Entries for September, 2020



Extracurricular
土曜日: September 5, 2020



Episode 7.

Shet, ang intense. Di ko kayang panoorin. Saan ba merong transcribed version? I need to make sure 1st that the male lead will be safe in the end. Juice colored. Nakakakaba. Putek.

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Work has started at 10 and my pc is still updating. T_T

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Wahh!!!! Jisoo! Wahh!!!!



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:18 AM.

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6-Sep-20
日曜日: September 6, 2020



Tita P died this morning.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:03 PM.

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Many Men
金曜日: September 16, 2020



Wednesday and I'm free again.

I remember reading somewhere that we should love in such a way that the person we love feels free.

There're just so many things running in my head now.

This week, I realized na marami pang lalaking good catch na single pa rin at hindi bading. 

Tinatamad lang naman talaga akong mag reply. Minsan kasi mas gusto ko nalang manood ng koreanovela.

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Just got a message for an officemate that another one from JP team has resigned. Hindi nya rin alam kung bakit.

Morning shift had been so hayahay lately. 2-3 calls, max na yung 7. Tas mga backlogs, minsan wala pang 10. Hindi ko maintindihan bakit hindi na kami binibigyan ng backlogs ni Divya.

I am in no way missing the times when I'm working on over 40 tickets per day. Nakakapraning lang kasi pag biglang ganito. Tas malalaman ko nalang na biglang nag resign si Kenta? Tokwa, bakit? 

Sighs.

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I don't know what's with this feeling. Yung... ano ba tawag dito? Yung feeling na parang walang saysay lahat,  ganun? Ewan ko. Kung tutuusin, ok naman ang lahat. My family is happy and complete. We sleep in warm bed. We have lovely dogs and a cat. And I have a job that pays me well...

Tapos?

Hindi ko masasabing love life ang kulang. Not at this time. I feel like it's all within my grasps, as if offering a hand for a handshake and I'm just standing there staring.

Ano ba tong hallow part na hindi kayang punan kahit ng love life? 

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When I signed in for work this morning, a call immediately came. When the man on the other line spoke, I understood the language but somehow got lost on how to respond. I fumbled for the Japanese words to use, yet nothing felt applicable until I realized, "takte, Korean."

Been watching a lot of kdrama. I never really stopped since we subscribed in Netflix. I'm seriously thinking of studying korean. Someone from the Korean team at work gave me a link where he self-studied Korean Language. Took him 1 year lang daw, and now nag ko Korean support na sya. Gusto ko rin matutong mag Korean.

Minsan feeling ko kaya I lack interest in meeting real-life decent men e dahil di sila katulad ng mga bida sa Kdrama. Bad trep. 

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May friend, LA, is crushing on this Japanese dude she met on an online TM meeting for a TM club in Japan. Infey, gwapo yung dude. There'll be having a meeting again this week, pero Saturday kasi at tatapat sa shift ko. I'd really want to join. Nakakatuwa kasi yung guy. I've checked his profile tas based on his picture e parang yung mga trip nya sa buhay e same ng mga trip ko sa buhay. Laman din kasi sya ng learning events. Tas Japanese pa sya. Wala lang. Interesting lang.

Yung crush ko sa TM from another club, ok rin naman e. Single din yun. And he's Chinese. Parehas din kami ng mga trip sa buhay. Alam mo, ang dami pa talagang ok na lalaki na single e...

Oh e tapos?

Sighs. Manonood nalang siguro ako ng Koreanovela.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:43 PM.

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Philhealth et al
土曜日: September 19, 2020



Sabi sa Kdrama na napanood ko, "it's expected for the limbs to malfunction when the head is rotten."

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Unbusy day at work. Wala pang 30 minutes since my shift started, natapos ko na yung 4 pirasong backlogs ko. I'm just watching out for incoming chats now. There's none yet. Absolutely not complaining.

Will need to file a few days leave soon. Once the workers finished our kitchen, Mom plans to have my room fixed next. Tiles installation lang. Might take a few days. There's no way to work in the next rooms dahil, (1) maingay yung machine na pang cut ng tiles, (2) di abot yung LAN cable ng router.

The workers couldn't give the exact time when they can start with my room. I don't know how will I be able to file a leave with this.

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Been looking at old pictures. Masaya naman yung memories, hindi ko alam kung bakit nakakalungkot. Iniisip ko kung dahil ba sa katatapos ko lang ng kdrama na nagustuhan ko.

The past two days, I just spent watching kdrama. I did leave home to buy groceries, with only 50 pesos in my wallet. Lol.

Sabi sa nabasa kong meme, these days daw, keeping yourself alive, is a big achievement na.

Iniisip ko kung may pagsisisihan ba ko balang araw dahil sa mga oras na sinasayang ko today.

I used to complain about not having time, sometimes, about not having money. I have both of these now, pero ano ba tong ginagawa ko sa buhay ko...

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I stopped studying Japanese since I left company#1 in 2013. That's 7 years ago.

I tried watching a Japanese series in Netfix, hindi ko maintidihan kung bakit parang nas gets ko pa yung Korean. Sabi ng Korean speaker na kakilala ko, mas mahirap daw talaga ang Japanese kesa sa Korean. 

Iniisip ko kung nag improve man lang ba ko. Siguro kahit naman paano, oo.

