearer into looking like a super model? T_T
3. i want peanut butter sandwich.
4. i wonder why i almost automatically have nightmares the night after i watched anything horror or engage in a conversation with horror contents. a couple of nights ago, dad woke me up twice because he said i was screaming. i remember seeing something white. i often see something white when im having nightmares. i wasnt like this when i was a kid. am i turning mental?
5. i dreamed of J after a couple of more nightmares (my dream land is getting quite busy these days). it was J and a white rose and the gf and me. i wonder why J of all people.
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im a little bored. been reading the ninja's blog. i think this is just my way of trying to make the most of my idle time at work. i dont know reading helps. maybe JUST reading dont.
we will be watching xmen tonight.
i think im feeling a little sick.
i miss travelling.
gosh, this is super random.
i am still bored.
01:58 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
petix naman talaga ako everyday.
that's why i dont know why im feeling the need to cram now.
spent the weekends watching "master's sun". yeah, straight 2 days of just watching tv and eating unhealthy stuff at an unhealthy amount.
went to some manghihilot with mom. i was told i had pilay on both shoulders. after making a few twist and some audible cracking, i felt better, but was told not to take a bath for 2 days. gross right? yeah, i know.
i was a little irritable for the past 2 days without any shower whatever. i decided against working out since sweating minus shower doesnt sound all too appealing. so there, i resorted to watch tv and eat.yeah, very healthy. sighs.
yang emailed me this morning reminding me about the article. im age long overdue. damn. i forgot about the whole thing. i dont know what ive been thinking these past few days.
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mom, dad and bro's birthdays are up and coming. i dont know how on earth will i survive all the expenses for all these...wahuhu.. its gonna be dad's 60th this year. mom wants a nicer party for dad. he, afterall had just survived stroke... sighs...whatamigonnado.rg.
at the pool kanina i had a bright idea on how to solve this. and that is... (drum roll please...)
well, wala lang. naisip ko lang magtrade sa stock market. risky yes.. pero keribels na yan..oh heavens, wish me luck. been searching for stocks with high potential. im still bitter after finding out how DD have grown after its IPO.. =(
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TR quickstart seminar on sun.. naeexcite na ko!!!
oh, im suppose to go to some basketball game from the office too. id really love to watch..kaso...wahh!! i dont know..
it would have been more fun if there are other girls around.. parang nakakatamad kasi pag ako lang.. i mean, di ba?
sighs..
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in a little more than a month one year na ako sa company.
so.now.what.
i dont know..i have no idea.
03:47 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
former officemates planning for a night out tonight. my hermit-mode, anti social self would just love to go home.
sighs.
im chatting with someone now. he's nice. i know he's really trying to make the conversation move forward. i hope for it to go that way too.. i wonder if "practice makes perfect" also applies in flirting. shet. may pag-asa pa ba ko? pano na lablayp ko?wahhhh!!haha..bwiset.oh, how old are you, cinderella? sighs..
maybe i should agree to go out with my former officemates tonight..
{ 気分} stressed
02:30 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
will be resisting the urge to go on hermit mode and go out with my former officemates tonight.
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03:22 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
"sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you if you know yourself enough and wont let it..."
i want to fix my self. get better.. be better...
until such time that ill be confident enough to know that no matter what, i know no one would be able to shatter me ..
but i realized.. instead of waiting for that time to come.. i need to face it. whatever it is.. and decide--and stand up for it--that im not gonna allow anyone to break me.
bring it on, world..
01:10 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
"if all else fails..try the truth"
hey.
i should be sleeping as ill be leaving early tomorrow. pero nakakatamad matulog.
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at home the whole day today. a few days ago i was carefully planning how id spend today, pero wala. walang nangyari. i didnt fix my things. i havent even fix my bag for tomorrow. unfinished books are still waiting..downloaded series na pinaghirapan pang i download ng kapatid ko for me are now rotting here inside my computer. hindi ko rin nagawang ievaluate ang buhay ko the "30yearoldninja" way. I dont know where my day went. Hindi naman ako nanuod ng tv(except when i played hiphop abs for workout purposes)..feeling ko wala parin akong na accomplish.
im starving..
based on experience, going to bed while hungry makes it impossible for you to sleep. that's why im not yet sleeping now. im hoping for this damn hunger to subside. Ive actually just eaten. salad. ive been living with salad before and i was fine with it. but due to this damn hormones, ive been eating like a pig for the past few days (ok, not so few) and i think i somehow messed up my eating habits... oh, hunger, go away. arg.
im finding it hard to stick with atkins diet lately.. actually, ive never completed another program since the first time ive completed one. ive been trying out fasting too lately pero mas mahirap sya pangatawanan kesa sa actual diet. sa totoo lang this is no longer an issue of wanting to get fit or anything. im just trying to develop descipline. feeling ko kung magagawa ko to sa health ko, then kaya ko rin tong magawa sa ibang area pa ng buhay ko.pero pak, ang hirap, men. pero keri na. lahat naman ng bagay na worth it, mahirap.
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gumawa ako ng script para sa radio ad project ni partner. i hope ma approve. dad's bday's coming, it would be great if id earn an extra income prior to that. im thinking of going back to that co that i went to for a part time job. extra 8k a month doesnt sound so bad.. but then..urg. i dont know. i dont want to exchange my time for the money. meron bang work na hindi kakain ng time pero kikita ka ng money?
ok. well, not that im broke or anything. i CAN spend money for dad's birthday. i just want to be more careful in spending. i think i could use some more savings. i need that to expand my options once i figured out what im gonna do next with my life. pati pala yun hindi ko parin naiisip. feeling ko kasi bigla nalang may iilaw na light bulb sa ibabaw ng ulo ko habang naglalakad ako sa kalye at bigla nalang akong magkakaron ng idea sa kung anong gusto kong gawin sa buhay ko.
sometimes i just want to pack my bag and run away. seek for my own adventure.
pero may part din saken na gusto lang i organize ang buhay ko at ayusin yun ng ayon sa gusto ko.
iniisip ko kung ano bang definition ko ng success. ano bang definition ko ng happy at fulfilling na buhay.
sa tingin ko.. may idea na ko.
11:03 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
