Entries for May, 2016



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Friday: May 6, 2016



back to work. nagbabakasyon parin ang utak ko. i wouldve filed a leave for today too if it wasnt for toastmasters.

sa totoo lang tinatamad akong pumunta. it's gonna be our election night tonight. i was nominated to be the secretary. ayoko naman talaga maging officer, pero sigurado akong malulungkot ako kung hindi nila ako iboboto... ang labo lang no?

our supposed family outing on 8th to some waterfalls in rizal was cancelled. but we will be having another one at a resort somewhere nearer. mom invited some distance relatives. hindi ako excited.

ang daming gagawin. spent the last 1 week working on our NC Mnl. i recorded a few vids only to delete them afterwards kasi ang pangit ng quality. pero hindi naman nasayang ang lahat ng paghihirap kasi at least now im getting the hang of things.. konting pilit pa ng sarili at pasasaan ba at mairaraos rin namin to. yang and i agreed to conduct a free teaser seminar on these. yeah FREE. at least no pressure. in case i mess up, wala silang marereklamo, libre naman e. sa part na to sobrang naeexcite na ko.

i had a wierd dream a few days back. i was at a mall. tas there was some glass stairs na kita yung sahig na ang lakas maka fear of heights. umiilaw pa yung steps ng stairs in a way that makes it looks like its losing some of its steps. ganun. i failed to climb up the stairs. then i was with someone from the past. in the dream, i was resting my head on his shoulders. i thought it was real. it felt real kasi. ang wierd... i didnt know na mamimiss parin pala kita.

M was asking me na punta daw kami sa davao para sa midcon. Lord knows id love to go. siguro kaya ko naman. mahirap lang. lalo na ngayong we're working on some project. i might need to dish out an amount from time to time. pero pramis, pag nag work ang project na to, i will. please pray for me.

election in a few. umaasa parin ako sa milagro. RORO supporters held an interfaith rally yesterday. i was reading OUR page (yeah, i dearly call it OUR because im one of them) and was in tears. nakakainspire kasi silang basahin. when i read na a certain religious group announced their support for a certain candidate i dont like, i felt really really down. malaki kasi ang population ng group na yon at karamihan ng sinusoportahan nila nananalo. pero nung binasa ko yung page namin, lakas makahawa ng fighting spirit nila. parang kahet papano nagkaron ako ulet ng pag-asa. muntik na nga akong sumama sa interfaith rally.. kaso tapos na nung nabasa ko.. haha.

hindi man kami manalo, mamahalin ko tong mga taong to. hindi man kami magkakakilala nainspire parin ako sa kanila. ilang araw pa bago mag may 9. siguro lahat naman tayo naniniwala na yung choice naten ang tama. posibleng mali ako. basta ang alam ko lang, if someone we believe in could bring people together like this, there must be something good about that person, right? naalala ko nung huling tipon tipon ng silent majority.. nakakatuwa, nilinis pa nila ang luneta after. natutuwa ako na naging part ako ng RORO.

sa may 9 matatapos na ang lahat ng to. sabi nila pag nagdasal ka daw para sa welfare ng iba, pakikinggan ka daw ng Diyos. gusto ko lang ng peace para sa lahat. para sa pilipinas. para sa mundo. iniisip ko kung masyado bang malaking pabor yun na hilingin ng isang tulad ko lang. in the end, Ikaw parin po ang magdedecide, God.

kung may genie ngayon na mag ga grant saken nag tatlong wish, ang hihilingin ko lang e,

world peace.

tapos love life.

tapos maraming pera.

....

ayan, hindi ko na nakalimutan ang love life. lol.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:06 PM.

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wag ngayon
Sunday: May 8, 2016



Dear headache,

Wag ngayon. Busy Ako. Balik ka nalang ulet. Huhu.

Love,

Z

***

I don't know whats with this skull breaking headache again. I'm also having a hard time sleeping for more than a couple of days now. I really don't know what the f is going on with my system.

Campaign period over. Then a day. Then election na. Naisip ko Lang na siguro all of us are seeing things from different lenses. Kaya siguro kahet pare parehas Lang tayo ng tinitingnan, magkakaiba parin yung nakikita natin. I wonder who among us are wearing the right lens. Pero I guess,  that won't matter anymore. 

