Entries for October, 2014
hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyss.
was exhilarated when i found this in fb:
Only to read the class description that says "A preaching course for priest and seminarians." Obviously, I dont fit the category. =(
Tried to search if Fr. M will be in other classes.. parang wala na..huhu.. checked the opening and closing programs..wala rin..huhuhuhu.. hayyyyyyyyyyyys
excited pa man din ako..
hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyys ulet.. hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyys talaga.. hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyys..
fr. M just turn 59 yesterday. he's just a year younger than dad. I wish him good health and long life so that he can continue to bless people. BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY FR. M!!!
hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyys. nalulungkot parin ako na hindi ako makakasali sa class nya sa KCON..KCON, as it is,is already awesome..but add fr. M and that will be super awesome na..kaso...ayun nga.. hayyyyyyyyyyyys talaga. (hindi makarecover?haha). I wonder if he'll be there in the mass tonight.
changed jobs twice and yet im still attending the same mass even though its no longer near my current office. what's insane is that there is a chap near the office and yet i prefer to commute just to get to the old one. well, dont get me wrong. the chap near the office is actually good. it is ran by nuns who look so warm and sunshiney, you'd want to give them a hug.i think its just that, there are things i really really really like, to which i am very much particular about, and my wednesday mass happens to be one of them.
and yeah, i swear im not religious. promise. ;b
12:31 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I asked the heavens that if, by chance, we're not good for each other,
I wished that He will just let us silently leave eachother's lives without incurring further damage..
...
...
I wonder if your silence now is an answered prayer.
{ 音楽} sad to belong
{ 気分} sad
02:29 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i think i haven't gain this much weight for the last 2 years..wahhhh!! panic mode!! huhu
must be the vitamins. guess i need to get rid of them for some time and see if they are the culprit.
i wonder how can i squeeze into my pencil skirt tomorrow. T_T
my hair is kind of pissing me off too lately. i just recently colored it (for the nth time) with something dark but the color keeps on fading into a hideous cross between orange and brown color. garrrhh!!
i just came from an eating parade with my family which i think will continue for the next few days. my family's not a fan of healthy foods. while we're about to eat kanina, i was begging my brother to pick some healthier option but he said he cant enjoy eating unless its in that fastfood chain that sells food that screams "TRANS FAT!!!".....wahhh!!ang puso ko..huhu..(meant it literally)
will be taking med exam on the 18th after failing some blood test and ecg a few months ago. from the looks of it, it seems like im not getting anywhere nearer to a better health. sighs.
will be turning a year older in a few days. i often give importance to birthdays including my own, but this time i just want to have it get over with just so i can get back to my lettuce, carrots, carbs less and sugar free lifestyle. dapat pangatawanan ko na to this time..huhu..gambatte to me.
{ 音楽} colbie caillat-try
{ 本} dr. atkins age defying diet, Earl Mindell's Vitamin Bible
{ 気分} food coma
05:51 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
12:02am. drank melatonin about 5 hours ago.
obviously not kicking in.
{ 音楽} TRY-colbie caillat (oh, i love this song)
12:09 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
because i think this deserves a proper thank you.
Thank you thank you!! <3
03:47 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
my neck hurts.
barely slept last night. been reading articles about the real life annabelle doll after i watched it in jessica soho last sun. horror stuff almost always have that immediate effect. while i was about to sleep (or maybe, i was half asleep), i saw blue smokey figures- they are usually white or black. i ended up sleeping in my parents' bed. arg.
messaged injan yesterday. we might be watching the movie this weekend--the hell with blue, white, black or whatever color figures.
wednesday today. the office feels arctic. i think im sick T_T
im suppose to write our article today. cant think of anything to write and yet im writing here. i wish i can just copy-paste this.
