Entries for September, 2019



Guessing game
月曜日: September 2, 2019



Thermometer read 37. Wala naman akong lagnat. I don't know where this about-to-faint feeling comes from. My head aches and I feel like vomiting. Pain travels through my eyes and left ear and also at the back of my neck. Still having chills and cold sweat. Ano ba ito?

Guess I'm taking a leave tomorrow. 

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Nadz sent me a message telling me she's resigning from her position sa club. Naunahan nya ko. I also told mentor about my plan. We talked over the phone and he asked me not to do it. He made a bargain with me na he'll bring the club back to it's old, fun self by January and that he'll help me out with my tasks. My head started spinning halfway our conversation so I had to cut it short. 

Ang daming nagaganap sa Earth. Tapos may sakit pa ko.

I just want to go home. Dapat pala dumerecho na ko sa Bulacan kanina. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:35 PM.

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Mukatsuku
火曜日: September 3, 2019



I took a leave in the hope to have myself checked kung ano ba ang sakit ko. I've been using the health card from prev co because it's supposed to be valid for the rest of the year dahil ikakaltas nila sa last pay ko yun. The clinic said mine was cut last July. Current co is using the same health card so I once again tried my luck. Nyemas, wala rin daw. Old and new co are both very near to where I am now. I can easily go there nalang if only I'm not wearing "this" outfit.

Nakakapikon.

Nakakapikon sa Earth. Naiirita pa ko sa napakamaraming bagay at nakakairita na ayaw humupa ng sakit ng ulo ko. Mom said bayaran ko nalang daw yung clinic. 1k plus ang test for dengue. 600 consultation. Afford ko naman. Ayoko lang. May health card kasi ako dapat! Grrrrawr.

Sakit ng ulo ko.

I can ride mrt home. Or bus. Or tryk. Whichever option, kailangan parin maglakad ng konti.

Gusto ko na mag teleport.

I want to stop being sick already.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:12 PM.

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Better
土曜日: September 7, 2019



Been sick for 2 weeks. So 2 weeks din akong bitchy. Di ba normal naman yun? Yung hayop nga na masama pakiramdam, pag nilapitan mo, papakitaan ka ng pangil e. Sa mga nasungitan ko, patawad.

Anyway, I'm super fine now. I started going back to the club-related tasks I'm supposed to do. Hindi ko na sinisinghalan ang mga nag me-message sakin. Hahaha. Promise, I'm so much kinder when I don't feel so sick.

It's 10:59pm. I just woke up from a nap a few hrs ago. Right now, natapos ko na lahat ng need ko gawin so far. Well, except for the sched. There's something that Mentor and I haven't agreed on yet. Totoo, I'm the VPE, so it's my call to decide on this matter. But Ivan has been helping me out since I got sick. Ayokong balewalain ang opinyon nya. Ngayong magaling na ko, ngayon ko nari realize na ang salbahe ko nitong mga nakaraang araw. Sya yung madalas mag message sakin kaya sa kanya ko nalalabas yung init ng ulo ko. To think na sya pa yung laging tumutulong sakin. I'm so sorry, Mentor huhu. I feel so blessed that I have someone like him in my life na nagawa akong pagpasenyahan kahit ang salbahe ko. Kung si Gabby siguro yun, baka nag away na naman kami.

From here on, I feel positive na magiging better na rin ang mga bagay bagay sa club.

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Work matters...

Well, everything seems to be going well. The salary's high, work load is low and the people are super amazing.

We have a newly hired j-speaker. She's very pretty, and the men here are all over her since she came. Well, I also like the girl. I think she's nice. Feeling ko magkakasundo kami. Hindi pa sila nagkakausap nung crush ko. Sana hindi masyadong obvious ang paglipad ng kilay ko sakaling mag-usap sila ng lagpas 5 minutes. Lol.

But so far so good. I'm loving everything here. Ang bait ng Diyos na dinala Nya ko dito. Sana magtagal ako dito. Sana hindi na rin umalis yung crush ko at yung mga taong malalapit sakin. Sana makasama ko sila ng matagal.