Nalulungkot Ako madalas lately. Hindi ko rin Alam. Siguro kasi masakit yung ulo ko.. or baka dahil kasi 3 Lang kami sa bahay. Possible rin na dahil Hindi na ko nakakapag simba. Pwede nmn Ako mgfeast sa feast malapit samen...  Pero kc nakakalungkot rin mag feast mag isa. Bigla ko tuloy nmiss ang Wednesday mass ko. Bigla ko tuloy namiss si father Mario... I know I can go to some parish near us.. but.. I don't know. I just want to protect the happy feeling that I always remember whenever I go to the mass. The last that I remember from our parish e yung init at ingay dahil sa dami ng mga bata. Ayokong ma i-relate ng subconscious mind ko sa init at ingay ang pagsisimba. Kya either sa feast lng or sa chap nmen sa Mega lng Ako nagsisimba..

Sighs...

Lord... gusto ko ng kasama Kong magsisimba...

***

Headache's getting really more demanding of my attention.  I got to end this.  Ciao!



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:14 AM.

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kyuu
Monday: May 9, 2016



Just got up from a nap. The headache finally subsided. Siguro, tulog nga Lang. Been sleeping way past 12am these past few days. Last sat night I was up until 4am and kanina, I slept at almost 2am. Someone added me up to the TSM(the silent majority) fb group. Talaga palang may ganung group. I thought it's just a name we call ourselves, who support a common candidate. Hindi naman Talaga Ako mapolitikang Tao, pero promise, nakakahook sila. nakaka inspire at ang lakas maka good vibes. their posts made me, and is still making me smile and sometimes cry, which i figured, must be the he reason for this headache lately. Ang saya magbasa at magcomment. They sure bash other candidates too, pero in a good-natured way na tamang nakakatawa lang... well, meron ding mas grabe, pero all in all good vibes pa din. 

Today matatapos na ang eleksyon. sa tingin ko mamimiss ko to. Narealize ko na minsan masaya rin na mangialam at makigulo at i-allow ang ibang tao na marinig ang opinion mo. Nakakatuwa makiisa sa mga tao na may parehas na opinyon gaya sayo kahet na hindi mo sila kilala. Ang saya lang ng feeling na parang nakipaglaban ka side by side with these people for a common cause that is bigger than urself and ur petty life issues. Lakas maka feeling hero at feeling patriotic lang... ganun. Siguro in our dull lives, minsan masaya ring i entertain ang mga ganitong klaseng drama.

Past 6am ng pumunta kami sa aming voting precinct ng aking pamilya. Nung turn ko na ayaw kainin ng VCM ang aking balota. Nakailang baliktad na ko, away talaga. Pinauna na nila yung nasa likod ko. yung kanya kinain. anak ng tooot na VCM to.. bakit yung saken ayaw mo? huhu! Naalala ko tuloy yung isang joke na nabasa ko sa tsm:

"sabi nila ang binoto daw nila "du***te" pero "roxas" ang lumabas. Grabe kahet PCOS machine ayaw kay d*gong.

Then someone commented,

"like ko yang PCOS machine na yan."

Which made me lol so i commented too:

"ang smart smart ng PCOS machine. Alam nia ang tama at dapat na iboto."

Wala lang... naisip ko lang tuloy na "karma ba to? ayaw ba ng vcm kay mar?" Praning Lang. Haha. When the guy behind me finished his turn, i tried once again. Nagsimula na kong tawagin ang pangalan ng ibat ibang santo kasi ba naman the next try ayaw parin. I tried one more try and hallelujah! It was finally a success. I later learned when we got home na some precinct in our area had mulfinctioning vcm's kinailangan pang maghintay ng mga voters for replacement. Thanks God dahil lahat kami ay maayos na nakaboto.

Initially, in the 4 members of our family, only mom and i support roro, while dad and bro support aldub(alyansang duterte at bongbong). in the end, bro was converted to roro and as for dad, he did vote for leni, but refused to vote mar and voted poe instead. Hmmp. Sayang rin yng one vote for mar, pero at least hindi si *.

2 hours before the election ends. walang alam kung sinong mananalo. Naalala ko lang nung miting de abanse kung saan umiyak si mar. Alam ko namang ako man e nakikita ang mga bagay bagay in my own lens. ako man e bias din. Pero sabi ng lens ko, umiyak si mar kasi na overwhelm sia sa dmi ng sumoporta s  kanya and in his heart he's saying 'hindi ko kayo bibiguin.' Kung hindi mananalo ang taong to, malulungkot talaga ko.

