Entries for November, 2021



Juuichi gatsu
月曜日: November 1, 2021



Lunes. Aba, November na.

1 hour into my shift. Nakakatamad umupo sa harap ng PC. Gutom pa ko. Mejo wala akong gana nung almusal. Keri lang. Gusto ko ring pumayat. Nakakatuwa na kasya na ulet yung iba kong damit. Still not fit enough though.

Gusto ko mag travel. Nakakamiss ang hotel at airport. I want to bring my parents somewhere nice. Nakakamiss gumala nang hindi kailangan mag face shield at mask. Nakakamiss yung mga sosyal na coffee shop. Namimiss ko ang Megamall at Shangrila. Napakalayo.

Gusto ko mag Japan. Baka mag Japan kami pag vaccinated na kami. Pwede na kaya? May visa ba? May show money ba? Maintaining balance lang ang pera ko sa banko. The rest are in stock market. Still trying to replace the money I took from my gsave account. They don't issue bank certificate though.

Saka na. Bahala na. Ayoko masyado gumastos, pero ayoko tipirin ang sarili ko, ang most specifically, parents. Ayokong balewalain ang future. Pero ayoko namang ipagpalit ang kasalukuyan sa kinabukasan hindi naman talaga natin alam kung anong meron.

Sighs. 

Anong gagawin ko para kumita ako ng limpak limpak na salapi with very little effort?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:17 AM.

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Tapa
水曜日: November 3, 2021



Nakakita ako ng meat-free tapa sa grocery the last time. Dad cooked it today. Lasang karne nga. Kadiri. Lol.

Over 2 years na kong pescetarian. Nadiscover ko recently na may allergies pala ako sa ilang seafood. I still have the remnants of rashes I had when we ate out. It spreads all over my arms, legs, and stomach. Tingin ko sa squid to. I also get this when I eat certain fishes, di ko pa lang alam kung ano. 

I don't think I can ever get back to eating meat again. Ano bang gamot sa allergies?

-----

Wrapping upmy workweek in a few more hours. I had one of my cats scheduled for kapon tomorrow. Yet to see the vet's reply. One of my cats is pregnant. Not sure if kaya kong ipamigay to pag lumaki. I'm actually excited to see the kittens. But I really need to have them adopted because it's not practical to have a lot of cats, lalo na't mahal ang cat food.

Gusto kong maging multimillionaire. I want to live in luxury with my parents and my cats. O sige na nga, I'll include my brother and his family na rin, since I really love my niece and nephew.

Is it possible to just wish something into reality, while doing nothing?

I know it is. Most of my dreams came true with very little efforts on my part. Gusto kong maniniwalang mangyayari ulet ito.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:53 AM.

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Childhood
favorite:
水曜日: November 3, 2021



When we were small, the world felt a whole lot bigger.

Nakakita ako ng sunog sa news. It brought back a few memories from the time nung bata pa ko.

I was born in Manila, and lived there until I was 4. We were renting a small room near talipapa. Shared yung bathroom. Tatlong pamilya ang magkakahati.

Tapat ng kwarto namin e sila Ate Dakloy. Kapatid nya si Ate Tessa, at ang tatay nila ay pulis. May lola rin silang naka wheelchair na minsan nang iniligtas ng tatay ko sa sunog.

Sa katabi namang kwarto ay sila Aling Fely. Anak nya si Weng weng dokleng. May Ate sya, nakalimutan ko na yung pangalan.

Sa second floor nakatira si Lolo. Sya yung may-ari nang bahay. Madalas nyang itapon yung laman ng arinola nya sa labas nang bintana, at minsan na kaming nabasa ng ihi.

Sa tabi ng bahay ay may maliit na eskenita. Pag katapos non, bahay na nila Princess. Sa abroad nagtatrabaho ang papa ni princess. Marami syang magagandang damit at manika.

Sa tapat ng bahay, may nagtitinda ng spaghetti na nasa plastic at may malalaki rin silang chichirya. Sa katabi nung tindahan, dun yung bahay nila Angie. 

