Entries for October, 2013



i need this..
: October 3, 2013



sighssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

--

there.

i wish i can say that it made me feel better.

but no.

--

yeah..i have to think happy thoughts..

{ mood } S A D



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:02 PM.

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hey
: October 3, 2013



saw this in fb..

i am #6.. how about you?

---

Look at the tree and choose the one that is immediately most appealing to you. Don’t think about it too long, just choose, and find out what your choice says about your personality. write down your choice in the comments. . . . The results!

1. You are a generous and moral (not to confuse with moralizing) person. You always work on self-improvement. You are very ambitious and have very high standards. People might think that communicating with you is difficult, but for you, it isn't easy to be who you are. You work very hard but you are not in the least selfish. You work because you want to improve the world. You have a great capacity to love people until they hurt you. But even after they do. . . you keep loving. Very few people can appreciate everything you do as well as you deserve.

2. You are a fun, honest person. You are very responsible and like taking care of others. You believe in putting in an honest day's work and accept many work-related responsibilities. You have a very good personality and people come to trust you easily. You are bright, witty and fast-thinking. You always have an interesting story to tell.

3.You are a smart and thoughtful person. You are a great thinker. Your thoughts and ideas are the most important. You like to think about your theories and views alone. You are an introvert. You get along with those who likes to think and learn. You spend a lot of time, thinking about morality. You are trying to do what is right, even if the majority of society does not agree with you.

4. You are perceptive and philosophical person. You are a unique, one soul of your kind. Next to you there's no one even slightly similar to you. You are intuitive and a bit quirky. You are often misunderstood, and it hurts you. You need personal space. Your creativity needs to be developed, it requires respect of others. You are a person who clearly sees the light and dark sides of life. You are very emotional.

5. You are self-assured and in charge. You are very independent. Your guiding principle in life is 'I'll do it my way.'. You are very self-reliant and know how to stay strong for yourself and the people you love. You know exactly what you want and are not afraid of pursuing your dreams. The only thing you demand from people is honesty. You are strong enough to accept the truth.

6. You are kind and sensitive. People relate to you very well. You have many friends and you love helping them. You have this warm and bright aura that makes people feel good when they are around you. Every day, you think about what you can do to improve yourself. You want to be interesting, insightful and unique. More than anybody else in the world, you need to love. You are even ready to love those who don't love you back.

7. You are happy and unflappable. You are a very sensitive and understanding person. You are a great listener who know how to be non-judgmental. You believe that everybody has their own journey in life. You are open to new people and events. You are highly resistant to stress and rarely worry. Normally, you are very relaxed. You always manage to have a good time and never lose your way.

8. You are charming and energetic. You are a fun person who knows hot to make people laugh. You live in a state of harmony with the universe. You are spontaneous and enthusiastic. You never say no to an adventure. Often, you end up surprising and even shocking people. But that's just how you are. . . You always remain true to yourself. You have many interests and if something proves of interest to you, you will not rest until you acquire a profound knowledge of this area.

9. You are optimistic and lucky. You believe that life is a gift and you try to achieve as much as possible and put this gift to the best use possible. You are very proud of your achievements. You are ready to stick by the people you care about through thick and thin. You have a very healthy approach to life. The glass is (at least) half full for you. You use any opportunity to forgive, learn, and grow because you believe that life is too short to do otherwise. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:21 PM.

2 comments





friday weekender
: October 4, 2013



nagpakain si boss dahil birthday ko daw sa sunday.

which gave office crush reason to ask me

ilang taon ka na? 

--

sighsss.. ive never felt this insecure about my age before.. : (

{ mood } mabibingwitpabakitaopiscrushamp:(



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:21 PM.

2 comments





what's in my box
: October 5, 2013



project schedules

cad files

resignation letter

it was just a plan then. a reality now. i didnt know that remembering would still brought me the same effect. 

before i did it..

when i did it..

and when its done..

--

which one hurts more, seeing people go, or leaving people behind?


i know the answer, cause ive been into both.

sometimes i wish important people can be small enough so that i can just put them in my pocket whenever ive got to go.in that way, no one will ever have to be left behind..

--

i feel so so lonely today..



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:12 AM.

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the set back
: October 6, 2013



out of diet for a week due to low bp and about-to-faint feeling. then, the birthday today,. whew! i think its best not to check the weighing scale yet.

--

will be meeting up former colleagues on fri. the last time one of them saw me, she announced to the whole office how i became so payat na and..ehem.., prettier daw..so mejo pressure saken na those who havent seen me that day may get disappointed once they saw me looking like a pig now.. T_T

umaasa parin ako sa kapangyarihan ng atkins diet. got 5 days..hayys..gambarimasu to that.