As for leni, i think its very obvious, with or without lens.. she's the best vp we can ever have. It can be spotted with one look unless you wear a really thick glasses. hindi lang lungkot ang mararamdaman ko pag di nanalo ang taong to kundi panghihinayang. We can rarely see gems like this in politics. Really...

so ayan. Tapos na eleksyon. Maybe ill be back to my normal programming after this.... or maybe after the results perhaps?.. bahala na..



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:19 PM.

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heavy steps
Monday: May 9, 2016



Ang hirap huminga...

Gusto Kong magleave kahit 1week lang... I need to mourn for this. 

Wounded. Defeated. Ganun yung feeling.

Ganun na Ganun. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:43 PM.

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moving on
Wednesday: May 11, 2016



for days i slacked off from the things i should be doing. now i got to go back to my regular programming.

mejo nakakastress..

i just read mm's past post about his analysis on poverty in our country(wait, commercial. i just remember it made me giddy when i found out that my super idol mm too thinks mar roxas is the best one we got! ang galing!).. naisip ko lang, kung wala man akong maiitutulong, kailangang at least e wag na kong dumagdag pa sa dami ng mahihirap at naghihirap sa bansa. hehe.

im a few months away from my 3rd year mark in this company. last feb 15 marked the 3rd year of my attempt to change my life and boy, it did change. but im nowhere near where i wanted to be yet. maybe i was naive for thinking i can achieve the things that i want in a year with minimal effort. i sure learned. i dont know how far i am from my goal, but at least i know ive gotten far. even just this far.

but im having a lot of realizations lately. wala lang. may nabasa kasi akong somewhere that says something like, pag natuto ka daw maging masaya with very little, hindi ka daw mahihirapang maging masaya. im just amazed on how i managed to simplify my life. stripped with all my usual kaartehan from 3 years ago and yet, i learned to live with it. with very little. and even managed to be happy despite of it. kung may isang bagay na matatawag kong naging achievement ko for the last 3 years, siguro, yung maturity na ito yun. of course, i still have a long way to go.

--

ilang araw lang ang lumipas. parang tambak agad ang mga dapat kong gawin.

i should be having my bsp4 on fri.. mentor sort-of reminded me about it. told him already that i cant deliver on fri  kasi hindi ako makasulat because im still heartbroken over mar roxas not winning the election. yeah, sinabi ko talaga kay mentor. haha. see, i dont lie to people i respect (cant would be more apt). and come on, what else can i say? im still sad about it now(wait, kala ko ba move on ka na sa election? haha)... but life has to go on somehow, right?

sighs.. i need to write my bsp4 soon. hindi ko mahagilap kung san ba nag evaporate ang mga creative juices ko lately.

--

family outing on sun. id love to play on the pool with my niece, but knowing i have to entertain relatives (the younger ones).. parang hindi na tuloy ako excited. hindi lang pala creative juices ko ang hindi ko mahagilap. social juices din. uhmp.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:56 PM.

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again
Thursday: May 12, 2016



headaches, colds and even slightly feverish. i think im gonna get sick. huhu.

ive got a lot of fixing and building to do with my life and yet im consuming my time on things i shouldnt concern myself with. im just appalled by the injustice of what those trolls did to ruin the reputation of............. yeah yeah, right. sabi ko nga move on na di ba? pero kasi ang sakit sa puso eeee.. wahuhu!! if there's anything, im just happy that he won in region viii which where samar and leyte are (yolanda). he didnt exactly won in leyte but he was 2nd and he even won in samar. sabi nga ng isang comment, he was vindicated. he sure was. oh, advance happy birthday po, sir..

--

slept at 11 last night eventhough i know ill be waking up at 3. takte. i need to learn discipline all over again. tapon ko na ba celfon ko? jeez.

was watching a documentary about the fallen44 which happened just a year ago. i resigned to the fact that im no longer in control of my tear ducts as well as i was used to. baket ba mga ganito ang napapanood at binabasa ko lately.

siguro kailangan ko na ulet mag feast.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 02:46 PM.

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torn
Friday: May 13, 2016



tsm meet and greet/mar's bday/ leni's victory party(???) tonight at 7pm.

sakto, ill be on the venue tonight.

ang masama lang, toastmasters meeting will also be at 7pm. wala namang problema kung hindi ako umattend sa tm meeting. ang saken lang i already told mentor that ill come. i want to keep my word. my credibility matters to me. pero gusto ko rin pumunta sa tsm get together.. huhu..

i just posted "i want to go. kaso wala akong kasama. so sad." and a lot responded that  they too are going solo and encouraged me to do the same. e uto uto ako. i want to go too!! exciting to!!

kaso nga may toastmasters.

tas hindi pa ko nakayellow.

teka, darating kaya si mar? kung darating si mar kakalimutan ko na lahat. haha.

sighs.. what to do?

bahala na mamaya...

