Entries for March, 2016


Tuesday. March 1, 2016

S.E.

Z: doc,  ansakit ng mata ko kagabi pa Tas po namumula na sya.

Doc: naku, uso ngayon ang sore eyes. 

Uhmp. Ang judgemental ni doc. Sore eyes kagad?

Sighs.

Despite uber lack of sleep I forced myself to go to work only to be Sent back home kasi may sore eyes daw ako. Said this could last for a week and I only got 3 more leaves left before the quarter ends... anak ng... huhu..

Waiting for my name to be called at the opd. judging for how my eye sears and leaks, maybe the doc was right after all.

Sheesh...I just want to go home. =(


Written by cinderellaareus at 09:55 AM.

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Tuesday. March 1, 2016

not SE

So it's not sore eyes pala. In a way I'm disappointed coz I thought I'd get to skip work again tomorrow.  The doc was speaking Greek so Im not so sure what was wrong with me..he prescribed meds which I won't be taking of course.  If it's not sore eyes then it's probably nothing.

Eyes still feel numb from the anaesthetic.  The doc dropped something in my right eye which made even the faintest sun rays blinding I needed to shut my right eye most of the time. So this is how it feels like to be half blind, huh?

Thought of writing my bsp3 since I might be delivering it next week. Ayaw akong sapian ng inspirasyon, so I stalked people in Facebook instead.  That didn't work either. 

Will be going to creative entrep summit this sat.  Still thinking whether to skip this fri's toastmasters meeting or not.  I'm worried that I won't be able to wake up early if I go home too late by Friday night.  But I don't want to miss the speeches of our members.  i think U really get to know a lot about a person when U listen to his or her speech. Karamihan kasi ng di mo naman usually kinekwento sa mga Tao e maikkwento mo sa speech mo. Kaya ayoko talaga mag miss ng meeting . Maybe I'd just sacrifice sleep. I'm used to not sleeping anyway. Pero super excited narin talaga ko sa summit! =)

But before that, I need to endure another day at work again tomorrow.  I hope that by some miracle e umayos na yung problema ng customer ko by itself.


Written by cinderellaareus at 04:36 PM.

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Wednesday. March 2, 2016

money, come to mommy...

Summit's investment fee

ETM membership dues 

Grand feast

Movie with ice

Sheesh.. gusto ko nang magbenta ng body parts. Kidney  anyone?

---

I'm willing to make puyat tonight because my last 2 speeches told me I need at least 2 drafts to create a speech I'm OK with and at least 5 if I want to end up with something decent. Wednesday na wala pa kong nasusulat kahet isang draft. Ang hirap umisip ng topic.

I chose a mentor just last meeting..pakapalan na. I chose someone I've been eyeing to be my mentor for long.bad move ata. I can't bring myself to ask him anything. Ang weird Lang kasi just a week back nung d ko pa sya pinipiling mentor, sa kanila pa ako ni g nag-email to ask about the roles of a topics master. Tas ngayon.. ewan.  Sabagay, wala parin naman akong itatanong. Baka maasar pa saken yun Kung ang itatanong ko sa kanya e, "ano ba isusulat ko?" I think things wud have been a lot easier if I chose L instead.  Pero sabi nila pag di ka daw comfortable sa choice mo, yun daw yung right choice. Idk. Bahala na.

--

Tonight, I discovered na my kinikilingan ang insomnia.  Kung kelan gusto Kong magpuyat, saka ko sya Hindi mahagilap. 

Dead sleepy. Got to end this here.

Ciao!


Written by cinderellaareus at 09:35 PM.

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Thursday. March 3, 2016

better than pills.

I think I found a way to get rid of insomnia effectively.

..

Write a speech.

Pak. Anong petsa na. Huhu.


Written by cinderellaareus at 10:23 PM.

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Sunday. March 6, 2016

huhu T_T

Saw in fb that fr. Mario is leaving the country for an assignment in Rome. 

Maaaaan, this is heartbreaking.  Huhu. Cry


Written by cinderellaareus at 01:41 PM.

