Entries for November, 2019
12nn-9pm shift started today. I decided to commute to and fro home in Bulacan. I left 10am. Our store was still closed and some neighbors were waiting for us to open. As I got past them, 1 neighbor said, "Gag*, di ka pwede dyan. Engineer yan." And, I was like, "Lol".
Was at gathering this weekend where I met sis-in-law's relatives. 1 relative asked me, "maganda ka naman, ba't wala kang boyfriend?" I usually have fun, playful, lighthearted comebacks ready para sa mga ganitong linyahan, pero wala ako sa mood non. When she repeated, "maganda ka naman," I just answered, "of course!" That time I was itching to say, "hindi lang ako basta maganda, matalino pa ako, well-achived, multilingual, multi-talented at marami pang iba." Nakakapikon kasi na sa dinamidami ng magandang traits at kapuri puring bagay na meron ako, lagi lagi nalang na yung wala ang napapansin ng mga taong to.
Ang weird lang, I didn't mind back in the day. Now, I do.
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There's this someone I'm seeing differently lately.
Sabi nila, meron daw 5 love languages. Eto yung different ways kung pano NEED ng bawat individual na mahalin. Iba iba daw ang love language ng kada tao. Acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, time at touch. And alam ko dati acts of service ang love language ko. Iniisip ko now, hindi kaya "touch"?
This happened back when I got sick. When I got back to work, this dude walked up to me para alamin kung kamusta na ko. As he did, he motioned the back of his hand towards my neck to check my temperature. E hindi naman lagnat ang sakit ko kundi stomach ache. Lol. Nakakatawa lang. Pero kahit ganun, ang sweet parin. Kahit naman before, sweet talaga tong taong to.
Still, ok... ang ambabaw. Itigil na natin to. Lol.
Pero at least, natutunan ko na weakness ko rin pala yung taong sweet. Sana sweet yung mapang-asawa ko.
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Contest this Friday and the next. Ayaw mag sink in. Tamad na tamad ako lately.
Mel, the gang and I are planning to book at place overnight. Tamang Netflix ang Chill lang. Ang hirap mag match ng sched lately. Matutuloy kaya to.
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I consider our dog, Gigi, as a miracle dog. Dati kasi she was so sick she was good as dead na. But I asked for her to be restored back to health nung Feast of Divine Mercy. Ngayon bukod sa magaling na sya, anlakas lakas nya pang kumain. Kahit balahibo nya naging mas soft ang silky rin. Totoo nga siguro na binubuhos ni Jesus ang Grace Nya pag FDM.
Ang alam ko, hiniling ko rin na mag flourish ang love life ko. On the way na kaya?
10:16 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Sad. Mejo lang naman. I've long unfollowed the guy. Married na e. Tigilan na naten. Siguro mejo na curious lang ako. Mostly business-related yung mga posts nya, so I went and checked the wife's. There.
Well, may konting kirot lang naman. Ang hirap kasing hindi maalala ang mga bagay bagay na lumipas na. At syempre magwa wonder ka rin talaga what could have happened kaya if you've chosen differently.
Hindi ako naniniwala sa destiny. Naniniwala ako sa power ng choices natin. At kahit na yung mga choices ko e dinala ako rito sa buhay na wala sya, wala naman talaga akong pinagsisisihan.
Know what, 2019 has been a really good year for me. Damang dama ko ang biyaya ng Langit para sakin at para sa pamilya ko. I'm more than grateful.
Pero siguro, if the Heavens is feeling a little more generous, sana bigyan nya ko ng taong mamahalin. Syempre lalaki. Dapat single. Sana naman yung wala pang anak. Walang ex wife. Yung naka move on na sa ex. Better if wala syang ex at all. Ok lang kahit hindi perfect, basta perfect para sakin. Walang serious physical issues at syempre dapat healthy- physically, emotionally, and financially. Ganun lang. Marami namang lalaking ganun. Marami nga akong kilalang lalaki na ganun. Ewan kung bakit madalas sablay ang taste ko sa lalaki. Siguro kailangan ko rin gawing emotionally healthy ang sarili ko. Lol.
Anyway, 1am na. Gigising ako ng 7:30 dahil 2 consecutive days na kong late at muntik nang ma late. Sa Friday, makikipag palit ako ng shift kay Angelo para maka attend ako ng contest. 4 hours earlier yun sa shift ko, so puyatan ito. I actually feel bad kasi alam kong may gala sila and they're supposed to meet 4am the following day. Dahil nakipagpalit sya ng shift, 9pm na sya makakauwi at wala na syang itutulog. Ambait ng taong yun. That guy is actually single...