******

yeah yeah.. i know im starting to sound like a fan now. que horror, right. but what harm will it do? he already conceded.. so ok lang di ba?

pag aaralan ko nga tong social media effect sa paghatak ng fans.. baka magamit namin ang psychology neto sa aming project. crossing fingers..



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Written by cinderellaareus at 02:48 PM.

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fumes
Saturday: May 14, 2016



Kung may isang bagay akong gusto tungkol sa sarili ko, siguro yun e ang ability Kong prumeno. The ability to stop myself from doing anything stupid when I get angry... or maybe the ability to stop the anger buildup in the first place...

Mejo nbad trip lang Ako sa mga nabasa Ko kanina. Sa tingin ko lahat tayo ay nanghuhusga gamit ang sarisarili nateng panukat. Sa tingin ko kahit gaano ka katalino wala kang karapatang tawaging bobo ang isang Tao. Pero mas nakakainis pala pag yung tatawag pang bobo sa ibang Tao e Hindi naman.... OK,  enough. Ayokong maging kagaya mo. Yun na! Jeez.. 

Dahil rational naman akong Tao.. chineck ko naman ang facts.  Baka nga naman may legit syang basis Kung bakit nia nasabi Yun.. kaso wala talaga akong nakita. So I checked his source and found that the page title was "madulas pag basa". Pak.  Please bring the 30mins of my life back! L*che! I was on the verge of sending the person a message... kaso wag na... Baka I screenshot nia pa at haluan ng malisya. Buti nalang Hindi Ako nagmumura.. arrrggggg!

Breathe in. breathe out.

Hayyyst. Kailangan ko na ng total social media diet.. dapat kahit free fb bawal. For my own sanity... jeez...



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Written by cinderellaareus at 05:52 PM.

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chillssss
Tuesday: May 17, 2016



gumiginaw na at nagsisimula narin ata ang tag-ulan. in a way, that's a good thing, right?

i, after all, adore the rain.

---

been feeling off lately.

i took a leave yesterday. i dont think its wise to be at a place one doesnt like when one is feeling off.

so i stayed at my most favorite place- that is, anywhere next to my family.

pero pag external ang cure sa kung ano man nararamdaman mo malamang temporary lang rin ang relief.

bro will be out of town again for work. sis-in-law and niece will be back to cavite after this week and then its gonna be just mom, dad and me again at home. so malungkot na naman ulet.

another thing that's making me a bit sad is that our tm meetings will no longer be weekly starting june.. 2x a month narin daw kami by then since mentor and g will be busyier from then. mentor asked if id prefer our meetings to be weekly. i would. but if the two of them will not be around, then, wag nalang din. sa totoo lang, our friday meetings are the only thing i look forward from my entire week here at the cage..

sa tingin ko may maling mali talaga sa buhay ko at kailangan ko na itong baguhin.

---

my sched says im free this weekend. this is my only free weekend for the month. i know i wouldnt have any excuse not to attend the feast.. ang wierd lang. since SM SJDM was built, feeling ko ang layo layo at nakakatamad nang dumayo sa fairview.

---

was about to sleep last night when i heard the news from the tv at my parents' room which is next to mine.

maybe im just being my paranoid self. mali nga naman siguro na icriticize mo kagad baby kahit hindi pa sia naipapanganak, di ba? maybe i should relax, quit overthinking and give the mayor of the philippines a chance to prove himself. for one, wala rin naman akong choice. natutuwa naman ako sa iba niang gustong mangyari. nabo-bother lang ako sa reaction ng mga tao. hindi ba parang ganito rin nagawa ni hitler na magkaron ng followers nuon. ang daming proud na proud sa choice of cabinet members nia dahil lumabas ang pangalan ni gibo teodoro. totally ignoring that he also mentioned the Communist Party of the Philippines will be offered the DAR, DENR, Department of Labor and Employment or the DSWD. hindi na ako magtataka kung darating ang araw na pag naghayag si mayor ang martial law e papalakpak pa ang mga tao. sighs..

in a way.. posible rin sigurong magwork. kung ilalagay mo nga naman sa pwesto ang posibleng manggulo sa gobyerno e di wala na silang reason na manggulo pa di ba?