--

bff asked what gift i want. sabi ko, gwapong malaysian. but she insisted on giving me a swimsuit sabay sabing, "Serious to bading ahh super tampo ako pag ndi mo to ginamit s dec " (she calls me bading, i call her bakla)

sighs..pressure na naman. maybe i should say goodbye to carbs for good. gusto ko narin subukan mg gym. kaso..may oras ba ko? at..may pera ba ko? wahhh..

--

read bo sanchez's "how to know if your dream is God's dream".. another good one from this great guy. got to rethink again and reorganize my goals.. although, technically, wala pa namang concrete na goals..pero getting there.. sana.

it says..find your roots.

see, i have always dreamed to be beautiful. i mean, the glamorous elegant type. yung classy, sophisticated..basta ganun. i remember being caught by the teacher when i was in grade six drawing clothes for paper dolls. i have always love clothes.. shoes..accessories.. basta ganun.. it think, that's my roots..

tapos yung iba hahanapin ko pa..siguro related sa books. or reading..or writing.. ewan ko. 

--

ok..tama na..they're calling me na.

will catch up soon.

badtrip. bitin na entry.

jaa.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:06 PM.

2 comments





tuesday
: October 8, 2013



opis crush sent me an email containing this..

sabi nya kasi 18 palang daw ako (sabi ko nga sa kanya 16 lang e, amp sya..hehe)..

eeeee!!smiling ears to ears now..

wahehe.. ang babaw lang..

anyway, setting kerengkeng stuff aside, ang gulo ng buhay trabaho ko ngayon.

ngresign na daw si ns. last friday pa. i remember last friday kami ngkabadtripan. sighs.. hindi sya pumasok ngayon. hindi ko sure kung papasok pa ba sya.ang totoo nyan, since magkabadtripan kami last fri, im itching to resign narin. pero syempre, pag ngresign ako ngayon, para narin akong nag career suicide nun. company policy again. tsaka bukod pa sa company policy, our family is not doing good financially.. sahod ko pa ang main source ng income namin..so technically , suicide talaga sa lahat ng aspect pag nagresign ako.

i know this is bad, but im actually relieved. ..relieved kasi i dont have to resign. relieved, yes, but not happy.

the calls today proved how NS got a point in all aspect. if my situation in life is not as bad as it is, my principles would have made me resign again... sighs.. bahala na.. eto lang naman kasi talaga ang choice na meron ako. mgstay. nahihiya rin talaga ko.. pero ano bang pwede kong gawin.. still, im doing my best and im willing to stretch myself further..hayy.. heavens..bahala ka na po..

--

know what, i thought arrogance is not listed in my vocabulary. but maybe the fact that im not doing good at work is triggering me to be like this as a defense mechanism or something. really, it is not fun to be one. 

sighs..ayoko ng ganito. ayokong maging ganito..

---

sighs(ulet).. tough life is ahead.. i should brace myself.. damn.

oh, wish me luck..

{ mood } praying..



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:24 PM.

2 comments






: October 12, 2013



because i think its somewhat odd to write something about

not writing anymore..



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:55 AM.

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: October 19, 2013



eating a lot and sleeping a lot are the symptoms of the lonely.

i just finished a book i was reading. i feel like ive wasted yet another weekend. im suppose to review for the exams. i dont know why i seem to stop caring.

im not entirely alone. i dont know why i do not feel like i belong anywhere lately. last weekend has been busy. maybe i should always be like that just so i wouldnt have  the time to think. diversion cant cure, but at least it can relieve.

--

mom was cleaning an old desk ive used back in college. old papers and notebooks were disposed of. she got me checking some of the contents to make sure she wont be throwing away important ones. upon checking, i got hold of an old journal dated 2003. 

10 years back.. i sound the same. seemingly feels the same. i feel like ive wasted my life taking myself TOO seriously. taking every blow in life TOO personally. taking  it all in..barely releasing anything out..

i wonder if tabulas will still be here after 10 years. because i want to check if id still be the same 10 years hence.

this is the present. maybe i do have a choice to turn myself, or my life, into whatever i wanted to be..

it can be sometimes exhausting to think of a way to make things better. sometimes its easier to think that he universe,--or fate will, do all the fixing on our behalf. but ,maybe, the world, the reality, do not really work that way..

but still, who am i to know?

i am but another human being, occupying some space. borrowing some time from the universe who provided it all..

see, i just want to make it count. i mean, this life. i want to make it better. for me, for every one else. but sometimes im just so caught up within my own loneliness to be beneficial to the world.