Wala lang. Nabanggit ko lang.
01:18 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Thursday. I was able to catch the last train from work on the way to my place in Manda. My shift tomorrow will be 4 hours earlier. Nawa ay magising ako sa alarm.
The travel could take more than 20 minutes. Sarado na yata ang mga mall by then.
Tomorrow will be the club contest. I needed to say "no" for a meetup because of this.
Know what, I have an officemate named Wilma. We call her Wendy. She once saw me busy with extracurricular stuff and told me, "ang busy mo no..." She also told me na sana daw ganun din sya. Sya daw kasi walang direction at go with the flow lang. Pero sa totoo lang, wala naman akong pinagkaiba kay Wendy.
Ano future plans ko? Wala.
Anong goals ko sa buhay? Hindi ko sure.
Paano ko nakikita ang sarili ko 5 years from now? Heck, I don't even know.
At sa tingin ko, ok lang naman talaga yun.
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Ang sama ng pakiramdam ko today. Runny nose, colds and cough. Ayoko mag sick leave ng Friday dahil made deactivate ang badge ko. Isa pa, ba hassle ko na si Angelo para makipag palit ng shift sakin.
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7th day or November. More than a month na kong vegetarian. The last time, I dreamt of eating chicken. In the dream, I regretted it so much that I felt such a relief when I woke up and realized that it was just a dream. I used to think mahirap maging vegetarian. Now I realized, mas mahirap palang bumalik.
I still eat most sea foods except fish. Basta mga walang back bone. I was eating crab last night and was looking at the eyes of the dead crab and felt so sorry. Naiinis ako. Kung lagi nalang akong naawa sa mga hayop, ano pang makakain ko?
Sabi ng isang gifted naturopath, humans are made to be omnivores daw at maraming vitamine deficiencies na makukuha kung vegetarian ka. Ano bang gagawin ko? Naghahanap din ng meat ang katawan ko. Ganito siguro ang feeling ng aswang na nag decide na di na sya ulet kakain ng tao.
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Next station na ang baba ko. Eto muna for now.
09:40 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Home is where family is. My parents, brother, niece, sis-in-law... thet are my family. But aside from them, I have other people I consider family though we're not related by blood.
With them, I'm not afraid to be seen as "maarte". They already know. I eat food from their plates, and they sometimes finish mine. I often rest my arms on their back, or on their lap, with very little hesitation. When in a crowd of strangers, theirs are the faces that I first look for. They bully me a lot. I'll give them my most sarcastic retort. Then, we will laugh.
We correct eachother right on the face. We bully eachother and laugh about it together.
Well, hindi rin naman talaga perfect. Nagkaka bad tripan din. Naiirita din ako sa kanila madalas. Pero in the end of the day, sa piling nila, alam ko, I'm home. Isa sa mga pinagpapasalamat ko sa langit e yung hinayaan Nyang matagpuan ko ang mga taong to.
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Contest today. Dahil nakipagpalit ako ng shift para rito, alam syempre ni TL. Sobrang lakas mang-asar nun. Sabi nya manonood daw sya at magdadala ng banner. Tas niyaya nya pa yung iba. Lol. Syempre joke lang naman yun.
Sa totoo lang, hindi ako masyadong friendly. I prefer to be alone over being with people I'm not comfortable with. On the 12th will be my 4th month here. I think I really like these people. They don't feel like home to me yet, pero sana over time, maging malapit din sa puso ko ang account na ito gaya nang nararamdaman ko para sa Elite. Challenge yun for me kasi nga, hindi ako friendly at mejo mahiyain pa ko. I love the concept of family. It would be nice if a day will come that I'll start considering these people as family.
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Placed 2nd sa Evaluation contest. We will be sending 2 contestants per contest sa Area Contests on January. This means I'll be competing by then. Gusto ko maging national champion. Tinatamad din talaga ko. Pero wala lang, para makapag papansin lang sa mga crush ko, ganun. Lol.
Yung mga friends ko nag eexpand na ng pamilya, ako napapansin parin sa crush.
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May nirereto sakin si Diana na lalaki. A Korean dude in his 30s. Pulis daw work nito sa Korea. Ayoko talaga ng foreigner at mas lalong ayoko sa pulis, pero naisip ko na date lang naman at hindi naman kami magpapakasal, so I told her, "sige, go."
Naalala ko yung sabi ni Andee. Single women should date a lot daw. Hindi para kilalanin yung guy, kundi para mas makilala mo pa yung sarili mo.
