Entries for October, 2022
My birthday is fast approaching. Every single year, it had always been like this. Birthdays and Christmas always come bluer than most days of the year. It has become normal like this.
Currently reading Murderer Lewellyn's Enchanting Dinner Invitation. It's kinda dark. Must be the cause of the mood. I've been remembering a lot of people lately. It made me wonder that maybe the love we're being deprived of, is some sort of a punishment equivalent to the accumulation of the hurt we have caused. Okay, it doesn't relate to this manhwa, but the mood is kinda similar.
Haaaaah. Will I ever be forgiven?
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Had lab rat duties today. I feel so tired. The nurse had a hard time finding the right spot to insert the needle for blood extraction. It took 5 tries until they were able to get some blood out of me. What's worse was that they left bruises in all those 5 spots. I have bruises on both arms, and on my hand, all to get just a few amount of blood. And I need to go through this again after 3 months. I really hate this. Is there a way to make my veins thicker?
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It's 5am, and I just finished Murderer Lewellyn's Enchanting Dinner Invitation. Beautifully crafted story. Truly a work of art. I will never see onions the same way again.
Thanks to the author for being kind enough not to break readers' hearts at the ending. I probably won't be able to easily recover if either Lewellyn or Shavonne died.
Ok, now I guess I gotta sleep.
12:14 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Took a day off on Saturday for a dental visit. Considering that it's 12:16AM now, that's technically today. I'm also going to meet some relatives. Tito, who works in Middle East, just came back for a quick visit. Mom said they recommended Tito to treat us in Dampa. It's a seafood restaurant near our place that I've long been wanting to go to. That's actually the sole reason why I've decided to join. Sa totoo lang, I'm not thrilled to see Tito.
It's not like he's a bad uncle or anything. It's just that, he's like this typical aged relative who often choose to criticize their pamangkins whenever they can't find any topic to talk about. Well, he can't criticize my intellect, financial and career status, or anything similar, so he always go for my looks— my face, my make-up, my weight, my clothes, whatever, it's really annoying!
If we're not eating in Dampa, I really don't want to go. I'd rather have an extra day to read BL.
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I booked a place to stay for the Feastcon next month. I haven't even bought tickets yet. Lol. Yang and I will be getting premium tickets this year. I plan to treat my parents to a day tour in Okada the day before the event. The place I booked can fit 4 people, so we can all sleepover after the tour. If Mom will manage to find someone to take care of my cats, they can stay with me for 3 nights as I stay there for the event. The place is near MOA, so pwede silang mamasyal while I'm at the conference.
I do miss going out. Pero pag naiisip ko yung hellish commute, parang gusto ko nalang mag stay sa bahay.
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Reading Lost In The Clouds. Not fluffy as any usual BL. Meron syang Llewellyn vive, interesting yung plot. It's still ongoing though, so I'm preparing myself na mabitin.
Gusto ko rin gumawa ng story na may ingenious plot. I always try to start with the ending. Pero 1st step palang, literal na sumasakit na ang ulo ko. Parang nakakahinayang umeffort, only to use my work as a contest entry na 18k lang ang price for champion. Lel. Gusto kong gumawa ng manga, and actually earn. Kaya ko bang mag drawing?
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37 na ko. I remember writing an entry as a 24-year-old back in the day. Wow, 13 years!
Nakakatakot magplano ng buhay at this age. Ang dami kasing mga bagay na meron ako ngayon, tapos posibleng wala na pala in the near future. Siguro ganun din naman kahit nung mas bata pa ko. It's more likely to happen now though.
I was once a poor 24 year old who was looking forward to the future, and was full of enthusiasm. Ngayon, isa na kong 37 year old na laging pagod at tinatamad sa buhay, letting the days pass me by. I don't think this time of my life is bad. Siguro nasa point lang ako ng buhay na parang wala na akong mga bagay na gusto kong patunayan. Just taking things in as they come. It's really all good. But of course, I know it could be better.
Sa ngayon, saka ko na muna siguro iisipin yung iba. Gagawa muna ako ng mga isasali ko sa contest next year. As always, gusto kong manalo.
12:52 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Sleepy day at work. I should've slept early. I wonder if I'll finish all the good BL mangas in this lifetime.
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Tita left last night after a long vacation here in Luzon. When I came to our sala this morning, she was no longer there. I thought I'd feel a little sad whatsoever. I didn't. Tita is an unmarried woman. It must be sad not having anyone miss you, or at least a little sad when you're no longer around.
My niece and nephew are sweet, clingy kids. They seem to love me now, but I'm not sure if they will remain that way once they get older. Iniisip ko kung naiinggit ba ko sa mga kakilala at kaibigan kong bumuo na ng sarili nilang pamilya... pero hindi e. Hindi talaga. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko maintindihan kung saan nanggagaling ang dissatisfaction na ito.
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Ang mahal na ng pamasahe. Around bente yung itinaas. Yung dating 65 sa ordinary bus, 80 na ngayon. Yung 75 sa aircon, 92 na ngayon. Imagine kung minimun wager ka tas araw araw kang nagkocommute sa ganito? Ubos sa pamasahe yung sahod mo. Nakakaawa rin talaga.
Kahapon, nakasabay ko sa elevator pauwi yung workmate ko na binoto si baby em. Natanong ko lang naman yung sa carousel. Sabi nya kasi hanggang sa December daw libre pa ang sakay sa carousel, sabay banat nang, "wala e, galing kasi ng binoto ko e".