Sa may kanto ng lugar namin, may nagbebenta ng masarap na lugaw.

Madalas bumaha sa lugar namin noon. At ilang beses din na nagkasunog. Naalala ko nung lumikas kami dahil sa sunog. Naghintay kami sa may kanto hanggang sa mawala yung apoy.

Pag balik namin, okay pa yung bahay. Pero kila Angie, mas malaki yung naging damage. Naalala ko na mejo natuwa pa ko nun dahil nasunog na ang mga laruan ni Angie at di na sya makakapag yabang. lol.

Hindi siguro totoong inosente ang mga bata. Salbahe kasi ako nung bata. Lol. Pero baka ako lang yung ganun.

4 years lang akong tumira sa lugar na yun. Most of the years I've spent there, hindi ko rin masyado maalala dahil baby pa ko. Pero kahit sa mga sakuna na naranasan namin non, hindi ko naalala na natakot ako or nagpanic. Siguro may pagka field trip yung feeling sakin noon, twing lumilikas kami.

Mula ng lumipat kami sa Bulacan, naging smooth na ang buhay. Wala nang "field trip". Wala na ring masyadong kwento. Hindi ako masyadong close sa mga kapitbahay namin kahit nakakalaro namin sila minsan ng batohang bola. Hindi rin ako masyadong close sa mga pinsan ko dito kahit magkakalaro kami nung bata.

I wonder how different it would have been kung hindi kami umalis ng Manila. But I do think transferring here was our best choice.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 05:30 PM.

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Thursday
木曜日: November 4, 2021



It's a really difficult day today. The appointment with the vet was 7:30. Mejo late syang dumating. My cat's surgery ran for just an hour, pero pakiramdam ko, sobrang haba ng araw na to.

Napaiyak ako when I saw how scared Iya was before the surgery. Sabi pa ng doctor, may resistance sya sa anesthesia kaya umiyak daw during operation. Awang awa ako sa pusa ko.

When we got home, she was very scared and didn't seem to recognize me. Seeing her looking so weak from the operation, naiyak na naman ako. Tas nung around 12 na when I'm supposed to make her eat and drink water, naiyak na naman ako dahil ayaw nyang kumain.

Siguro ang nakakaiyak e yung lumaki ng ganito yung pusa ko at never ko syang napalo, only to cause her this much pain dahil lang sa ayoko syang magkaanak. Kahit ilang sorry pa yung sabihin ko sa pusa ko, parang di sapat na compensation para sa pain na pinagdadaanan nya.

I've seen a lot of pages na nag aadvocate ng kapon sa mga hayop, at gets ko naman ang pinaglalaban nila. Hindi ko lang maisip kung paano nila nakayanang makitang ganito yung kundisyon ng alaga nila. Ang hirap. Sobrang hirap.

Hindi kumain si Iya the whole day today. Sabi ng doc, normal daw na walang ganang kumain sa 1st 3 days after ng surgery. Nakakapag alala parin. She used to cry for food less than an hour after getting fed. Madali kasi syang magutom. Tapos ngayon, biglang hindi na sya kumakain.

Problema ko pa kung paano ko sya paiinumin ng gamot bukas. Baka magwala yun, baka bumuka yung sugat. Paano pag di parin sya kumakain?

Sighs, hindi ko talaga alam.

Natatakot akong mawala sakin ang pusa ko. Sana makayanan namin to ni Iya.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:24 PM.

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Mata fuan
火曜日: November 9, 2021



Been feeling anxious since yesterday. We're changing TL again. The new TL is Chinese. He's in China. I heard that the previous TL from China was very strict. I submitted a VL request for the Feastcon about a month ago. The current TL already approved. Pero eto, kailangan ko daw ulet ng approval ng bagong TL. A workmate's VL has been approved already. Sakin wala pang reply. Huhu.

Hayst. Iniisip ko pa yung election next year. It will fall on a Monday. Paano kaya kami boboto.

