Entries for August, 2014
saw a former officemate last weds. i attended the last stretch of seminar i am yet to attend at COL that took place in the same bldg where i use to work.
after a few chats, i asked "ang aga mo ha..hindi ata kayo ot.." and former officemate replied, "ganun talaga pag leader na eh"..
i think, my old maldita self would be like "anak ng..what??!! *bleep bleep bleep bleep*!!!!!" or "*tooot tooot* ka ang yabang mo nasasapawan ako!!!" or something. but i didnt feel that way. maybe i matured in a way..or maybe i just stopped caring.. or maybe i am too full of my own worries for my life to actually bother comparing myself to others..
my 1st co still haunts me sometimes like a ghost. and i find it surprising that effects diminish faster that i expected to. i tried inspecting my insides on what i really feel about this and found out that i dont have any trace of regrets for leaving..
it may not be the wisest choice ive ever made. i am yet to fully get myself out of the trouble that ive put myself into..pero kahet ganun, hindi parin ako nagsisisi.
but that doesnt mean that im happy where i am now.
tsk. i might be doing something rash again soon. i dont know how long can i put up with my life's setup right now..wahhh!! i really dont know.
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went to fr. m's mass after that. its been months. he's still as awesome as ever. grabe sobrang namiss ko to. maybe ill start going to my weds mass again. i want to get rid of this lost lost feeling.
---
oh, its friday.
08:00 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i took this day as a "mental leave" where i am suppose to think, plan and figure things out. but i ended up spending the day like some ambitionless, directionless creature.
very good.
tsk tsk.. what am i gonna do with you, self?
01:22 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i want to spend the day looking at the ceiling and expect that answers will materialize into vision.
tsk. im a hopeless case.
10:16 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
watched this kanina and it gave me a good laugh.
last sun's feast was a little unusual. the topic is "his and hers talk 3 :body" or something that goes like that.
they requested couples to attend the 10:30 session while those who are single can attend any of the others. i wasnt able to attend any but i heard the session intended for couples are RATED R-ish daw. sobrang nacu-curious talaga ako..RATED R-ish topic on a prayer meeting????!!haha..too bad, it seems like they are not releasing the vids.
the feast is just too weird i cant help but love it. haha.
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ive been feeling off these past few days. or had it been weeks? i dont know, ive lost counting.nadidisappoint lang ako with my life to the point that i feel like rebelling against my own religion..or maybe its more like rebelling against my own spirituality.
i hate not getting what i want. normal naman yun di ba. but see, im not the type who just wish and do nothing. its just frustrating whenever the universe doesnt seem to notice your efforts.
or maybe im just looking for someone or something to blame--which is not good. ive always believed that blaming is only for the incompetent, and look what im doing now. sighs..i hate being like this.
sa ngayon im starting to pick myself up and im trying to be back on track. i know i cant mourn for my failures forever.
sighs...wala parin talaga akong idea kung anong susunod kong gagawin.
hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!! bahala na.
{ 気分} scared, sad, bored
03:47 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
its a sunday.
im chillin around the house reading some book ive been reading for ages.
with mr. gecko, the bookmark, staring back at me as if he got some answer.
i flipped him back..and sure enough, he does.
"It's possible".
ive been using " i can" whenever i am in doubt and somehow i think the reason why it doesnt usually work is because "i can" makes me question my own integrity.
"it's possible" holds no promise. i like that.
-------
i guess i am now ready to be back on track.
watch me, world.
{ 気分} getting back up
12:43 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
a conversation that took place n years back:
S: R, kelan mo balak magpakasal?
R: si <insert my name here>..
S: huh? kelan mo balak magpakasal?
R: si <insert my name here>..
S: ahh.. you mean, si <insert my name here> ang gusto mong pakasalan?
R: *inconspicuously nods*
S: <insert my name here>, gusto ka daw pakasalan ni R.
me: ah, ok.
S: so, R, kelan mo balak magpakasal?
R: siguro pag mga 30 na ko.
S: 30? edi <insert my name here>, 31 ka na nun..
me: hindi na tayo magkakaanak nun, R..
R: edi live in.
me: eeee! ayoko nga!