Nakakasuka.
Pero alam mo, sabi sa nabasa ko, lahat naman ng tao e merong bad side. Ang mahalaga e kung good sya sayo. Tingin ko, may point naman, kaya ok lang.
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Pag yumaman ako, magtatayo ako ng underground na mala-Avengers headquarters. Mang he-headhunt ako ng mga individuals na magaling sa pakikipaglaban. Itetrain ko sila para maging superheroes na lalaban sa kasamaan.
Sa dami ng mayayaman sa mundo, meron na kayang gumagawa neto?
Sana magkaron ng alien invasion, tas kikidnapin nila lahat ng masasama, then torture train them until they get reformed into a better human beings, bago sila ibalik sa earth.
Tokwa, bukod sa super heroes at alien invasion, may pag-asa pa ba tayo? Pinipilit ko naman, pero ang hirap palang hindi mainis sa nga taong patuloy paring naniniwalang tama ang sinoportahan nila.
But freedom means allowing people to have their opinion. And I love freedom. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
I need to read more BL.
09:55 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Days have been a little lonelier than usual. Nung high-school ako, nagkaron kami ng play. Isa lang ako sa mga 3 kings na dadalaw kay baby Jesus, pero kinailangan ko paring sumama sa overnight para mag practice.
Naalala ko nakaupo ako sa labas sa bakuran ng bahay ng kaklase ko. Bigla kong napansin na ang ganda ng stars. Ang naisip ko at that time, ang saya siguro kung may kasama akong tumitingin ng stars na lalaking romantically special sakin. I was probably around 16 at that time. I think I didn't change much. I still feel the same from time to time.
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Was chatting with a high-school classmate just a few minutes back. He's teasing me about an old crush. I remember another classmate was doing the same thing before. Bakit alam ng buong klase yung crush ko nung hs? Sa pagkakaalala ko e mahiyain ako nung bata.
I no longer feel the same way, so super keber lang. Still, I don't want to speak ill of the guy. Hindi nya naman kasalanan na naging crush ko sya. Hindi na ko nag explain. Hindi ko na rin dineny. Hinayaan ko nalang syang asarin ako. Well, matatanda na kami. Wala na rin point.
Tokwa, 3 years nalang at 40 na ko. Hanggang ngayon, gusto ko parin ng makakasamang tumingin ng stars.
11:14 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
My shift today was an hour earlier than usual, kaya maaga rin akong umuwi. One more day and I'll be wrapping up my work week.
Reading Brother Auto Spot. The MC is a tattoo artist. Made me want to get a tattoo. It also brought back my longing to become an artist. Or at least someone talented (?).
Gahh. 3 years na pala ko sa work. Sobrang ideal ng trabahong to. Pari yung commuting route ko, sobrang perfect. Pero... ewan. Gusto ko nang yumaman at maging malaya.
Been working real hard at work lately. Nalaman ko kasi na malaki pala ang increase pag napromote ka sa B1. 3 months ko lang naman kailangan mag sipag para maging number 1, tas magiging B1 na ko. Ang hirap lang kaso sobrang sipag ni Tua. Kahit anong sipag ko sa pagkuha ng chats, mas mataas parin ng numbers nya kesa sakin. Plus, midshift pa sya, so mas maraming pumapasok na calls sa oras ng shift nya. If I will try harder, tingin ko kaya ko naman. Kaso, nakakapagod talaga. Bukod don, challenge din sakin magmultitask. Iniisip ko nga kung kapansan ba to. May kasama ako sa work na kayang sabay sabay mag-assist on 5 chats, habang naka auto-in pa! Tokwa, lumagpas lang ng isa yung chat ko, umiikot na paningin ko. Kapansanan kaya ito?
Gah, nakakatamad. Worth it bang magpakapagod for 3 months para sa ganung kalaking increase? Hindi naman ganun kalaki. Sakto lang. Over 14k sa papel, pero minus tax, nasa 7k ata per month. Naincreasan din naman ako ng 3k+ this quarter, pero hindi talaga dama. Tuloy ko pa ba? Iniisip ko rin na sayang naman yung efforts ko for this month kung susuko na ko. Todo iwas rin akong mag unplanned leave dahil ayokong mabawasan score ko. Hayst. Worth it ba? Ewan.
Gusto kong maging bad-ass artist na may maangas na tattoo. Nanghihinayang lang ako sa skin ko. Bukod dun, siguradong magagalit yung nanay ko. I like the skin in my arms. Should I put it on the neck? Iniisip ko kung ok ba sa fingers. Bet ko rin sa part ng wrist na makikita ng audience twing hahawak ako ng microphone during a speech, or any speaking gigs.
Namimiss ko na mag speech! I feel so bad-ass whenever I'm on stage, or in front of the crowd. Namimiss ko yung feeling na yun. Kasi ngayon, I'm just this lame-ass woman in her late 30s, taking care of cats, and staying home all the time, reading BL. Gah, I'm so uncool.
Excited na ko sa FCON. Excited na rin akong dalhin sila Mama sa Okada. Hindi pa naapprove ng boss ko yung leave, pero nakabili na ko ng tickets ng FCON and ng tour. Nakapag book narin ako ng place to stay. I'll be in so much trouble kung hindi pala yun maa approve. Gah. Sana naman.
06:08 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