Sighs. Ewan ko. Ilang taon na nga ko? 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:22 PM.

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Kaya ba
月曜日: September 9, 2019



"P* is gay."

I overheard someone say this at the office. While I was stressing myself thinking, "shit, bading na naman," bigla kong narealized na, "hey! Crush lang naman. Hindi ko naman sya pakakasalan." Lol.

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Today, I learned that Pe**y's leaving na. By December daw, si P* naman. Marami pa daw ibang aalis. Kapapasok ko lang sa co na to, sila naman aalis na. Nakakalungkot. Pero naisip ko na hindi pa ko regular at marami pang pwedeng mangyari. So... I don't know. Bawal malungkot?

Hayst. Ang daming existential questions. I remember Tim Ferriss said we should ask better questions. Ano kayang magandang tanong...

"Universe, I want to build my own family with a wonderful, loving husband na gustong gusto ko at gustong gusto din ako. Anong pwede kong gawin to make this happen?"

Tim Ferriss, is this a good enough question?

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Kahit tamad na tamad ako I started responding to messages from various dating apps. Kasi anong point ng may dating app accts ka kung hindi mo naman ine entertain ang mga nakikilala mo don? A lot of my friends found their boyfriends--husbands even--sa mga dating apps. So siguro, wala namang mawawala. 

Hindi ba pwedeng yung crush ko nalang?

Lol. Kung sakali bang hindi sya bading, magkakagusto kaya sakin yun? He's 6 years younger. Idk.

Let's ask better questions.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:55 PM.

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Crush
火曜日: September 10, 2019



September 10 today. In 2 days, 2 months na ko sa company na to. Sabi sa nabasa ko, pag inabot daw ng 6 months at hindi kayo naging friends ng bago mong kakilala, hindi na kayo magiging friends ever. Parang totoo. Sa totoo lang, hindi ako friendly. Hindi ko rin alam kung anong nangyari.

He was introduced to me as "Paul". Pero ang tawag sa kanya ng mga tao ay "PK". He was very friendly, malakas mang asar at umiingay ang office twing dumadating sya.

I was having my training right next to his seat. Pero madalas wala sya dun. Para kasi syang supervisor. Palakad lakad lagi. Madalas mo sya makikita sa kumpol ng mga tao at nakikipagkwentuhan. 

It changed one day though. Nag iistay na sya sa seat nya. He would sometimes help my trainor in training me. Magaling sya magturo. Seryoso sya pag nagtuturo sya. At nagagawa nyang magmukhang simple ang mga bagay na komplikado. Naniniwala ako na ganun ang tunay na genius... those who can simplify things that are otherwise complicated.

Then time went by. Yung training, nasisingitan na ng kwentuhan. Hanggang sa hindi ko na alam kung yung kwentuhan ba ang sagabal sa training or yung training ba ang sagabal sa kwentuhan. Lol.

He often walks around the office para mang asar. Madalas dala yung yung stuffed pillow na lamb ata yun. Ang cute cute nya para syang puppy. Madalas syang tumambay near my seat para mag kwento. Naaliw ako sa mga kwento nya. Ang dami nya kasing sob stories. Para syang wounded puppy. We all love wounded puppy, don't we?

--------

Ok, wait. Tbc. Dumating na yung ka meet ko. Lol.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:04 AM.

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Existence and stuff
火曜日: September 10, 2019



I'm taking a leave tomorrow to get my backpay from my old co. Leave without pay. Feeling ko mas malaki pa ang mawawala sakin sa isang araw na absent ako dun sa makukuha ko sa backpay ko.

Mom asked na sa kanya nalang daw and I obliged. One month din kasi akong walang sahod and it took a toll to our household's budget. They're going to Metro to get it. I know they're just finding an excuse na makagala. Syempre treat ko ang food. Ok lang naman. All these, I do for them. Pero sana soon, makahanap na rin ako ng way para makaipon.

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I remember the Wounded Puppy. I always remember that person from time to time. The last time, he told me about his frustrations and how his family has to do with it. He also told me about his plans. I love listening to men's plans. It fascinates me. I remember I was also like this with J. 