----
slept early last night only to be awaken by some unknown force at 1:30am thus missing the whole point of sleeping early in the first place.
i wonder how he is by now. the last time i check, he was sick again. really, he should be taking care of himself. especially since im no longer there to take care of him. (??)
i remember some lea salonga song that goes, "i remember the boy but i dont remember the feeling anymore"
i remember the boy.
i remember the feeling quite clearly.
it's just that, my heart is somewhere out there in a far off universe, nowhere to be found.
03:44 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
had my 1st greeter duty yesterday.
before, i thought that being a greeter is all about wearing a pencil skirt, nice blouse and a warm smile.. i think its more than that. nalaman kong hindi pala madaling tumayo for hours to smile and greet people. hindi pala madaling bitbitin at ipamigay yung mga magazine. hanggang ngayon ang sakit parin ng braso ko from the experience. hindi pala madaling mag pencil skirt at bumyahe 3 hours.. hindi madaling mag pencil skirt, period.
pero pag nakikita mo yung mga tao, smiling back at you.. tas yung iba na pumapasok looking surly only to see their face light up the moment you greet them.. yung mga smiles..yung mga thank you's ..yung mga nods.. these little things just made it all worth it.
yesterday, i also had a chance to do some usher's duty although technically, greeter naman talaga ko. really, i dont mind seeing the mass twice a week, but seeing the mass twice the same day feels quite odd pala. basta ang weird.
will be having my next service in 2 to 3 weeks pa siguro. for now, mag da diet muna ko. yey.
08:14 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
it is given that i have to clean my own mess.
point taken, universe.. point taken.
{ 気分} hit
02:59 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Passion is saying to yourself and to the universe, “This is what I want, and I’m betting my entire life on this. I’m putting my time, my future, and my comfort at stake here. I’m unloading all my guns. I’m holding nothing back. I’m sacrificing everything on the altar!”
- bo sanchez
now, too much for baby steps.. i guess its time to take the leap.
here i come, world.
{ 気分} どきどきする.. praying.. divine intervention please.. T_T
10:38 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
found this at http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/235228
9 Things Rich People Do Differently Every Day.
said ,"The key is to get more than 50% to be rich habits,"..so let me check if i made it to more than 50%
1. Rich people always keep their goals in sight.
"I focus on my goals every day."
-yes
point: 1
2. And they know what needs to be done today.
"I maintain a daily to-do list."
-used to. so no.
point: 0
3. They don't watch TV.
"I watch TV one hour or less per day."
- used to. but now that i live at home, it is just close to impossible. so no.
point: 0
4. They read … but not for fun.
"I love reading."
-yes
point: 1
5. Plus, they're big into audio books.
"I listen to audio books during the commute to work."
-yes
point: 1
6. They make a point of going above and beyond at the office.
"I do more than my job requires."
-used to. so no.
point: 0
7. They aren't hoping to win the jackpot.
"I play the lottery regularly."
-no
point: 1
8. They watch their waistline.
"I count calories every day."
-in my case, its carbs. still, ill count that as 1 point
point: 1
9. And they take care of their smiles.
"I floss every day."
-yes
point: 1
TOTAL: 6 out of 9 = 67% meaning, I am rich!! or maybe im gonna be one..yay!! =)
10:12 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
less than 3 hours more and im free.
will be taking a leave tom to have a check up. i am hoping to take another ecg since i failed the last one i had a few months ago. so its gonna be a long weekend for me.
bro will be going to cavite with wife because the wife will soon deliver their baby in a few months and would like to be home by then so that her mom could take care of her, do the laundry and all. things she'd be embarassed to ask my mom to do, right?.. i wonder if id do the same if id get pregnant.. i mean, going home so that my mom can take care of me and do the laundry for me because i am pregnant... and then i realized, i dont even know how to do the laundry.. so maybe id still go home even when im not pregnant.. oh, whatever. its just so boring to have a long weekend without bro and the wife at home though.. =(
maybe id see injan this weekend.. or maybe ill just move that to the next weekend since its gonna be a payday. maybe im just gonna stay home and rot away.
i am uber bored. i need a life.
