Entries for June, 2015
weekend over.
i feel like a day was just a repeat of the last. only in different settings. different people. same questions. things hadn't been so much different from before but they were not this fierce. really.
you know what, there are just two things people often asked me that i dont particularly like being asked about.
1. baket wala ka pang bf
2. baket hindi ka na engineer
these questions were asked way too often i think ive perfected various ways on how to answer them depending on who's asking. madalas wala naman akong pakialam. but more than being asked by someone else, i think i too should ask myself the same thing. funny, because truth be told, im not really sure about my own answer.
sabi sa nabasa ko: 1) check your goal, 2)check your attitude 3) check if your attitude aligns to you goal.
as i check no. 3, i realized, it doesnt.
FRIDAY
went out with former officemates. it was fun. the above questions were asked among with other controversial stuff. all in all, masaya naman.
SATURDAY
went out with nini to meet sha. it was fun.the above questions were asked among with other controversial stuff. all in all, masaya naman.
SUNDAY
my niece's Christening/house blessing of our house. friends and relatives came. the above questions were asked among with other controversial stuff. all in all, masaya naman.
see the similarities? hmm..
sunday was a bit different though. wasnt as fun as i expected it to be. i wasnt able to talk with our guests as much as id like to. tita saw me and we went to discuss business. we sat in a table and my other tita's joined us. i know im a grown up too, but i cant help but feel not grown up enough for that gathering. we sat there for what seem like hours. hours that i wouldve spent happily talking and mingling with other guests about fun, not so serious stuff.
at home, i have been labeled as someone "intelligent". there is no evidence to that whatsoever but for some reason, they kept believing that myth up to this day. and i guess when people labeled you something-real or not-you just seem to automatically act it out.
so, tita's and i were gathered around the table, discussing business stuff and i was the one explaining "the plan", which never really existed until i spoke right there. i negotiated my terms, which i havent really thought of earlier, and even explained about some biz they said the other cousin was planning to venture with. something i only read about once. they appeared to be convinced- or maybe they dont have any other choice.
one thing i noticed about grown ups is that, when they discuss about something, once they got it settled, the next thing they do is to impliment the plan. i know i am expected to deliver results. But instead of finding a genius way to have it done, i find myself thinking of a genius way to backout.
whatever threatens my freedom, i have the knack to escape away from. just thinking about the stuff we discussed makes me feel suffocated already. pero kung hindi ko naman gagawin to, ano nang mangayayari sa buhay ko?
sabi nila, you can achieve anything you want, but you have to pay the price. and its not even always monetary. i guess it all depends on your willingness to pay that price.
i am not so sure if i am. i have a strong feeling i am not.
--
saturday.
shara's phone rang displaying your name.
she was attending to her baby then and told me, "z, answer the phone.."
it wouldnt take so much effort to press that one button.
or to say "hello, what's up? it's been a while." or to just explain the situation as to why im the one answering the phone instead of shara.
it doesnt require so much effort. just a few seconds that wouldnt take so much of my time even if, say, im a really super busy person, though that's not really the case.
it doesnt require so much effort.. and yet i refused to do so.
i passed the phone to nini. she said your voice changed.
i wonder what we would've talked about if i didnt refuse to answer the phone.
will you speak with your usual voice?
will you compliment my voice as how you do back then (you use to say my voice sounds good on the phone)?
will you ask how i am?
will you recount stuff you do and fill me in about the things you've been up to over the years?
will you ask for my number (since ive already change my number twice and didnt inform you the new ones i have)?
will you ask me out?
...
there are a lot of things i wish to know.
a lot of questions i yearned to ask.
sometimes i think maybe i just want to hear your voice again.
or just talk to you.
or be with you.
but i didnt answer the phone.
..
it wouldnt take so much effort to press that one button...
i know..
i just cant.
07:18 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
What is your sign? libra
When is your birthday? oct 6
Any tattoos or pierced body parts? just ear pierce. one on each. dont have tatts anywhere. wishing/planning/daydreaming to have one at the nape or wrist or both
What’s your favorite color? white, off-white or anything similar
What’s your favorite flower? anything, but when it comes to roses, i prefer it red.