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Tuesday. March 8, 2016

bsp3, wbp, cc

a few days more before friday.

might be an fms night tonight.

my head was aching badly. the biogesic helped a bit. i hope the cough and colds will soon go away too, my nose is hurting already.

no organization, terrible sentence construction, and capitalize letters at the start of each sentence, jeez. uhmp.

wala lang. naaliw ako sa mentor ko. sent him the draft for my bsp3 yesterday and i love his comments on it. he sent me an edited version and there were a lot of red. then he listed about 5 things he'd like me to consider. i wish i sent my draft a little earlier. at this point i need to finalize it until today so that i still have two days to memorize... kelan ba bsp4 ko? naeexcite na ko! hehe.

he said i need to work on sentence structure and that he can teach me about it personally, basta i-approach lang daw sya... wait, mukhang marami raming lakas ng loob ang kailangan ko for this.

i know i should be editing my speech now. i want to deliver something that could make my mentor proud para hindi naman sayang efforts nya on telling me what needs to be improved (and as i write this i can almost imagine him marking my wrong grammar with red. haha). i wish i can learn more from this guy.

---

hindi ko ata nasulat ang adventurous weekend ko last sat. i was overwhelmed by the news of fr. mario leaving. i am still so sad about it now. still... sana bumalik din sya.

anyway, about the weekend,

so yang and i were at the wbp event, the creative entrep summit. just as good as ever. man, i love niccollo cosme. such brilliance!! and carlos celdran too! cant help but dream na balang araw, ako naman. haha. i remember as yang and i were going home she said something like everytime daw na nagpupunta kami sa seminar ng writer's block naiinspire daw syang magresign. erm, same here. haha.

told yang about my reservations on this project that we're planning to put up. in the end we decided not to go on with it. and yeah, back to zero na naman kami. i've spent 2 years and a half running in circles and until now im yet to get what i think i need to get. i wonder if im doing things wrong.. or maybe not that, because i havent really done anything.

hayy.. nakakalungkot. can somebody tell me where's the way out? sheeesh.

---

yang posted pics from the wbp event. omg, cc and i looked like a couple..eeee!! haha..leche.

i wonder if i should remove this just so people wouldnt have the wrong idea. mamaya makasama pa to sa love life ko.

haha. praning.

---

oh,, btw, i just heard that tito has been calling my niece "little leleng" daw according to dad. leleng is my nickname at home. tito said kaitlyn looks like me daw. believe me, i haven't heard a compliment as good as this one. though i suspect that maybe tito has a really bad eyesight. haha.

here are pictures of my niece. now, you judge. lol.

---

sheeesh.. here comes headache again. i think im sick. T_T


Written by cinderellaareus at 10:22 AM.

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Wednesday. March 9, 2016

nth

I slept not feeling well and woke up sick for real.

Jeez, I'm sick again. Have less than 2 days to get well. Nakakahiya kc s kanila if won't show up when I'm suppose to give a speech. I don't mind going there sick. But I can't possibly give a speech with this hoarse voice and all. Isa pa, it would be equally Nakakahiya if I go there to spread virus.

I hope biogesic can handle fever, cough, colds, swollen tonsils and dried throat by itself alone.  I'm not sure if my stomach can handle any other meds. Because GERD. 


Written by cinderellaareus at 07:39 AM.

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Wednesday. March 9, 2016

hmp!

Just received an email from our club. Found out that another member chose my mentor to be his mentor. 

Hmp! Tse! *spreads hostility powder everywhere *

Erm... possessive??  Hahaha!

Pag magaling na ko, may pipili rin kaya saken para maging mentor?

Parang ang saya Lang. Pero pag naiisip ko na baka wala naman akong maiambag sa magiging mentee ko, Parang OK Lang din.

Still, masyado pa sigurong maaga para dun.

Right now, I need to.concentrate on getting well para Hindi na ko sick by Friday. 

Sige, tubig pa!! Sheesh, goodluck to me...


Written by cinderellaareus at 10:52 AM.

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Thursday. March 10, 2016


i thought im feeling better now. no fever, only slight cough and colds and my nose is no longer dripping uncontrollably... until i handed my fare to the bus conductor this morning and heard myself croak, "kamias"...

sh*t paos parin ako... huhu..

drank smart c.. this is bad for diet. the heck. there'll be a family gathering this sun.. i dont want to look like a pig.. damn cheese flavored magic chips.. why are you so good? oh, well..

but im feeling more motivated.. after this, promise, mag da-diet na ko.. pramis!!!!

bsp3 tom. i hope i wont make the audience sleep. thought of changing my opening kaso hindi pala fitting yung naisip kong quote. i dont know how can i possibly pull off a vocal variety when my voice is like this. actually, even if my voice is fine, im not sure if i can pull off a vocal variety. period. bahala na.

parang mejo nalulungkot ako bigla lately.

must be pms.


Written by cinderellaareus at 10:42 AM.

