Entries for October, 2019
Mel just booked a flight to Taiwan on February 2020 for the 2 of us. It's been 10 years since I had an international travel. Ang dami pang pwedeng mangyari, pero paid na yung flight. Guess I'm going to Taiwan. If the Heavens will allow, that is.
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3rd day na ng pagiging vegetarian ko. Bukod sa itlog, wala pa akong kinakaing hayop. I intend to make it low-carb vegetarian diet para ikapayat ko na rin. I feel like I can sustain this.
Will turn 34 on Sunday. Our family will celebrate on Saturday. Good luck sa paninindigan kong maging vegetarian habang nasa Sambo Kojin.
02:32 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I bought an electric lunch box yesterday. Pwede mag init ng food, mag steam at magluto ng itlog. Gusto ko na kasi maging healthy. At bilang vegetarian na ko, hindi naman kasi talaga ganun ka accessible ang mga pagkain, though I still eat animals without backbone (ie, shrimp, squid, crab).
So nagpunta ako sa palengke kagabi. Aliw ba aliw ako sa palengke. Isang tali ng kangkong, nabili ko ng 5 pesos. 2 tali ng okra, sampum piso. Bumili rin ako ng 1 pack ng sili. Sa halagang bente pesos, may 2 meals na ko.
Bumili rin ako ng isang tray ang itlog. 30 pcs for 195. Hindi ko akalaing pwede palang mabuhay nang ganito lang kamura. Bukas, babalik ako ulit sa palengke.
Gamit ang electric lunch box, maglaga ako ng okra, kangkong at itlog. In 15 minutes, may hapunan na ko.
Sa grocery, bumili ako native suka probinsya levels. Ang sarap, Bes. Nilagyan ko ng sili at toyo. Dun ko sinawsaw yung okra at kangkong. Winner talaga. Wala pa atang 50 pesos ang halaga ng hapunan ko ngayon, pero parang 5 star hotel ang lasa. Wala pang ka effort effort yan.
Ang downside lang e, eto, ang dami kong huhugasan. Sighs.
Wala lang.
So this is how 34 looks like. This is actually good.
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Tita Pet gave a flower paper weight and an hour glass.
Si Wendy, binigyan ako ng lipgloss from Japan.
Si Sir Jek, Happy Birthday chocolate pop from Goldilocks.
Si Crush, bukod sa pasalubong nyang marmol key chain from Romblon, binigyan rin ako ng ethnic sling pouch na kamukha nung lagi kong dalang bayong pouch.
Ang si sweet ng nga tao sa paligid ko, gusto ko sila i-hug isa-isa... kaso parang ang creepy ko naman pag ginawa ko yun. Lol.
Kung hindi ako praning, siguro sweet akong tao.
10:30 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different result."
Si Einstein ata ang may sabi neto.
Pero... malay mo.
May story sa bible na nangingisda yung mga apostles. Wala silang nahuli. Pauwi na dapat sila, pero sinabihan sila ni Jesus na try lang ulet, pero sa mas malalim na pumunta. Tipong try the same thing again but do it differently this time around. When they did, it worked for them. Ang dami nilang nahuli, muntik na masira ang lambat at hindi pa nagkasya sa iisang bangka.
Maybe it can work for me as well. Di ba? Lol.
I'm already 34. It's not like I haven't been hurt before. Hindi rin naman ako takot. Pero kung susuong ako sa laban, ayoko naman nung sobrang dehado ako. Yung alam mo yun? Ewan.
Basta. Bahala na. Siguro magpapatangay nalang ako ulit sa agos.
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Gutom na ko. Walang makain sa mall. The last time, magkaron ako ng meeting sa resto na walang salad. Lahat ng nasa menu e pork at chicken. Wala rin shrimp or squid. Ang ending, nag order ako ng cake at mango frappe.
Ngayon ko nalaman na hindi ko pala ikapapayat ang pagiging vegetarian.
Pero ang weird no? At mejo magical din. Hindi ako disiplonadong tao, pero for over a week, kahit anong gutom ko, hindi parin ako kumain ng kahit anong hayop na may back bone.
Wala lang. Ang galing lang.