Siguro partly e hindi rin ako comfortable sa mga Chinese. Syempre binubully tayo ng China. I've also seen in the news that there are Chinese tourist bullying Pinoys here. Siguro hindi naman lahat, but still.

Hayst. Sana mabait sya. Pero issue parin talaga ung Election. Ano kayang gagawin ko?

Gusto kong maging multimillionaire bago mag May 2022 para hindi ko na problemahin ang lahat ng ito.

An FB friend who's travelling in Japan posted her trip to a Japanese grocery. Grabe nakakamiss. My favorite supermarket/mall in Japan was Jusco in Tsudanuma. I was told that the name was changed into Aeon. Pangarap kong dalhin dun ang parents ko! I showed the video to my mom. Gusto ko talagang matupad yung dream kong madala sila ron. 

My mom was raised near the sea. I was raised in the mountains. Kaya siguro parehas naming mas gusto ng city kesa sa mga ma nature na lugar. If we are to go to Japan, I'd like for us to stay around Tsudanuma. Mainly because of Aeon. Pero syempre pupunta rin kami sa Kyoto.. and maybe Nagoya and Osaka. Gusto ko mejo matagal kami mag stay. Pero syempre naiisip ko yung mga pusa ko. I wonder if I can bring them with me. Baka hindi rin safe. 

Hay! Gusto ko na talaga yumaman!



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:24 AM.

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Pfi
月曜日: November 15, 2021



After ng lahat ng samut saring pag-aalala, the things I've been worrying about quickly resolved itself.

New TL is being surprisingly nice so far. Kahit na may 2 days VL ako this week, pumayag syang mag SL ako to get vaccinated. I was actually asking na mag half day, and it was him who said na I should rest for the rest of the day nalang dahil sa possible side effects. Sana nga talagang okay sya. I admit I'm still a little skeptical dahil my prejudice talaga ko sa mga Chinese. I don't really hate them though. I just find them quite hard to trust.

I remember my Chinese classmates when I was training in Japan. They were very kind, you know. Even the people from other nationalities were very kind din. That's why it's not easy to hate anyone.

Anyway, we had our 1st dose of anti-COVID vaccine today. Mejo inaantok lang ako, at yung arm na vaccinated, hindi ko maitaas. Sana hanggang dun lang and side effects dahil papasok na ko bukas. 

I was asking the Heavens for Pfizer because Mom is not comfortable taking anything else. Ang bait ng Langit. Bilis nyang binigay.

Bakit kaya yung maayos na lovelife di Nya binigay agad, no? Lol.

Sa totoo lang, I'm no longer thinking about that now.

------

I learned that my brother's company is requiring them to go back to the office tomorrow. I hope our company will not decide to do the same anytime soon, or better yet, wag na kami bumalik sa office ever. Wala rin namang magbabantay samin dun since our TL is in China. Sana talaga wag na.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:13 PM.

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Fc
金曜日: November 19, 2021



I've been having nightmares for 2 days in a row already. The type of nightmare that is hard to wake up from, and makes me scream in my sleep. Yesterday, Dad woke me up from the nightmare. Today it was Mom.

I feel mentally and spiritually weak these days. There were a lot of things going on. Usually, I'm only having nightmares when I watched or heard something really scary. This time, hindi horror story, but Mom's scream over something petty, ang naging trigger sakin. Pakiramdam ko nagkaron ako ng trauma.

I feel mentally unstable. For these past 2 days I've been screaming in panic whenever something startles me. I've also been having this pounding headache at the side of my forehead that  wouldn't go away. Persistent thoughts of wishing to just die and so on. I swear, I'm so much stronger that this.

I listened to a few videos from Feast Worship. I remember a docu kasi that says na yung mentally at spiritually weak people ang madalas sapian ng evil spirit. My prayers don't feel strong enough to protect me. I'm happy worship songs were able to do the trick. 

And there's also that sad realization that at times when I'm weak, wala pala talaga akong matatakbuhan.

But then again, I'm mentally unwell, so maybe my thoughts cannot be trusted.