What’s your middle name? wines
What’s your nickname from high school? za
What do you exercise? arm toning exercise and hip hop abs (it's not obvious yet)
What is on your bedside table? i dont have a bedside table yet
What was your best Halloween costume for Halloween? havent had one
If you could play any instrument, which would you play? violin or drums
If you could be any cartoon character, who would you be? merida of brave
Apple juice or orange juice? orange juice
Are you a morning or night person? night
Tea or Coffee? coffee
Where is your favorite Hiking Trail? i dont hike and i dont like hiking
Name a singer you can’t stand the sound of. all the singers that my father listen to
Coke or Pepsi? coke
If you were to perform in the circus, what would you do? noooooooooooo!
If you were a kitchen appliance-what would you be? skipping this. ugh!
How much time do you spend on Facebook, Twitter, Myspace or Youtube? not much
What do you remember about your high school prom? wasnt remarkable
What is the best restaurant you ever ate at? crisostomo in fairview terraces
What is your favorite holiday? Halloween! creepy movies/tv shows fiesta! hoooorray!!!
Have you ever been mentioned in a newspaper? yes. in a board exam result
Tell me about your first road trip in your first car. i dont have a car yet.
If you could get a free airfare – name a country you would visit. malaysia-i'd visit bff
What is your education – do you have a college degree? yes. BS Civil Engineering
If you had to choose a sport to watch – would it be Football or Basketball? maybe basketball
What is your favorite curse word? cant think of one at the moment
What’s your favorite smell? rain-washed leaves, freshly ironed clothes, freshly baked bread
What’s your favorite cereal? blueberry or strawberry flavored quaker oats. yum!
When was the last time you fire a gun? havent fired one
Have you ever gone skinny dipping or streaking? just skinny dippin in a bath tub. streaking? absolutely no.never.
What is your lucky number? 11?
What body part do you get caught staring at? id rather not answer this. haha
Which bill do you hate paying most? bills for toiletries and personal effects
Window or aisle seat on an airplane? aisle seat please... or, no.. window nalang.. labooo..
How do you prefer to get the news? ???
Do you own an iphone or an ipod? nope
Are you right or left-handed? right
Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? mostly optimistic
What is your most treasured possession? my books, especially the expensive ones
Beverage of choice? anything cold
Do you own an iphone, blackberry, camera phone or an ipod? nope
Are you spontaneous or always need to have a plan? a little bit of each
Are you generally introverted or extroverted? introverted
What is your favorite junk food to snack on? vcut cheese. or cheese popcorn
Favorite breakfast food to eat? masebong tocino with masebo fried rice and masebo sunny side up tapos coffee. yum!
Are you a shopaholic? no
Do you like to dance? no
What is your favorite Disney movie? frozen, brave, up, etc.
Do you have an Innie or Outee? innie
What was your favorite childhood television program? mga munting pangarap ni romeo, saber marionet, akazukin chaha, sailor moon, etc.
How many pairs of shoes do you own? about 10. but only 2 pairs are wearable. the rest are high heels i keep in their boxes to rot.
How much schooling have you had? till college
Who do you live with? parents and brother + family
Are you a collector of anything? yes. books
Name three things you really like to do. reading, swimming, seeing my friends
Who are your friends? Describe these people. bff,injan,yang,nini,shara,nessss, schwarze, etc. description: we have at least one thing in common.
What do you like to read? adventure books with a touch of romance, humor etc. , financial books, self development books.
Where were you born? manila
What jobs have you had in the past? bridge engr, project engr, Japnese TS
Ever met anybody famous before? yes
Are people truly created equal? no
Describe you fighting style: drunken master or angry monkey? no idea
What do you believe makes a successful life? perseverance, patience and high tolerance to whatever sh*t life throws you.
Do you like interacting with large groups of people? yes, depending what type of people
What is your idea of a good entertainment(consider music, movies, art, etc.).. mixture of different stuff
Which is you favorite season and why? rainy season minus the flood
What makes you laugh? witty humor, silly humor, or kahit anong humor or joke na gets ko.
What shocks or offends you? below the belt criticisms
Do you have any pet peeves? nothing that im aware of
If you have a lot of money, where would we(you) go on vacation? ill have a safari adventure in africa!yey!
What is your idea of an ideal boyfriend/girlfriend? smart, confident, gentle but not weak, uses his manly strenght to love, protect and take care of the people he loves
What are some of the little things you appreciate about your life? wind in my face, streaks of orange in an early morning sky, moon and stars, view of the horizon while riding a ship, smiles, laughters, conversations and a lot more.
