Entries for January, 2022
Yesterday, woke up wanting to live the mantra, "today, I shall judge nothing that occur."
E kaso, ayun. Umepal si Robert.
Ayoko sanang bigyan sya ng space sa blog na to, pero siguro for documentation, ilalagay ko na rin.
It all started when he made a "haha" react on my message sa work gc para mag aux to do backlogs. I didn't feel like letting it slide, so I asked, "what's with the 'haha' react?". And he went on to complain about my auxes. Of course I went ahead to defend myself, with matching screenshots to prove my point. I challenged him to show proof and file a formal complaint, and he responded with nonsensical rants, plus a "hahaha".
The TL stepped in. He talked to each of us to hear our points individually, and also investigated the matter. Ayun, lumabas tuloy na sya may pinakamaraming aux saming lahat. Lol.
TL asked me to be calm and not turn our gc to a battlefield. Nirequest nya rin na burahin namin yung mga messages namin dun. Ang sarap kalbuhin ni Robert kahit matagal na syang panot. Nakakatawa na ang kapal ng apog nya to accuse me of things e sya yung maraming escalations.
Kahit nung new hire palang ako, I already noticed that Robert had a habit of looking down on people. Well, hindi nya ako pwedeng i-bully. Education, language skills, and tech skills, wala syang binatbat sakin. Excuse me.
Lintek sya, hindi ko sya uurungan kahit umabot kami sa HR. The data are all there. Kita kitang naman kung sino sa amin ang mas productive.
Lol. Hinga ng malalim. Hahaha.
Sabi ng TL ko, kalma lang daw. Sinabi nya rin na wala akong dapat i-explain dahil nakikita nya ang productivity ko sa trabaho. Kung di nya kami inawat, hindi ko titigilan si Robert. Confident ako sa performance ko sa work at hindi ako katulad nya na nag i-slack off. Hanggang ngalngal lang sya at wala syang mapapatunayan dahil di totoo ang pinag-sasabi nya. I'll make this moron pay for crossing me.
Okay, joke lang. Ayokong mag spend ng energy to make that impakto's life a living hell. He's probably living that life already. Iniisip ko nalang na baka hindi masarap ang ulam nya or baka hindi sya minahal ng magulang nya nung bata pa sya kaya para syang pinaglihi sa sama ng loob. Lol.
Hayst. So much for "today, I shall judge nothing that occur". Nanggagalaiti talaga ako kay Robert. Gusto ko syang tirisin.
When I was younger, I used to forgive people easily. Pero ngayon, ewan ko ba. I feel like I'm starting to be the type of person I hate. Masarap naman ang ulam namin, at minahal naman ako ng mga magulang ko nung bata pa ko. I know I shouldn't be behaving like this.
For a long time in a while, I asked the Heavens for help. Ayokong patuloy na magalit. Even today, I'm still trying.
On a happy note, Wednesday ngayon, at off ko na bukas. Ayoko sana lumabas dahil ayoko gumastos, but the bank called, and I need to pick-up my rewards card. We also have an appointment with our ENT.
Maraming dapat isipin at pagbuhusan ng enerhiya kesa sa galit ko kay Robert.
The kittens will be 2 months old on Feb 2, which will make their mother cat eligible for kapon. Iniisip ko pa lang yung sakit na ie-endure ng pusa ko, naiiyak na ko.
Hayst. I wish my heart is so much stronger than this.
10:11 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Today was quite a difficult day for our family.
I remember Bro. BO Sanchez used to mention about being in a "surrendered place", while he was battling with Covid.
Paano ba mag surrender?
We met with the doctor today. Siguro maaga pa para manlumo, but that's how I feel. I was confident when I got our lab results as I had listened well to the discussions that I had with the doc.
Pero kasi, hindi namin napag-usapan yung yung tungkol sa tirads.
Mom has multiple nodules in her thyroid. 1 is tirads 1, 2 are tirads 4 and 1 is tirads 5.
I have 1 nodule. Tirads 4.
Doc said that past tirads 3, the nodule is suspicious and could be malignant. I just searched the possibility of malignancy, and it's pretty high. Even for me at tirads 4, more for Mom who has tirads 5.
