Entries for November, 2017
If you can't sleep, count your thoughts instead of sheeps.
1. Ang galing ni Heneral. Parang kahit anong isulat nya, kalokohan man or seryosohan, nagiging work of art. Pak. Ang galing talaga ni Heneral.
2. A photo of Bo Sanchez facing his wife in kimono. He had his hands in his pocket gazing at Marowe like she's all that he can see. Super awww moment. Pag nakatagpo ako ng lalaking ganito... Ay nako, Universe... Kung makakatagpo lang talaga ako ng lalaking ganito.
3. Sabi sa nabasa ko, hindi daw healthy na masyado naten i-fangirl or i-idolize ang isang tao kasi minsan nakakalimutan naten na kaya rin nateng gumawa ng bagay na just as impressive.
4. Mejo masaya ko lately.
5. Nanood kami ng The Ghost Bride kanina. Majority ng tagalog horror films na napanood ko, panget (Shake Rattle n Roll, Pagpag, etc). This one, hindi panget. Not exactly maganda, pero nagustuhan ko yung latter part. Nakaka amaze ang culture ng mga Chinese. I wonder if the Chinese traditions shown in the film are fact based.
6. I remember you liked (likes?) this Chinese girl... Urgh! Nevermind.
7. Don Juan of the Zodiacs. Ito yung description na napanood ko sa youtube about your sign. I think that was on point. R has the same sign too. Also a Don Juan in his own way. The rest of the descriptions fit just as much. Naisip ko lang na theoretically, sino bang magkakagusto sa lalaking babaero, hindi gentle with his choice of words at hindi keen on settling down?
8. Jeez, I have terrible taste in men.
9. "Ako si Super Maaaaaam"... My niece and sis-in-law left for Cavite last Saturday and since then, wala ng sumasagot ng "lumalaban!" everytime na kumakanta ako ng "ako si Super Maaaaaam".
10. Ok. Hindi ko na kaya. Inaantok na ko.
11. Shucks, it's working...
12. Antok n q zzzzzzzzzz....
12:29 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
So someone sent me a message telling how he gave my number to his friend who's in need of a speaker for their public speaking event in some University. Sabi kasi "do something that scares you." So I was like, Sure! Go! No worries. That's exciting! Blah blah blah. Pero puteeeek, nag sa summersault na yung puso ko, Bes.
Then I got the message from the "friend" and learned that the event is this Tuesday na. Tuesday!!!
Sabi ng logic, "tae ka, wala ka ng oras mag prepare. Anong petsa na?!"
Sabi ng reason, "May pasok ka. Paano?"
Sabi ng internal organs ko, "Ayoko! Kinakabahan ako! Wahhhhh!"
.
And yet, I replied, "Sure! Please send me the details. *insert smileys*"
.
.
Why am I doing this to myself?
04:31 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Number of minutes to finish this. It's a holiday and I'm at work. Not really complaining. How can I when there is no traffic jam in EDSA. Thanks, Universe!
Currently squeezing my creative juju to write my BSP10 due Friday. This was long overdue, I should've finished this ages ago. Nahihiya na ko mag beg off. Shucks, anong petsa na.
A lot of things running in my head. Ang hirap magfocus. Most of my time these past few days, I've spent playing fashion story. Oh, how productive. The start of the week last week was action packed and then mostly ended with a lot of physical labor. This week is a whole lot "hima" then next week, action packed ulet! Excited na ko sa KCON. I booked for a place to stay 2 days 3 nights. It's been a while since I last slept on a bed that is not my own. My body might need some time to adjust. Still, keribels. Asked yang na mag baywalk kami. I miss the sea—I mean—bay!
Past few days were fine. Wala namang wow factor pero keri lang. There was a medical mission near home last sat so maraming customers. The mission was hosted by the same university where I had a speaking gig last Tue. Feeling ko etong university na to ang theme ng week ko. Umuulan at umiinit this weekend. Tamad na tamad akong magpayong kaya mejo nilagnat pa ko.
Mom had kuya buboy make a new bookshelf for me. This is our third bookshelf at home and I own about 98% of the books. Kung ibebenta ko siguro books ko in their origal prices, baka ang yaman ko na. But of course, I won't. Placed the rest of my books on the bookshelf last Sunday. Ended up with a sneezing fit. Ba't ba ang dami kong health issues?
Ok. I think I exceeded 10 minutes.
08:19 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Almost everyday akong may insomnia. Nakakapikon na twing kailangan kong gumawa ng speech, alas nuebe palang, antok na antok na ko. Bakit ba ayaw makisama ng writing skills ko? T_T
Then ang hirap palang magsulat ng speech while nakikipaglandian chatting on the side. Para sa lovelife ko, siguro kailangan ko na matutunang mag multitask.