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Friday. March 11, 2016

BTW

woke up with my voice still hoarse. informed the people in our club about it so i wont be having my speech tonight.

yay! what a relief!

im actually prepared. i had my speech memorized and all. kaso, hindi ko gusto yung speech ko. i want to create something better. id have more than an ample amount of time since speeches for the next two weeks were already scheduled.

heard that one of the speakers cancelled her supposed speech too yesterday. im amazed how the people in our club seem to always have plan B.

Anyway, i guess it's gonna be a peaceful night tonight since im excused from talking. perks being paos. hehe.

the nurse from our office clinic gave me some pink solution to gargle. its been hours and yet it seems like i cant detect any other taste other than bitter. i feel like i gargled some poison or whatever.

...

a few more hours and its gonna be weekend.

HAPPY WEEKEND EVERYONE!!

ALL SMILES!!


Written by cinderellaareus at 12:49 PM.

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TOASTMASTERS SPEECHES. March 11, 2016

Basic Speech Project 2- ORGANIZE YOUR SPEECH

BSP 2- Organize your speech

Title: Appreciating Detours

Time: 5~7 minutes (I was OVERtime)

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You are driving off a destination, suddenly, a road closure; you take a detour.
You are all set with everything all planned out, suddenly, an unforeseen setback; you take a detour.
You are building your dreams with this man. You can see your future together, suddenly, another girl came along; you take a detour.
We don’t like detours. Most of the time we’re in a hurry to get to our destination or reach our goal; why take the longer route if there’s a shorter one? And at times we rigidly plan our lives and we want so much to stick with that plan that we just can’t welcome setbacks… or detours.

But let me tell you the reasons why I believe we should appreciate detours in our lives.

First: You wouldn’t benefit from the fast and easy.

I am on diet 75 percent of the time. I know it doesn’t show. I’ve known Atkins Diet since college. It’s a low carbs diet. With this diet I can shed off 4 kilos in 4 days so that’s 1 kilo per day. It’s the fastest that I’ve ever tried and it’s pretty easy too. With no exercise needed, you can eat anything you want as much as you want so long as you wouldn’t exceed 20 grams of carbs daily. Fast and easy. But you know why Atkins diet wasn’t so effective on me? For that exact same reason; because it’s fast and easy.

Take this week for example.
At the start of this week I was like, “I’ll be having another speech, I have to go on diet.”
Monday: “It’s ok, I still have 4 days, I can lose 4 kilos before Friday, I’ll start tomorrow.”
Tuesday: “Three more days, three kilos will be enough.”
Wednesday: “2 days more, 2 kilos will suffice.”
Thursday: “I still look fine, I’m ok with 1 kilo.”
Friday: “Forget it, I’ll just start next week.”

See? You wouldn’t benefit much from the fast and the easy.

Second: The longer the journey, the longer the preparation.

My best friend was a scholar since high school. She was sponsored by a Japanese priest. Unlike other sponsors, this Japanese priest doesn’t want to make his identity known. But my best friend was still firm on her wish to at least see her sponsor in person. To do this, she needs to go to Japan. After college, she had her chance. She saw a company that sends off employees to Japan. My best friend applied and she was accepted. But before she got hired, she found out that she had a cyst that needs to be removed through surgery and it will take her months to recover from the procedure. Unfortunately, the company could not wait that long. It left her heartbroken.

After surgery she accepted an offer from a different company. After a few years she decided to work in Malaysia. It gave her opportunities and financial resources that after some time she was able to travel to different places in different countries. And just last year, she was able to reach her dream, she went to Japan. It took lots of researching on her part to find her sponsor’s whereabouts but she did. Nine long years after the detour and she finally reached her dream. Do you think it would have been the same if she hadn’t took the detour? I believe that it was the detour that gave her the ability and resources to make her dream happen. It was the detour that gave her the maturity and mental preparedness she needed to turn her dream into reality.

Because detours give us time.

Third: Detours allow us to discover new things and meet people too.


A few years ago, mom and I went to her home town in Surigao. We went there by plane. But on the way back, we were not able to get ticket so we were forced to take a less convenient alternative; we travelled by bus.
It will only take a few hours if you travel by plane. But if by bus, it will take you 2 days and 1 night. It was excruciating. My body felt sore. I felt sticky and stinky. But you know what, I actually enjoyed the ride.

I remember seeing the trees, bridges, towns and communities we passed along the way. I remember the smiles and conversations we shared with the strangers we’ve met at the bus and stop overs. I remember the pot luck dinner we had with these strangers, sharing food and stories as if we’ve known each other for ages.