Sa totoo lang, nakakatamad makipagdate lalo na't hindi naman talaga ako interesado. Still, bring it on.
12:03 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I have an officemate. Mabait naman. Sobrang kulet. At ok lang naman sakin yung makulit. Ang ayaw ko lang e mura sya ng mura. Yung PI na mura na sobrang lutong tas sasabihin nya yun habang magkausap kayo. The first time he did this I told him, "walang murahan". E kaso inulit nya ulet. So I sent him a chat yesterday telling him I was offended and ayokong minumura ako at ayoko nang maulit yun ulet. He was receptive naman. He tried to joke, I gave a "haha" react and the told him I was serious and I don't want this to happen again. I really hope he'll listen. Kasi ok naman tong taong to. Ayoko rin mag-away kami. Pero hindi ko itotolerate yung ganitong behavior. First, because my mother is a decent woman and she was never a "puta" and every time I hear a mura like this, I can feel the need to strangle the person saying it. I will never let anyone, for as long as I live, call my mother a "puta". Magkamatayan na.
Second, because my parents worked their ass off for me and my brother to finish our education. When other parents made excuses, my parents found ways. It was very hard for them and they did all that because they believe that if we finished college, people will respect us. I will never let anyone disrespect me for this reason.
I really hope that the officemate will stop since I already comfronted him about this. Because if he wouldn't, I will raise this to the bosses. Or even to the HR and will not stop until he pays the price. He has 3 small children. 1 is even an recently born infant. I wish we don't have to reach that point.
11:18 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
10:13pm. It's almost 10 when I left the office. My shift is supposed to end at 9. Ito na yata ang pinaka hyper na work day ko since I came here. Kababa ko lang ng phone, may pumasok kagad. 3 users yung kinailangan kong isupport sabay sabay. Epic.
Nakakatuwa lang na ambabait nung mga kasama ko sa trabaho. Kahit yung mga hindi ko naman talaga normally kinakausap, ang he-helpful. Tapos pumayag pa sila na mag endorse ako ng tickets. Thank you so much! T_T
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So, wala akong pasok bukas. May pasok kasi ako sa weekends. Kailangan kasi ng 24-hr support sa weekends dahil magkakaron ng outage. 9pm-6am ang shift ko Sat-Sun. 9-hr shift pero technically 2 days ang kakainin. Ok na rin. As long as nandun si PK, magsu survive naman siguro ako. His shift will end by 1AM. On what to do from then till 6AM, bahala na. In a way, tingin ko, ito na rin ang best option for me.
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Contest ulet tomorrow. Wala pa kong speech for the international speech contest. Hindi ko alam why I've spent most of my free time binge watching Twoset Violin on Youtube. I could've used that time to finish my speech. Gusto ko matuto mag violin. LoL. I barely have time as is.
Ang pangarap ko talaga e maging district (national) champion. When I checked, I realized that Division contest will be on Feb 8. I'll be in Taiwan by then. Our flight is already booked. Winning the division contest is required to be able to proceed to the District Championship. If so, ano pang point? Haist. Iniisip ko kung aattend pa ba ko ng contest or magpapahinga nalang sa bahay lalo na't may pasok ako ng Saturday- Sunday.
Bahala na. I'm also a little sick. More than a week na ata to. Sarado na ang botika twing umuuwi ako kaya hindi na ko nakakabili ng gamot. Pero kahit ganun, I feel generally happy. Wala namang kakaiba. I just do.
10:30 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I woke up 9am. I slept around 11pm. Now, I'll be sleeping again by 12nn and aims to wake up by 4pm as I need to leave the house by 6:30pm to get to the office by 9pm with the hope that I won't end up sleeping while on-shift as my work will end the following day at 6am. Basically, my goal for the day revolves around sleep, and boy, I've never been this productive. Lol.
11:35 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
She kisses him on the neck, holds his land like he's hers.
She knows.
Yet she stays despite knowing what he is, maybe hoping he'll someday change.
I've been there. I kinda understand. But I'm not going back. I want to do it right, this time around.
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Got back home at around 8am. Slept around 9 and woke up by 12. Antok na antok ako at work kagabi. I sat next to PK, which was probably the best decision of the day. I have an officemate who seems to have loose screws. She was sitting on my usual seat and I don't know what would've happened if she ended up sitting next to me.
Got 3 calls. Marami na yun considering that I usually get just around 1 or none at all, daily. PK's shift ends at 1am. Good thing he stayed until a little past 4. It kept me awake. When he left, Wendy came shortly, so I was able to fight off my sleepiness.