08:48 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Mga kababawan lang naman. Sa totoo lang, hindi na kami masyadong nag kwe kwentuhan nung crush ko. Palakad lakad kasi yun sa office na parang supervisor at kung kani kanino nakikipag kwentuhan. Pero bilang parehas kami ng shift, sabay kami umuuwi. 15 minutes. Mga ganun katagal na usapan na puro kakulitan lang naman. Pero alam mo, gusto ko tong taong to.
Said the account is eyeing him to be one of the TLs. Pinag oot nga sya today to do "shadowing" or something para dun sa magiging bagong position nya. Pero wag ka, that dude ran out of the office after me, saying "wait for me!" Lol. Nakita pa sya ng isang SME pauwi, asking him "di ba sabi ko mag ot ka", but he somehow charmed his way out of it.
15 minutes.
Sabi nya, if he's to become a TL, he wants to handle APAC daw para pang-umaga. Ang gulo siguro pag sya na naging boss ko. I also asked him, "so hindi ka na aalis?" And he was like, "hindi na." Yehey! Pero magulo kasi yung taong yun. Siguro maniniwala lang ako pag mid 2020 na at nandito parin sya. Sana nandito pa rin ako nun.
Something bothers me though. Alam mo bang nalungkot ako nung nag resign si Perry? Tapos eto na naman. TL Jek talked to us about it na. Balak nya daw umalis. Di pa daw sure, pero may plan na. Hands down ako sa taong yun. Sobrang bait nya samin. At so far, hindi nya pa ko nilalagay sa pang gabi at sobrang lenient nya. Sweet din yun e. Malakas lang mang asar, pero sweet. So sobrang nakakalungkot. Di ba pwedeng wala nalang aalis?
Teka... pwede ba kong malungkot? Ni hindi ko nga alam kung hanggang kelan ako pag tyatyagaan ng account na ito...
09:45 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I don't think I'm sad. If there's anything, I guess this is my entrepreneur side refusing to invest her emotion on something with less than ideal return. I guess with age, I'm getting better at moving on.
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Mom came knocking on the door of my room. I told her I'm dressing up. She said, "ah basta, papasok ako", and helped me dressed and stuff. I think Mom is missing me too.
As I drag my luggage to the bus stop, the boy in the neighborhood who saw me arrived said, "hala, kararating nya lang, aalis na ulet?"
I don't know why I can't seem to satisfy this homesickness. Even my overly maldita niece is being extra sweet every time I go home for the weekend. I wonder if I should start commuting.
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Mr. F looks like Presi in picture. He can cook and he doesn't make me feel like an alien when we converse in English. I like how he's easy to talk to. Also, I realized, I think men with goatee are cute.
I wonder if I should stop telling people I'm vegetarian. Para di sila nag eexpect na payat ako. Lol.
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Ok, I'm a bit sad.
07:25 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Daily updates and whatnot. There's nothing on my part. Maybe nothing on his either. But I guess all these are anough to at least alleviate the boredom.
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Mom sent me a text earlier. "Nak, bili ka crayola malaki para kay baby. Yung may pink. Wala kasi syang pink. Nanghihiram lang sya. Kawawa naman."
I love how Mom can count on me better these days. Surely, I've been a breadwinner since I started working (well, both my brother and I, that is), but it's a whole lot different when you're not so poor anymore. Hindi na nakakainit nang ulo. I love saying, "sige, ako bahala," or "pili kayo kahit anong gusto nyo," and so on.
But I seriously need to regulate my expenses. Sis-in-law is pregnant. She had a cs with my niece, which means she will need to undergo cs again this time around. Brother said it might cost around 100k. It was 60k 4 years ago. Bukod pa dun, maselan din ang pagbubuntis nya that she needs to go to the hospital often. They could kill as much as 4k every visit.
Brother never really asked for my help. I know my brother. I know he's not doing that out of pride. He just doesn't want to burden me or Mom. Still, I want to have the money ready. When Brother gets stressed with his finances, he can get a little short-tempered. He's carrying all his family problems on his own. He seems to be at the breaking point sometimes. It pains me. I think he doesn't have to feel that way. Pag nakaipon na ko, siguro hindi na masyadong mai-stress ang kapatid ko.