He was looking at someone from the far end opposite to where we were seated. "Tumataba na si <insert the guy's name here>. Parehas kayo." Iniisip ko tuloy kung type nya ba yung guy. Tinatanaw nya kasi mula malayo. When the guy actually came near him and asked him something, feeling ko nag-iba yung tone ng voice nya. Earlier that incident, he mentioned the word "bisexual" when what he intended to say was "bilingual".

Bisexual. Narinig ko na to. Y used this same word before. Hindi naman sa judgemental ako, pero based on experience, bi's are most likely homo. Pero syempre I could be wrong. And really, why should it matter?

Would you like a puppy to change? I tried to ask myself if I'll mind in case it's true that he's gay, and the answer is "no". So let's give it a rest and let him be.

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I met LA earlier. Super quick chat over coffee. That girl's shift ends at 12mn. Sinakripisyo nya ang tulog for a quick 30 minutes chika with me.

Ang bait ng Diyos. Binigyan Nya ko ng mga ganitong klaseng kaibigan.

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I'm feeling so tired lately. Feeling ko ang daming demands ng mga tao sa paligid ko, I'm starting to feel rebellious.

Gusto ko ng isang araw na sarili ko lang ang iniintindi ko. Yung may may full peace and quiet. Isang araw lang naman. Pwede ba yun?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:02 PM.

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Uso bakkari
木曜日: September 12, 2019



As humans, we often lie when we're scared.

I've been lying a lot lately that sometimes I don't know what's the truth anymore.

Itigil na natin to, Z.

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I bought bracelets made of healing stones, one of which is called BOTSWANA. Said this stone is beneficial for overcoming depression and strengthens you at times of grief. Oh, wow.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:01 PM.

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Modoritakunai
木曜日: September 13, 2019



1:15 and I still can't sleep.

Yung guy na feeling ko type nya has taken the seat next to him bilang nag resign na si P****. Ewan ko.

When he got to the office, he went to my seat to initiate a convo. I made myself busy with the things I'm busy with outside the office. He took the cue.

Mega kwento sila nung guy na feeling ko crush nya kanina. He's sarcastic most of the time, pero to that guy, mabait sya.

From time to time, pumupunta sya sa seat ko in another attempt to start a convo. Ang hirap. Ang hirap hirap makipag-usap. Hindi ko rin gets. Parang ayoko ng palalain pa to. Pag nakausap ko ulet sya baka mas magustuhan ko pa sya e.

Lagi lagi sa kanya ako nagtatanong pag meron akong hindi alam gawin sa office. May Japanese call na pumasok sa kanya kanina, so Kurt told him na ipasa sakin. The whole time, he was behind me, pero mas pinakikinggan ko si Charlie. When he left to go back to his seat at hindi alam ni Charlie yung sagot sa tanong ko, normally sa kanya ako magtatanong, but I went to ask PM instead. Ang hirap makipag-usap. Ang hirap ngumiti sa kanya. Dati dati never akong umalis ng office na hindi nagbababye sa kanya, pero kanina I skipped mentioning his name and went out and said bye to everyone in general. Heck, I couldn't even say his name.

Siguro iso-sort out ko lang muna tong nararamdaman ko. Gusto ko parin naman syang makasama. Sana kahit paano magawa ko yung friends lang na setup. Sana maayos ko to. Kasi, putek, ilang beses na bang nangyari yung ganito? Ayoko na bumalik sa ganito.

Nalulungkot ako.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:41 AM.

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Blessings and curse
金曜日: September 13, 2019



Mom just told me last night that 2 nights back, someone threw a rock the size of a soup bowl to the bus that my brother was riding in. Tinamaan sya sa leeg. Sabi nya ok naman daw si Kuya pero hinihintay pa ang result ng ultrasound. Ang dami talagang gag* sa Pilipinas. Nakakainis. If the rock landed in the wrong place, I could've lost a brother, and my niece a Dad. Nakakapikon. 

Still, I'm just happy that he's not dead.

