Entries for June, 2023
Isang linggo magmula nung final interview. I was told I was going to be onboarded. Akala ko nga nasa J*I na ko before June, pero eto, June na pala. Siguro matagal talaga ang onboarding process. Hindi naman siguro nila babawiin yung pag congratulate nila sakin no?
Busy daw dun sa new account. Hindi ako excited. I mean, para lang naman akong lilipat ng kwarto. Same company. Same package. Sana mababait ang mga workmates ko Sana chill lang ang work load. Bahala na.
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I went and saw a different doctor a few days back. Mukhang di sya confident sa ginagawa nya, so I asked her, "mas maganda po ba na bumalik ako sa *insert hospital name here*," and she said yes. So I immediatly contacted the hospital, went there matapos kong dumaan saglit sa bahay.
Mas komportable sa hospital na to. They treat me well, like a VIP. Hindi rin need pumila. Malinis, at sapat ang lamig ng aircon. Nilinis nila ang sugat ko and used cheaper items para di na ko ma shock sa presyo. 7k, 1k of which, I needed to shell out. Oh sya, dito na nga lang talaga. My wound has gotten so much smaller now. siguro nasa 1.5cm nalang, but it's still open. Pinapabalik nila ako sa Doc sa Tuesday. I am thinking of skipping, kaso I developed some rashes sa wound area. Ayoko na lumala. Ayoko na operahan ulet. I guess I'm going.
Gah. Ang init. Hindi pala ako pwede magswimming. At nakakainis na hindi ko nagamit yung bath tub ng hotel nung nasa Japan ako.
Kelan kaya ako lilipat sa new account? Baka abutan ko pa yung next wfh schedule ko sa August. Sa new account, wala ng wfh setup. My thoughts fluctuates from neutral, to total indifference, to full-on worry. Tambak ba ng trabaho? Madali kaya mag leave? May power trip na boss kaya dun? Ewan ko. Bahala na. I guess malalaman ko nalang talaga pag nandun na ko.
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Gusto ko bumalik sa Japan. I spent so much more than my projected budget kahit halos hindi na ko kumain (mostly because I wanted to spend the little time I have sight-seeing instead of eating). Tataas pa ang pamasahe ng JR line by double by July daw, so sigurado mas marami na ang perang kakailanganin. Gusto ko ulet magstay sa Ikebukuro. Hindi ko masyado mapasyalan yung Sunshine city kahit nandun lang yung hotel. Gusto ko pa mag BL hunting. Sa totoo lang, life is so much bearable being a fujoshi.
Hayst. Gusto ko nalang mag stay sa bahay at magbasa ng BL manga. Ano kayang mangyayari sa buhay ko kung lagi akong ganito?
12:27 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I feel lazy. I want sleep. I took a half-day yesterday because of my wound. Instead of sleeping the rest of my extra time, I spent it as usual- holed up in my room, reading BL.
The neighbor was chatting with me last night, it took me by surprise. I remember, a friend told me off because of some married dude who kept chatting with me at nightime. She said, red flag daw. I brushed it off as the guy wasn't my type. This time might not be the case.
He was a childhood crush. Having been with him for a few of my trips already, I figured he's really a natural flirt. Also, he's very good-looking. Pero siguro okay lang. Baka nakiki friends lang naman talaga. I'm too lazy for landian these days anyway.
We're all starting to live with COVID. I think I want to start going out and meet good men again. During my rest days from work, I'm too lazy to even flex a finger, and I also need to spend a few hours of my rest day at the hospital, because my wound is still open, and I even got 3 new ones. Packing Sheet talaga.
Anyway, ang cute nung isang male nurse. He has cute curly hair, and looks young. May konting panghaharot sya, but maybe he's just being friendly. Nakakatamad mag mini flirt-back. Baka hindi ko rin kasi mapangatawanan.
Sa ngayon, gusto kong magtravel ulet. Nag back-read ako ng mga entries years ago, and I was surprised na gusto ko pala magkaron ng anak dati. Right now, I think that's already out of question. Una, sobrang baba ng tolerance ko sa pain. Pangalawa, parang hindi naman masaya. Pangatlo, hindi talaga praktikal. Iniisip ko kung meron bang lalaking gusto ng childless marriage with a woman like me. I mean, may point ba ang marriage kung hindi kayo mag-aanak? But with my current self, I'm pretty sure I don't want to have children.
I went out with my on-and-off kaharutan a few months back. He kept saying na bagay daw kami kahit wala akong na hit ni isa sa mga nabanggit nyang non-negotiables. When I told him I don't want to have kids, he made a super long pause. After no'n, sinabi nya lang na dapat daw, yung mga ganung ka importanteng bagay e pinag-uusapan ng maayos. We just left it at that. It's not like we're really going out anyway.