What is your favorite kind of pie? egg pie. yum!
How is/was your relationship with your parents? great 
What’s your favorite restaurant? crisostomo and uncle cheffy
What’s your favorite part of your job? the moment when the customer tells you they dont have any other questions. real "yesss!!" moment.
What’s your favorite movie to watch over and over again? magic temple, what's your number?, lovely complex, etc.
Best concert concert at the past 2 kcons?? i havent been into a lot of concerts, really.
What music are you listening to these days? anything on the radio
What’s your favorite thing to do on a Saturday night? sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. it rarely happens.
What’s your favorite thing to do on a Sunday afternoon? socializing??
What is the longest love relationship (partner) you have had, and if it ended, why? id rather not answer this. lels
What kind of boy/girl interests you? yung kind, nice, goody goody type pero hindi parin boring. yung gentle pero hindi weak. yung marunong mag protect pero marunong din mag defend. quite rare creatures, but they exist. promise.
Do you like children? not so much, but i love my niece (technically a baby)
Have you ever eaten any children? wut??!! why would i?
If given a choice, which farm animal would you want to be? horse. i love horses. at least they are fiercer than cows or goats etc.
Do you believe in the existence of soul mate and/or true love? yes. but on a different context
Do you believe in Santa? yes, because i watched somewhere that he actually exists and lives in holland. not in flying sleigh and raindeers though.
How much TV do you watch? moderately.
What “bad” thing did you do as a kid that your parents never found about? for safety purposes, im not gonna write it here. lels
-----
needless to say, im uber bored.
source: http://www.fun-questions.com/love-calculation-meter/random-questions-to-ask-a-guy.html
11:01 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
shutting my eyes real tight to kill this surfacing indignation. its not working.
{ 気分} uber pissed off.
07:32 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
hello monday.
its another week. weekends have been draining lately i feel like i came from a boxing fight with every inch of my body aching.
the next few weekends dont look any more forgiving either. i need sleep.
--
turned off the tv last night at around 9pm. brother was like, "hindi ka manonood ng.. ung may model model?" referring to "asia's next top model" which episodes i rarely miss. but i was tooo sleepy at that time.
i still am.
--
saturday,
went to some events. some writing seminar. it was amazing. inspiring. awesome. i was particulary drawn to the representative of anvil publishing. para kasing.. basta.. parang ang galing nya. i have a few anvil books in my shelf.. it just feel a bit surreal meeting someone who's actually behind publishing them. basta nakaka amaze. upon listening to her, i think something in me ached, wanting to be a publisher too..or being published ba? or yun ba yun? i dont know. i didnt even catch the representative's name.. sighs..
anyway, i came in late in the venue. sat at the seat yang reserved for me which was next the right aisle. after a while, i tought i saw current crush. i dont make it a habit to stare at random guys no matter how they look like, but i really need to verify if its him. i only get to see the guy side view. it was only when the event was about to end that i had the chance to see him front view. crush is lot more pogi i think. or maybe im just being biased.the name was cris. he was the official photographer of the event. he was wearing a black polo shirt same as the one that crush wears sometimes. when he spoke to us during the group picture, i was half expecting for him to sound like crush. he didnt. he also doesnt have the confidence that is the same as his.. nor his eyes.. and.. and.. okay, enough. point given.
he looks like him but not him so it just wont do.
naalala ko lang yung sabi ni nini before na, "wag mo nang hintayin na yung crush mo e magka crush din sayo dahil bihira lang na nangyayari yon." and i guess she's right. and know what, i think this whole topic is so highschool its starting to make me cringe so let's cut it here.. haha.
sighs..
anyway, we saw paolo, our cg head, at the venue and also JC. small world. nakakatuwa lang. i think ive expanded my circle over the past few years, it wouldnt have happened if i didnt join a certain catholic community.
speaking of our catholic community, after another n years of not showing up, i was suppose to go there yesterday to get back to my ministry duty especially since we're gonna transfer venue. but i didnt. tita invited us over to her place to have lunch. she's gonna go back to dubai in a few days and we wont be seeing her for the next couple of years. i chose to go to our family affairs instead.
by the afternoon, yang, who didnt know i didnt show up again in my ministry duty texted something like, "musta? ang daming cute na usher in fairness.." which made me, "wahhhh!! sayang!!".. hahaha.. ang harot. lol.
we had a ministry fare a few months/weeks ago, i think the new applicants have already started serving. i guess ill be coming next week. yay! haha..