I'm supposed to get a biopsy. The hospital said my health card doesn't cover the radiologist's TF, so I need to shell out 15k cash for the biopsy. Lord knows, I have the money, but I don't want to spend that much when I know we would be spending so much more if either or both of me and my mom happen to have cancer.
Sa totoo lang, naiiyak na ko kanina, but I know my mom easily gets scared when it comes to getting operated. I know I need to be strong. I even joked that we'll need to record her voice in case she'll lose it from the operation. Sabi kasi ng doc, sa last 10 patients nya who had surgery, dalawa "lang" yung naapektohan ang boses. In my perspective, that's a whopping 20% rate. Naiiyak na naman ako thinking I wouldn't hear mom's natural voice anymore.
Only to find, na posibleng ako rin pala, kailanganing magpa opera.
We'll be in so much trouble if I get sick. Lalo na pag nawalan ako ng boses. My work revolves in my voice... I mean... it's just unimaginable.
Bukod don, ako ang main source of income ng pamilya. So grabe. Ewan. Hindi ko talaga alam.
At hindi lang yan ang pangit sa araw na ito. Brother will be sending his wife and kids sa Cavite today. He learned kasi na 2 of his workmates are positive with covid and he got exposed. He went on a half day leave today. Hewears mask at home. The test he had was an antigen test. He tested negative. But just to be sure, he still trying to be more careful.
My niece and nephew, our house's source of joy, will be far away for indefinite time, ngayon pang kailangan namin ng mama ko ng something that will keep us sane.
Ang panget ng pasok ng taon. It could get better, or could get worse. Ang hirap maging positive. Sinusubukan ko, ang hirap.
Bahala na sa amin ang langit.
06:11 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Ikatlong araw na magmula ng huminto ako sa pagkain ng matatamis. Zero sugar/artificial sugar, zero fruit, zero fried food. Paksiw at sabaw lang ang ulam ko lagi, tapos tsaa at tubig lang ang drinks. 2 days back, nagluto ako ng spaghetti na walang asukal. Masarap pa rin naman. Nalungkot lang ako na di rin ako makakain ng tinapay. I love tinapay.
On the 2nd day, I've lost about 1 kilo. Pero today, I have the exact same weight as yesterday.
I've been reading Ted's earthclinic archive on cancer. Sinusubukan kong sundin yung mga recommendations nya. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kelan ko mapapangatawanan to.
Feeling ko, hindi naman ako takot ma deds. Ewan ko kung anong point in trying to be healthy. But then again, wala namang mawawala. Mas makakatipid pa ko dahil di na ko bibili ng junk food at kakain sa labas.
Mom doesn't plan to get operated. Injection nga lang nanginginig na yun, opera pa kaya. Ayoko rin syang pilitin lalo na't sabi ng doc, sa age nya, may risk na magka cardiac arrest sya during operation, kahit na ma clear nya pa yung cardio check up. Baka mas mapadali pa ang buhay nya kung magpapa opera sya.
We've been taking some herbal meds recommended by my tita. Dito daw kasi nawala ang mga bukol bukol ni Tito sa katawan. I've checked the ingredients myself, at wala naman dun yung mga ingredients na sinabi ni Ted na dapat iwasan, so sabi ko, go na.
Basta walang sugar, walang calcium, keriboom.
If my mom wouldn't get operated, why would I? Hindi na rin ako nagpabiopsy. Parami rin kasi ng parami ang COVID these days, at malayo ang East ave. Sa totoo lang, I feel neutral about my own situation. Ang concern ko lang, if I get so sick, who will find a way to get money for my mom in case she decides to proceed with the operation? I know my brother will never abandon our parents, but I also know that he doesn't earn so much, and he has a family to feed. It has to be me.
Pero okay lang. Mom thinks living for 64 years is enough already. I also think the same at 36. Siguro ganito yung "surrender".
2 days since we met with the doc, alam kong hindi nakakatulog ang mama ko. Though mom doesn't snore, she sleeptalks daily, as in walang mintis. Pero 2 days since the appointment with doc, tahimik syang matulog. That was why I knew she wasn't sleeping. I felt a little relieved dahil last night, nagising akong may inaaway na naman ang nanay ko sa panaginip nya. I'm glad that my mom is starting to sleep normally again.
