Entries for June, 2014
sore muscles, colds, and stomach ulcer are fighting over my body now... i think im sick.. T_T
went to usual feast yesterday. my head ached from crying too much kahet wala namang nakakaiyak sa buong talk. pag namo-move ka over little things, signs of aging na ba yun?.. damn.
went to TR seminar afterwards. we were late. i was quite sure i remembered our CG leader's message right, that the seminar starts at 230. fail. it started 2. arg.
anyway. nothing much. went home really late with a pulsating headache..
dreamth about having to exorcise mom because she was possessed by a cat. weird.
--
jaa for now
{ 気分} nothing
12:10 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i almost knocked a signage kanina at lunch. what was i thinking?
last day for my pool subscription today. no plan of extending. with this id be needing extra 30mins of cardio by night. wait, why am i doing all this?
took a half day leave tom to take one of COL's program. i just took one seminar last sun and now this and then by sat, there's another. again, why am i doing all this?
i dont know too. i guess i just want to be a phenomenal human being. i wonder if this is all worth it.
urhg. my body aches... T_T ..
--
a few nights back i thought i had a glimpse of clarity on what i want to do with my life. on what my dream really is.. then, come a few days and im having doubts again..
oh, so much for over thinking. i need to go out.
{ 気分} もうやめる
01:48 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
寒くて、眠い
that's the best my Japanese can get. its arctic here at the office and ill be off in an hour. yay!
billy called me yesteday asking for a meetup. i was surprised he called. when i ask why he's asking for a meetup he just said, "e di ba financial adviser nga ako"... ok. fine..jeez..i have a really bad feeling na bebentahan nya lang ako ng insurance. whatebs.. still, i said yes.. ive decided ill be saying yes to the universe from now on..well, i still have a few exceptions of course.
been feeling uber tired and sleepy today. i was too lazy to sleep last night so i ended up re-reading some red colored book and did some self evaluation.
which reminded me..
you see.. i think i already know what i want to do with my life... =)
with this, ill be norrowing down my choice and choose only to do things that will make me get there.
clarity. i think this is it. yeah..this is it. whatever. haha.. ang gulo ko.
{ 気分} cold..nah.. freezing
10:14 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
finally friday.
yesterday at col,
Aya Laraya was such an awesome speaker i became a fan right there.
and so with all the courage i can muster, i walked up to him and ask for his business card (wala lang, remembrance). and just when i was about to give myself a pat in the back for being so brave (yeah, that's bravery based on my standards), someone walked up to him and asked for a picture.
fail.
uhg, i miss having an android phone =(
---------------
coke zero + not eating for breakfast today. this practically feels like suicide.
{ 気分} firecrackers in the stomach hurts.
10:56 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
reaping the rewards of my unhealthy habits, i think i need to be back on meds.
f*ck, i hate meds.
--
just got home from some semi. i wonder where my efforts in gaining financial literacy will get me. right now i feel undermotivated and kind of under the weather. i think im just lacking sleep.
dean pax, sir larry and edward lee was there. starstruck moment nga eh. sighs.. i dont know. i felt a little discouraged whenever how crucial finding a mentor is was being talked about.
minsan hindi ko alam kung kaya ko ba talagang suportahan yung mga gusto kong gawin sa buhay. in a way, i think i improved naman. pero still, i think its nowhere near enough. my dreams are big.. my abilities and resources are not keeping up. minsan iniisip ko na siguro kung mag sesettle nalang ako sa pagiging normal na tao, e di mas dumadali pa yung buhay ko.
worth it kaya lahat ng hardship?
hindi ko rin alam..
--
gusto kong magpaka layu layo.
jeez,.ang emo. penging blade. arrg.
08:01 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
while staring at the walls earlier this morning, i had that thought again.
maybe because yang's planning to do it too..
and really, what's there lose?
a side of my brain says, "a lot" and i know that a lot of people are depending on me, but the other says, " so what?"
ive done this twice... what's weird is that im scared because im no longer scared.
see, i have the knack of deciding things that are worst for me and put myself into trouble. i guess i just want to push myself against the wall in the hope that maybe, id start doing incredible things once i lose all my options.
maybe im being selfish.
but i dont want to use my responsibilities nor the idea that other people depend on me as an excuse to not jump off and settle for a life i do not want.
this time being selfish sounds better..
or maybe..
im just lacking sleep.
whatever.