pero hindi kaya mas maging posible ang sinasabi niang revolutionary govt kung nasa pwesto ang mga taong to?

sighs..ewan ko. pero, o sia sige, let's hope for the best...

still, yung pag balik ng death penalty...at my gawd.. hanging? firing squad??! ang sakit sa puso...huhu

naalala ko kasi si jose rizal.. ano kayang naramdaman ng pamilya nia nung finiring squad sia? or ni flor contemplacion..ano bang naramdaman ng pamilya nia nung binitay sia? sa tingin ko hanggat may isang taong iiyak para sa nahatulan ng kamatayan, then, hindi sia dapat mamatay. i just cant bear the thought.. what if it would be someone from my family? pinaglaban na nateng mawala to noon.. bakit babalik na naman tayo??

sighs.. hindi ko talaga alam.. kailangan nga siguro ng pilipinas ang disiplina. pero naniniwala parin ako sa demokrasya.. iniisip ko kung malapit na ba tong mawala ngayon..

tsm people are looking forward to the next election. pag naging parliamentary govt na tayo magkakaron pa ba ng election? buti nalang pala naka boto na ko ngayon. sabi ni papa hindi naman daw basta bastang mababago ang constitution.. well, sa tingin ko, walang nakakaalam.

sa totoo lang, may pride akong tao. mayabang. pikon at ayokong nagkakamali ako. pero sa ngayon, isa ito sa super rare times na umaasa ako na.. sana nga, mali ako.

sighs.. tama na nga. promise, ili-limit ko na ang paghihimutok ko tungkol sa gobyerno/politika. sabi nga ni stephen covey, dapat daw na within the scope of your concern e yung scope of influence mo lang ang inaatupag mo. so yeah. after neto nag fo-focus na ko sa bagay na kaya kong impluwensyahan.

ano't ano paman, Heavens, bahala ka na po samen.

PS: mayor led the signing of the coalition between NP and PDP-Laban. i found the smile on manny v's face quite eerie. or is it just me?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:20 AM.

3 comments





tugtog
Thursday: May 19, 2016



"you've got two options: live a cool ass life or live a ball sucking life."-izzy

---

isang araw nung college ako, napagtripan ng prof namin na magbigay ng personality assessment test. nagresult yung saken ng high intuition rate. consitent naman. i am an INTP after all.

iniisip ko kung dapat ba kong makinig sa intuition ko ngayon. pero ang hirap din kasi.. ang hirap iclassify kung yung intuition ba ang nagsasalita or yung feelings mo. ewan ko.

ano bang mawawala saken? ive already thrown away a lot. almost everything. really, what else can i lose? you cant lose a potential, can you?

my God and I need to talk.

ive always loved freedom. whenever i decide, i almost always go for that which will make me feel most free. im trying to look back to see if those decisions turned out to be good ones. man, i cant remember.

if we cant settle for a "win-win", i think it would be best to go for a "no deal". i think im now more inclined to go for a "no deal"... still, i need to consult the Heavens...

sighs.. kailangan bang ganito kahirap lahat?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:18 PM.

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change is coming
Friday: May 20, 2016



i was set out to read about internet marketing and stuff for today, or at least do something related to the things im suppose to do (like my bsp4, perhaps) but i found myself reading politics related stuff from news to historical facts. And man, im even researching wiki about our past presidents from pnoy down to aguinaldo.. anong virus ba ang dumapo saken? wahuhu!!

idk. siguro ayoko lang na eeng-eng eng-eng ako sakali mang may makasalubong akong troll sa internet. at least may masasagot ako diba? nakakatuwa rin talaga ang advancement ng sangkatauhan. nung unang panahon pag kailangan mo ng knowledge kailangan mo pang pumunta sa library at mag consult sa encyclopedia.. naalala ko po nung unang panahon na isa sa mga pangarap ko sa buhay ay magkaron ng kahet isang set lang ng encyclopedia. but look at us now.. people hungry for knowledge are no longer as helpless.. informations now are just a keyboard type away. galing no? pero ang wierd.. pangarap ko paring magkaron ng encyclopedia. kaya ko naman na sigurong bumili.. bat nga ba hindi ako bumibili? may nagbebenta pa ba ng encyclopedia?