{ 音楽} keane-something only we know
{ 気分} sick and sleepy
10:29 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
was in a rush as i was trying to finish our article before 12 and yet our internet connection decided to chillax and slow down like its having a vacation. grr.
but im done!yey!
been searching for this particular file din. i was pretty sure its just in the net. i tried different browsers. all not working. i wonder if it was deleted for some reason. and then i remember ive sent that file to a friend back then, so with so much patience i check my email's sent items only to find it empty. great. i remember i deleted everything in my mail box. arg.
so i digged back some backup file from years ago and found it. grabeng effort. why am i doing all these? jeez.
feeling the need to rush now as ive slacked off big time this week. i realized im not as disciplined as i thought i am.
---
things are not really looking good at work. ive given myself another year to get myself out of here and now im not so sure if id make it to another year. was particularly worried kanina because partner texted last night about some interview he had at some company. partner assured me though that he doesnt plan to leave just yet. said he'll leave if i'll leave. he told me to consider going to that other company together. the offer's attractive. only, i dont think id like to have a 4th company at all.. i want this to be my last... as to how on earth am i gonna do that, im not sure. sighs..
the stuff yang and i need for this other venture we had in mind will arrive at around nov. that's a good 1 month away. been thinking of doing some stuff on my own as well. i contacted a supplier a few days ago. i thought id be able to get what i need from them today, but they backed out. the last ace i had in mind, i found out was recently demolished. great. so i guess i need to start over again. the good thing is i do not feel disheartened at all. though not motivated either..but at least not disheartened.
sighs.. truth be told ive been pondering lately on how nice it would be to just give it all up and let things be. to not strive for a better life and let "destiny" lead the way and all the BS that people believe just so they can justify why they're not amounting to something. Dont get me wrong. i know there are people who are genuinely happy and contented with what they have and that's ok. Its just that ive been hearing things i hate hearing lately. I often dont give a damn but i guess i just reached my threshold. good thing i have loads of extra patience or else they'll be really really sorry.
sighs.. PMS, is that you??haha..sighs ulet..
---
its a weekend. j-holiday again on mon so its actually a long weekend for me. i so want to just slack off, read books or do nothing...but i need to go out and set myself out there to get a life. i wonder if these are all worth it. we will see..
{ 音楽} yui-rolling star
{ 本} dr. a
{ 気分} more chocolates please..
12:15 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
"someone" came in late today that for a while i thought he's not gonna come.
when he came, he approached all of us as usual. and when my turn came, he asked, "balita ko birthday mo daw ah" and then motioned forward and gave me a hug. i tried my best to act normal but in reality, i think i almost drop the stack of magazine i was holding sa sobrang ...erm, what?kilig ba yon?gulat? confusion? ewan ko. i might have spaced out a bit kasi when i came back to consciousness, an attendee was already waiting beside me for what appear like half minute, asking for a magazine.
hugs are normal in our ministry. or any ministry for that matter. its just that i think this is the first time that "someone" did something like this to me. he gives hug and beso beso to others.. but never to me. so, pag saken kaylangan ng okasyon ganun? haha..matampuhin..lols.ewan ko.
when "J" and i were talking, he came from behind and commented about our hair which i didnt really hear clearly. he was actually touching our hair. he then asked, "ilang taon ka na?" to which i said, "secret". he then said, "kaya ko lang tinatanong kasi birthday mo ha.." to which i reacted, "ah, ok..." but never really blurted out. i just told him my real age and asked what's his. said he's a decade older than "J" who's 28..so that's 9 years older that me. i think he doesnt really looked like it. he even claimed "mukha lang akong 19.." i think he already know.
i think "someone" is cute. he's always wearing suit, which i really like in men. plus he's tall too.
his chest felt hard though. i feel like ive hugged a cardboard. his hands are hard too. i wonder if he's sick or something. or muscles ba yon? the men that ive hugged before (which includes my father, my brother, cousins and male friends) are often soft. so i have no idea.
i wonder if he likes "J" though..
