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Entries for October, 2016



Monday, October 3, 2016

pautang ng will power please

lazy monday. or maybe ako lang yung lazy. nakakatamad.

third day into project 31 and so far all i managed to write were half-baked junk that im starting to doubt if i really have a talent or what. leche.

nakakatamad.

had awesome weekend.

friday: tm night. won as the best prepared speaker. had dinner with g, mentor and others, and it felt like it was contest days all over again. namiss ko tong mga taong to.

sat sun: went out. ate out. had a family day out. ate out ulet. etc.

mejo tinatamad ako mag kwento.

oh, i also had a haircut. i now look like an apple. not in a good way, sadly.

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tomorrow marks exactly one month since the screening. i wonder if we made it. bahala na. mejo nakalimutan ko na ang tungkol sa mga bagay na to.

kung hindi ako mapipili, anong gagawin ko?

kung mapipili ako, anong gagawin ko?

hindi ko alam. pathetic.

shucks. ang sakit ng puso ko dahil sa mga lecheng tagalog love songs. haha! huhu! sighs.

i need to fix a few things in my life. actually hindi nga few. sa sobrang dami ng dapat ayusin parang gusto ko nalang ng bagong life altogether. ganun. haha. leche.

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among the sea of 1000 plus comments, did you see my "go, push, haha!!" one liner among them? you used to notice everything... i remember, you used to notice everything...

sucks to remember people at a time like this. not realy helping. leche.

hindi ko alam kung bakit wala na naman akong kagana gana sa buhay today.



Written by cinderellaareus at 01:38 PM.

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Thursday, October 13, 2016

hey

hello everyone!

it's kinda lonely when you only get to see your own posts and the posts of people who've added you as friends..

soooooooooo....

let's make this site social again and go public!! tara! : )



Written by cinderellaareus at 10:33 AM.

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Thursday, October 13, 2016

sweaty eyes

a few things making my eyes sweaty lately.

1. thangs

it's been nearly 2 months since she left. for some reason, i liked quite a number of dog related fb pages and i know this will not help me to move on. most of the posts are breaking my heart. but i guess there are just heartbreaks that one doesnt want to move on from.

there was this stray dog who's been coming to the house often. dad's been feeding him/her (i dont know the gender yet). i asked parents for us to keep the dog. dad said he will once it became tamed enough because right now it's still very fearful when approached. mom was against it but i told her that it could be my thangs reincarnated. i was just joking, but then i ended up imagining thangs being that dog left afraid, hungry and homeless, i almost ended up crying at the dining table.

2. that

i overheard crazy little thing airing at the pantry's tv. i dont know why im getting touchy about love-related topics lately. sometimes i feel ok about everything, but there are just those times when loneliness bites and it sucks.

i guess it's not really about having it. it is about those ugly voices inside your head that keep asking, "am i not lovable?" Boy, it damn hurts.

i trained myself to be a robot. to be not so emotional about anything. everything. maybe i didnt train myself enough.

3. them

just read the fb message from etm officers' group chat. g and mentor will be busy for business/work related matters. said this friday's meeting will be their last meeting for the year. they'll be delegating duties among club officers just so we can still have a meeting even without them around.

im happy for them but im just sad about not seeing them. 2.5 months. that's such a long time.

but then, maybe all these are just me pmsing



Written by cinderellaareus at 01:53 PM.

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Saturday, October 15, 2016

Little smiles

Yesterday, I had one of my rarest successes in the kitchen. Parents left and sis-in-law and niece went to the market to buy meds so I was left home and had the burden of preparing lunch for everyone. 

I don't really cook but I can at least open the stove. 

I cut the chicken into strips. Sauteed garlic and onion. Then I put water and salt. I added string beans, potato, bell pepper, carrots, and some yellow green veggie, name of which, I don't know. Maybe it's the one they call repolyo or pechay, I'm too lazy to Google.

Anyway,  I mixed all the ingredients and then added some sugar and tomato sauce. When I tasted what I made I was pretty surprised that it was more than edible. It actually tasted good. 

When mom came and ate,  she was like "grabe ka si yen pa pinagluto mo?" She thought it was sis-in-law's cooking. Lol. And sis-in-law is a great cook. Nice right? 

So I guess with this I'm ready to get married. Haha. 

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Received a friend request in Facebook from my favorite priest in the whole wide world,  father Mario. I'm a happy fangirl. I hope he's doing great in Rome. 



Written by cinderellaareus at 10:33 AM.

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Monday, October 17, 2016

dot

sabi dapat daw nag iingat tayo sa mga metaphor na ginagamit naten to describe our life.

i feel like a lot of things had been going on lately and i just cant find where i am amidst the chaos. it's like i was in there but not really. it's like im "lost" figuratively, but i feel lost literally. weird.

have you ever felt like this? that feeling when you cant feel your own presence?