Alam ko, magiging maayos din ang lahat.
05:51 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Brother's swab test just came this morning. Positive. As instructed, ininform na namin ang brgy. Nung una, kinabahan pa ko na baka ilock kami dito sa bahay. Pero now at 2:34pm na wala paring feedback, mejo naiirita nalang ako sa kawalan ng sense of urgency. Baka magaya to dun sa kidnapang naganap malapit samin noon, kung saan nanggising pa yung mga pulis by midnight na para mag imbistiga. Baka naman hating gabi sila mangakatok kung kelan tulog na ang lahat.
So far, we're doing the obvious. Sinara namin ang tindahan at di kami lumalabas. Ininform na rin namin ang tita ko who lives next door na nag positive si kuya para at least makapag-ingat sya from us.
Si Mama, may ubo't sipon. Both Dad and I don't have any symptoms at all. Takot ako sa swab test. Nung una nag alala pa ko na baka sapilitan kaming i-test ng brgy, but I realized, I must've expected too much from our LGU. Lol.
Ewan. Naiirita ako ngayon. Maybe because it's that time of the month, and my cramps is exceptionally painful than usual.
Naiirita pa ko na kahit di na ko kumakain ng kahit anong may asukal, e lalo akong lumalayo sa target bloodsugar ko na 4.8. I was 5.0 the 1st time I checked. Naging 5.3, tas today 6.0. Hindi ko maintindihan. Nung 1st time na nag check ako, katatapos lang ng new year celebration at andami ko pang kinaing ice cream at cake. Ewan ko kung bakit tumataas. I just ordered a new glucose meter from Indoplas' official shopee. Baka kasi dahil to sa meter na gamit ko. I skipped eating rice kaninang lunch. Baka naman kasi rice ang reason. Hopefully mapababa to sa next test. I know 6 is still within normal bloodsugar range. I just want to meet the target. Sabi kasi na Ted, dapat below 5.
I'm consistently losing weight though. I've lost 2 kilos in a week kahit na nagmemeyenda pa ako ng kanin. But I'm more concerned with my sugar level kesa sa weight ko at this point.
While typing this, I can hear my tita warning my other tita not to go out. Alam na nilang positive ang kapatid ko. Earlier this morning, isa sa mga fears ko e ang madesciminate ang pamilya namin, but I realized that, lol... our family was never the type that can be bullied.
Wala naman sigurong dapat ipagalala. Lalo na't natutulog pa yata ang LGU namin at wala pang pake na may nag positive sa area. Lol.
Bahala na.
02:54 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I happened to click the Netflix JP series, "My Love Mix-up". Natapos ko all 10 episodes today. I love the main characters, Ida and Aoki. I was never a fan of BL romance, pero sobrang kinilig talaga ko sa dalawang to.
I want more eps! Bakit ba ang iikli ng mga JP series?
Really thankful in finding this series. Even just for today, nakalimutan kong ang dami ko nga palang problema.
Ang cute cute ni Ida and Aoki. I love them so much. I love them for eachother. ❤
Ano pa bang magandang series?
Just finished Jujutsu Kaisen. Started watching Manifest. Ok naman yung Manifest, pero hindi kasi nakaka uplift ng mood gaya ng My Love Mix-Up.
I need more series like this.
10:03 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
And this is how Ida-kun looks like in manga. Goodness.
04:38 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Started having symptoms a few days back. Una discomfort lang sa throat, ngayon, my firecrackers na. I need to clear my throat very often, ang hirap talaga mag calls.
Pero syempre, kaylangan ko ng pera.
Been saving as much as I can these days. Para magkagipitan man, may pang opera ako kay mama. And maybe for myself too. Ang hirap matulog these days when your brains has this habit of making you remember all your fears at night right when you want to rest.
Hayst.
Tapos, mukhang buntis na naman yung pusa ko. I'm supposed to have her neutered by February pag naka 2 months na yung mga kittens nya. Kaso ayun, buntis na naman. Hindi ko kayang ipa abort. Buhay pa rin yun, kahit kuting yon.