Naging mabait siguro ako nung past life ko. Ang babait kasi ng mga binigay sakin ni God na katrabaho.
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I want to do it right, this time around.
I'm going to do it right, this time around.
But...
...
.
How?
02:59 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
12:33am. I'm with my luggage, a few minute walk away from my place in Manda. Had a meeting after work. Then chat over sundae at Family Mart. It was a lengthy talk and it felt refreshing to be in this conversation with a guy na straight--for a change, even if he's just 21 years old.
I therefore conclude na marami pang single na lalaki na straight, good catch at masarap kasama. And I truly believe na not all of them e over 10 years younger than me.
Meron yan. Tiwala lang.
12:40 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
9:14 ang estimated time of arrival ng huling tren sa station na to. Byahe papunta sa place ko sa Manda.
Tatlong linggo na ang ubo't sipon ko at heto, masakit na naman ang tiyan ko. Pero bukod sa pisikal na dinadamdam ko, nalulungkot ako ngayon.
Kagabi (or Kahapon?) namatay daw si Tito Bibot, isa sa mga nakababatang kapatid ni Mama. Most of my adult life, may sakit si Tito. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko maalala kung nagkaron ba kami ng kahit isa man lang na meaningful conversation. Tingin ko wala. Mga teenager ata ako nun nung timira sya samin. Dahil hindi nga sya makausap dahil sa sakit nya, nasanay na kong hindi sya pinapansin si Tito. Ang lungkot siguro nung ganun, tinatrato ka na parang hindi nag eexist. Ewan ko. Masama kasi talaga ugali ko simula nung pagkabata.
Mahihirap ang mga kapatid ni mama bilang karamihan sa kanila e nasa probinsya. Ngayon ko nalamang ang gastos pala mamatay. Mom would like to give about half the entire expenses and asked me to help her. Sabi ko 1k lang ang ibibigay ko. Lol. Akala ko kasi nasa 10k lang ang gastos sa pagpapalibing. Mas mahal pa pala. Kung may pera rin lang ako, madalas e generous naman ako sa mga taong malapit sa puso ko. Since hindi kami close ni tito, sa kanya, neutral lang. Pero naisip ko rin, si Mama ang magpupuno ng gastos kung hindi ako magbibigay. At isa pa, siguro ang kakayahang magbigay e gift na in itself. Kaya, oh sya. Sige.
Mejo nalulungkot ako. Iniisip ko kung sa buong life time ni Tito, naging masaya kaya sya? Si Tita Nic ang nag-alaga sa kanya. Yung kapatid nya na walang asawa. May asawa si Tito Bibot at dalawang anak. Pero may sakit nga kasi sya at mahirap ang buhay nila. Kaya ayun. Ewan.
Sinubukan kong alalahanin kung paano si Tito nung okay pa sya kaso sobrang bata pa ko nun at hindi ko na talaga maalala.
Totoo kayang may langit? Sana sa langit, kahit paano, magkaron na nag better na buhay si Tito.
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Kagabi I was all, "ang ganda ng pilik-mata mo" to this dude I was with. Ang ganda nga kasi talaga ng pilik-mata nya. And everytime na may nakakapansin nun, nagbu beautiful eyes sya. Lol.
Today, I just noticed that *'s eyelashes are nice too. Mapilantik. Naisip ko rin na kung ililista ko lahat ng hinahanap ko sa lalaki, he would tick off every single one of my list.
Bakit nga hindi ko man lang naging crush to?
09:40 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Tita Inday, Mom's younger sis, is having a hard time sleeping so she decided to go to the province and see Tito Bibot's funeral- probably until burial. The elder sister, who happens to be my mother, decided to do the same. Mom asked if I have money. Since I'll be giving money for the expenses in the funeral, etc, waley na kong pera. Lol.
I don't like days like these. I am truly grateful for the money that I have... but Heavens... more please! Haha.
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Ang sakit ng tiyan ko. T_T
09:13 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
SO, there is this dude I'm interested in. I met him at an event I went to last Sat. I checked his profile and fb and found the we've a lot of common friends who are TM's. Turned out, he's actually a Toastmaster in a club around Mandaluyong.
Kung siniswerte ka nga naman... ^_<
04:23 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I was on sick leave last Thur and Fri. No one believed though that I was sick. And why is that? Lol.
Do you believe that I was sick?
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I was planning not to go, you know. Lalo na nga, my boss here is really nice, and I hate lying to people who are nice to me. Pero kasi, I KENNAT!!! I just can't miss this, you know. This event, since 2013, had been the highlight of my year, year after year, after year! Hindi ko kayang hindi pumunta! Juice colored. Huhu. I'm sorry, TL. T_T
So ayun. I went while on "sick" leave. Natatakot din akong mawalan ng trabaho, pero bahala na. Next year, my VL na ko (kung nandito pa ko). Hindi naman na siguro kailangang maulit to.