---

niece will be leaving today back to cavite with her mom because her seaman tito will be back from the ship. they are probably in cavite now. tatahimik na naman ang aming bahay. in a way, ok lang. i have a lot of thinking and planning to do. sana hindi lang matapos sa thinking at planning ang lahat ng ito.

tonight will be our club's anniversary dinner. im not feeling too social today. im actually thinking of skipping this. pero kung lagi nalang akong tatakbo papalayo sa kung saan maraming tao, e ano nang mangyayari sa buhay ko non? sighs.. they will be mixing our club to their baby club. kung kami kami lang wala namang issue sa anti-social self ko.. umaalma lang sya kasi maraming darating na di nia kakilala. but come to think of it, when i first came here, di ba wala rin naman akong kakilala. And that was just 4 months ago! so, go!

---

God and I talked. i did what i think would be best. magkamali man ako, i know He will catch me in case i fail and fall.

sabi nila malalaman mo daw if tama ang decision mo depende sa peace na nararamdaman mo inside. So, i took a peek and there it was.

peace.

---

uso ngayon ang motto ni mayor na "change is coming". to make the most out of the situation, id like to borrow this motto and apply it in my own life. yeah, change is coming. i will make it so.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 02:49 PM.

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2:12
: May 21, 2016



Got home at past 12. That was around 2hrs ago. I was seriously thinking not to go to our club's anniv dinner, but a co-member texted me saying "see you later." Kaya, o siya, gumora nalang ang lola niyo.

We were told to wear smart casual outfit. I think ive mentioned in this blog before how i have a thing about men in suit. Idk.. para kasing 10x na gumagwapo ang lalaki pag naka formal sia. 

So when i got to the venue, the men in our club were all wearing suit. infey, ang ga gwapo nila. Happy fiesta! Haha!

I was particularly surprised with c. when it comes to looks he's certainly not bad. But really, had he always been this handsome? lumilipad tuloy yung mata ko papunta sa kanya e. Haha.. ang harot.

OK na sana.. may nakakaasar Lang na nangyari. When the emcees(tm of the evening) we're about to call mentor on to the stage,  it seemed like the girl emcee likes mentor. Kasi G, who was the other emcee then said, "your crush" or something. Then the girl joked to mentor, "dapat daw hug(instead handshake)" and stretched her arms towards mentor.  Mentor then said, "oh, gusto mo kiss pa eh." Then touched his cheek to the girl's cheek with a very audible kiss sound pa!! Arggggg!  at ilang hakbang lang ang layo ko sa kanila ha.. and, cheek nga lang ba???! Or lips nia ba yung dumikit sa cheek nung girl?!!!  Wahhhhh!!! Nakakainis ang kaharutan ng lalaking toooo! Huhu!

Sighs... obvious naman na lalaki ang preference nya pero Nakakainis parin pala pag nakikipag harutan sia sa babae. Fine , fine.. I know I'm not in the position para mainis. Well, OK Lang Hindi nia naman Alam e! I'm just glad that the girl belongs to the baby club and not our club.

Arrrrrg!!Bakit ka nakikipag harutan sa babaeng yon, mentor?! Huhu..

Naisip ko Lang, will I be just as furious if the guy happened to be mine? Idk.

---

A fellow tm and I had a chance to have lengthier talk dahil sa dinner na to. I think I just gained a friend tonight. =)

She confessed that she's liking someone from the club, which got me worried for a moment kasi baka parehas kami ng crush. Was relieved when I found out na di naman pala. Buti nlng. 

One Fri more and magiging 2x a month nalang ang meeting.  Mamimiss ko si mentor, si c, at ang mga tm friends ko rin.. =( sana may mangyaring milagro.

2:43am.. I don't think I can finish this entry. Goodnight. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 02:44 AM.

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two
Sunday: May 22, 2016



1:30am. Just more than an hour ago, the first day of my liberation ended. I'm on the second now.

Earlier, I wiped clean my whiteboard. Removed the green curtain i placed on the wall. Then, wrote my two weeks plan.

I felt free. It was like I can scream, "i own me."

Sabi nila, pag feeling mo Hindi ka pa handa, ibig sabihin daw nun, handa ka na.

While thinking and planning of the great things I could do, a part of me said, "you cant do that. Youre just you." But then, the other side of me responded, "yeah, watch me."

Kaya ko ba to?

...

Oo, kaya ko to.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:44 AM.

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can't shut up
Wednesday: May 25, 2016



"Ayaw mo ng death penalty? Bakit, kriminal ka ba?" 

Hindi ko alam Kung nasan ang utak ng taong nagtanong nito. Kung sakaling gusto Kong ipaglaban ang karapatan ng mga hayop, kailangan ko ba munang maging hayop?