During my trips, I did meet a few cute guys. I was even approached to a few times. Tingin ko mabenta talaga ang mga pinay sa foreigners. Gusto ko ba ng foreigner? I find white men quite intimidating. Mas naku cute-an pa ko sa indian and other brown men. Pero syempre, the best parin kung Japanese. Siguro, it will be like dating your anime 2D crushes, if you manage to end up with one no?
Type na type ko yung gumawa ng latte art ko when I was in Japan. I didn't know he will be there, dahil ang alam ko e dun sya nagwo work sa latte art stand of the same shop, about a train station away. Nagulat lang ako na nandun sya when I was there. When I talked to him in Japanese, ini-English nya ko. Tas pag nag e-English naman ako, mukhang di nya ko naiintindihan. I got tired of trying. LOL. But not wanting to end things just like that, I sent him a message in IG. Hindi naman nag reply. Hahaha. I wonder if I should've sent my message in Japanese. Oh well.
Tinatamad ako sa buhay. Gusto kong bumalik sa Japan. Sana nga makabalik ako ulet sa Japan, and sana nga, this time I'll get to snatch a Japanese boyfriend na.
11:36 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
The last few days were filled with so much crying that my eyes are already hurting. May cat, Iya, is sick again. There was blood in her stool, so I gave her antibiotics. She hates meds with a passion. If fact papasok papasok palang ako sa kwarto nila, naglalaway na sya out of disgust sa medicine. It was heartbreaking seeing her using the last bit of her strength to struggle against being given meds. Awang awa ako sa pusa ko. Today, I paid a hefty amount for a vet home service. Malapit lang ang vet samin, pero natakot akong ma stress si Iya sa byahe, kaya nagpa home service na ko. I've lost 2 cats already. Ayoko na maulit. And Iya is one of my most special cats. I raised her and her sister, Nicai, on my own, because their mama cat was neglecting them, and she probably even killed her other kittens, that only Iya and Nicai were left. The thing about kittens is that it's not enough that you give them milk. They can't pee on their own, so you also need to make them pee. I got them since the 5th day after they were born. Most furparents don't make it, so it kinda felt like a miracle how they managed to grow into big cats now. I can't help but make them my favorites because I've shed blood, sweat, and tears for them.
Mejo naaway ko pa yung vet dahil ang tagal nilang dumating. Mejo na naguilty pa ko, because he was so reassuring as always. Earmites pala yung sakit ng pusa ko. At kaya lang daw may dugo sa stool e dahil connected daw sa nerve. The treatment also sounded easy. Seems so much easier than wrestling with her everyday to have her drink her meds. Yun nga lang, I still need to finish the antibiotics dahil dapat makompleto yung 7 days.
I know it's too early to feel relieved, pero kahit paano, nabawasan yung takot at pag aalala na nafi feel ko. Hindi pa rin kumakain si Iya, but as long as her life is not in danger, umaasa ako na makakaya namin to.
I took 6 days leaves. 2 lang yung with pay dahil ubos na paid leaves ko. Sobrang konti lang ang sasahurin ko, at sobrang daming gastos, pero kaya yan. Inaalala ko lang na baka nag message na bagong account na supposedly e lilipatan ko. Sa ngayon, bahala na. Let's conquer one problem at a time lang muna siguro.
03:30 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Andaming ganap sa araw na to. Or, andaming ganap nitong mga nakaraang buwan.
Nag pirmahan na daw sa paglipat sa kabilang account sila Charlie at Ian. Nauna pa yung result ng pag tanggap sakin sa J*I, pero nauna pa sila makalipat. Siguro dahil naka leave ako. Well, hindi ko talaga alam. Sa totoo lang, hindi kami nagpapansinan ni Charlie for months now. Childish despute. Keri lang. Parehas naman kaming hindi kawalan sa isa't isa. Awkward nga lang knowing na magkakasama kami sa bagong account. Yung mga taong ka close ko sa team, sila yung mga hindi natanggap. Well, hindi rin naman ako sure. May part sakin na nag aalala na baka nagbago na ang isip ng account na yun sa pagtanggap sakin.
Hindi ko nilu look forward ito. Pero ayoko ring mainis ang langit sakin sa pag reject ko sa sarili kong blessings. Sana maging maayos ang lahat. Sana makasundo ko ang mga bago kong kasama. Sana hindi ko na kailangang mainvolve kay Charlie—or even kay Ian, kahit in good terms naman kami. Parang gusto ko kasi ng bagong buhay.
Hayyyy. Nakakakaba.
11:08 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Two days and I'll be back to the office. Kung ako ang masusunod, gusto ko nalang mag stay sa bahay. Pero alam kong hindi commute ang dahilan why I dread going to work. I also felt this way even back when we were working from home. But don't get me wrong. I'm truly grateful for this job.
The last 8 days, I've been spending feeding, cleaning, and giving meds to my cat. She finished her antibiotics last Sunday, so now we just need to wrestle for the ear medicine. It's so much easier than the oral one, but not entirely easy.