Sa totoo lang, ang daming magagandang nangyari sa taon na to. Pero ang hirap sabihin na hindi KCON ang highlight kasi feeling ko ito parin talaga. Ansaya kasi e. Feeling ko nagbabago ang pagkatao ko pag uma attend ako ng KCON.
This is the last KCON though. Next year, they'll be calling this FeastCon na. Yes, I already bought a ticket. All smiles.
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Ang daming pangyayari. Ang daming gagawin. Graveyard shift na daw ako sa Dec. Sa tingin ko, ok lang naman. Ang di lang ok e ang daming tao dun na di ko kilala. Ang daming tao, period. Sa totoo lang, bukod sa pag-asang maimprove ang love life ko e sumali ako sa TM at Feast para i-improve ang interpersonal skills ko. Yet as time goes by, feeling ko mas lalo akong nagiging antisocial.
But, is it really so bad to be antisocial?
10:21 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
9 hrs at work
2 hrs morning prep
2 hrs travel to work
2 hrs travel back home
2 hrs evening prep
7 hrs sleep
My everyday life. I feel like I barely have time for anything else.
I think I heard it from Rex Mendoza's talk, reduce your free time daw. Gets ko. Kasi kung wala kang free time, wala ka rin masyadong gastos. Hindi ko parin napapanood yung Frozen 2. At napaglipasan na ng panahon ang plano kong panoorin ang Charlie's Angels. Well, ok lang naman.
If there are things I'd like to spend more time for, it's hugging my niece and my dogs. It's having lengthy conversation with Mom and Dad over breakfast. Dining out with my friends. Reading a good book and having a me time. Going to the Feast. Eto lang naman talaga.
Sa ngayon, feeling ko, buong oras ko e nakalaan lang sa trabaho. I had to cancel 2 events with the shift that I'll have for Dec. Ok lang naman. Pero sana naman, payagan akong mag leave sa February for my Taipei trip. Nandito pa ba ko sa February?
Pero kung may natutunan ako sa pagiging busy, siguro yun e yung maging straight to the point. I still have TM to think of and decisions are made almost daily. There are members' concerns to respond to, blah blah blah. I used to give people more choices. Now I limit their choices to 2 and often give them time limit to respond. Sometimes I feel like I'm sounding a little demanding na. I'm just thankful that so far, this strategy seems to work fine naman at wala pa namang nag rereklamo. Naalala ko yung book na binasa ko years ago, "the 1-minute manager". It took me n years, but now I'm learning to apply the things I've read there.
Love life? Minsan naiintindihan ko kung bakit hindi pa ko binibigyan ng maayos na love life ng langit. Pero may nagugustuhan naman ako ngayon. Ang lonely naman kung masyado kong busy tas wala man lang pampakilig kahit imaginary lang. Lol. I don't know much about the guy, but I get to see him daily. He could be married for all I know. Well, wala naman akong gagawin. Hahaha.
I love the life I have right now. I still wish I have more time and money, pero ok parin naman at wala parin akong marereklamo sa buhay ko. May mga panahon na naiisip ko na siguro hindi talaga para sakin ang corporate world, pero for now, sa tingin ko, ang trabahong meron ako ay isang napakalaking blessing para sakin.
Teka, malapit na ata akong bumaba ng bus. Ayan na muna for now. Ciao!
11:14 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Spent the day on trips to the laundromat and the bank. Brought home lunch for the boys (Dad and Bro), handwashed some of my clothes because Mom is not around and she hasn't been for a week now. Sis-in-law and niece are in Cavite. Tomorrow, we will pick Mom up from the airport.
Other parts of the day I spent reading a book and eating junk.
It's 11:22pm now and I just spent probably an hour binge watching Twoset Violin and stalking Brett's and Eddie's IG's. Jeez, why do men get 10x attactive when they're talented and famous? And jeez, when will Twoset ever visit here in PH? Are they Japanese? Their surnames aren't Japanese though.
Know what, this girl (myself) actually has a lot of things to do, more pressing things to think of. Our manager just talked to us yesterday about the status of the account. Then there's this message from a TM-related GC, one of our VP's is requesting to take a 3-month long leave of absence...
On a normal day, I'd worry. But here am I watching Twoset.
Tomorrow's problem has to take care of itself, I guess.
11:35 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