--
next few weekends are still full of events. im expecting to be free by the last week of june. hopefully, nothing will pop up.
10:12 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
feeling ko..
feeling ko lang...
feeling ko talaga ha...
feeling ko..
meron akong inborn talent sa pag sabotahe ng sarili kong love life.
ugh.
03:00 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
been ignoring the pain in my foot every time i step for months and it seems like its not getting better. sign of aging lang ba to or should i see a doctor??huhu
nakakatamad. i wonder if im really not feeling well or im just feeling lazy.
--
tita and i agreed to give some seminar as a teaser on the 20th for the class we are about to open soon. and the speaker will be.. oh, guess who. me. as of now i dont feel anxious about it. or maybe not yet. we'll see.
--
will be flying to shara's place on the sat. her daughter's christening. my nth inaanak. and by sun, im expected to be in aliw theater by 11. some greeters duty.
sa totoo lang, gusto ko nang bumalik sa usual hermit mode ko.
body's screaming for rest. my stuff are begging to be fixed. and i think my bones too. i hate how so petix my weekdays are when i can barely breathe during the weekends.
but im not complaining, Mother universe.
--------------
giving in to distractions just for this week and next week i promise to be back to being a normal functioning human being. no extensions.
09:40 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
im so smart.
kasi naman, masyadong out of the blue ung tanong. masyadong random. masyadong unexpected. masyadong.. basta. kaya hindi tuloy nabasa ng tama ng mata ko.
kanina, someone was like, "Hahaha.. may BF k pala. Akala ko wala hehehe".
and ayun.. hindi ngregister ung bf.. thought it was fb.. i mean.. wahhhhh!! ang talino di ba??
so i was like, "meron naman po.. grabe naman..haha"..
he was referring to some fb pic of me with some guy na wala naman talaga. naexplain ko ung part na yon but i already said, "meron naman po.." kahit.. well, we all know, wala. hahaha..
ayun.
sighs..
told a friend about the dilemma and she was like, "nahahalatang newbie"..
hahaha..
pakers.
fine, mother universe.. ayawan na..hahaha
hayyyyst..
kainesss.. lol.
well, maybe he's just being his usual self, friendly, curious, whatever. pero kahet na di ba?? i mean..haaaaaaaaaaaaayst.
first world problem?
whatever.
{ 気分} troubled
12:52 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i dont know what's with this day but i feel like i was warped in a vacuum.
or no.
i am the vacuum.
--
a friend and i is suppose to meet some people next week. i agreed to go though im not exactly a sociable person because he said he's coming. but today, he said he wants to bring his boyfriend along and now i dont think i still want to go.
the friend noticed how i looked bothered about it so he asked why. he seem to think that it was all out of prejudice that i dont want the bf to go with us. i admit im still not comfortable about a boy to boy relationship or any same sex relationships for that matter, but that's not really it. i dont think i would feel any different if he happens to have a girlfriend instead. i hate having to explain my reasons.
--
and then, last night, bro told us about this cute baby boy he saw in a jeep(or bus?) which he said he'd like to be his daughter's boyfriend (his daughter is a 7months baby and the boy is around 2 to 3 years old). we were teasing him about how its too early to think about that until mom said, "siguro ayaw nya kasing matulad sayo si kaitlyn."
im usually cool with this kind of joke(which is obviously half meant). i dont know why im being sensitive about it now. it use to amuse me how people treat being single like it's some form of sickness-some form of handicap- that demands curing or help or worse, pity. it failed to get into me back then. i dont know why it's getting into me now.
im a handicap. jeez. how pitiful. wait, i need a tissue. huhu.
--
"When crucial needs aren’t met (like human companionship), they make us look to God in a way that satisfied people will never be able to imitate."
- Mr. Lonely drives home, Bo Sanchez
with this in my thoughts, i know i can get by..
11:08 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
just got home.
the heat was biting.
i wish we have a bath tub...
--
was at sha's place with nini and tope.
they gave their take.
i wonder what made my friends think that id do something stupid.
nini was like, "wag naman yun, za, wag na yun..." and all and even called shara for reinforcement.
i told her, "ok, i wont." but she didnt look convinced.
part of me wish i didnt tell her. i hate how they made a sound point. am i really the type who'd do something stupid?