This morning, I accompanied Mom to walk the puppies. It was more like we walked while carrying the dogs. They're still not used to going outside.
Nangamusta ako sa mga kasama ko na nakalipat na sa kabilang account. Nalaman ko na kaya pala hindi pa ako nakakalipat e dahil mag contract pa ko sa current account until end of June. So mukhang sa July pa ko. Nalaman ko rin na 2 lang kami sa SAP JP team. The other one is a girl na galing sa JP SD team. Sabi ng mga kasama ko, mabait daw. Kinakabahan nga daw yung girl na baka hindi daw kami magkasundo. Kasi daw mas madali daw kasi makipag friends friends sa lalaki kesa sa girls, dahil it takes time daw na maging close sa babae. I actually feel differently. And sa totoo lang, hindi ako comfortable sa mga babaeng "one of the boys" type. Siguro dahil hindi ako makarelate. I'm actually more comfortable with girls. Still, sana magkasundo kami at maging close. Afterall, dalawa lang kami sa SAP JP team. Sinabi ko sa kasama ko na sabihin sa girl na parehas lang kaming kinakabahan. Sana nga mabait sya. At sana maging super close friends kami. Sana maging friends ko rin yung ibang mga makakasama ko. I know life at work will be so much bearable if kasundo mo ang mga kasama mo.
Sa totoo lang, wala akong kagana ganang bumalik sa work. Well, wala rin sigurong gana sa buhay in general. Yung tamad mode ko is at its peak. Still, gusto ko paring maging great human being, and live an incredibly happy and fulfilling life.
Sana ipadala kami sa Japan for 6 months para sa training. Para makapasyal ako at maka attend sa BL-related events easily.
Sana mabait lahat ng kasama ko sa work at maging happy kami na magkakasama at maging close sa isa't isa.
Sana kumita ako ng one million pesos monthly, happily, easily, effortlessly.
Sana magkaron ako ng gwapo at sexy Japanese boyfriend na inlove at loyal sakin. Hahaha!
Hayst.
Makapagbasa na nga ng BL.
10:04 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Down with colds, so I took a leave at work. Since I've used up all my SLs and VLs, madadagdagan na naman ang salary deduction ko for the next 2 cut offs. Well, anong magagawa ko?
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Hindi pa ko nakakalipat sa new account. Baka 1st week ng July daw. Baka. Nung nicheck ko yung account ko with the current account, July 21 pa ata ang end ng contract. If the contract is the reason, baka matagal tagal pa bago ako makalipat.
I heard na dalawa lang daw kami sa SAP JP Manila team. Tas may 3 pa na Japan-based agents. Yung makakasama ko dito sa manila e JLPT N2 level. I'm only N3. Nabanggit din sa interview na N2 ang hanap nila. Well, they took me in knowing full well that I'm only N3. Still, ang hirap paring hindi kabahan.
Sabi ng kasama kong nakalipat na sa new account, the other girl I'm gonna be with sa team e ipapadala daw for business trip sa Japan for 2 weeks around August. So sabi ko, "teka, hindi ako kasama?" I mean, dalawa lang kami sa team, do I really have to be left behind?
Oh well, joke lang naman yun. If they will send me too, then that's good. If not, okay lang rin. Kasagsagan ng summer ang August sa Japan. When I travelled there the first time, it was around August too. Nangangagat ang init back then. And that was like 14 years ago. With global warming and shit, it's probably even more mainit. Well, keri kahit ano. Though between going and not going, I think mas gusto ko pumunta.
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Damn, I feel so sick. I can't visit my cats in their room coz I'm scared that I'd pass them the virus, lalo nga at kagagaling lang rin ni Iya from being sick. I miss my cats. I want to get well already.
05:52 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I'm gonna get back to work tomorrow though I'm still sick. I hate being sick. Siguro konti lang ang namamatay sa ubo't sipon, but I really hate this feeling.
Ano na kayang balita sa bagong account? Kelan kaya ako pipirma ng bagong contract with HR? Sana magaling na ko by the time makalipat ako sa bagong account.
I announced to my friends na posibleng Sat-Sun na off ko by July. They started planning on meeting. I'd love to see my friends, pero tamad na tamad akong umalis ng bahay.
I left our TM GC sa messenger. I was suprised that a friend mentioned about it a few days after I did it pa. I don't hate TM. I had fond memories with the people I met in there. Pero naalala ko yung pagod. At sa ngayon, parang ayoko ng extra stress. Gusto ko rin gumawa ng paraan para matupad ko na yung pangarap ko makawala from corporate slavery. Gusto kong mag focus dun. Ano bang gagawin ko?
I feel so fed up about so many things. Siguro dahil din sa masama ang pakiramdam ko. Natatawa lang ako sa ilang mga taong nag memessage sakin before. Haaaaaah. Sa tingin ko, finally, hindi na ko drawn towards unrequited love.
04:18 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
