Entries for August, 2022
I just learned the name of this gay dude I had a little crush on. It made me happy that he knew my name, though that was probably because my seatmates and I were always noisily calling eachother.
From what I heard, his boyfriend was our former TL whom I hated (the one who brought us to the PDT queue). I also heard that the bf was a scammer. I don't know for sure. I just hope he's taking care of my little crushie, and he's not scamming him also. Otherwise, he should just give him to me. Haha!
Off tomorrow. I want to have a long sleep, but I need to bring my cat to vet. The following day, I have an early schedule for a diode session. I'll be on leave on Thursday, so at least I have one full day to rest. Rest, meaning, read BL the entire day. Lol.
I think I started liking gay men when I learned that a major crush was gay. That was in 2014. The guy was quite a looker, and a total catch. He's a foreigner who can speak perfect Tagalog. I've seen him a few times on tv. We've become a little closer, I sometimes go to his condo. His boyfriend then was a young doctor, who was also very good looking.
I wonder if there's something wrong with my head. My heart always goes badump badump whenever I see gay men. I find them so cute, I want to pat their head like a cat.
Cat, by the way, is "neko" in Japanese. Neko is also a term used interchangeably with the word, "uke", which is the term for the bottom position in a gay sex. Just a little trivia. Hahaha!
Also, with 801, 8 can be read as "ya", then 0 as "o" , and 1 as "i", will give you "yaoi". 8/01---> it's yaoi day today, but I still rather call it BL para mas disente. Lol.
01:47 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Today was quite painful. I brought my cat to the vet for a surgery, and it's the first time that the vet ever asked me to go to the operating room to discuss something over. I was already nervous because my cat was shrieking after the operation, and she was hurting herself, scratching her own face — behaviors I've never seen in my other cats who've undergone the same operation before. The vet explained what happened. My heart feels heavy. I know it could've been worse. Oh gawd. Sana maging okay lahat.
I've been worrying a lot these days. The account's contract expires every 2 years, so we do not know yet if we're gonna get renewed. It's because of this job that I can feed my cats and provide enjoyment and medical needs for them. This is also the reason why I have the money to treat my parents a whole lot more often that before. I'd be really in trouble if I lose this job, so we're crossing fingers.
Urgh. I want to be so rich, that losing job won't ever bother me anymore.
But still, thank you for this job, Universe.
01:04 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I asked TL to allow me to go on half day VL today to meet my friends. He agreed. Pero ayun, hindi rin natuloy.
My cat is very sick. He can't even walk. Since I'm wearing facemask, I allowed myself to cry while waiting for the vet, confident that no one will notice. When the vet came to asked what happened, my voice cracked, but at least, there were no tears.
Agh, I'm tired. I'm just glad I have the money to at least provide for my cats' medical needs. I wish they will never get sick again ever, as this is really emotionally painful and exhausting.
I still came here at work. An escalation welcomed me. Masamang magbintang, pero alam kong galing to kay Robert. I'm too fed-up to think about retaliating, or to at least even defend myself. Mukhang di naman sya pinaniniwalaan ni TL, pero kahit ganun, naiirita pa rin ako. Napapagod akong makipag-away. Nakakapagod mag explain.
Sana gumaling na yung pusa ko. Sana masurvive nya to. Sana ma extend and contract ng account namin. Oh God, I'll be in so much trouble if I lose this job. I'm tired. I'm scared. Universe, please.
I like that vet. I found his presence reassuring. I stopped feeling like crying when I found that he's today's vet. I think I also like him romantically, but maybe I'm just lonely. LOL.
Jeez, I'm still feeling down despite this imagined love life.
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I just got a text from my mom. My cat, Goldie, is gone..
The rain was bad. I feel like the Heavens was crying on my behalf.
02:57 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I've lost a cat last Saturday. Despite the ideal pet environment, he still died. I was busy taking care of my other cat who just had a surgery. By the time that I noticed that my other cat was sick, it was already too late. I thought he'd survive. He didn't. I don't know how you call this feeling. Is this guilt?
I was crying when I brought him to the clinic that day. But when I got a text message from Mom by the afternoon that my cat was already dead, there was a twisting pain in my chest. But I didn't cry. I couldn't. The twisting pain is still here, yet I'm still not crying. It's like an emotional constipation. The poop is there, and your stomach hurts, but it won't come out.
Today, I had a meeting with my TL, Account Manager, and SME regarding the my jump aux escalation. I asked them who escalated me, and they refused to answer. But it's pretty obvious because they held their meeting with Robert before mine. I've told my officemates about it, and they were very angry with Robert. When I was leaving as my shift ended earlier, nakakwentuhan pa namin yung ibang nasa night shift, and they too were opposing Robert.
I don't know why, but I dont feel angry at all. I defended myself during the meeting, but that was about it. I didn't feel angry. I didn't feel anything. Well, I did feel a little scared that my other officemates will believe him, and they will get to hate me. When my officemates displayed their support, I thought I'd feel happy, or at least relieved. I didn't feel any of these at all. I don't feel anything. Why?