Nung bata pa ko, pangarap kong matuto ng foreign language. Parang ang astig kasi nung nagsasalita ka tas walang nakakaintindi sayo. Parang ang cool lang. 

I still think the same now. Well, except when I'm attending to a Japanese user tas hindi kami magkaintindihan. Alam ko, dapat nag aaral ako para maging better sa language na to lalo na at I need this skill para sa trabaho.

Pero, gusto ko ba talaga to?

When people ask me how to write a speech, I always tell them to begin at the ending. Because thats the only way for you to know how you'll work your way into getting there. Sa ending.

Sa tingin ko, it should be the same in everything else in life. Before starting anything, you need to know first kung ano ba yung end result na gusto mo.

Ano ba yung end result na gusto ko? Kailangan ko ba talagang maging better in Japanese to achieve that end result? Or sasayangin ko lang ba yung oras ko spending time on something I wouldn't need in the future?

Tingin ko, hangga't hindi ko alam ang sagot sa unang tanong, hindi ko rin masasagot yung mga kasunod. Tapos patuloy kong uubusin ang oras sa sa kapapanood ng koreanovela in the hope na maybe, I'll just wake up one day having all the answers.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:19 AM.

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Isshoukenmei
火曜日: September 22, 2020



I want to raise my Japanese proficiency level to at least N2. I want to be able to take and pass the exam next year, hopefully when this whole pandemic thing is over.

I also want to learn Korean on the side. Not familiar yet with the standard proficiency classification of this language, but I want to get certified. 

I know I should focus on just one thing at a time, but I found that it helps to study these 2 simultaneously. Pangtanggal umay pag sawa ka na sa isa.

I don't know what am i doing this for. Wala lang siguro, pampalipas oras lang. Kesa tumunganga ako. Sayang ang oras. I also found out that I still love learning.

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Sobrang init kanina.

Ngayon naman umuulan.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:20 PM.

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Musing
木曜日: September 24, 2020



Grade 1. 6-7 years old ako nun nung isa sa mga classmates kong lalaki ang lumapit sakin at sinabing, "<insert my name here>, crush din kita." The girl closest to me at that time, had a crush that guy, so I hurriedly cleared the misunderstanding. 

"Din? Hindi kita crush."

Ang mean pala nun. The guy and I were schoolmates until we finished highschool, but I don't think we were ever able to talk again after that. Feeling ko nga, dun nagmula ang bad karma ko sa lablayp.

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If I will be given a chance to go back to the past, I think I'd still make choices that will lead me here to where I am now. But surely, there are things I'd rather do differently.

I wish there's a way for us to know the regrets we'll have in the future. Para ngayon palang, ma correct na. I want to spare my future self of this restlessness I feel over wishing that I didn't do the things I did, or did the things I didn't. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:02 AM.

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Ayht
土曜日: September 26, 2020



12:30am

Will go back to work in a few hours.

My room's not fixed yet. All my stuff are still outside, but the tiles are all laid down. May ilalagay pang something sa pagitan ng tiles bukas. I don't know if I can work. TL asked me to at least work by the 2nd half of my shift. Hindi rin ako nakapag email ng leave request. Bahala na.

I chose a tile design with a stone-like pattern. Mukhang musuleo. Lol. Still like it though.

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Watching Are You Human Too now. Dahil wala akong pasensya, hinanap ko na yung transcript ng ending. Because, jeez, I can't afford to see that cutie pie of a robot to die no!

Yesterday, I watched Enola Holmes and Avatar: the last airbender. Ewan ko, ok naman yung kwento, pero namiss ko kagad mapanood yung mga gwapong koreano. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:46 AM.

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日曜日: September 28, 2020



A friend said that she feels like she's falling out of love na with her husband. I asked if there's someone else. She said none, and that she's not interested with anyone at all. She said she's just tired. 

It's one of my fears, you know. To wake up one day and realize you no longer want the person you chose.

I think she's tired because the husband doesn't know how to love her the way she needs to.

Know what, when I was young, I thought love was a feeling. As I grew older, I heard people saying that love is a decision. But as the conversation with my married friend progressed, I started thinking that maybe love is actually a skill.

Tingin mo?

I told the friend to tell the husband. I think he got to know. I mean, how else will you get better at loving when he's not aware that he's doing it wrongly in the first place? Pero alam ko, magiging mahirap ang ganung klaseng confrontation. Good luck sa friend ko.

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October is fast approaching. I hope I'd get to keep my current shift.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:02 AM.

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Mou Oboenai
木曜日: October 1, 2020



I tried to remember how it felt like. Pero wala, hindi ko talaga maalala.

I told the Heavens how I felt like maybe it's pointless to ask for the nth time when He had let me down so many times before.

I know that God owes me nothing, at hindi ko sya genie na obligadong ibigay lahat ng hiling ko.

I hate this helplessness.

Alas dos na. Wala akong pasok ng huwebes kaya hindi kailangan gumising ng maaga. I'd probably still wake up early though. By early, meaning 7am-is. My body has this habit of kicking me out of bed around this hour in the morning.

Sa totoo lang, I feel unwell. Most days, I don't really feel like waking up at all.

I am once again turning a year older in a few days.

Sometimes I feel like 35 is a too long years to live.

Cristina died before 30. She sort of predicted that.

Joven was 25. Jeff was 28. Joie... I forgot.

Siguro sadyang mahirap lang ang mga panahong ito.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 02:56 AM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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私の名前はZです。

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