I remember the RORO boat. I remember the salty breeze of sea air on my face. I remember watching the sky by the dock, and the sea, the jumping fishes. I remember looking down at the sea foam that looked so much like soap bubbles.

I remember the long conversation I had with mom. I remember touching her hands when mine felt cold. I remember resting my head on her shoulder when I felt tired.

Do you think all these would have happened if we had taken the plane instead? Will I see the beautiful things I saw? Will I meet the people I’ve met? Will mom and I talk the way we talked or bonded the way we did? I bet not.

It is good to have a goal. I believe it is imperative to work on achieving one. But we should not forget that the journey is just as important because it is this journey that will mold and transform us to be better people as we walk our way towards our goal.

When I was young, I thought I’m going to be rich and successful by the age of 25. Years after my 25th birthday and my rich and successful self is still nowhere to be found. I sure am having a taste of my own life’s detour. But I’m not in a rush as I intend to take my time and enjoy the journey.


I’d like to end my speech with this wonderful quote from Earnest Hemmingway that says, “It is good to have an end to journey towards, but it is the journey that matters in the end.”

Good Evening, Everyone.

------

When i had this speech, crush(now mentor) also had his. When the votes for the best prepared speech were counted, we had the same number of votes. It was a tie. until a member sent her vote which contained crush's name. in the end he won. oh, well..


Written by cinderellaareus at 03:10 PM.

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TOASTMASTERS SPEECHES. March 11, 2016

Basic Speech Project 3- GET TO THE POINT (draft only)

this is the speech project im suppose to deliver tonight but since im paos, i was allowed to have it next time nalang. maybe id create an new one kasi i dont like this one so much.

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BSP3- Get to the point

Title: The virtue in craziness

Time: 5~7 minutes

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"Stop getting involved in politics!"
That was the line of a man named Carlos Celdran when he walked into the Manila Cathedral in his coat and hat, dressed as Jose Rizal, complete with a mustache and all, carrying a placard that said “DAMASO”, in protest against the Catholic Church for opposing the RH Bill. Wasn’t he crazy?

Fellow Toastmasters and guests, when was the last time that you did something crazy for a cause, or a dream, or something that you believe in?

As a Catholic, I cannot say that what Celdran did was good, but I admit it was awesome and I think we need to be more like that.

I will give you three reasons why.

First: Crazy people make history.

Thomas Edison tried to light a light bulb for more than 1000 times. He could’ve stopped at 10th or 100th or 500th, but he went on. And that was crazy.

And then there was Sylvester Stallone. When he wrote the script for Rocky, producers offered to buy it for a price. He didn’t have much money at that time and yet he refused. Why? because he wanted to be the lead actor, but the producers only wanted the script. Because of his resolve, producers relented eventually. He too was crazy.

Then there was Beethoven. We know Beethoven for his great music. He made a lot of famous compositions, 5 of which were made when he was completely deaf. Who in his right mind will continue to create music even when he’s deaf? because Beethoven too was crazy.

Thomas Edison, Sylvester Stallone, Beethoven; we all know who these people are, right?

Because crazy people make history.

Second: Craziness is contagious.

I was in a conference a few years back when I got to hear this young man named Gian Javelona. He was said to be the Steve Jobs of the Philippines. He created an app called Orange app. He said he named it Orange because he wanted to beat Apple.

So when Gian walked into the stage and spoke of his vision of changing the way the world learns through technology, everyone was all ears. Among the audience were professional educators, established businessmen, and probably majority of which were way older and more experienced than Gian was. And yet they believed him.

If a word from a crazy person was bought by another person, doesn’t that make the other person crazy too?

When Gian finished his talk, one person after another stood up to commend him, thank him and most of them expressed their desire to collaborate with him. There was even this one guy who stood up and told Gian, “I want to work with you… for free.” Now there goes another crazy man.

See, craziness is contagious.

Imagine if you can rub your craziness to other people and make them collaborate with you and together do some crazy project that would benefit the world… wouldn’t that be great?

Third: You’d rather die from outrageousness than from boredom.

I’ve seen people every day living like robots. They go to work waiting for it to be over only to do the same process the next day. Sadly, I was one of them. In order to save what was left of my humanity, I resigned from my job. What made it outrageous was that it was the worst time to resign. We just started the construction of our house and dad had just gotten out of the hospital; we were financially drained. So it wasn’t a very wise decision. It was crazy and borderline stupid and I did that all to pursue a dream. What’s even crazier was that I didn’t know what that dream is.