----

Feastcon starts today. I invited Mel to join. I miss live KCON before pandemic. I'm not really looking forward to this, pero sana ma enjoy ni Mel. This will be her 1st time to attend. Ang saya siguro kung live tong FeastCon na to.

Listening on Feast Worship earlier, naalala ko yung crush kong si Aio. He'll surely be there. Ayan, excited na ko. : )



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Written by cinderellaareus at 04:13 AM.

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Btw
月曜日: November 22, 2021



And so, I'm back to work.

I haven't finished all the classes from FCON. May 30 days pa naman ako para balikan. So far I've finished 2 classes, and half-way na sa 3rd one. Naiinspire ako ulet na magpatuloy. Simple lang naman ang goal ko. Maging mayaman enough to give my parents and myself a good life, and then to free myself from being an employee forever.

Sana makasama ko pa ng matagal ang parents ko. Losing them is really my greatest fear.

I still find a lot of things overwhelming these days. Mostly, dahil sa mga pusa ko. It's frustrating na I've been spending a lot for them, tas andami pa rin nalang health issues. I got one of my cats neutered, pero eto, in heat pa rin sya. Sa kabila ng lahat that we have gone through, eto, back to square 1..nakakulong pa rin sya. Sabi kasi ng vet bawal daw mag mate dahil baka magka infection. Nakakaawa yung pusa ko. It's really painful to see her like this. Naiinis ako sa vet. Ang pangit na nga ng pagkakatahi, ganito pa. I feel like I've been scammed. Parang walang silbi yung pain ng pusa ko at laki ng gastos ko tapos ganito lang pala. 

Gusto ko nga silang aawayin. Tokwa, hands up na. I'm so emotionally exhausted, ni wala akong energy makipag-away.

Ano bang gagawin ko, Universe?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:26 AM.

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RTO
火曜日: November 23, 2021



And now here, we got the news that were going back to the office, alright. 1 week per team daw. So for 1 week, we'll work at the office, and then the rest of the month, wfh na. For us JP peeps who have shift during weekdays, bale 3 days lang kaming work at office because were supposed to be on wfh during weekends. Not at all bad, pero humirit parin ako na wag nalang since 3 days lang naman. Lol.

In a way, iniisip ko, okay lang rin. Basta wag matagal.

Pano kaya setup namin next year no? Ewan ko.

Problema ko pa di na ata kasya sakin mga pants ko. Hindi na rin ako sanay mag suot ng sapatos.

---------

Parang ghost town ang labas ng bahay namin today. May kinidnap kasi dito kahapon. Puting van. Nakakatakot. 

I was working upstairs when I heard the shout. Kala ko nasagasaang aso. My tita was the 1st witness. Nung nag break ako sa office, I went outside to take a picture of the slippers left behind by the victim. We had no idea who she was. I was thinking maybe I can do something to somehow have her family find out that someone took her.

The incident was reported to the police. They came here around 12mn. I can't help but feel frustrated about the lack of urgency ng mga taong dapat at nagpo protekta at nagtatanggol sa mamamayan. She could've been saved kung nagkaron lang ng mas mabilis na aksyon.

Last night, Dad and I were wondering kung ano nang nangyari dun sa babae. Hours have passed. San na kaya sya dinala? Buhay pa ba sya? Ang hirap hirap matulog while having all these thoughts. I mean, it could've been me. Or someone from my family. If I were in her situation siguro gugustuhin ko rin na merong mag effort na mailigtas ako. 

Nakakalungkot lang isipin na para sa ordinaryong mamayang tulad namin, pag nalagay ka sa alanganin, wala ka talagang pwedeng maasahan no? Naalala ko yung post ng classmate ko na nasa Japan. May babae lang na nadapa. Tumawag sa 911 yung mga nakakita  and a few minutes lang may rumesponde na. May pag-asa kayang maging ganun ka efficient ang Pilipinas? Imagine how many lives will be saved kung mas mabilis lang ang pag aksyon nang mga nasa posisyon para tumulong.