I don't know. Is this grief?
Human emotions are so complicated.
I wonder when will I have my feelings back.
11:51 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
An officemate sent me a screenshot of an email he was planning to send to our account manager containing a "suggestion" to have Robert moved to the night shift. He had been kicked out from the JP team months ago due to an escalation from a Japanese user. He's only supporting English calls now.
The officemate who sent the screenshot was absent yesterday. He might've heard about what Robert did to me from our other teammates. He said our other teammates are planning to send a similar email as well against Robert. "Lintik lang ang walang ganti", Officemate said.
This may not be the case all the time in the future—and I also absolutely do not have any plans on retaliating—but I'm glad, they're with me on this now. I'm grateful.
Though I don't feel any anger towards Robert, I, too, think that it would be nice and a whole lot more peaceful if we can get rid of him for good. Sana. Sana talaga.
07:22 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Was sitting with a mother-child tandem in a bus on the way home last night. The kid was a toddler. The mother allowed the child to sit next to me, while she hung the other half of her butt on 2-seater bus chair. I let the kid play with the keychain attached on my bag (more like ignored her while doing so). She leaned her head freely on my arm. Sarap ng pagkakasandal nya sakin, parang gusto nya nang magpalit ng nanay. Lol. We didn't talk, nor look at eachother the whole time, and yet, when the mother decided to transfer seat, the kid was like "babye na ha", and waved at me.
I don't like kids in general, but I find this encounter quite cute.
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I asked TL to move my rest days this week dahil hindi ako nakapasok last Monday. Knee pain. I must've injured my knees somewhere. I refused to believe that this is rayuma. The joints of my hands are also hurting. Coincidence lang siguro. Again, hindi ito rayuma. I refuse to believe so. Must be pilay. Yeah, must be that, right?
Will be ending my 6-day straight work-week today. I plan to go to Healthy Options to buy something that will cure this annoying joint pain. Nearest branch is Trinoma. Nakakatamad magbyahe.
Friends were asking to meet all the time. Sa totoo lang, tamad na tamad akong umalis ng bahay. I want long sleep, good rest, and a lot of time to read and watch BL.
I just finished watching "Utsukushii Kare". A live-action Japanese BL series. Watched it on Cloud Workspace browser, technically Netflix Japan. Not available in PH version. Got nosebleed in trying to understand without English sub. Still found it so good, I decided to watch it again in Bilibili. Ah, I love this series so much!
Few days back, sa Magpakaylanman, ang kwento e about a woman who found out that her husband was cheating on her with another man. I asked a female officemate who was recently divorced kung mas masakit ba na nag cheat yung asawa mo with a man, kesa kung sa babae. She said, oo daw, dahil nakakainsulto.
I thought about it, at naisip ko na being the hopeless fujoshi that I am, if that happens to me, I might actually end up supporting them, and ask for their cute pictures together. Arg. Hindi healthy to no?
I should kick my butt off and meet new people. Gah, nakakatamad.
09:53 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Lab rat mode last Thur and Fri, I was not able to go to work. They extracted a lot of blood from my arm, it made my head spin.
Declined another gala invitation from friends. Partly because of my knees, mostly because I don't want to spend even a single day from my rest day commuting again. I wish we have a place in Metro—not that the commute there is any better.
Ah, I want to get so rich that I'll never have to force myself to wake up early to go to work anymore.
Isang araw pa at rest day na. Thank you Universe!
06:34 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I've been developing a really bad habit lately. In a span of 1 week, I've bought 7 pairs of footwear already. The shoes were all around 3k and above. The priciest of which was the one I bought today at around P6900+. 4 pairs were for my parents. The rest were mine. I paid for all 7 pairs, of course. It's kinda ridiculous seeing parents wearing P1800+ worth of tsinelas at home. Oh well, as long as they're happy...
But, jeez... I need more money.
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Powerful daw ang words...
Basta, bago matapos ang taon na to, I'm going to earn net passive income of 1 million pesos monthly.
And have a sweet, sexy and handsome boyfriend, maybe?
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Been slacking off at home all the time, it's totally lame. But I'm too lazy to go out. I have lab rat duties again next week, and there's also APE. I hate APE.
The battle with Robert is still ongoing. Escalating my every move has become his habit. It's happening almost daily. He does the same to other people from the team, it's really annoying. I've been thinking of reporting him to HR for indirect bullying and harassment, but I'm too lazy to submit a report.
My officemates are busy looking out for his wrongdoings though, I don't really have to do the reporting myself most of the time.
Well, I don't know. Fighting back and retaliating is too much work. It's not like he can really harm me, no? One of his false reports got reflected on my appraisal though...
Pero, ewan. Bahala na.
Gusto ko nalang yumaman, so I can just get out of here and not have to deal with him anymore.
07:53 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