01:38 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
coke zero's starting to taste like hot sauce. i wonder why i still keep on drinking this monster.
--
will be going to mom's uncle's wake (technically my lolo). He died last weds. 'i love you' posts are flooding his children's timeline in fb. too bad he wont be able to read any of them now.
lolo's life had been a sad sad story. what sadder is that it ended sad too. I've always think that things will always, ALWAYS get better. but apparently, i was wrong. some things just wont. or maybe it depends in our choices. i do not know too.
i say 'i love you' to my dog more than 3 times a day. but to mom, i never said it even once. i dont have any plan on ever saying it. my actions will talk volumes..or at least i suppose it would. but whatever.
if i am to have my own family, i will treat my kids as how i treat my dogs (ok, that doesnt sound so nice). i will make saying 'i love you' a habit so they wouldnt feel embarrassed about it and do the same. maybe.
--
friday payday! yay!
{ 本} money and me by sha nacino
03:13 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
just got home. 3 mins before 8pm.
normally at around this hour i would be already sweating out with my usual workout.
pero grabe tamad na tamad ako ngayon.
P texted asking if we're available tom for a financial mentoring event. said no.
we're suppose to go to manila tom and go to a relative's funeral. said we'll be sleeping over to someone else's place. and I HATE SLEEP OVERs big time. sighs.. tinatamad akong sumama.
tinatamad din akong mgpunta sa feast on sun. well, GUSTO kong pumunta sa feast. pero ayoko magbyahe. ayoko gumising ng maaga. gusto ko nalang mag teleport dun tapos tapos na. grabe..sobrang tinatamad ako.
2 days out of diet. my tonsils are already swollen from eating too much sweets. on normal days, i always go sugar free, but with the amount im consuming, i wonder if id make myself diabetic in no time.
wahhh!!! ano ba tong ginagawa ko?!!!!
----
he took my wrist motioning to something that he was holding.
and then held out a pouch containing a bracelet.
"tingnan mo kung bagay sayo.."
ok. whatever.
napapansin na naman kita lately.
graduate na dapat ako dito..graduate na dapat ko sayo.
erase.
----
i am exerting efforts in having more clarity in what my dream really is. devicing concrete action plan on what to do next.
i am giving myself a little more than a year. i want to retire--not just resign-- before i reach 30 so that i can do whatever i want to do full time.
i know to make this happen, i have to generate passive income streams that could support me and my family. i have no idea how to do it, but im gonna find out.
i would also need to increase my earning ability. improve myself and my skills so that i can increase my value.
money may not be everything, but it sure is necessary to fund one's dream. the more i think about it the more i feel how there's a lot of work to do.
and yes, slacking off in front of the computer, skipping my daily work out and browsing facebook for hours are in no way making me a step closer to this.
nalulungkot ako..kaya ko ba talaga to.. sighs.. ewan.
{ 気分} lazy to the nth power
08:39 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
trying to pass time browsing facebook.
facebook can be really boring at times i dont know why i kept on looking at this screen for the last 3 hours. on normal days, i try to stay away from fb or tv or computers in general coz i figured they keep me from being productive. but im feeling so abnormally lazy today.
we will be leaving in a few.
or maybe im just gonna wait for bro and leave by the afternoon.
or maybe ill just pass and just stay home and rot.
i feel so undermotivated and lazy and lazy and lazy and lazy. i think i should go out and see my friends some time.
was chatting with bff last night. said she'll be going to phuket today to have a solo trip for her birthday. bffs think alike talaga. ive long been planning on celebrating my bday in a solo trip to cebu. im not sure if im gonna make it since right now ive got other priorities. but still, maybe. we'll see.
while browsing fb, i stumbled in my cousin's tumblr. i didnt know she has one. i find it really cute. cousin was raised in canada. her daughter was yet to visit in phils. i wonder if the little girl can speak tagalog.
its getting late. im late.
jaaa..