This morning when Mom is opening our store, someone came up to her to ask about the incident. Mother-in-law daw sya ng kinidnap. At yung kasama nyang bata e one of the kids of that woman daw. 30s na daw. With 3 kids. 

Hindi ko sila kilala, at hindi ko sila kaano ano, pero kagabi, nahirapan akong matulog kaiisip kung anong nangyari sa biktima. Pano pa kaya yung asawa at anak nya na magdamag naghintay sa pag-uwi nya kagabi?

Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari. Bago mag Pandemic ay may bali balita na tungkol sa puting van na nangkikidnap at naghaharvest ng internal organs ng mga bata.

Noong unang panahon, mayayaman lang ang kadalasang nakikidnap para sa ransom. Pero ngayon, basta may internal organs ka, posible kang maging target.

Are we ever going to feel safe again?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:59 PM.

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Fuan and more
: November 25, 2021



Yung rotation daw sa pag balik sa office e for December lang. For January, full time na. Naka mask ba kami bahang nag co call?

Hayst. Ewan. Bahala na. The other accounts are not due to come back pa. Kami lang. Gusto ng client e. Again, bahala na.

Off ko today. I tried out the pants I own, and out of 12 pairs, 2 nalang yung kasya. My gawd.

I'll buy a few pairs tomorrow.  Umaasa na lang ako na papayat pa ko ulet at kakasya pa yung ibang pants sakin balang araw.

-------

Gusto ko nang yumaman. Malapit na kong yumaman. Yumayaman na ko right at this moment. I'm going to effortlessly earn 2 million pesos per month, doing the things I love an enjoy. Thank you, Universe!



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:26 PM.

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12:10 AM thoughts
金曜日: November 26, 2021



We plan to go to QC tomorrow. Technically later. It's been a while sine I went there. Mejo sawa na ko sa madalas namin kainan sa mall malapit dito.

Browsing Crisostomo's menu. Crablets, kinilaw na tuna, fried hito, seafood kare kare, pinaputok na pla pla, lumpiang hubad, sizzling squid stuffed with laing and churos ang mga trip kong kainin. For half the price, pwede na kong kumain ng unli sa City Buffet. Wala nga lang kinilaw at hito. Miss ko na ang kinilaw. Yung hito naman, once palang akong nakakakain sa buong life time ko. That was when I was little, and I was in my cousin's house. My tito peping cooked fried hito, and it tasted good. I once asked Mom why she never bought hito to cook. She mentioned about hito eating stuff from poso negro. Mom was raised near the sea, I really had no idea what she was talking about. Iniisip ko nalang na siguro naman, ang mga hito dito sa cuidad e hindi pinalaki sa may poso negro.

Well, anyway... gusto ko rin kasi ng sushi. Tsaka egg soup.  Tapos ice cream. Tapos crepe. Siguro mas wise choice talaga ang city buffet. 

But then again, I remember how I've long been wanting to bring my parents in Crisostomo. But before pandamic, laging puno dun at by appointment na, so we always ended up eating elsewhere. Posibleng ngayon nalang ulet hindi puno ang Crisostomo.

Hmmmm.

Gusto ko ng crepe. Pero parang ang sarap ng churos. 

Tokwa, napuyat na ko kakaisip ng pagkain.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:29 AM.

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Pan ga suki
月曜日: November 30, 2021



Gusto ko ng old school hopia. Yung nasa box. Gusto ko rin ng chocolate croissant at apple turnover. I miss the time na nafu food trip ako ng mga shalang tinapay sa mega at shang. Masarap din yung mango cake keneme ng paper moon.

Gusto ko ng tinapay.

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Watching I'm Taking A Day Off on Netflix. Goodness, ampogi ni Sota Fukushi. Ang dami ng pogi j-actors these days. Lumalaban na sa looks ng mga Koreans. I remember Oguri Shun nung kabataan nya. And Toma. And Yamapi. Boy, am I really getting old?

-----

Gusto ko ng tinapay.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:31 PM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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