Entries for October, 2020
I think, it's when life is too easy that we lose our will to keep going.
Alam mo ba, ang pakinabang ko lang sa bahay namin is my money. I'm pretty useless at everything else.
Wala akong pasok, but didn't bother to wash the dishes. Dad is too old and his legs are getting weaker, yet he cooks and man the sari sari store we own. Mom helps out with the construction of the house to minimize the expenses, filling tile gaps herself despite being a senior citizen. My brother is working, while tending to his family, and sometimes moving stuff in their room that is being renovated. When his work was over, he ate dinner late to wash the dishes first.
This girl spent the last 2 days watching kdrama the whole day when everyone else in the house was busy.
I did feed the cat and cleaned its poop. But that was pretty much it.
I love my family. I really do. I just hate doing household chores.
That's why I want to have a lot of money... to make up for being useless at everything else.
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Sabi sa isang talk that I attended, we can have everything daw. Hindi nga lang sabay-sabay. Looking back, feeling ko, isa isa ko rin naman nakuha yung mga bagay na gusto kong makuha. At least tig 1 year ang pagitan.
I've been looking at the things that I have now, trying to remember how I felt when I didn't have it yet. I tried to relive the longing and the hunger. That seemingly endless uncertainty of whether I'll end up getting it or not.
Gusto ko na one day, gawin ko ulet to.
There's this one thing that I really really want at the moment. Nilu-look forward ko na dumating ulet yung time na nasa akin na itong gusto kong makuha at inaalala ko nalang yung feeling nung wala pa to sakin.
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Sobrang cute ni Seo Kang Joon!
Alam mo, ang daming interesting na palabas sa Netflix yet I always stick with Kramas, mainly for the handsome men. Lol.
09:51 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
The workers were installing stair railings right in front of my room yesterday. The machines they used were so loud that I'm worried if my ears are still functioning fine.
My head has been exceptionally hurting these days. Naulanan din kasi ako nung Friday. I'm yet to bring my stuff back to my room, so I don't know where the thermometer is. I do feel a little feverish.
Just 1 more day and I'm wrapping up my workweek. I'm taking VLs on Tue and Weds. Tas rest days for the 2 days that follow.
4 days worth of vacay. Wala naman akong gagawin. Naiingayan lang kasi ako sa ginagawang renovation sa bahay, nakakahiya sa users na tumatawag, naririnig nila yung grinder at martilyo. Kailangan ko rin kasi maglipat ng gamit.
Nakakamiss mag travel. Namimiss ko na naman ang Japan. I want to go there, bring my parents with me. I wonder how much have changed since I went there 11 years ago. I want to go back. Gusto kong tuparin to.
12:16 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Just finished watching Don't Dare To Dream, which is also known as Jealousy Incarnate. An addition to my top favorites. Basta ata kasama si Kong Hyo-jin sa casts, maganda e. Grabe ngayon lang ako inabot ng past 4am sa panonood, and I could've went on watching kung di lang na deds yung cellphone ko. This is the first time that my phone totally ran out of battery since Mom bought it.
Ang ganda, grabe. Nung in pain yung male lead, I was squirming and ouching, feeling his pain. Grabe. Around 2nd-3rd eps, di ko na dapat itutuloy kasi ang pushover ng character ng bidang babae, di ako makaralate. Tas yung bidang guy, not the usual inhumanly beautiful male lead ng korean novela. I'm glad I kept watching. And as I went on watching, grabe ang laki ng kinapogi nung mail lead sa paningin ko. Wahhhhh! Mahal na mahal ko ang palabas na to it's hard to let them go. T_T
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Every time I catch myself remembering the past too much, I make an effort to be aware of the present moment. To do this, I need to touch the walls, or feel any object just so I would know that, hey, Z, you're here. This is where you are now. This is where your power is. Come back, come back...
Sighs.
Some ramdom memory from about 15 yrs back. There was this dude who was taking a picture of me. When he found out that I knew, he started asking casually to take pictures. We were kinda close, that dude and I. A friend concluded that maybe the dude liked me, but back then, I felt like that wasn't the case.
It was you, wasn't it? Ginawa mo na kasi yun before. Also, sa pagkakakilala ko sa iyo, maiinis ka pag may ibang lalaking gumawa sakin ng ganun. But that time, you were there, and you were fine with what was happening. It was you, di ba? It was you.
Anong ginawa mo sa pictures ko? Tinapon mo ba before your wedding? Or way before that?
Kung hindi ikaw ang nagpagawa nun, then it doesn't matter. Even if it was you, maybe it shouldn't matter, no?
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Jeez. I feel like I'm watching too much kdrama. Sa sobrang daming romcom na napanood ko, malapit na siguro akong maging love expert. Lel.
04:39 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I was having an argument with Mom over our bathroom's renovation. My niece got scared on how angry I was that she started crying. To console her, Mom said, "wag ka matakot kay Tita, ganyan lang talaga yan kasi matandang dalaga."
I've told them so many times, but I guess my family will never understand why they shouldn't be doing this to me.
This lockdown is dragging real long. When I was living at my place in Manda, there were so many days when felt really lonely. Pero ngayon, I'm convinced that I should get my own place na and live alone.
Nabasa ko sa isang tabulas post dati na humans are like porcupines daw. We feel cold so we try to stick together, but doing so hurts, so we need to stay apart again. Sobrang perfect nung metaphor on how I feel about people.
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The handsome Korean men of Kdramas are all I live for these days.
08:28 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Birthday ko ba? Yiiii, andaming pogi!!!
Choi Min ho yung pinaka bet ko. Grabe ang cutie pie nilang lahat I can't wipe the smile off my face. Yiiiii!
Watching Hwarang now. Hindi ko sure kung naiintindihan ko pa ba yung palabas. Masyado akong name mesmerize sa mga cute na batang to.
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Outside kdrama, life's pretty dull.
But there's food on the table, and my family is still complete, so I guess it's all good.
The month's going to end soon, then there will be November. The 1st Feastcon will be happening online. I will not bother to take a leave dahil paubos na rin kasi. Teka, may leave pa ba ko?
Life's is not really so good in the relationship department, but it's something I can put up with.
I plan to earn, save and invest as much as I can, so I can anytime buy a house when I feel like leaving this place.
I also think that a single woman should have her own place, you know. And if in case I will have to get married, I wouldn't have to live with my in-laws then.
Peace and freedom.
Sabi sa nabasa ko, ito daw ang dapat i-seek to become enlightened. I don't know much about enlightenment, but even back when I was young, I've always wanted peace. Then as I've gotten older, I also learned to yearn for freedom.
Peace and freedom. As long as I have these two, I think I will be fine.
I feel like this porcupine is really likely to choose to endure the cold, that get hurt as she tries to keep herself warm.
I just need to have more money. Untill then, I will be fine.
07:08 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I feel like they heavily relied on the handsome casts. Ang shallow ng plot. The chemistry between the main leads is barely existent, it's painful to watch. Ep11 na hindi parin ako kinikilig. Sobrang sayang, ganda pa man din ng concept. Tuloy ko pa ba? Huhu.
11:20pm. Usually nanonood ako around this hour, pero napipikon ako sa Hwarang. Kaya ko lang pinapanood to dahil andaming gwapo. Lol.
Pero nanghihinayang talaga ko. I wish someone will create a remake and do a better job.
11:26 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