It’s been three years since I’ve left my job to pursue a dream and I haven’t reached it yet. The closest I got to it was that at least now I know what my dream is. Still, there were times when I asked myself if I should just stop all this madness and go back to my life as a robot. But whenever I inch my way even just a tiny step nearer to my dream, it made me feel so much more alive that I feel like maybe I made the right decision after all.

I believe that we human beings were born with a crazy monster inside us. When we were small, the monster was big, that’s why our dreams were wild and crazy when we were young. But the monster gets smaller as we grow older because we were introduced to the word “impossible”. But I believe we need that monster. The world needs that monster. Most of the world’s innovations after all were brought about by crazy individuals who challenged the impossible, did the outrageous and transformed the world into what it is today.

I may not be in the position to talk about success or bringing radical contribution to the society because I am nowhere near that yet. I am just an individual with an average size crazy monster that had gotten me into trouble most of the time. But if someone will ask me if all this craziness was worth it… well, absolutely.

Fellow Toastmasters and guests, how is your crazy monster? If you still have it, nurture it, make it grow, and then, make it serve the world.

-----

I managed to edit this draft just as my mentor had suggested except for the time. I think i might exceed a few seconds over 7 minutes. we're allowed until 30 seconds so i think it'll be ok. i dont like it that much im worried the audience might find it boring. im thinking of just discarding this and create a new one. if you read this draft.. please do send me a feedback. that will greatly help me decide whether to deliver this or not...

thank you thank you!


Written by cinderellaareus at 03:22 PM.

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Saturday. March 12, 2016

joke time

Thought I'm gonna have a peaceful night last night (technically a few hours ago) coz they allowed me not to go with my speech. When they told me they're gonna give me some task, I didn't know that task.

I was asked to evaluate a speech. This was my first time.  It was a bsp3. I haven't had my bsp3 yet. And on top of that, guess whose speech was it... my mentor's speech. Wahhh!! Lokohan na to!!! Kung Hindi seryoso yung mukha ni G when he asked me to evaluate my mentor's speech, iisipin Kong nag jojoke sia. but he was serious. Pero ok Lang rin naman. Ang totoo nian, nag enjoy nga ko eh. Mejo na wirdohan Lang ako sa turn of event. I never saw it coming. I sure got away from delivering my prepared speech tas mas mahirap pa yung pumalit. Pero promise masaya sia. Pero baka rin dahil mentor ko yung in evaluate ko. Nakakatawa kasi e.parang joke.

Anyway, Ganda ng speech ni mentor. Baka ilaban ata nia yun sa humorous speech contest next sat. Hindi ko  alam kung anong speech meron ang mga kalaban, Pero sa tingin ko malaki ang chance ni mentor na manalo. I WANT TO WATCH!!! huhu. May club meeting kasi kami ng Fri. Gabing gabi na ko makakauwi non. Pero Bahala na.. kaya to. Push! I want to see him beat everyone there. Tas next year, ako naman. Yay!

Haha. Naaliw talaga ko sa club namin. Napapamahal na saken to...

*heart* *heart*

------

Family gathering this sun. Bday celeb ni tita.  Excited na ko.

HAPPY WEEKEND!! ALL SMILES =>


Written by cinderellaareus at 01:38 AM.

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Sunday. March 13, 2016

the ONE checklist

WARNING: mejo corni post.

Sabi nila mahirap daw hanapin ang isang bagay Kung Hindi mo alam kung anong hinahanap mo.

Gumawa na rin ako ng checklist na gaya neto before. But halos lahat ng nasulat ko before feeling ko mejo bias. Para kasi sa list ko dinedescribe ko lng yung taong nagugustuhan ko at the moment. But this list is a bit different.  Feeling ko ngayon Lang ako nakagawa ng list na Hindi bias. So I think this  deserves an entry.

Here it goes. 

My the "one" checklist:

1. Gentle

2. Has a good heart 

3. Respects me

4. Someone I have high respect for

5. Faithful 

6. Cares for me

7. Understanding

8. Mag-eeffort

9. SINGLE (walang asawa, walang anak, walang GF/BF)

10. Will enter into a relationship with me with an intention to marry me someday 

11. Believes in God and has a strong faith in Him

12. Has a strong sense of right and wrong

13. Has sets of values that matches mine

14. Earns at least enough to form a family 

15. No serious physical, emotional or mental issues

16. Takes responsibility for his own actions 

17. Free from any type of addiction

18. Doesn't smoke

19. Can handle his finances well

20. Ready (and willing) to sacrifice and compromise (not that he has too, but I want someone who is at least ready)

----

There. If the man I'm looking for has the same checklist,  then I think I'd pass his.  Fair enough.