On a happy note, I just found out that sis-in-law is pregnant. We're having a new baby! It breaks my heart though when Mom told be that my niece was crying when they were joking about it. Sana naman matanggap to ng pamangkin ko. I love that munchkin so much.

Then it goes that my cousins started asking, "si <insert my name here>, kelan?" I wish I know the answer.

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Lumindol kanina. Hindi ko manlang nadama. Pero pinalabas kaming lahat ng building and we stayed outside for about 3 hrs. Feeling ko kung co#3 to, nasa work station parin kami convincing ourselves na walang nangyari.

I was with the rest of the j-speakers nang mapansin ko na malapit samin si Sir P-- the guy from TA na kausap ko lagi nung hinahire palang ako. Yung unang crush ko sa co na to. I was trying not to look his way, pero maya maya, lumapit sya samin at nangamusta. Kwento dito, kwento dun. Nalaman ko na sya pala ang dahilan kung bakit ang laki ng sahod ko. At nalaman ko rin na pare pareho lang ang sahod namin ng mga newly hired j-speakers. Sabi nya, "nilalagay ko talaga yung pinakamataas, sayang kasi e." Grabe, ang bait nya. Gusto ko na talaga sya i-hug kanina. Ang swerte ko dahil sya ang na assign na TA samin.

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May mga bagay na nagbago sa damdamin ko today. Hindi ko rin alam. Siguro next week, malalaman ko.

His shift will be 10am-7pm. Only 1 hr earlier than mine. Sat-Sun na rin ang rest days nya. And this sched is of his own choosing.

Only 2 weeks left of September though. I wonder what my shift will be by October. Magpapang-abot kaya kami? Bahala na.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:23 PM.

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Plea
日曜日: September 15, 2019



It always hurts me seeing a vehicle full of pigs who are about to be slaughtered. Their skin have cut marks all over them and they're not even dead yet. Why do owners do that? Sometimes I thought maybe I can buy at least 1 pig and save his/her life...

... only to go home and eat sinigang na baboy that my dad cooked.

This feels so wrong. Can someone teach me how to be a vegetarian?

I hate vegetables. T_T



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Written by cinderellaareus at 02:49 PM.

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Bagay Things
火曜日: September 17, 2019



Iniisip ko kung manonood ako ng sine or mag me-memorize ng speech. Putek, kailangan ko na magtipid. Promise, gusto ko lang suportahan ang pelikulang Pilipino kahit hindi ko naman talaga nagustuhan yung pinanood ko kagabi.

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"Weakness mo talaga ang mga bading no?" BFF said a few days back.

Tingin ko hindi naman talaga ganun yun.

Mejo declining na yung liking though. For all I know, baka friendship lang rin to. 

"Ang sarap ng feeling na mauuna akong umuwi sayo." He said this earlier, pero wag ka, 8 na sya umuwi at sumabay sakin.

"Saan ang way mo?"

"Sa puso mo."

"Ha?"

"Sa puso ng Pilipino."

Kung di ko alam na bading to, iisipin kong nakikipaglandian sakin to. Pero kilala ko sya e. Alam kong normal nya yan.

Still, crush or not, I won't mind having this person around. If only he can just stay.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:20 PM.

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Renewals
水曜日: September 18, 2019



I don't know, but club renewal season kinda feel likes like end-of-semister season. Yung tipong hindi mo alam kung sino-sino pa ba ang matitira sa mga classmmates mo. This club was once home to me. Surely, naiirita at naiistress na rin ako madalas, but I think this is still home. Man, my heart is hurting.

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J-speakers are planning for an outing. I have 4 workshops to set up on October, 4 contests by November and a committee to form. Paano ko sasama?

Pwede naman siguro, maiistress nga lang ako. Pero nasabi ko na rin na muri. Sabi ko dati, I'll put my relationships first before anything else. Ano to, Z?

Then I realized, I'm not really doing this for the club, this is for my own well-being.

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I feel sad. Must be PMS.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:50 PM.

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Infra
金曜日: September 20, 2019



Just a few days back, I wondered why I haven't been having dreams. But just last night, I had one. And it got me wake up feeling so bad I feel like I will never be happy again.