---

{ book } every day
{ mood } lonely



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:16 PM.

2 comments





saturday before halloween
: October 26, 2013



wasted my day watching a movie and some tv shows. tamad na tamad na naman akong magaral. im suppose to go to the salon today too to have my hair fixed,pero tamad na tamad din akong umalis. naiirita na ko sa haba ng buhok ko.. kaso tamad na tamad talaga ko today.

watched conjuring. i ended up abusing the pause and play button. napagod lang ako kakasigaw.

halloween na.. 

may pasok pala ko..

sana naman walang mumu sa opis.

hayyy..



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:09 PM.

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a few sundays prior to eternity
: October 27, 2013



a couple of months more before 2013 expires..

this year has sure been one hell of a ride.

a few more changes are about to surface.

a few more things to do.. few more acts to initiate.

2014..

i dont want to be excited about it anymore.

but whatever life..

---

will be needing to hunt for a dress for mom for bro's wedding. quite a challenge considering my mom's size. well, at least, mom's pretty. i just hope we could find one that wouldnt cause so much damage to my month's budget.

its gonna be christmas soon. ive always love christmas kahet usually wala namang exceptional na bagay na nangyayari.. im a little sad that im not gonna be with my bro thou.

sighs..

--

the world had kept moving for the past years.. i know i did change too..but still i can t help feeling that ive been left behind by the world..

its seems like the world had suddenly went fast pace or maybe i became too slow.. lately i feel like i cant seem to keep up..

{ mood } fed up with life



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:10 AM.

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cramming!!
: October 30, 2013



to write.

skipped my precious panata day today just to go home early as i intended to have longer sleep hours tonight, pero eto ko, blogging.

may interview daw sa opis tom. hindi ko parin talaga maintindihan ang setup. binasa ko naman ung ilan sa mga binigay na link samen. hindi ko nga lang naabsorb. sana naman hindi ko hiyain ang sarili ko bukas.

haayyst. feeling ko masama sa puso ko ang ganitong klaseng trabaho. ilang linggo na akong live pero kinakabahan parin ako pag naririnig ko ang beep ng telepono. but really, its not bad. true, im not yet good and still a long way to get better. my mga times parin na i feel sorry for some customers, lalo na yung mga matatanda. hayyyst.. basta, gagawin ko parin yung best ko. tapos bahala na.

--

injan texted me yesterday about her sis being sent to the icu.

today she texted na wala na daw yung ate nya. its barely a few months before her brother died, and now this.

i havent been seeing injan for a while. feeling ko sa burial lang ng kapatid nya kami ngkita this year. baka yung next naming kita sa funeral ng ate nya. sighs.. i only have one sibling. and i guess even if i had more, i would still be devastated if a lose anyone of them.. hindi ko alam kung anong dahilan ng langit kung baket ganito karaming challenges ang binibigay nya kay injan. i just hope that the heavens will give her strength to bear all these.

--

9:03 on the dot. 

goodnight..



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:04 PM.

2 comments






: October 31, 2013



rushed in here.

how are things going?

US time pala yung interview..so hindi ngayon kundi bukas pa..sighss..i thought we can all breathe na today. sayang, sinuot ko na yung pangrampa blouse ko kanina.. :<

--

i tried calling each and every number that injan used before even yung mga sinauna ones..nagriring..wala namang sumasagot. i wonder if she's not answering my call on purpose..pero kasi, that's not so very like injan e.. nanakaw kaya ang phone nya? sa dami ng hindi masyadong magagandang bagay na nangyari sa kanya this year, hindi na ko magtataka kung yun nga talaga yung nangyari. pambihira.. i hope she's ok. im having crazy thoughts already.

sighs...

--

been skipping diet for the longest time this week. i dont know if im being rebellious to myself ba or whatever. i promised bff im gonna wear that swimming outfit chuchu that she's gonna give me for our palawan trip on dec. my body's far from being fit for any swimming outfit at the moment. sighs..

--

nov 1 tom. im glad that i wont be alone at the office. really, having this kind of job has its own perks.

sh*t, naalala ko na naman yung interview.

tapos yung hindi ko naayos na problema ng customer kanina..

jeez..hindi parin pala ko nagbabago..

i guess, its a good sign.

--

ok, so much for this.

sleep time.

the clock says 8:34. goodnight.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:35 PM.

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