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Takte, ang gastos gastos for nitong mga nakaraang araw.
01:29 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I ended it this morning. Naisip ko nga, the best siguro kung bigla nalang mawawala. Yung wala nang usap usap. Para hindi mo na kailangan mag explain. At para may option yung taong involved na mamili ng explanation mas madaling tanggapin para sa kanya.
Pero marami sa kakilala ko ang hindi sumasang-ayon sa ghosting.
Pero kahit ano namang means ang gamitin, in the end, kung sino ang nag sever ng ties, sya parin naman ang magmumukhang evil. Pero ano naman ang gagawin ko?
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So ito. Balik ulit tayo sa umpisa. Minsan, iniisip ko kung mas ok na ba na ganito nalang. Ok naman ako mag-isa. Tingin ko kasi ang pinakamahirap e yung bumitaw pag nahawakan mo na. Ganun ba talaga yun? Ganito ba talaga dapat yun? Parang laging pinipilit ang sarili? Sa totoo lang, hindi ko na maalala kung ano ba yung dapat na nararamdaman pag meron kang pinapahalagahan.
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Was coloring my niece's Zootopia coloring book. There was a drawing there where Judy was hugging Nick and I found it so cute, I took a picture of it and saved it on my phone.
Kung merong love, siguro ganito dapat yung feeling. Same feeling na nafi-feel ko pag tinitingnan ko yung picture ni Nick at Judy. Nag hanap pa ko ng ilan pang sweet photos ng dalawang animated characters na to sa internet. Sa pagkakaalala ko, hindi naman romantic ang Zootopia. Pero basta, ang cute nila.
Gusto ko ng ganito. Yung ganito.
09:00 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
So, November's coming, alright.
Boss said my shift will be 12nn-9pm na. I have 1 more week left for the current shift tas hello new shift. How do you call this kind of shift? Is this night shift? IDK.
Club contest on Nov 8th and 15th. With my shift, it would me impossible for me to join. But when I told the boss, sabi nya I can exchange shift daw with a colleague for those 2 Fridays. Ambait talaga nun. Wala akong masabi.
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Home now. Niece is in Cavite. Niece's birthday in Nov 2 and we're going to Cavite then. We plan to stay at a resort right in front of sis-in-law's lolo's house. That's where they're holding my niece's party. I'm excited na sa resort.
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Still annoyed with this dude. Just because he's making sacrifices doesn't mean I should too. Well, this girl can. I just won't. At least not when he's the one asking. Napipikon talaga ako sa taong to. Grrrrrawr.
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I want to join the contests and I want to win. Pwede ba mangyari yun without exerting effort? Gusto ko lang makipaglaro sa mga aso ko, magbasa, mag fb at tumunganga, ganern.
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I met with Mel and Andee a few days back. We had a good laugh and I've learned so much. Sabi ni Andee, "be open". And in our convo I also realized na mejo mali ata yung ginawa ko with F. Pero syempre, nagawa ko na. I guess I can just start over again.
Sabi ni Andee, single women should date. Hindi para kilalanin yung guy na dinedate mo, kundi para kilalanin ang sarili mo. This statement gave me a whole new perspective.
I'm trying to take note of the things that attract me in a guy. Sa tingin ko hindi naman ako particularly attracted sa gay men, siguro may qualities lang ako na nakita sa kanila na gusto ko.
Katulad kay PK... sa tingin ko ang gusto ko sa taong yun is his fearlessness to approach people. Pag may bagong hire, nilalapitan nya, kinakausap nya. Lalo na yung mga tahimik at walang kausap. I think that is leadership in a way. Courage and leadership. Sa tingin ko, eto e dalawa sa mga bagay na nagugustuhan ko sa lalaki.
Was at the club meeting earlier. We had this guest who caught my attention. Kasi naman, naka unbutton yung 1st 2 buttons ng shirt nya, baring his chest.
I have a girl-friend who keeps photos of shirtless men, kita abs. Well, I have photos of men too in my phone, pero lahat naka damit. Wala lang. Narealize ko lang na between a guy na nakadamit and a guy na half-naked, mas gusto ko yung nakadamit. Lol.
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Mel and I is planning to put up a business. It's been a while since my last attempt.