I'm a bit worried about the boy. I remember someone once asked me, "sasaktan mo lang ba ko?" I thought the question was ridiculous considering that it came from the guy... He turned out to be right though.
Tingin ko normal naman na minsan may masasaktan ka kung hindi mo sila gusto. Hindi ko lang ma-justify e yung case na nangyayari yun kahit pa sa taong gusto mo.
Parang ngayon??
...
Gusto ko naman sya. Magulo lang kasi talaga ngayon. Ewan ko.
-----
Ok. Sige. Tama. Hindi pa pala tapos speech ko. Huhu.
10:11 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i look like a frog. even makeup cannot cover the damage.
it's been a while since i last had a crying fiesta, my eyes sear. it was never for a reason as silly as this one.
Gabby sent this message to club's group chat yesterday.
minsan hindi ko alam kung sadyang mahal nya lang ba ko or may galit sya saken. lel. i actually asked.
hindi naman ako nape-pressure. natatakot lang.
alam ko namang sabaw pa yung speech ko pero nisend ko na kay ivan. tinatamad narin kasi akong ayusin tas wala narin naman talagang oras. lahat naman ng comment nya agree ako. alam ko narin naman bago ko pa pinasa, pero parang pag galing sa iba yung mali sa gawa mo parang iba yung impact e no. nanapak. ganun. lel.
ewan ko.
siguro kung kami kami lang, or someone from the club lang mag eevals saken, keri e.
ok lang naman.
kung sasabihan ako na magrepeat... well, masasaktan ako. pero makakamove on din ako. di ba humans are made to recover naman talaga.
pero kasi.. wala lang. nakakahiya kasi. nakakahiya na nag effort pa si gabby na mang imbita ng evaluators na, hello, contest champions lang naman... tapos sabaw lang pala yung idedeliver ko. yung feeling na sasayangin ko lang yung oras nila yung pinakamahirap i-handle para sakin. ayun lang naman.
last night, i asked the Heavens to help me. sabi ni Bo Sanchez, pag may hihingin sa Diyos daw, hindi dapat na nag be-beg. kasi anak ka ng Diyos e. bakit ka magbe-beg. ask and believe that you will recieve. ganun lang daw.
but it's hard to believe na ibibigay Nya nga kung minsan ka na Nyang binigo. yung huli ko kasing hiningi sa Kanya, hindi Nya naman binigay. ang hirap talaga maniwala e. kaya sabi ko nalang, "Oh sige po, give me a hug nalang." hindi ko rin alam kung binigay Nya ba.
i went to bed last night at 1030. slept at past 11 na siguro, then woke up 0130. i tried to write another speech because the one i wrote needs a total overhaul. hindi rin kinaya ng powers.
pero kaninang umaga, sinubukan ko nalang ayusin yung existing speech ko. hindi parin naman maganda. pero hindi na siguro kasing sama.
iniisip ko pa yung new members kasi baka hindi nila nakita yung mga prev speech ko na ok naman. pag nakita nila yung sabaw kong speech. nakakahiya lang. well, ok lang naman. iniisip ko kasi baka magsisi yung mga members na pinili akong mentor pag nakita nila na ganito kasabaw ako mag speech.
ok. ang praning ko no?
hindi ko pa nasisimulang mag memorize. absent si partner. ang busy sa cage feeling ko nga hindi na ko makakalabas ng buhay kanina. lel. pero naayos naman lahat.
pero nakakatuwa rin na may mga taong nag bother na kamustahin ka if buhay ka pa e no. Andre sent me a message saying goodluck sa speech ko and that nagulat daw sya sa line up ng evaluators ko. nakakatuwa rin yung batang yun na twing merong nakakapanic na pangyayari sa club, nangangamusta at nag-ooffer ng tulong. kahit loko rin yun paminsan minsan, naa appreciate ko parin na ganun sya.
sabi nila what cannot kill you will make you a better person. siguro magiging super better person na ko after this.
03:14 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
1:40am. Got home about an our ago and i feel like overanalyzing things, so let me.
Delivered my bsp10. Got 1/3 yes. Meaning, kailangan kong ulitin. I was surprised na hindi naman masakit. I actually felt sorry for my evaluators because it looked painful for them.
Ang weird no. Bakit hindi masakit?
Wala ung isang supposedly evaluator ko, so mentor tookover. Sya ung nag-yes. Feeling ko nga ayaw nya talaga mag yes pero ok narin kasi mukha naman akong kawawa kung 0/3 ako di ba?
Ang weird parin. Bakit hindi masakit?