Alam Kong may kanya kanya tayong opinion sa mga bagay at OK nga yung ganun. Sa tingin ko mas mag go grow ka Kung pinakikinggan mo rin ang opinion ng iba.. pero sa panahon ngayon parang ang hirap ng makipag palitan ng opinion sa iba.. nagging trend na ata talaga ang pagiging bastos.

---

A few days ago, nabanggit ni mayor na ang catholic church daw ang pinaka hypocrite na institution. Hindi naman ako nagalit. Sa tingin ko he has all the right to say so. Siguro nga may katotohanan din dun iN  a way. The church after all is led by flawed human beings at hindi ng mga saints. Sang ayon din ako na kung meron man sa church ang napatunayang may sala, dapat Lang na Hindi sya exempted sa parusa. nagulat Lang ako sa reaction ng mga Tao. Kanina, sa isang hepatitis joint, narinig ko ang isang mama na nakikipag kwentuhan. Ang una nyang sinabi e, "tama si dute*te." Sabay banat ng panlalait sa simbahan. nung narinig ko ang statement ni mayor, it was clear that he was stating an opinion. pero mukhng nilunok yon ng mga Tao na parang fact. Nakakalungkot na ganun lang nila kadaling kinalimutan ang kabanalan ng simbahan at ginawa itong katatawanan. 

Totoong Hindi perpektong institusyon ang Catholic church. Pero sa kabila nito May mga Tao at grupo na inaalay ang oras, pera at emosyon nila to build a better church. Marami ding mga Tao sa ilalim ng simbahan ay nag aalaga sa mahihirap, nagpapakain sa mga gutom, tumululong sa poorest of the poor all because yon ang mga turo samin ng aming simbahan. Hindi nga perpekto ang simbahan pero Hindi naman siguro tamang gawin itong katatawanan.

Naging trend na ang pagiging bastos. Siguro nga hindi naman to entirely kasalanan ni mayor. He merely led the way. Binigyan nia Lang ng lakas ng loob ang mga bastos na maging bastos. 

Nakakalungkot. Wala na tayong kinikilala. Wala na tayong sinasanto. Feeling Ko ang pilipinas ay Naging nation na ng mga panatiko. Ang tagal ng tapos ang eleksyon pero suot nio parin ang baller nio.

sabi ng iba nakakatakot daw si mayor. Sa tingin ko, mas nakakatakot ang nangyayari sa taong bayan.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:10 PM.

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Basic Speech Project 4- HOW TO SAY IT
TOASTMASTERS SPEECHES: May 30, 2016



It feels like ages since i wrote my last speech project. I sort of like this one. i had mentor check it already and i already applied his suggestions except on the nick carter part.

-----

BSP4- How to say it

Title: The pristine glass I broke

Time: 5~7 minutes

-----

A quote by Mitch Albom said, “All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.”

 

Well, my story was a little different.

 

I met the first man in my life on the night I was born. With all gentleness in the world, he held me in his arms.

 

“From this day forward, I will protect you,” he said.

 

He was my shield. He was Dad.

 

Then, I grew up a bit. This same man filled my life with colors, stories, and songs. With one stroke from his hands, he drew wonders. With his words, he transported me into different places. Through him, I met kings, warriors and, dragons; Bugs Bunny, Donald Duck, and Mickey Mouse.

 

He was my Disney Land. He was Dad.

 

Shortly, I grew up some more. Dad then added riddles, numbers, and scientific facts in my world of words and colors. He combined rationality to my creativity for me to reach my full potential. When he introduced me to arts, he thought me freedom. When he trained me to think, he thought me how to be in control of that freedom. Dad imparted with me wisdom like that of the kings.

 

He was my Solomon. He was Dad.

 

The little girl that I was adored dad to bits. For me he was the smartest, the coolest, the most amazing, and all the superlatives the English language can provide.  I would rave for him with wild enthusiasm as I would with my favorite  rock band. I was his number one fan.

 

He was my Rockstar. He was Dad.

 

Soon, years added up to my age. I expanded my world, met people. Suddenly, the superlatives I know were no longer dedicated to just one person. Suddenly, dad’s jokes weren’t so funny anymore. His drawings that I used to imitate didn’t look so nice anymore. Suddenly, Dad didn’t seem to be so wise anymore.

 

Until I started to question:

“That’s not the right way to spell that, Dad.”

“I think your English is wrong, Dad.”