I'm thinking maybe it's best for everyone if I'll have the kittens that we have now, adopted, lalo na't there are more on the way. My kittens are very cute, I think they'll get adopted easily.
Kaso iniisip ko palang, naiiyak na ko. Iniisip ko na yung new kittens nalang ang ipa adopt, pero pano kung ganito ulet?
Ewan.
Gusto ko nang yumaman. Yung hindi ko na kailangang ipagluto ang mga pusa ko para makatipid. Yung di ko kailangan mag report sa work kahit masama ang pakiramdam ko. Yung magkasakit man kami, kahit paano, may panlaban kami dahil meron kaming pera...
But I'm really grateful that I have this job. Alam ko, pinagpapala parin kami ng langit.
4 days nang nakasara ang tindahan namin. Bukod sa walang benta ang cat food ko, nag aalala rin ako sa alaga ng kapitbahay namin na sa amin bumibili ng cat food. Baka gutom na ang mga pusa nya.
Wala pa ring feedback from the LGU. Binabase lang namin ang aming lock down period sa aming konsensya. Fiesta dito kahapon. May work, di ko nakita yung prosisyon mula sa bintana.
Namimiss ko yung time na I can look forward and dream about the future where I'm giving my parents a greater life.
Ngayon, natatakot nalang ako palagi.
Hay, Universe. Help us, please.
10:00 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Been watching Black Clover lately. I just started season 2. This might take a month or so to finish. Average shonen, pero entertaining naman. The best parin yung plot ng Naruto.
Also watching Demon Slayer... waiting each week for new ep. Actually read few volumes on the manga, kaso naiispoil yung anime, so I guess I'll just wait.
Whenever I feel like I'm wasting my time doing all these, iniisip ko na lang, this is just an enjoyable way to be better in Japanese, di ba?
I wish there are better JP live action series though. My Love Mix-up is so good, it may take a while to find another that will rival this one. May season 2 na ba ng Alice In Boarderland?
Also watched Run On Time to stalk Ren Meguro and Shunsuke Michieda. They are the main casts of My Love Mix-up. They belong to the idol groups Snow Man and Naniwa Danshi respectively. Kahit hindi ako mahilig sa music, na enjoy ko naman. Pinanood ko yung Takizawa Kabuki Zero 2020 the Movie dahil nandun ang Snow Man. Boy, I love them.
Grabe, dami kong time.
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Todo tipid lately. My target is to spend only 5k per cut-off para mas malaki ang maitabi kong pera. I still have over 1k to spend bago mag next cut-off. Tapos na rin ang quarantine namin at pwede na lumabas. Hindi nga lang rin ako makaka eat out because I am on a no sugar, no fried food diet. Mahirap humanap ng ganung pagkain sa labas. Lalo na't pescetarian pa ko.
Pag health ang reason, mas madali palang sumunod sa dietary restrictions. I don't really feel deprived, lalo na't halos araw araw akong kumakain ng spaghetti. Di nga lang masarap dahil walang asukal, pero pwede na.
Been losing about 2 kilos per week. Kung magtutuloy tuloy to, I will weigh 50 kilos by April. I've never seen myself that thin. Kaya kaya?
Sana kaya! Excited na kong mag fit sa mga damit kong hindi pa kasya now, but maybe kasya na by then.
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Siguro, magiging maayos din ang lahat no?
10:49 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Less than 2 hrs into my shift, drained na drained agad ako.
In this line of work, I've worked with people from of different nationalities. Pero alam mo ba kung anong nationality yung pinaka entitled and pinaka nakakainis sa lahat.
Pinoy.
Tokwa, di rin naman ako maka reklamo dahil ganun din naman kasama yung ugali ko. Lol.
I feel like the children of the new generation have gotten so much better than their predecessors. Mas magaganda. Mas smart. Mas talented. I can see it in own neice and nephew. Pati mga anak ang pinsan ko ganun din. These children are exceptional.
Kaya pakiradam ko, it's on us, adults, to make sure that the next generation will grow up with strong sense of morality. I mean, great minds mixed with evil intent will call for massive disasters. Remember Hitler. Remember Marcos Sr.