--
running off to a far off place called pasay tomorrow. im hoping that attending the feast will clear my head a bit.
im still a little pissed off and indignant and... sighs..
--
after next week's event, im free to slack off.
im half way broke, if this socializing continues, i dont know if my cashflow would suffice for my lifestyle anymore.
--
so pagkatapos neto, ano na?
i didnt know it's possible for one to mess up her life this bad until ive done it with mine. =(
{ 気分} lost, broke and broken
06:39 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
another week.
i feel like ive been hopping from weekends to weekdays without any transition period whatsoever, mejo nakaka culture shock tuloy.
..
had an amazing day yesterday. the feast works like magic it always send me home with an overflowing love tank.
kaso, eto na naman ulet.
weekday.
real life.
where motivation reaches zero and all the blah blah.
well hindi naman talaga ganun kasama. siguro yun lang ung feeling ko ngayon. particularly today.
im actually very familiar with this...
..
kung malalagpasan ko to. namin to.. then that would be just another phase. pero kung hindi--hindi.
edi hindi. no drama needed.
so... yeah.
..
ive got more pressing stuff to think of. sa totoo lang, gusto ko nang mag short cut. para tapos na lahat. walang hassle. walang stress.. at kung meron lang talagang short cut sa buhay, ginawa ko na.
still fighting here. battle-scarred and all. but fighting..
02:31 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i read somewhere about humans need for struggle and how they need it to survive.
no wonder im still alive.
...
work can be stressful sometimes, which is odd considering im petix 99% of the time.
...
i think i miss being good at something. i miss excelling at something. i miss doing something important. i dont think id mind the struggle if that is the setup. and sa tingin ko namimiss ko nang maging... importante??
...
have u ever done a huge decision that changed your life forever?-- i did.
id like to believe that ive made the right decision, but with all these struggles, im not so sure.
i was doing good. i had a great life ahead of me... but i threw that all.
i guess, i just wanted to be free then. to not having to miss important occasions because im too busy. to have time for my family and my dogs. to bond with my friends and meet new ones. to expand my world, learn new things and see what life outside the four walls that i use to confine myself in has to offer.
in a way, i think, i got what i wanted.
pero...
hayyst. do i really need to let go of one in exchange of the other?
...
i traded the prestige, the sense of importance, career fullfillment etc for more time, better relationships, personal growth and a lot more. well, these are good things. leaving one in exchange of the other is explainable.. siguro i just want to have them all. maybe i could've gotten them kung nag-isip pa ko at nagplano some more.... pero hindi rin. i was sure that was the only way back then. and i still am..
still, part of me wants to claim my life back. but im scared of having to let go what i have gained from that huge decision.
...
really sometimes, i dont know anymore.
...
i guess i just want to pack my bags and run away from all these.
ayawan na.
sighs..
...
sana ganun nalang kadali.
{ 気分} worried, depressed, sleep deprived and hungry
02:58 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
insomnia + dripping nose + GERD. ugh, i hate this trio.
---
cant sleep. ended up stalking people on fb. damn mouse not working properly, im scared i might accidentally press the like or add as friend button.
his fb not so stalker friendly. but when i pressed the "family and relationships" area, in the screen flashed, "single"..
haha. this made me smile. lol. pero echos lang kaya to?? haha.. ang harot!
---
the supposed event tom was moved 2 weeks from now. i thought im gonna have it over with, hindi pa pala. i really hate this kind of suspense but be it. on the brighter side, at least i can sleeeeeeep.
there will be another gig by sun. will be going with joan and jenny. my ministry friends. was actually considering serving that day but the sched overlapped, so.. maybe next week?
i know na father's day sa sun and my brother's in-laws will be visiting the house-- i know i vowed not to miss important occasions, but id really want to go and see the gig with jenny and joan 
.
---
11:11.. make a wish... *commercial*
---
was chatting with injan earlier. she seems to be happy with the bf now here in ph. im glad that she's happy but im starting to miss her and our adventures together. i wonder how much more things will change once she got married. maybe nini too will soon get married. hindi naman talaga ako natatakot na ako nalang yung single.. im just afraid of losing my friends once they get too busy with their married life.