Gusto ko nang yumaman.
09:39 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Home now. Been commuting from home to work since Monday. I woke up 5:50 since I need to leave before 8 so that I can get to the office before 10. Kaso, putek, ansakit ng tiyan ko.
Tuesday today. Parents will leave later to watch a movie. Senior citizens are free to watch 1 movie every Tuesday here. I will be left alone in the house to nurse this stomach ache. At least I have my dog Gigi.
Earlier this year, Gigi got very sick. I thought she was going to die. I even baptized her so that she can be with her mother - my dog, Thangs - in heaven. Isa si Gigi sa hiniling ko kay Jesus nung Feast of Divine Mercy. Binigay Nya naman. Iniisip ko tuloy kung nasama ko ba sa dasal ko ang love life. Imposible namang nakalimutan ko yun din ba? Nasa Cebu ako non, nakalimutan ko ba?
Ang dami palang nangyari ng taong ito. Ang bait ng Langit. May bago akong work at sa totoo lang, feeling ko ang tagal ko na rito. It has been 3 months pero parang distant past na ang co #3 for me. The only link I got there is this dude who had been sending me messages.
Someone told me before- more like, announced - that this guy has a crush on me daw. Akala ko joke, well, baka joke lang naman talaga, but the guy started sending me messages. Wala lang naman. Hindi rin ako masyado nagrereply. Hindi sa suplada ako. It's just that, that guy is married. Sa tingin ko, hangga't mahal ko ang nanay ko, hindi pa rin siguro ako papatol sa may asawa. Mahirap magsalita ng tapos, kaya "siguro".
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Hindi ko matandaan kung paano nagsimula, basta bigla nalang na sila Charlie at Wendy e naghahanap ng lalaking irereto sakin. Ipapakita dapat sakin ni Charlie yung picture, pero sabi ko "kahit wag na picture, payslip nalang." When I got back after lunch, Charlie was like, "payslip gusto mo di ba, may nahanap na kaming lalaki para sayo." As I got back to my seat, I asked, "sino?" Then Wendy made me turn around and pointed me to Angelo. He's also a j-speaker. I've seen that guy's payslip. Alam kong pasado. Still, I didn't see this coming. Ang bait ng taong yun, I kinda feel bad na nadadamay sya sa mga kalokohang to.
Payslip nga kaya ang importante sakin? Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam.
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Ansakit parin ng tiyan ko. Ano ba to? Uso daw ang swine flu, e hindi naman ako kumakain ng baboy. Red tide?
Matutulog nalang ako.
07:33 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
DO I HAVE TO INVOLVE MYSELF WITH THINGS I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH?
I've been commuting to work from home in Bulacan since Monday. I get to have breakfast with Mom and I really love it. But tonight, I'll be meeting J to hear out club-related concern and what-not.
KAILANGAN KO BA TALAGANG PUMUNTA?!
The issue involves money and I can't help but feel disgusted. Why? Ayoko na.
I'm going home to Manda tonight when I'd rather have breakfast with Mom tomorrow morning. The choice is mine actually. Naiinis na ko.
02:44 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Super quick lang.
Nakasabay ko si Sir P on the way to MRT kanina. Yung crush kong TA. Small talk about the j-hiring progress. Chill na usap lang. Ok naman sya kausap. Comfy. Iniisip ko lang kung anong usual galawan ng mga instaG Gabriella sisters ko sa mga moment na ganito. I'm sure they won't go chill. I think I need to have some "how to landi your crush" tutorial with my lady friends.
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Bagong tasa si Crush. Infey, bagay. Mas malinis tignan at nagmukha syang tunay na lalaki. So I told him, "bagay. Para ka nang tunay na lalaki." And he acted all macho and initiated a handshake. Fail. Haha. Hanggang gupit lang talaga ang tunay-na-lalaki look ni Crush. Lol. Of course, I still don't mind.
Naalala ko lang na lahat ng naging crush ko sa company na to e nag iistart sa P. How's that?
And back to Crush, sabi nya excited na daw sya na magka jowa ako. What the eff. Lol.
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OTW to meet J. Heavens, please give me wisdom and clarity.
07:45 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