Naalala ko lang how children are being raised in Japan. They were raised to be polite and hardworking. Their mind were conditioned to admire great effort.
E tayo? Aren't we raised to be so full of ourselves, pretending to do things excellently with very little efforts, entitled to have the best while offering less?
I don't know. It can't be just me, di ba? Ang yayabang kaya ng mga Pinoy.
Hayst. Gusto ko pumunta sa Japan. Kung walang Pandemic, it could've been easier. I want to bring my parents there tas kakakin kami ng masasarap na pagkain. I also want to go on a separate trip there with LA, and maybe with Mel too. Manonood kami ng concert ng Snow Man. Baka ma meet ko si Ren in person. Eeeeeee!!!!
Hayst. Gusto kong mag work from home forever, pero gusto ko na rin matapos ang pandemic. Universe, can I have both?
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Nakakatamad today. Gusto na mag Thursday.
10:57 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Napanood namin sa kmjs kagabi yung babae na yung thyroid cancer e nag cause ng malaking bukol sa ulo nya. As we were watching, Mom was like "nangiginig tuloy ako. Nanlalamig kamay ko."
I told her not be scared. We don't even know if we have cancer.
With all the money that I have, I'm still halfway into having 7 digits. Hindi ko alam kung sapat ba ang pera ko to make sure that mom's medical needs are met. Syempre, that is if I am to set aside my own. Though Mom doesn't plan to get operated, I still need to prepare when the need arise.
I love creating concoctions for medical and cosmetic purposes. I stopped using regular toothpaste on my teeth back in college. I've been making my own since. I still use toothpaste to soften the lips.
About 2 years ago, I made my own antifungal that I used for my cat's ringworm when they were kittens. It changes the color of their fur, but other than that, it appeared to be safe and effective. Dad uses the same concoction on his feet. Even infected toe nails that doctors were not able to cure, my concoction was able to cure.
I also make my own toner. This is the only product that made my skin even-toned. There may be effective products out there, but I doubt if they'll be as cheap. Mom used to laugh on how I make my own stuff, thinking I was crazy, but after seeing the results, she started using the toner herself.
I recently created another mixture. I am hoping this will seep through the skin and attact the potentially cancerous nodules, without harming anything else. The ingredients are a little more expensive than my other concoctions, and they are quite hard to find. The preparation is also very difficult. I planned to have Mom use it, but she refused. She still doesn't believe in my mixtures, despite my previous successes. Well, I can't really blame her. My mixtures do appear a little crazy. This anti-cancer mixture, for one, actually stings when applied.
But it doesn't leave any rashes or discoloration. My neck still looks normal. I still can't measure how effective it is though. Maybe in the next 6 months.
I just wish Mom will give it a try. If Mom will not get operated, then this is our other chance to get healed. If it turned out to be ineffective, at least I am sure that this is generally safe to use. I think. Maybe. Lol.
Hayst. Ang hirap ng may sakit. Ang hirap pag may sakit ka na nga, may sakit pa ang mga mahal mo sa buhay.
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I finished Black Clover a few days back. Good thing VIU has its season 4. Season 5 may take a while. Mamimiss ko si Yami danchou, Charmi, Lil, lahat sila. Ang cu cute nila.
今ここで限界を越える。
Nakakatuwa na halos lahat ng napapanood kong anime ay may common message na "go beyond your limit". I'm pretty sure these have been inspiring people all over the world to dream and become better. Nakakairita lang ang karamihan ng pinoy series e puro tungkol sa pangangaliwa at pakikiapid, as if inspiring people to do the same. We really need better scriptwriters.
Started watching Fruits Basket. I've watched it when I was younger, pero di ko maalala kung may season 2 at final season na ba back then. My free premium subscription in VIU will expire by Feb. I love Netflix's control better, pero kasi andaming anime na wala sa Netflix pero meron sa VIU. And VIU is actually cheaper... iniisip ko kung mag sa subscribe ba ko. Alam kong kailangan kong magtipid.
Hayst. Pano ba ko yayaman?
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Weeee! Snow Man pala kumanta ng ilan sa mga OST ng Black Clover. Kaya pala ang ganda. Yiiiii!!
10:30 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