Erika and Gabby said no. Erika was her cutsie nicey self and I saw how painful it was for her pero mejo kinabahan parin ako sa mata ko kasi it felt warm like it was on the verge of leaking tears. Yun lang naman talaga ang issue ko. Ayoko lang umiyak don. Tingin ko yun lang talaga.
Then Gabby was his usual self. I knew he wouldn't show me mercy. Kaya nga muntik ko ng ipa-frame ung finill upan nyang BSP7 ko before na pinasa nya. Pero pag si Gabby wala naman nung effect na tulad nung kay erika. Feeling ko nga kahit mag exchange pa sila ng sinabi same parin ang result. Hindi kasi ata talaga yun sa kung ANO ang sinabi kundi sa SINO ang nagsabi.
Mejo natuwa narin ako na tapos na. Ni-sched ni Gabby ung repeat ko sa January pa. I have more than a month to procrastinate.
Tsaka kaya rin siguro hindi masakit kasi masaya rin ako na nandyan sila ulet.
Nandun ung 2 mentees ko. Nakakatuwa. Sana ung relationship saken ng mga batang to e maging katulad ng relationship ko sa mentor ko. Pero feeling ko masyado yatang mataas na ambisyon yun. Kay mentor kasi, lagi kong nasasabi sa sarili ko na, "jeez, how did I get so lucky?" and it's not even about what i can get and learn from him. It's more on how he treats me and makes me feel. Hindi ko maisip kung pano mararamdaman yun ng mga mentees ko for me. Iba naman kasi kami ni mentor. Pero sana manlang, kahit pano maging close ako sa kanila.
Natutuwa rin ako kay leian. Ang sweet nung taong yon. Minsan lang tumataas rin yung kilay ko kasi pinili nya ring mentor yung mentor ko. Pero normal na selosa lang naman kasi talaga ko. Pero ok na. Dahil sweet sya saken, I'm willing to share na. Basta, wag masyado close ahhh.
Feeling ko yung level ng pagiging possesive ko e pang 2 years old. Lel.
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Naisip ko noon na siguro maliit lang ung puso ko. Kasi paisa isa lang ako magkagusto. Nakapikon ung taong gusto ko ngayon. I noticed him before dahil sa mga qualities nya similar Kay R. Nakakainis lang na pati yung mga bagay na ayoko Kay R, nasa kanya rin pala. Talaga bang pag parehas ng zodiac sign, magkaugali? Si Shara at si Bea Libra rin, bat parang anlayo naman ugali namin?
Parang Hindi tuloy safe. The guy I liked before him is someone not healthy for me. When I saw the guy again, biglang parang may danger sign. Lalo pa't namiss ko rin yung taong yun. Shoot. Don't want to go back there. I want someone I can keep. Kakalimutan ko na nga kahit ano pa preference nya e. Basta Hindi taken. Yun n nga lang nirerequire ko e. Kaya siguro konting ingat muna, until safe na. Sabi nya tuloy lip service lang ung sinabi kong miss ko sya. OK n rin. Saka ko nalang iko-correct any mga misunderstandings pag safe na.
03:19 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
So where did my Saturday go?
It's 11:03pm and I'm yet to pack my stuff. Just bought a luggage worth 6k for the price of 1.5. Not bad, right?
KCON in a few days. Excited naman ako pero tinatamad akong mag empake. Hindi ko rin nilu-look forward na matutulog ako sa ibang kama. I need at least 4 pillows to sleep. Will they give me 4 pillows? Should I bring my own? Dalhin ko narin kaya yung bed ko? Dapat siguro ang kaartehan e binabagay sa budget no? Asdfghjk.
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Saw that kuya aleks served as a judge for a spoken-word poetry contest. Hanggang ngayon ang galing nya pa rin. I remember all his works back in college. Ung short story nya na "Senyal", yung stageplay na sinulat at dinirect nya na "ambon ng kristal". These were not good peices. Heck, these were superb pieces. I saw that he made more plays way after college. Syempre hindi ko napanood. Bakit ba wala ako sa mundo ng taong to? On top of that, he's a licensed ECE.
Pag nangarap ka daw at Hindi ka kinabahan, Hindi daw high enough yung pangarap mo.
Pag nangarap ka daw at Hindi ka kinabahan kahit sobrang taas na, delusion daw kasi yun.
Pero pag nangarap ka at kinabahan ka. Then, you're in the right place daw.
I know the world I'd like to be a part of. Nagwawala talaga yung puso ko pag naiisip ko yun. Pero ano bang gagawin ko?
Dapat siguro hinahunting ko si kuya aleks kaso nahihiya ako.
Chicken.