01:30 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
haw!
glad its a saturday. had a very rare 9-hour sleep for the last couple of days. for someone who's been sleep deprived most of her life, its just hard not to be greatful for a decent sleep.
skipped seeing the doctor yesterday because it was raining and i was also having cramps, plus, i woke up late..or well, maybe to sum it up, i was just too lazy to leave the house.. i was actually all set then, with make up on, i even wore my LBD(yeah, LBD. and im just going to see the doctor) and stuff..only to find myself find every reason not to go out.. jeez.
i ended up lazying out. finished my "the richest man in babylon" book. man, i cant believe it took me 2 months to finish that one. but all in all, it was an awesome read. it gave me that harry potter-like effect. a non-fiction with a fiction feel in it. although its really the other way around. nakakatuwa lang. sobrang na iintrigue tuloy ako sa history ng babylon and on its downfall. ang hirap lang kasing isipin how can something so majestic fall down like that. basta. ewan. feeling ko kung may makikilala akong genie na magbibigay saken ng wish hihilingin kong makapag time travel back in time where i can see babylon's grandeur. basta nakaka amaze lang kasi. parang gusto ko na tuloy ulet magbasa ng fiction. i still got another book to read. another larry gamboa book which i hope to finish before the next payday. still thinking of what book to read next. i am itching to have my hands on that "the starfish and the spider" book but i cant find them in any bookstore =( . i found some online, but i think the shipment will be troublesome since i live in a far-off land where civilization doesnt exist (exag). sighs..whatever.
september's up and coming. ive got a couple of weeks more to decide whether to take CRESAR or not. im not even sure if they still have available slot. sighs... naisip ko lang kasi, if i am to shell out that amount of money, dapat magamit ko talaga sya sa future. as of now, ang nakikita ko lang na purpose ko sa kanya e yung learning and additional network, etc..pero as to kung maipa-practice ko ba sya for reals, im not that sure. im thinking maybe it would be wiser if ill just enroll to an html class, graphic arts class, cooking, baking or whatver.. the only thing that bothers me is that CRESAR is a 'now or never' thing. if i miss it now there will be no 'next time' na for me.. sighs.. and hirap magdecide..
mom said, i better quit it since its just gonna eat up my weekends if i take it. she said it would be better for me if id just stay home and rest since im getting sick na. jeez..such a welcoming invitation. sa totoo lang i would just love to stay home, rest and lazy out. pero kung gagawin ko yun, then what would become of me? i dont think opportunities will knock on our door while i cozily lay in the couch. i think i will not have much chance unless i set myself out in the world. but well, of course im all talk.
see, i havent been setting myself out in the world for weeks now. ive been hiding on the "im not feeling well", "i am cutting cost", "i need to fix my things", "i need to figure things out first" and the list goes on kinds of excuses where in reality i am just being lazy. and more than being lazy, im also having doubts. on myself...on my capabilities.. and the countless what ifs.. what if i failed and not make it there after all the sacrifices? what if i worked hard to get there only to realize that it is not what i really want? what if hindi pala to worth it? what if...
when i was younger, "what ifs" had lesser control over me. i always jump off without thinking, knowing that if ever i fail, i would still have the time to recover. the time to fix things. time to make things right.. but such is not the case now because i no longer have a whole lifetime ahead of me. sighs.. ewan ko. i think im having a really bad case of analysis paralysis.
but whatever. wish me luck..
{ 本} think rich,pinoy
{ ショー} breaking bad
{ 気分} food coma
10:30 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
you are starting to creep me out, man.
huhu ='(
{ 気分} building solid barriers
02:36 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
jeez. im fangirling.
was watching jessica soho last night. she've mentioned that what Bourdain, a world renowned food critic, said to be the "best pig ever" can be found in cebu and there flashed in the screen a logo i am very familiar with. zubuchon!!MarketManila's zubuchon!! and i was like, "wow, ang galing ni MM.."
jeez..grabe sobrang galing nya pala talaga. see, ive been planning thinking of going to cebu for my birthday in the hope of bumping up to him on streets and with dining at zubuchon(in the hope of seeing him din) as the top priority in my mind..tas biglang..wow!! world renowned food critic pa yung nagsabi ha... grabe ang galing nya..
wala lang.. it just so happen that MM kind of reminds me of this certain someone. i just read MM's about section and i feel like they somewhat sound alike..i mean the way they write, tsaka yung way on how they see things..mejo parehas sila.. basta..
i wonder if he can cook too like MM..uhg, enough.
{ 気分} bored
12:57 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
