Entries for August, 2024
Have you ever felt like your life's too long?
I'm turning 39 on the final quarter of this year. Maybe 38 is already a long-enough number of years to live.
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Ugh. I got a lot of complaints about my life, but I feel more pathetic voicing it out. Tomorrow, I have an appointment with our RDO. I was supposed to go with Dad, but we had an argument, so I decided to go alone.
Sure, I've been having real short fuse for long, but I'm sure I wasn't at fault this time. But know what, I don't really care anymore.
Once done with this whole BIR thingy, I'll be an official owner of a business that doesn't exist yet. Walang products, walang plano. Bahala na si Batman.
Ang plan B ko e to maybe go abroad and teach English in Japan. Walang teaching experience, walang idea kung anong need gawin. And I'm not even sure if my age is eligible.
Plan C is to go back to the corporate world. Hindi ako confident if makakahanap pa ba ko ng trabaho na may same rate or higher sa previous work ko. I did receive offers before, pero malayo and hindi wfh.
Ahhhh. Ano bang gagawin ko? Feeling ko, wala akong choice but to make this whole business stuff work. Hindi pa rin ako nagsisisi na nagresign ako. Siguro, ang pinagsisisihan ko lang e sana sinabunutan ko muna yung mga demonyitang kinaiinisan ko sa office. Lol.
Second career suicide ko na ito. Will I survive and thrive again this time around? Hindi ko alam.
I've always had that feeling na it's absolutely fine if I don't wake up tomorrow. But before, it was just from my fascination with dying. It's just a little different this time. Like everything feels pointless, so why bother.
But then, if it's fine to not live anymore, then maybe I can just use my life however I want without fear. After all, if death is fine, then maybe a little failure and a little pain won't matter that much, right?
Haaaaa! Whatever. If this is already rock bottom, then there's nowhere to go but up, right?
02:30 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Ang tagal ko nang di lumalabas ng bahay, feeling ko hindi na ko sanay sa tao.
I went to the BIR's Briefing for New Business Registrants. Sa jeep on the way to get there, a stranger who was seated next to me casually asked what lotion I use. I told her I'm not wearing any. She then asked about what soap I used, to which I said "Silka". Then she was like, "Silka lang?" I got a bit confused until she told me that my skin looked nice, that was why she wanted to know. I used to receive compliments for my skin, but it's really not convincing to receive one now when my arms are covered with little scars I got that one time when I tried to cook something. I wonder if that was really why she was asking.
After the Briefing, which was in Sta. Maria, nag Joyride Car ako to Shangrila Plaza to get Bank Statement. Mahabaang byahe, at machika si kuyang driver. Hours after nya akong maihatid to my destination, he started calling me again. He's married with kids, but mentioned na hindi daw sila okay ng asawa nya and wala na daw pag-asang magkaayos pa. I don't want to jump into conclusions, pero hindi ko kasi makita yung point kung bakit pa namin need mag-usap, so I blocked his number. Sure, it can get pretty lonely being single, pero wala akong planong maging kerida.
Antagal kong di lumabas ng bahay, and considering the kind of interactions I had with people today, I can't say I miss interacting with people at all. Ang weird na the entire time I was out, I couldn't wait to get back home.
Jeez, I feel like I have become a full-fledged hermit.
07:21 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Tokwa, may sakit na naman ako.
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A cousin called for a family meeting last Sunday. Tungkol sa land transfer ng lupa namin. An agent is working on it. I was the one following up with the agent before. Naawa lang talaga ako kay Tita dahil sya yung na iistress kahit senior na sya. This cousin refused to pay for their portion of the fees. Tas ngayong nag may progress na biglang nagpatawag ng meeting? I told Tita I won't come. This cousin's way older than me, pero dahil bad trip ako sa kanya, feeling ko mapapatulan ko sya. I told Mom to tell them I'm sick so I can't come.
On the day of the meeting, I did got sick for real though. That bitch, Karma. Lol.
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Monday, I'm still sick. But I needed to bring my cat to vet, register my business to orus, then update my account in online selling platforms. I hated not having the freedom back when I was an employee. Pero ang malaking difference pala ng pag earn ng money outside employment e, sure, hawak mo oras mo. Pero no matter how you feel, kesehodang may sakit ka pa, you will still need to get off your ass and work.
I usually give up halfway whenever things are too difficult, or too complicated, or too much of a hassle. But I'm backed against the wall. I have no other choice but to pull myself together. It's not so bad, but I really need to have money soon.
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Ugh, I wish for this sickness to go away already.
01:46 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Nothing seems to be working. Nothing seems to be going my way.
My luck was usually fluctuating from average to above average, pero these days... tokwa, luck? What luck?
Gah.
Sa totoo lang, naiiyak na ko. Pero ano bang gagawin ko?
04:44 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Well, I'm just feeling a little down and disheartened. Maybe it's part of being human na paminsan minsan, pinanghihinaan ka ng loob. But I believe that this is just temporary. I'm still up and running. I'm still in the game. I'm not raising a white flag yet.
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Tinitingnan ko lagi yung travel pictures ng FB friend ko na si Jam. She's been to a lot of beautiful places, in countries I have never heard of until now. I want to go to those countries too, and more. And I want to bring my parents with me.
Kaya ko yun. Sana nga talaga.
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When you talk about your problems daw, you're giving them more power over you. Kaya you need to talk about your dreams.
I'm really struggling now, but I want to boost whatever little hope that's left in me.
I wish that things will get easier as days go by.
Sana umabot ng over 1000 USD monthly ang kita ko sa Facebook.
Sana kumita ako ng over 300,000 php monthly from multiple income sources.
Sana makapag abroad kami ulet.
Gusto kong dalhin ang parents ko sa Australia at Japan this year.
Sana magkaron ako ng younger boyfriend na tall, good-looking, and with fluffy, bouncy, beautiful hair.
Well, sana nga talaga.
11:48 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I cut my hair short last week. I know full well na hindi bagay sakin ang short hair, pero hindi naman ako nagsisi. A week on this hairstyle, and I kinda like how I can move freely with short hair. The only downside is that the ends are touching my nape, and it's giving me more rashes.
Whatever.
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Nasira yung aircon sa room ng kapatid ko. They just had it fixed last month. My brother is still jobless, which made my sister-in-law say, "grabe sunod sunod ang problema kung kelan wala kaming pera, sagad sagad na." Then continued, "di bale, mairaraos din to."
I think, sister-in-law is a great woman. If it had been someone else, they may have reacted differently. I think my brother is lucky for having his wife. On top of that, she's also very good at cooking. Just so you know, before my brother met her, I wrote a wish list where I included a wish for my brother to find a good woman. And it came true. So I want to take credit. Lol.
I wonder if I should start writing a wish list again. It kinda feels a bit childish to do it now though.
I pray that my brother will find a job soon. Sana dun sa kikita sya ng around 3 times ng previous salary nya. Sana talaga.
Sana ako rin. I pray na makahanap na ako ng way to earn money with less time and effort. Sana kumita ako ng around 3 times din ng previous salary ko. Sana talaga.
11:11 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