今日は超つまらない。。
10:30 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
weekend's event done and over with.
met some relatives i havent met before.
thinking back, i realized, most of the georgous men ive met in my lifetime are either taken or blood related. =(
a few tita's even commented that maybe if we hadnt known we were relatives, we wouldve ended up together.
ok,, this is not helping. erase.
having a tita who's obsess in bragging about her niece(me) made me the most overrated person in the clan. it bothers me how some of the younger ones claim that they want to be like me when they grow up. one of them had already taken the same course i took.. same university even .. and even the little ones are now saying they'll do the same. funny how these kids are running after something that ive long left behind. something ive already ran away from. funny, there are people who want to be like me when i dont really want to be myself. this is the kind of funny that is not funny at all.
i am starting to feel bad about it, but i decided i wont take responsibity over something that i didnt decide myself. free will, free country. still, i hope that these kids will not end up like me. but then, hey, i am not so bad.. but yeah, yeah, whatever.
---
will be going to pansol this weekend. outing with everyone..its been a long time since it last happened. im super excited!!
that's a whole week away.. fast forward to weekend please.
{ 気分} SAD in capital letters
10:07 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
finally.
long sleep here i come!!!
being sleep deprived for the longest of time is making me grumpy. i guess im PMSing. urg.
its officially weekend tomorrow. remnants of laziness i felt last week are still creeping in my veins. dang, i cant afford to be lazy.
but then, hey, it could be raining too tomorrow.. that's a valid excuse to be lazy, right.
will need to do some body slamming at dv tom. i hope its gonna rain so that ill have a valid excuse to skip and just stay home. in an effort to expand my world, i make it a point to spend every weekend out when in reality, all i want to do is stay home and be my hermit self. watch tv.fool around the house. read books. i ran out of books to read though. fast forward to the next pay day please.
TR connect group's got an event on sun. said we'll be meeting someone related to bro. bo. i am usually excited whenever things like this come up. but the weather's making me so lazy i just cant be excited at the moment.
--
rainy days demand comfort food. i saw some promising PB&J sandwich ideas in the net. im gonna try it out tomorrow.
so, yes..im sorry diet, im giving in.
{ 気分} craving
10:36 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Damn, insomnia. I can’t sleep.
--
Recurring thoughts...
If thoughts had been computer files, I would’ve selected this particular one out and pressed [shift + delete].
shift + delete.
--
Humans want what's worst for them.
Yeah, I am not an exemption.
12:36 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
hey.
feel like its been a while.
weekend's over and its monday again..
--
saturday, i asked yang to cancel our supposed meetup with P's financial advicers. maybe they'll gonna move it next week. i dont know.
so, i just took care of things last sat.
got my glasses fixed. had a haircut--and hated it. had my hair colored in a near black shade. i ended up wanting to strangle the parlorista. ump. i had another haircut yesterday in the hope to fix everything. thankfully it became better. but still.. huhu.. hindi na ko long hair T_T
dad's bday celebration will be in 2 weeks. relatives and family friends will come. of course, i want to look good. ang arte lang.. haha..pero sighs..i wish my hair will grow 5 inches longer in 2 weeks.
--
we had a new servers orientation after the feast yesterday.
yang took the events cluster and i took warmth. at first i had a hard time deciding which one to choose.
see, i went to the feast earlier that day, watching the commentators and lectors, responding with my best voice possible. somehow i think i convinced myself that i really can be good at it. damn, i really wanted to be a lector. but i know im prone to messing things up and that there's a huge probability that i would embarrass myself if i become one. so there, i ended up choosing warmth to be a greeter. in a way i feel bad that i reduced myself back to what's comfortable but then i think im really happy with my choice. i think this is how yang put it e.. that this is not about 'us'.
know what, as the orientation progressed, i came to realize that most of the crushes ive made at the feast are in yang's cluster(events). i shouldve thought of this earlier and joined her. ang harot lang. but i got nothing to give in that cluster and id rather undergo a root canal than to sing and dance at the feast. oh, please.. yang will be joining for their publication. i think it perfectly suits her.
we will be having a meeting next week for the warmth cluster. they will be segregating us to our respective ministries. they'll be giving us a pin that says something like "im a server" something. some clusters recieved theirs but we are yet to recieve ours since we're not yet segregated. but really, even just looking at that thing makes me feel warm inside.
its been almost a year since i first attended the feast.. ive never been the same since then. all smiles =)
11:07 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