“What? You don’t know how to solve Calculus, Dad?”

 

The man fell short of my expectations. I was already an adult then, but the child in me felt betrayed. He was supposed to be the best. It turned out that he wasn’t.

 

Mitch Albom once said that parents damage their children. Maybe sometimes children damage their parents too.

 

When I started to lose my confidence with Dad, he started to lose his confidence with himself. When I no longer laughed at his jokes, he stopped giving them. When I stopped praising his drawings, he stopped holding pencils and crayons.

 

I used to see Dad as a hero. Ironically, I became my own hero’s downfall.

 

I continued expanding my world. I reached dreams after dreams. I was too engrossed in building a name for myself that forgot what really matters.

 

I remember it was around 3am when it happened. I was on my way to work. It was still dark when Dad walked me to the bus stop. I was an adult even then, but Dad just wouldn’t let his little girl walk alone in the dark. I remember his voice sounding odd. His face was looking lopsided.

 

“Dad, are you alright?”

He answered “yes” in a garbled voice.

“Are you sure? Let’s go back home; you’re not well.”

 

He insisted that I ride the bus and go to work. I would have resisted but didn’t. I was having a meeting with clients then. It would be a perfect venue to show off, so I left Dad.

 

I later learned that Dad had a stroke. He was sent to the hospital. I left the office and flew right off. I saw him at the emergency room. He had grown tentacles. Tubes were attached all over his body. He was in pain. Dad saw me and went crying. I went crying too. I remember wanting to say so much yet all I managed was “sorry”. For what, I wasn’t sure, maybe for leaving him, maybe for the years of neglect and disrespect. I still don’t know.

 

After three days in the ICU, and five days in the ward, we managed to get Dad back home. This might be the greatest storm our family had ever faced, but to me, this was one of the best days of my life. I spent time with Dad. We talked. We laughed. I remembered the many things that he was for me when I was young. I realized that the dad that he was, he still is. I felt like I was reconciled with my hero.

 

My relationship with dad had grown better since then.

 

Fellow Toastmasters and guests, I believe that parents too are pristine glasses that we hold in our hands. We have the same power to smudge, crack and shatter these glasses so let us be gentler with the ones we hold. We can only have them for a moment. Mend the rift. Bridge the gap. Reconcile with your heroes. When it comes to time, we never know how much we got. Let’s make it count.

 

Good Evening everyone.

-----

Mentor's note:

I like the progression and build up of the conflict. I also like how the climax led to the conclusion and the moral in the end. This means you were able to retain the skills from the previous three projects.  

BSP4 focuses on grammar, word choice, and use of the English language. I like how simple words created a vivid image of your father. One precaution I can offer you is your use of people (Nick Carter--Backstreet,right?) as metaphor for your dad. Some of your audience might not know some of the people you used, so make sure the names you use are really familiar to your listeners. Also, be reminded of compound sentence construction (FANBOYS). Thirdly, use other transitions aside from then
Two challenges I can give you is (1) to use purposeful gestures during your speech in preparation for BSP5, and (2) to use pause when you say your metaphors, "He was my shield. (PAUSE) He was Dad."
-----
If you managed to read this far, it would be greatly appreciated if you will leave a feedback esp. on how i can edit that Nick Carter part. I dont really have much likings to the existing boy bands nowadays.
thank you.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:06 PM.

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10
Monday: May 30, 2016



monday. back to the cage.

though i go somewhere from time to time during weekends, i still technically spend most of my time home that's why it buffles me why im feeling so home sick.

man, i'm dying to leave this cage already.

a few days back, another company offered me a position in their cage. it was comforting in a way because, maybe, if i stay in this industry, then maybe my family wouldnt go hungry. still, i dont want to stay. i dont think going to a grander, flashier cage would be the answer.

---

was at the Christening of my nth inaanak. i was again challenged to ride a motorcycle. i backed out after a few yards. was touched that kuya j and kuya c followed the jeep just to make sure ill get to the venue sound.. awww.. if i had been younger i might... ah, never mind.

lately, thoughts regarding the love front were being pushed way backwards inside my head. i read somewhere, dont pray for a husband, pray for the readiness to be a wife. i use to think i had always been ready. i realized i cant be more wrong. but right now, if there are relationships id like to keep, it would be my relationship with my family. as for the rest, i dont care so much anymore. maybe im just tired. do we really have to fight to be understood? i dont know.

---

this cage is draining so much of me.. Lord, please get me out of here. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 04:04 PM.

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