Part of me feels certain that that dream is actually true. Damn, I'm nobody's mouse.

"Bakit ang tahimik mo ngayon?" Coworker asked me for the nth time today. How am I supposed to answer that?

Isn't it odd? The things that hurt us the most, we find so hard to talk about.

My heart hurts.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:14 PM.

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Family x Life
木曜日: September 21, 2019



Was on my home when I got a message from Brother that they are in the hospital. Sis-in-law was in ER because her BP was shooting up endangering her pregnancy. Today, they killed 4000 pesos because of that.

It must be tough getting pregnant in your 30s. She's 2 years younger than I am. Paano pa kaya ko? My BP has always been low though.

Mom managed to convince my neice to leave her parents at the hospital and go back home. I was tasked to be her yaya for a few hours. We were in their room and while watching Power Ranger, she said out of the blue, "babay, Mommy." She wasn't crying, but there were droplets of tears stucked at the corner of her eye.

Z: Bakit ka nagbababay kay Mommy?

K: Kasi may sakit sya e.

I explained to my niece that her mom's gonna come back. They're just waiting for the doctor who is probably having lunch and that her mom's gonna be ok.

I squeezed my niece in a tight hug. I feel like my heart is not made to handle children. It hurts me so when my niece is being like this, and I'm not even her mother.

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Got home past 3AM last night. We had an afters, and I feel like it's been a while since I laughed so hard, I was having stitches. I really love these people. There are just few things I'm worried about regarding the executive committee. We're already halfway the term. I wish we will be able to work this out by the following months. After this term, I'm gonna be free na. With more time in my hands, I want to explore my options and have a concrete plan on what to do with my life. I hope I still have my work by that time.

Speaking of work, I just hit the 2-month mark last September 12. An officemate often tease me because I keep calling myself "shinjin"(new person) to which he passionately disagree. Now he always greet me, "hello, Shinjin-san" para mang-asar. In fairness to him, I do feel like I've been here for a long enough time already though. Well, save for my shinjin-level skills, that is.

Well-paid, well-treated, very low workload. Ano pa bang hahanapin ko? Ang sabaw nga lang ng mga calls ko lately, iniisip ko kung hanggang kailan kaya nila ako mapagtyatyagaan dito. While here, I think I really should save money.

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Queen B's birthday celebration next Sat. The Instagirls are coming. They are girl-friends I miss to bits. The theme is Britney Spears. I wonder is my permed hair is Britney Spears enough.

I also just registered for KCON classes by November. I still don't have leave credits by then. Sayang ang sahod. Bukod don, hindi ko rin alam kung papayagan ba ko.... or kung meron pa ba kong trabaho sa mga panahong yon. Muli, bahala na.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:33 PM.

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Family x crush
木曜日: September 26, 2019



Been feeling kinda low for days despite having some people close to me around. I thought maybe I was feeling homesicked, so I packed my bad and went home last night.

Dad picked me up from the bus stop. Mom was already asleep. I only had a few exchanges with Brother when he got downstairs for a while to get something.

This morning, I woke up and saw my niece in their room. I gave her a kiss and rubbed her cute tummy. Dad was still asleep when I visited them on the next room. The dog wouldn't even turn her head when I called her name. That was about it. But I guess this is already enough. Now I feel all ready to take on the day with a happy heart. Thank God for family.

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Kung bading si Crush, at may idea ka kung paano sya pakiligin bilang parehas kayong pusong babae... mahuhulog kaya sya sa arms mo sa ganitong strategy?

LOL. Humanap na tayo ng maayos na crush, Z.

But then again, crush lang naman. Hindi ko naman pakakasalan. Why sweat it? LOL.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:32 AM.

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Crush Talk
金曜日: September 27, 2019



P: nakita mo ba yung post ko? Ba't di mo nila like posts ko?

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He will be going to his province in Romblon for a week-long vacay starting Saturday.

Z: mamimiss kita

P: grabe, 1 week lang naman yun

Z: pasalubong

* joke kasi yun (na half-meant). Di pa tapos yung punch line, kinikilig ka na. Hmp!