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spent the weekends home. i was trying to make it up to my niece. for the past week, mom and i had been leaving the house right after i get back from work to go to some wellness program we enrolled in. it crushed my heart everytime i say goodbye to my niece and she will just wrap her arms around my waist or legs or whichever she can reach, wanting me to not leave and just stay home to play with her.

if i feel this bad and im just her tita, i wonder how much worse parents feel when they have to leave their little ones too.

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career decisions three years back were once again brought up yesterday when mom and i were talking. i tried to make her see how i have wonderful plans for my life but seeing how i lacked progress for the past three years, i guess it's just hard to win an argument if you cant present any evidences of your point. i wonder if mom is right.

there are things im sure i dont want to get back to, but is where i am now really a better option?

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TM night last friday. first TM night that started without g and mentor. i was the TME. g said it should be my role to entertain the guests. being my overly introverted, borderline anti-social self, the thought frightened me for real that when the first guests came, i thought im gonna get sick. lol. but hey, i made it. at least i was able to prove that i can talk to people i dont know without fainting. haha! but seriously, i actually enjoyed it.

it is also my task as the club secretary to text guests before and after the meeting. im just glad the some of them are replying and that they are not calling me "ate". haha!

one of our first-time guests was such a cutie pie. he actually looked like y's bf. i wonder if he's gay too. well, i hope not. i wonder if he's coming back for our next meeting in nov. Dear Universe, more cutie pie guests please..haha.

harot mo te.



Written by cinderellaareus at 03:46 PM.

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Friday, October 21, 2016

the kin in kinyoubi(friday) means gold

hello friday!

ive been exhausting my social juju for almost 2 weeks now and i feel desperate for some me-time that lately, everytime im home before going to sleep, i would climb up our sari-sari store, which is already closed by then, and i will just sit by the counter looking at the walls and ceilings. i found that this actually soothes me.

about 5 days in the wellness program with tita edna. my weight fluctuates high and low and im still having a hard time not to cheat on my diet, oh well. but despite that, i really feel better. better health is what we're after afterall.

saturday tomorrow. im looking forward to long sleep but im not so sure about that yet. i might go to makati with tita edna, im still waiting for the confirmation. if not, i might be going to some med test near home to check if i really got better. either way, id still be needing to wake up 5am at least so i guess, no more long sleep for me tonight.

ive been meeting people lately. most  of them are entreps. just like yesterday, i met someone who's in the business of supplying chicken. now we know where to buy chicken for a whole sale price that is considerably less than the price in the market. we're planning to buy and sell the chicken in our compound and earn an amount out of this.

they say that your income is the average of the income of the 5 people you often hang out with. if i hang out with these type of people more often, i wonder if my income will just miraculously shoot up. well, sana.

tita edna's an entrep herself. she's the supplier of our LPG, now she's leading a wellness program. she also sells surplus items from japan, longganisa, relyenong bangus and a lot more. an ultimate business woman indeed. most of the time, i watch tita edna do her thing. i can see in her the principles of successful selling that ive read in the books of og mandino, zig ziglar and a lot more. i dont know if tita edna had read these people but she's living by their principles and i think its amazing. no wonder she's been doing good.

i remember when bo sanchez mentioned that business is about relationship. tita edna mentioned something like that too. i doubt if she ever heard of bo sanchez. nakakatuwa lang.

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ive seen krys uy's blog about disney cruise and the other beautiful places she'd been into.

my dream is to bring mom and dad, or maybe the whole family (bro, sis-in-law and kaitlyn), to these beautiful places.

pag hindi ko nagawa to sa lifetime ko, malulungkot talaga ko.

Mother Universe, sana naman po, magawa ko to...



Written by cinderellaareus at 10:55 AM.

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Sunday, October 23, 2016

Power of five

We named her Mihan. 

She was the stray dog who kept coming back to our gate for food. Lately, she became more trusting to us, she was allowing us to pet her. Whenever dad will pick me up from the bus stop from work, she would go too. Whenever she see me,  she would bounce up and down and wag her tail frantically. I will then lean down and let her lick my hand. She was such a sweet dog. 

For weeks I've been begging mom to adopt Mihan and have her as our dog and she refused over and over again. She said she's tired of having so many dogs. We still have a handful and I really understand where mom's coming from because I experienced how hard it is firsthand back when they were in Surigao. I didn't argue. 

Last night, I asked the Heavens to give Mihan a rightful home. There were kids who had been bullying her and she will never be safe at the street with many tricycles that could hit her anytime. She really need to be taken home and out of the street. 

This morning I was attending to some customer when I heard a dog scream. I asked the kids who we're buying to us then and they said that a dog was hit by a tricycle. 