{ 気分} musing
12:27 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
haven't checked my stocks in awhile until today.
surprised that my %gain was lowered by around 50% in ALL of my stocks!! i wouldve been exhilirated if only i have the money to buy.. i mean, its not everyday that the stocks are on sale..huhu..
i wouldve sell some to buy some if not all of them are down now. sighs..
even if i deposit the money today, tomorrow pa sya make-credit and the prices may go up by then..
wahh!!kainezz!! sayang namen..huhu..i hope the price will not go up anytime soon though..
huhu..please, wait for me stocks..
jeez.. hindi talaga ko pwedeng girls scout..huhu
{ 気分} talking to myself, nerdy
09:47 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
last night, i was listening to one of tony robbins' audio book series where he was talking about the virtues we value and how it determines our destiny or on how we make our choices blah blah blah.
was told to make a list of the virtues we value and immediately jotted down "freedom".
as the audio file progressed, tony robbins said something like, people who value freedom see relationship and commitment as a leash therefore they naturally(or maybe unconciously) avoid them...
and i was like, "what??!"..
when he was about to elaborate on this, the file was cut--
i thought im about to make a huge discovery right there...sighs..
jeez.. so much for downloaded audio files. i need to hunt the real thing. but where on earth can i find those stuff? oh heavens.. where??
{ 気分} talking to myself again, nerdy as ever
10:23 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
sighs..i think im sick. super wrong timing. ansakit pa ng stiff neck ko..huhu
just got home from some medical test thingy.
the man who took my blood sample asked, "ma'am, hindi po ba kayo lumalabas ng bahay?"
to which i said, "lumalabas.. baket?"
he replied, "sobrang puti nyo po kasi e..."
ah, ok..
and i thought i was having enough daily dose of sunshine...i hope im not anaemic though, because im having enough health issues already.
will be receiving the results by fri. if i fail this one again, i might be force to take meds na. dang, i hate meds. i even made myself eat fish for 2 weeks now even though i detest the taste. all to make my health better. kung bagsak pa rin ako this time around, ayawan na..huhu.
still, i feel slightly relieved though, because the test is over now. i can eat what i want!yey!..but i have to postpone the celebration for now just to make sure that id fit into my pencil skirt tom..
---
im uber bored. i need to write our article today and im on my extreme tamad mode.
sighs..
a lot of things to look forward to..
there will be some family gathering next week.
and then, the halloween (horror stuff fiesta!!hooorrray!!).
plus my neice(or at least its 30% a neice daw) is due to be born around first week of nov 
and then injan's birthday..we are thinking of going to tagaytay..im not really sure about my budget though..
and then the kcon..
yay!!
but before all that,
today, i need to write..the internet sucks as always. arg.
02:39 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
stayed home.
flu and stiff neck just wont go away i might spread the virus if i go out.
uber bored.
..
..
..
wondering if im so sad because im so sick
or im so sick because im so sad.
..
..
and this song that goes, "Why does my heart just keep on beating? Why do my arms just keep on reaching? To someone who’s no longer there? What can I say besides I’m sorry? What can I say to change your mind....." is actually not helping.
ok. not making any sense here.
goodnight.
{ 音楽} Michael Johnson-Doors
{ 気分} uber sick
10:00 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
literally..
meds, shots not working.
damn ulcer.
T_T
{ 気分} you reap what you sow
10:12 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
the past 2 days was spent between hospital trips, eating, fasting and sleeping.
ive been losing enough days already and now this..huhu. i hate being sick. T_T
had an ultrasound yesterday (not pregnant. pramis!!--defensive lang.haha). i didnt know that ultrasound can actually be painful. had i been pregnant im pretty sure that the baby would die right there. they say its not suppose to be painful, i dont know why mine was.
yet to recieve the result. hope its nothing serious. huhu..
seem like ill be needing to eliminate coke zero in my diet entirely. see, i think i can live without rice in my entire life time.. but coke zero.. that's waaaay another story!!huhu.. i guess i have to remind myself how painful my stomach pain was a few days ago before reaching out for another can. damn, i hope they'll invent an ulcer friendly version..huhuhu..
but know what, though i hate meds, shots and generally being sick, i think i actually like hospitals. i love the sterile environment. the busyness. those people in white. it mustve felt awesome being like them. being a part of a work force that do something as important as saving people's lives.