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P: your endearment makes me kilig

Z: san naman nanggaling yan?

P: wala nabasa ko lang

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P: ambango mo ngayon

Z: *dodges the topic*

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He sent me an email template that I can use to send to the users we support for an easier transaction. The email contains screenshots with circles and arrows done free hand, probably through MS Paint, tas mukhang drawing bata, so I often tease him about it.

Z: grabe, professional na professional.

*after seeing me forward exact same email to different users*

P: grabe, makalait ka sa sinend ko sayo, tas ngayon gamit na gamit.

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Pag umooverboard sya sa pang-aasar, sina side hug nya yung taong inaasar nya to compensate. He does that to everyone.

But I'm pretty sure, there was never a single day since he went back to day shift na hindi nya ko ni-hug. 

Syempre, hindi naman ako nag rereklamo.

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Pag ito nahulog sa arms ko, ay takte, di ko pakakawalan to. Wapakels na kahit ano pa sya. Gay or whatnot.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:34 AM.

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Family x friends
土曜日: September 28, 2019



Home. 12:47am so it's officially Saturday.

Puteeeek, andami kong gagawin! But before that, I need to sleep.

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I just read IG. May name at gender na pala ang baby ni BFF at malaki na rin ang baby bump nya. I forgot when was the last time I checked on her. That time hindi nya pa alam ang gender. I hope she's doing ok.

I feel like I've been busy missing my family that I forgot I also have friends.

Neri is also pregnant. What happened to that girl? I feel sad and sorry for not checking how my closest friends are.

Will be going to Bea's birthday party tomorrow (technically, mamaya). Sa totoo lang, I'm itching to make excuses and not go. I want to stay home. Spend time with my parents, my niece, our dogs, and everyone in our family. I don't know why I can't seem to satisfy this homesickness. 

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He's probably on board the ship now. I pray that the Heavens will protect that clueless gay dude from all harm.

And send him safely back here.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:59 AM.

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Close but not quite
日曜日: September 29, 2019



This explains a lot.

******

Dreaming Boy

By Sarah Kay

In most of the dreams I remember from childhood, I am a boy. Rescuing a maiden from a tower, or not rescuing anyone in particular, but definitely a boy.

For years, when the only language I had were the scraps tossed from the popular kids table, “lesbian” seemed as likely an explanation as anything. What does it mean to dream myself a gender? What does it mean to hold that secret beneath my tongue?

The first time I kissed a boy, he was so tall, his lips so soft I dreamt of the ocean for weeks, never in control of my limbs. Next to him, I seemed a convincing enough girl. At least when I was awake. At night, I was Batman. At night, a fireman. At night, a boy, with muscles in boy places, and a firm hand, and a direction to run.

The first time I kissed a girl, I did not like the way our faces melted into each other. Where was the stubble? The hard jaw, the cinnamon, I could not breathe through all her lilac. I dreamt about being lost in a forest of a terrible tidal wave. If I was not a lesbian, what possible explanation did I have? What words could I tie around this treacherous heart, this impossible hunger, this miserable mind.

The first time I saw you, someone said, “oh, he’s definitely gay”. And maybe that was the confusion I recognised.

The first time we kissed, you told me to take it slow. I placed my hand against your ribcage and you moved it away. I felt like a fourteen year old trying to get a bra strap off.

You spent the night anyway, and we lay next to each other breathing, my hands inches away from your boxer shorts twitching under the covers.

The next morning, you made the bed and folded all of my clothes while I was at class. You learnt to play the harp and sang me songs while you played.

For my birthday, you baked me a triple layer cake, woke up early to ice it. I watched your shirtless torso push icing through a tube - I have never loved a body the way I loved yours In that moment.

You picked flowers on your way to class, leave bouquets in every room. When you danced, the walls leaned closer to get closer to you.

When I finally asked you if you might want to date boys, I held my breath while you thought about it for a long, quiet moment.

“I haven’t met one I’d like to date yet,” you said. “And right now, I’m pretty in love with you, if that’s okay.”