I asked brother to check. Said it was Mihan and she was limping. I was just so happy she wasn't dead. But I was so angry too I was trying not to cry. I hate how some people can be careless about the lives of the dogs and cats in the street. I can't understand how it can be so easy for them to hit them just like that. 

I checked Mihan myself and at first she was scared of me. I was surprised that mom followed and told me to see if I can pick Mihan up and bring her home. 

I was all smile. Mihan is our dog now. She's still limping but it doesn't look serious. She will heal in no time I'm sure. 

The number of our dogs is back to being five. Funny I just asked the Heavens to give Mihan a rightful home and it turned out that that home is ours. 

I'm just so happy. Thank you po,  Heavens. 

PS: I found that Mihan doesnt like bread. It's pretty unlikely for a stray dog to be picky with food, right? I remember my late dog, Thangs, didn't like bread too. I wonder if Mihan is really my Thangs reincarnated. Yeah,  I know that's silly. Haha! 



Written by cinderellaareus at 09:50 AM.

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Friday, October 28, 2016

hey!

Happy FridaY!

im so excited for the weekends all to watch scary news mags on tv. all smiles. : )

a few days before nov and i feel like its nov already. ive actually been feeling like this for more than a week now.

a lot of things to happen on nov. kaitlyn's birthday, kcon and nini's wedding. all of which are this year's major events.

i dont really feel excited.. i feel... erm, neutral? idk. i just want to have it over with. but if there's any among these events that's making me even just a tiny bit excited, perhaps it's nini's wedding. will be going to the place a day earlier and she's providing me hotel accomodation for that. i soooo miss staying in a hotel, just the thought of staying in one is making me giddy already.

part of me is thinking if im gonna see R too. i dont want nini to get all suspicious so i didnt ask. i guess i will just find out.

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might be delivering my bsp6 next fri. i shouldve finished it by now, pero wala pa kong natatapos. i wanted to write something horror to make my speech timely. badtrip lang, to get inspiration i tried reading a lot of horror stories. a lot of them were so creepy i ended up scaring myself. natakot na tuloy akong magkwento ng nakakatakot, baka mag backfire saken. huhu. takte. anong petsa na. im pretty sure i need at least a week to memorize...

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i usually get excited whenever im looking forward to an event. i guess the reason why im not right now was because of the budget. sighs..

i want to wake up one day and im super rich already.

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last week i was reading a book about decluttering. perhaps the book was effective because the weekend right after i read it, i fixed my closet. i took off all the clothes i no longer use and started hanging some of them in front of our store to sell. i started with my dresses since all my unused clothes could not fit our store. i tried selling them 50 pesos apiece and they were good clothes.

though i dress like a pauper now, there was once in my life where i only wear branded clothes. jeez, it was just a few years but felt like ages ago.

soon enough, my dresses were sold. i was able to sell 6 out of 10 on day 1 alone. not bad. truth be told, even if id be able to sell it all out, my earnings from the sales will still not be enough to buy me even one of these clothes of the same brand. i think i still miss my mayamanin days too, but not so much anymore.

i still aim to be rich though. i want to bring mom and dad to beautiful places before they became too old to walk. i will let them taste gellato and pizza in italy. ramen in japan. real swiss chocolate from switzerland then belgian choc from belgium. we will go to museums, cruise ships, high-end hotels, have an african safari, drink pina colada in hawaii, have a full body massage in bali... mga ganon. gusto ko talaga non.



Written by cinderellaareus at 03:56 PM.

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Monday, October 31, 2016

ギブアップします

i tried a lot of times to write my 6th basic speech project and failed. vp ed is yet to post an updated speech sched so im hoping maybe she'll stick to the old sched which was sent before we had an officer's meeting. i feel so drained right now im finally giving up trying. i wonder what will happen on friday.

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thought if christina last night. i tried to sleep. i just couldnt so i had to wake up dad and made him sleep in my room so i can sleep into their room next to mom. i wonder if i have a psychiatric problem. leche.

there are things i was able to learn about death as i get older. i learned that classmates can die and babies, no matter how cute they are, are not excempted from dying too. i remember kuya leo lost a daughter who was barely 3 years old. i sometimes look at kaitlyn and shudder at the thought that it could happen to her too. i dont know how did i became this morbid.

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i was reading some fb post about someone who was giving creative writing seminars for the people in jail and the story of some inmate she was calling "bunso". i found it so moving i must've looked stupid this morning wiping tears off my cheeks while munching on my hard-boiled egg.

i wonder what happened to "bunso". he disappeared three years ago so we cannot really relate this to the current extra-judicial killings, though i dont think we can dismiss the possibility.

i understand why other people support this whole war on drug thingy. believe me, i understand. i just wish we can have a better option.

---

i feel so sad for no reason. PMS, is that you? leche.



Written by cinderellaareus at 03:59 PM.

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