11:35 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I was given 50 raffle tix that I need to sell for our yearend party. Yung iba 100 tix kinuha so how can I complain? I learned that selling tix is not as hard as I thought though. Well, it's hard, but not so much. Ang supportive din kasi ng friends ko. (Thanksie, Schwarze! *wink wink)
....
Since kailangan ko magbenta, i asked him too.
Z: Hello R! May raffle ang club namin blah blah blah. Mayaman ka naman bili ka na!
With a liittle pa-cute here, pa-funny there and a few more hahaha's, in the end, he bought 5.
And hey, don't judge me. I need to sell the tickets!!!
Char.
Huling effort ko na to. Pag di mo parin kinagat, Gold(Au)-Copper(Cu)-Sodium(Na)! T_T
...
...
*sa mga nakagets, credits goes to the owner.
Aminin mo, ang witty. Helium Helium Helium!
07:03 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Funny how every single time that you don't have anyone else in mind,
you always go back to that someone who once felt like home...
..
Hands up, Universe. I don't know how to solve this any more.
From here, bahala ka na...
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KCON starts today. I hope I will feel a whole lot better later.
08:33 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
キラキラ。
He was up at the stage with guitar in his hands, shining.
When he sang, anlamig.
Kung tutuusin, hindi naman ako musically inclined since I'm more into literature.
Pero nakaka amaze talaga yung mga tao who pour their hearts out into what they do, they exude with so much passion and are so good at it that they're glittering.
On top of that, he's tall, dark and kind of cute.
After so much inner battle, I told Yang.
Z: trip ko yung anak ni Bro *****. Pero mukhang bata pa yun no?
Y: uu
Z: as in sobrang bata?
Y: college
Z: ah OK. Joke lang.
Ffft. He looked so much an adult though.
-------
2 days left and I'm back to the cage.
Boy, I want to cry.
08:41 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
LA and Bea suggested an ongoing kdrama to watch. Ep11 na ko. Up to ep13 palang available. Ok narin. After neto pipilitin ko nang maging productive. Hindi naman superb, pero ang sakit talaga sa puso ng mga kdrama.
"Is there a way for me to reach your heart?"
Meron nga kaya? Idk.
-----
Moments ago, I texted a college friend, Glaza, to see which of her numbers on my phone was her real number. Si Nesto ung sumagot. Apparently, one of the numbers was his. Glaza and Nesto were both my classmates in college, and yes, they are now married with 4 kids. Even Nini ended up with one of our classmates, Tope. I just find it cute and rather magical na yung mapang-asawa mo e classmate mo pala. I remember Mom once asked, "bakit ikaw, walang kang nakatuluyan sa mga classmates mo?"
Sa tingin ko, minsan, the kindest thing we can do for a person is to not ask questions. Mom didn't realize that though.
"Is there a way for me to reach your heart?"
Sighs... Ano bang gagawin ko?
09:47 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
One by one, their reasons emerged as to why they cannot be there.
As much as I want to be all understanding since I know that we all have lives outside this circle that we are in, I just can't help feeling like I was left all alone on this.
...
Kailangan ko ba talagang gawin to?
E kung hindi narin kaya ako pumunta?
Naiinis na ko.
06:33 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Bakit ang mga bagay, humihirap pag may taong involved?
I saw Ms. Cherry and Sir Jay's throwback photo. Ang ganda ganda pala ni Ms. Cherry noon. So far from how she looks like now. Pero pag nakita mo sila ni Sir Jay, they still look like a newly wedded couple.
Naamaze ako pag nakakakita ako ng mga taong ganito. Ang hirap hirap kasing mainvolve sa tao.
Madalas sa simula masaya, pero pag na wear off na yung kapangyarihan ng rose colored glasses mo at pag nakikita mo na ang mga bagay as they are, you will start clasping, gasping for reasons to stay.
Ang main message sa grand feast last sun was about holding on. Stay long enough until the blessing comes. Yun yata ang pinagkaiba ng mga successful couples sa hindi. Kasi di ba, basta may tao, may gulo. May mga rough roads, may mga storm. At siguro ang mga makakakita lang ng smooth, easy and bright parts e yung mga nag hang on hanggang sa makalagpas sila sa mahirap na parts at makarating dun sa madali.
More than the situation, ang nakakainis siguro e yung choice of words mo. Idk. I wanted to be the understanding one, pero nakakapagod din kasi na laging umintindi.
We all have our own separate battles. Pero siguro dapat hindi naten makalimutan na we're not enemies here. In the end of the day, we both want things to work. Siguro yun yung dapat naten matutunan.
Maybe we should stop fighting WITH each other and start fighting FOR each other instead.
Pero pano ko naman sasabihin to kung hindi ka naman nakikinig.
07:29 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