Nakakatuwa na meron na Kong matinong checklist.  Hmmm.. maybe I'm getting there.  He he.


Written by cinderellaareus at 12:59 AM.

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Monday. March 14, 2016

recipe for a perfect Monday

coffee

a little rain

good books

and Jack Johnson's Banana Pancake playing in the background

and then some secret ingredients

yum!

...

...

someday. maybe.


Written by cinderellaareus at 01:47 PM.

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Tuesday. March 15, 2016

火曜日

・decorate your room with recycled stuff to see if you have talent for creating DIY that you can use for business (plus save the environment!)

・write a book for younger generation

・give talks to schools for free for the "we don't need more robots" campaign. Then, sell your book after the talk (win-win!!)

・write a blog daily, build stats and earn thru ads.

---

these are the things i came up with as i try to formulate ways on how to get myself out of here and be free. if you noticed, not one sound item can be found on this list. dahil hindi ko na talaga alam kung anong tumbling ang dapat kong gawin to change the way things are, i messaged yang and told her about reviving the old idea that we came up with before which we just discarded a few weeks back. she said yes.. and we'll be acting out on it this weekend. agad agad. woohoo!

sheeesh. im a bit worried how i dont feel excited about it, because knowing me, i get excited on little things.. if i dont get excited, could it be that something's wrong or whatever?? pero kasi.... what else can i do??!

i just wish yang ang i can find a way to enjoy ourselves while doing this project. yung tipong we're doing our best while having fun. feeling ko kasi dun ako pinaka effective. bahala na.. saka na siguro ako mag ooverthink.

sinabi ko rin to kay yang kahapon. na hindi naman ako natatakot mag fail. natatakot lang akong mag commit. para kasing nakakatakot yung pag kahet ayaw mo na hindi ka na makaalis kasi nakapag commit ka na. ganun. yang said she feels the same. i wonder if we're single for the same reason. haha. whatebs.

---

G asked me if i can be the toastmaster of the evening next meeting. i refused. first, because i dont feel ready yet. and also because my voice is not back to normal yet. he asked if i can be once again the topicsmaster instead. i said sure. i felt bad for backing out on the challenge and settling for something easier. i know i vowed to say yes to things that could make me grow as a person.. tas ngayon... sighs.. sh*t!! i feel bad. huhu.

pramis, last na to. i will not allow myself to chicken out on something that i think i cannot do ever again.

that's a promise.

i keep promises.

try me, world.

---

need to find topics for tt this fri. gusto ko sana nung mga crazy questions ulet. not because i want to give my co-members a hard time. im just curious on what they can come up with once pushed into answering questions that they're not used to recieving... kaso nakakatamad. quotes na nga lang... dapat nag toastmaster of the evening nalang ako. hmp.

---

drank meds to cure this nasty cough and colds that just wont go away kahet na i detest meds. i need to get well sooooonest because i need my voice back. we'll be creating a PV this weekend. malamang boses ko gagamitin. di pede ang bedroom voice. i need to get well.. so, please, conspire with me, dear Universe.


Written by cinderellaareus at 10:36 AM.

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Wednesday. March 16, 2016

overalls

feelin' sleepy. or baka tinatamad lang ako.

i feel homesick kahet na nasa bahay lang naman ako. the weekends had been fully booked lately. i need some time to at least clean my room. i cant even find time to paint my fingernails. woah!

ewan ko. mag ho-holy week na. gusto ko sanang nasa bahay. i miss the deafening silence of holy week. i miss watching those usual holy week programs. i miss being home, doing nothing. pwede naman ako mag leave. sayang nga lang yung double pay. tsaka wala na nga pala akong leave for this quarter.

---

it made me sad when i saw in fb that sis gg's dad passed away. she used to post pics of him when he was still battling something (must be sickness, death or whatever). i dont know her personally. i just often saw her on the stage playing piano. i kind of like see dad in her dad. i remember back when we almost lost him from stroke. i just cant imagine how id feel if we'd lost him for real. i feel really sad for sis gg. will i look stupid if i cry for this?

isnt it terrible? losing people... im pretty much certain im not scared of dying myself, but if it's someone i love, then that's another story.

---

maybe im not really feelin lazy today. maybe i just need some time to mourn for someone else's grief. ang labo no?

---

dapat busy ako. dapat meron akong ginagawa ngayon. the more i think about it the more i realized how much time i need to spend to change things. tapos wala man lang guarantee na may mag che-change nga. pero may iba pa ba kong choice?

nakakatamad.

can i just sleep?