---
sis-in-law texted last night. im gonna be a tita of a neice really really soon =)
{ 音楽} secondhand serenade-fall for you
{ 本} a week in the zone
{ 気分} still sick
10:52 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
3 injections in less than a week and i feel like im a lab rat already. T_T
i hate injections.
i hate injections.
i hate injections.
and oh, did i mention i hate injections?? ugh.
had my blood sample taken for that platelet thingy. will be having an endoscopy by weds. the doc explained to me what the procedure was but the whole thing didnt sink in to my brains as there was that one question i was more concerned about.
"doc, masakit po ba?"
doc said the procedure will only take a few minutes. hindi naman daw masaket except for the anaesthesia(sh*t! injection na naman ba to??!!). and also, they will have to sedate me so i will be asleep during the whole process..
"wait doc, kung hindi masakit baket may anaesthesia? kung hindi masakit baket nyo ko i-sesedate?"
those were the things i wished to ask but didnt. i guess i want to enjoy my few moments of bliss (because ignorance is a bliss) before i find out what real horror awaits me...
i will have to research about it soon, but for now, let me savor my few days of ignorance before the procedure comes.. bahala na si batman.
sighs.. i wonder if sedatives work on someone with insomnia..
also recieved my med test result yesterday. though i cleared my ecg, some parts in my lipid profile are still off the mark. i refuse to drink my meds the last time and now they're blaming not drinking meds for the even more elevated results this time around. the doc resorted to prescibing a higher dosage. well, goodluck if that will scare me into drinking those meds.. bleh!!
ugh. i hate meds. for moments, there was a world war 3 at home because i refused (and still refuse) to drink meds. but the endoscopy thingy gave me a good excuse to skip for a few days. after this, ill be having to find other ways.
see, im not just being a pain in the as* here or anything. i am actually considering drinking those meds for the sake of world peace. its just that, i believe that meds are suppose to make people better. and that it shouldnt cause any harm in people.. there has to be another way that will make people better without the harmful effects, right?
sighs. whatever.
---
sunday tomorrow. the supposed family gathering was cancelled. now im thinking if i should or should not serve tom. the grilling in my stomach for this whole week forced me to eat. i dont know if id still fit into my skirt. huhu.
but my week had been filled with a lot of hospital trips, meds, injections and the like that i feel like wanting to see and experience something different for a change.
{ ショー} the man and the butterfly
{ 気分} greek
04:51 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Procedure
The patient is kept NPO (Nil per os) or NBM (Nothing By Mouth) that is, told not to eat, for at least 4 hours (I was told to fast for 9 hours!!) before the procedure. Most patients tolerate the procedure with only topical anesthesia of the oropharynx using lidocaine spray. However, some patients may need sedation and the very anxious/agitated patient may even need a general anesthetic (do i look like im anxious/agitated??!). Informed consent is obtained before the procedure. The main risks are bleeding and perforation (wahh!!!mama!!huhu). The risk is increased when a biopsy or other intervention is performed.
The patient lies on his/her left side with the head resting comfortably on a pillow. A mouth-guard is placed between the teeth to prevent the patient from biting on the endoscope. The endoscope is then passed over the tongue and into the oropharynx(whoa!!).
**blah blah blah here omitted****
The endoscope is quickly passed through the stomach and through the pylorus to examine the first and second parts of the duodenum. Once this has been completed, the endoscope is withdrawn into the stomach and a more thorough examination is performed including a J-maneuver.
---
ok, this is not comforting..huhu
{ 気分} like, totally scared now
10:50 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i feel like my life was on hold a while. im just glad that all is over now. a lot of amusing things happened but i dont feel like writing about them now. skipping that up. im far from feeling amused at the moment.
fast forward to the now and to what lies ahead.
i was too busy being sick for these past couple of weeks that ive lost so much time that wouldve been alloted to something that will lead me nearer to my goal. the thought of me not being able to realize them is much more scary than facing another round of injection of so..
sighs..
sometimes i just want to run away from it all and not care.
10:29 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