---
head ache joins the gang, now they are a quartet. oh, Gawd.. i think im sick. huhu T_T
11:39 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
the thermometer reads 38.1.
am i sick?
it's pretty pointless getting you temp when you dont know what range makes you sick or not. tinatamad akong mag google.
i feel like there are boulders inside my skull, chest and back.
am i dying? ... sighs.
i just want to lay in bed right now but parents left and i need to man the house. i wish id get better tom as i need to go out with some friends and have a life.
i need diversion. i wonder if this is because i feel sick (or maybe i am indeed sick), but im feeling so upset.
sabi ni bo sanchez, what u express expands daw. maybe it wont help writing my feelings down and should instead think happy thoughts..
think happy thoughts..
damn, with this skull cracking headache, i dont think id manage that.
i better sleep.
10:42 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
today, i came to realize that maybe, when people, in their own accord, chose to leave, then the best one could do is to cooperate.
maybe.
--
just got back to work.
mejo tinamaan na nga ng lagnat atbp.
saw a doctor yesterday and i think the travel i took from our house to the hospital made things worse. my head is still pulsating.. sana walang tumawag today.
anyhooo..
today's mom's birthday. i almost forgot. oh, i actually forgot. if it wasnt for dad, i wouldnt have remembered. i also forgot the birthday of my homestay family in japan. she had her bday last 16th.. nahihiya na kong bumati. im not being defensive or anything pero this is so unlike me to forget birthdays.. i dont know what's wrong.. or maybe, i know.
been distracted for the past few weeks. remnants of distractions are still here. im still wallowing over the confusion kahet na feeling ko nga wala naman ata talaga akong dahilan para ma-confuse.
minsan, pag feeling mo may sisingit sa buhay mo, gusto mong mag give way muna. put aside your plans and let them in. i vowed to put people first over my plans.. iniisip ko kung dapat ko bang gawin yun sparingly from this point forward or... maybe i should decide on it once my head is back from being clear again.
ive been sick for the last three days, laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to convince myself that headaches are mythical creatures that dont exist. and syempre, pag wala kang ginagawa, nakahiga lang tas hindi naman talaga natutulog ang daming tumatakbo sa isip mo. yung fears, anxiety, speculations sa mga bagay na kumo-confuse sayo and so on.
minsan siguro hindi mo naman talaga kailangan malaman lahat ng sagot. minsan siguro may mga bagay na sadyang hindi mo na malalaman yung reason. and siguro hindi mo rin naman talaga kailangang malaman pa.
narealize ko rin na ang dami ring areas sa buhay ko that requires fixing. i too requires fixing.
nandun yung feeling na hindi mo alam kung darating pa ba yung time kung saan malalaman mo nalang na, "ui, maayos na pala lahat.".. yung moment where everything seem to fall in their right place. iniisip ko kung darating pa ba yung time na yun.
sabi may power daw tayo to create the life we want for ourselves. more often than not, i feel powerless over my circumstances. kahet nga against sa sarili ko, at times, i feel powerless din. i know im wrong. i just hope i feel otherwise.
someday.. soon, maayos din lahat. i cant say these words with conviction just yet.. pero siguro someday, upon remembering this day, id smile and say, 'see, natapos din.' or something like that.
09:57 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
it's a thursday. just a day more and ill be saying hello to the weekends.
half of the year almost over. oh, how time flies.
will be turning a year older in a few more months. found myself searching for list of things one would do before the big three oh.. and yeah, i know i shouldve researched that back when i just turned 29, but, oh well.
funny though, i realized that most of the list i saw i actually done already... nakakatuwa dahil hindi naman pala talaga nasayang ang nakaraang dalawang taon.
anyway, wala akong maisip na 30 things.. i can only think of four and here it goes:
1. additional ear piercing
2. get inked. i want a sun in the nape and a rosary, maybe, on the wrist.
3. decent lacey underthingy (you get it!)
4. a body to match no. 3 
there. ive long been wanting to have a tattoo.. something badass.. i really like glaza de castro's tatts. her kanji tatts at the wrist looks cool, but i think ive seen enough kanji in my entire lifetime to have it marked on my skin for life, so i guess no kanji tattoo for me..
so yeah.. tatts. i guess the other 2 are rather easy. yung getting inked lang (and yung #4) ung challenging.. sometimes i think maybe i should just leave my body alone. afterall, i can always have it some other year naman or at least until i build up enough guts.. but we'll see.