---

thinking of going to my panata wednesday tonight. they say fr. mario will leave by april. baka nandon pa sya. maybe i can at least see him precide the mass one last time?

..

kaso nga.. nakakatamad.

very good, z.

*image source: http://charleshahlen.com


Written by cinderellaareus at 10:06 AM.

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* * * *

Thursday. March 17, 2016

questions

at the chap this morning.

pondering over same old questions.

where to go?

what to do?

now what?

then i had a more profound question in mind.

well, wala, kalokohan lang naman.

naisip ko lang, what if may genie na mag ga-grant saken ng 3 wishes, anong i-wi-wish ko? yung seryosong wish, ganon.

and i came up with these three.

1. perfect health for me and my family.

2. ability to create money out of nowhere.

3. wisdom.

just when i was about to get pleased with my own answers(because i really have good reasons for choosing these wishes), i remembered, sh*t, i forgot to wish for a love life again!

lol.

pero srsly, what if magkaron ka ng chance na mag wish ng kahit anong wish.... ano nga bang iwi-wish mo?

ang wierd.. natatakot akong mag-wish...

---

was trying to go on diet for almost one week now. this is my 4th attempt. then, my seatmate here just gave me cheese flavored magic chips. hindi ko alam kung mag te-thank you ba ko or maaasar. uhmp!


Written by cinderellaareus at 12:25 PM.

7 comments


* * * *

Sunday. March 20, 2016

reasons

I am thinking of cancelling tomorrow's supposed schedule because:

1. My stomach feels funny

2. My nonstop coughing 

3. I'm running out of budget 

4. A carpenter would be working on my closet (he apparently didn't follow a few details in my drawing).

5. My toe nails badly need a pedi.

6. I need to catch up on sleep.

7. Family's complaining about me not staying home most of the time already. 

.... and yet I went to today's event despite of the same reasons.

Hmmm.. may weird ba saken?

Nalulungkot ako na di nagchampion si mentor for humorous speech. 2nd Lang sya. I didn't even like the speech of the winner. Mentor was the champion for international speech contest though for his other club. He seemed to be happy about it though. Still, Nalulungkot pa din ako na Hindi sya yung champion ng humorous speech sa area namin. 

Was asked if na engganyo daw ba Kong sumali after watching. Judging how I felt disappointed when the person I wanted to win didn't, made me think that maybe I'd be worse off if I had been the contestant. 

The truth is, I know how to accept defeat but that doesn't mean I like being defeated. i think The reason why I rarely fight was because I hate losing.

Nung napanuod ko yung speech ng mga kalaban ni mentor, I already felt worried because they were all good. When he gave the same speech back when he was rehearsing at our club I thought no one else can possibly beat that.

Moral lesson: kahet gano pa kagaling ang Tao Hindi mo pwedeng i-discount ang possibility na may mas magaling pa sa kanya.

but more than all these, I find it laughable how here i am wondering how I would feel if I lose the area contest without thinking that I might not even make it to the area contest in the first place. Bago nga pa la ang area contest e club contest muna. We actually have a lot of good speakers among us...grabe, feeling ko naman.. haha.

Pero sa tingin ko gusto ko paring sumali. At syempre, manalo. Hindi ko Alam Kung kaya ko ba. Pero gusto ko talaga.

----

Ugh, damn cough. Ikakamatay ko na ba to?


Written by cinderellaareus at 01:32 AM.

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* * * *

Tuesday. March 22, 2016

alamat ng dating site

recieved a message in fb that said,

"ikaw ba yung <insert my name here> ng <insert catholic dating site here>?"

..

laugh trip.


Written by cinderellaareus at 07:14 AM.

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* * * *

Wednesday. March 23, 2016

after the long and agonizing search, research and debates

i am voting for mar roxas (please don't shoot me).

i am yet to choose a vp.

care to enlighten me?


Written by cinderellaareus at 12:54 PM.

6 comments


* * * *

Thursday. March 24, 2016

11:30

30 minutes before Friday. 

I can't sleep.  They changed the position of my bed to make way for a few new stuff in my room. My body's taking time to adjust as usual. Takte to. Huhu.

Got work Tom. One more day to endure in the cage and I'm free. I plan to have my holy week reduced to a day on sat and then sun will be grand Easter feast. We got tickets already.  Agreed to meet yang earlier so that we can have time to talk and maybe practice some table topics. hindi p tm si yang pero tume table topics narin sya. nakakatuwA. Hindi talaga ako magaling sa impromptu speeches but i really want to get better. Im really glad ive found something I'm willing to get better at and know that I'm gonna enjoy doing so.