And just like that, I did not crave language I always thought I needed. And just like that, a hand reached backwards into a faraway dream and said, “come on then, we’ve got a maiden to save.”

I guess what I am saying is you make me feel like a boy, like the boy I have always been.

At night, I climb trees and wear cargo shorts. I steal buildings and I build fires. When I wake I am curled around your back, the happiest big spoon in my drawer. You are naked and heavy breathing, the man I love. I hold your body like the gift it is, and safely sink back into dreams.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:05 AM.

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Lavish
日曜日: September 29, 2019



Over breakfast, Brother shared about his bro-in-law who just bought an expensive drone he doesn't even need. This same dude buys expensive gadgets and changes into new ones even when the fairly newly brought item is still fully functioning. Their house is creaking old and badly needs a renovation. Having been raised by a money-wise mother, this baffles me and my brother. 

I can't call Mom stingy. We never lack food growing up. And when we eat out, we were given the liberty to choose what and how much food we want, eventhough we were poor. She spends wisely though. And she's strict about not wasting water, electricity and everything else that will incur damage to the house hold budget. She also highly discouraged taking loans and spending more than we can afford. She taught us to live simply. I think it's all thanks to Mom that I'm fairly doing fine with the money that I currently possess. 

I own 2 credit cards I never maxed out and always paid in full every salary cut off. With this, enjoy 1% cashback in all my spending (protip: if you're using bdo, try amex cashback!)

I rent a room I pay for only 3k a month when I can afford a condo.

My sneakers, I bought for 100 on-sale in SM kahit afford ko nag Converse or even Lacoste.

I do spend lavishly on food though. Just like Mom.

Brother is scared on getting a credit card. I told him Mom trained us well so I'm confident he would not fall into cc debt and will end up enjoying the benefits of having one instead. I wonder how Mom felt hearing us having that kind of convo about her.

If God will give me children of own in the future, I wish that they will also see me as how I see Mom- a wonderful, capable woman who raised her children to be the same.

-------

W: how about we talk over coffee or a chat?

Z: why not?

Guess, I'm back on the dating scene?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:59 PM.

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Declaration
日曜日: September 29, 2019



Sunday. I just got back home. I've decided to commute to work at least for this week. 

1. To make up for the expenses this weekend

2. To have better food option

Susubukan ko na maging vegetarian. Well, I think maraming uri ng diet ang kumakain ng mostly veggies. I won't go really strict. I want to start without pork, beef and chicken, ganern. I plan to eat eggs and other animals na walang backbone (because I've read somewhere na animals without backbone don't feel pain). Ang main point ng lahat ng ito e anti-cruelty anik. IDK. Gusto ko lang subukan.

Also, gusto ko na rin talagang pumayat. Low-carbs, high-fat, moderate-protein diet is the most effective to me though. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko magagawa yun with a vegetarian diet.

By next week, mag-eenrol ako sa Curves. Syempre aalamin ko muna if meron silang branch na open 24/7.

-gusto ko rin mag-aral ng violin

-gusto ko ulet sumali sa speech contests

-gusto kong maging World Champion by 2020

-mag president kaya ko next term? *scratch that, too stressful*

-mag-aral kaya ako ng violin? (Said this twice)

-gusto ko mag take ng JLPT N2 by July

-maging masaya

-bumuo ng sarili kong pamilya

For some reason, it feels easier to plan the future these days, kahit na yung last item sa list ko, required na may isa pang taong involved. Pero, kaya ko naman yun di ba? Sakaling hindi ko na kaya, the Heavens has infinite resources to help me.

There are 3 archangels mentioned in the bible. Sabi nila may 7 daw na archangels who are seated in God's throne, pero 3 lang ang pinangalanan sa bible-- Michael, Gabriel and Rafael.

Michael means "who is like God". This is the name of my brother.

Gabriel means "the power of God". This is the name of someone close to me.

Raphael means "it is God who heals". This is how I'd probably name my child. If God will give me a son, that is.

Raphael. What a beautiful name.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 04:44 PM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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私の名前はZです。

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