--
reread the blog of my fav dj, vince g including the ones dated back to 2010. it kicked the dying motivation inside me back to life. also read there zig ziglar's quote that goes : "People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing, that's why we recommend it daily."-- well, oo nga naman.
sa ngayon, i think im getting back on track.
readying to take the world on..
watch me.
"Remember when you were a kid
When everything was within your reach,
And then say to yourself quietly, but with DETERMINATION:
IT STILL IS." - vincegolangco.com
09:55 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
finally friday!
will be seeing the girls for a saturdate tomorrow. and on sun, mom's post-bday celebration. we'll be meeting tita. i wonder if cousin will come along, i havent seen him for ages.
---
my appetite hasnt returned yet since the last time i got sick. foods still taste like bioflu. i often need to force myself to eat. ive got to do that if i dont want GERD to eat me alive. but, of course, im not complaining. ngayon lang ata nangyayaring kumakain ako ng cake and lose weight afterward. siguro dahil lasang bioflu rin yung cake. hehe.
---
things seem to be getting on smoothly lately. seems like the storm inside my head had finally subsided.
sa ngayon i want to plan my days just like the way i use to. im inching my way to the life i want and the first step is to know what that is. tama, mukhang malayo layong lakbayin pa eto, but even a small step is still a step closer, right?
---
im aching to join sha nacino's 90days book writing challenge, but it's too expensive. im thinking if bryan tracy's course will be a cheaper alternative, but i doubt it. well, it's bryan tracy, there's no way it can be cheaper right. i guess i have to do it on my own then. mejo naeexcite na ko.. i wish to hunt some book to help me on this kaso wala pa palang sahod. sh*t, im dead broke. wahhh!
pero ok lang.
i want to sign up for the toastmasters club soon. i know it CAN open a lot of doors for me.
---
wala parin akong naiisip na paraan kung paano ko maayos lahat, but im glad that the flame is back. that im back.
from here, alam kong kaya ko na to.
all smiles.
09:49 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
the office feels arctic, grabe malapit na ata ako ma-coma.
--
Monday's back. im suppose to device a battle plan on how im gonna make my life awesome, kaso tinatamad ako, bukas nalang. hahaha. sighs.
--
was chatting with some friend from my old company. funny just a few days ago, i was thinking how my life back in there is just a few years away and yet feels like it's been ages ago. it actually feels like everything was just a dream now.. yung parang hindi talaga nangyari. ganun.
still, i do not feel in anyway detached. especially since i have few friends there who still keep me posted about what's happening. but sometimes, part of me wants to burn the bridge completely. there are lot of times when im upset, bitter, pissed off, angry, whatever about the setup and all. plus yung mga might have beens. yung alam mo yun? ewan. basta nakakainis. if something about your past pisses you off, then it's best if you cut that off your life, right?.. pero kasi... sighs..
i guess i dont want to think about that anymore..
--
anyway. late na naman ako. 1min. kada liko at kada kanto kasi sa lugar namin, may inaayos na kalsada. kung kelan tag-ulan at kakasimula lang ng pasukan. very good. iniisip ko nga if mag board nalang kaya ko near office just like i use to? that way i can say yes to some night outs plus going to my weekend events wouldnt be so much of a hassle. pero kasi.. sighs.. ive done that before. i remember going home in deafening silence.i remember dreading the idea of going home kasi alam mong wala namang tao dun. yung tipong feeling mo iwewelcome mo na kahit multo basta may makausap ka lang. it was terrible. nakakalungkot ng bongga. ayoko na ng ganun.
--
know what, im starting to get so fed up with my life's setup lately. parang gusto ko na namang gumawa ng drastic change. yung tipong pag-sisisihan ko afterward? ganun? pero sa totoo nyan, konti lang naman yung mga bagay na nagawa ko tapos pinagsisihan ko. karamihan ng mga pinagsisihan ko e yung mga hindi ko nagawa. pero still, i dont think diving head first to my own destruction sounds like a good idea. siguro dapat stay put lang muna. or maybe i just need a break.
--
i havent been to the feast for quite some time. i havent been going to my panata wednesday either. ang weird weird. normal na tao ka ba pag nalulungkot ka twing hindi ka nakakapagsimba? siguro hindi na talaga ako normal na tao...
this week, the panata wednesday will have to pass. for my own sanity, it has to. namimiss ko narin talaga si fr. m. sana nandun sya.
02:25 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