Funny what I turned into because of Toastmasters. I often catch myself lately speaking in English kahet di naman kailangan. Haha.. ang arte arte Lang.

Got to end this. I think I'm starting to get sleepy. Hopefully. P


Written by cinderellaareus at 11:46 PM.

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* * * *

. March 25, 2016

3:51

9 more minutes left and im free.

spent the day watching some japanese movie (initiation love-- interesting plot. nice twist in the end. must see!).

know what, my idea of a perfect holy week is staying home, watching whatever's on tv in my baggy clothes or maybe watching horror DVD with my brother or playing with my niece or maybe annoying my mom.

got the baggy clothes part since i wore my baggiest clothes (in the office) especially for the occasion... but the rest... well..

but at least im going home now. 2 minutes more to go. my room looks like a damp site. as much as id like to go home i just cant get excited at the thought of cleaning all the mess.

i want some sleeeep.

wahhhh! time's up!! see yah!!!


Written by cinderellaareus at 04:00 PM.

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* * * *

Saturday. March 26, 2016

z, the intellectual elitist hypocrite

A friend sent a link of this fb post

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10153284102882820&id=713492819

in messenger and the convo below followed:

N: #2 Carlos Celdran... hahahhaa...

Z: haha. Duterte ka na?

N: nde naman. Sinabi ko Lang sayo...

Hahaha.. kasama ka din pala Sa number 2... hahahha

Porket may couple shots keo ni carlos Celdran... nabahidan ka na din ng mindset nia hahaha

Z: intellectual elitist hypocrite? Bakt? Anong ginawa ko?

If I am, walang kinalaman so Carlos Celdran dian. Sabi Nga ni lady GaGa, baby, I was born this way. Haha.

N: hahahah... diba ung sa * post mo... hahahaha y you chose Mar roxas... hahahaha

Z: lol... yung post ko Sa * impluwensya ni mommy... elementary undergraduate.  Definitely not an intellectual elitist. But I admit I love the title. Wahaha...

---

Needless for me to say, I'm actually enjoying this. Hahaha.

Duterte man or roxas or Poe or whoever, I love you nessss!!! Wahaha!

I'm in no way a duterte hater. I actually love the guy to bits. But I'm still voting for Mar roxas. Please don't hate me. Haha.

This line from that post though...

"We we're merely posting ruined lives and dreams because of the government's incompetence."

I don't know...  I think the government can only do so much. Sure, it can influence people's lives but it's not that we cannot do anything about it, right? I think people should stop finding solutions to their problems from the government. I just find it childish.

The government is responsible for the nation's concerns.  You are responsible for your own concerns no matter how much you believe otherwise. I think this whole thing is not about us but the whole nation. But of course,  I could be mistaken.

The promise of peace and order from duterte is really good. But I think the lack of peace and order is just the symptoms of our nation's real problem. You don't stop the problem by curing the symptoms.  You have to cure the cause. I think the cause is poverty. That's why I chose Mar roxas because with his education (bs economics major in finance) and background,  he seem to be capable of doing that. Based on his track record,  he seem to be focused on that too (most of the bills he passed were related to sme's,  education and employment even back when he was still a congressman).

Still, I could be wrong. So if you're thinking of voting for duterte, go ahead. I'm actually excited to see how he can change rp if he will indeed win. But my vote will still go for Mar roxas.

-----

Grand feast tomorrow.  I just read that fr. Mario is going to be there. This would probably be his Last mass in rp before he goes to Rome. Nalulungkot parin talaga ko na aalis sya pero natutuwa ako na at least makikita ko sya Sa grand feast bago sya umalis. Sna nandun sia ng hapon...

Nakakainis Lang dahil ang sama ng pakiramdam ko the whole day. Ang sakit ng tiyan ko. The last time my stomach hurted like this, I was Sent to the hospital. Must be GERD.  Sana mawala na to mamaya.. huhu.


Written by cinderellaareus at 05:41 PM.

3 comments


* * * *

Monday. March 28, 2016

goodbye, wednesday

had fun at the grand easter feast as usual.

went with yang and joi. yang and i met up at around 11. the program started at 2. joi, who got our tickets, arrived at almost 3. great. pero ok lang. masaya parin naman. whenever i go to gatherings like this i usually go home with that happy and light feeling... that's why it baffled me how yesterday was so different. i didnt know what's with the dark clouds and all until i remembered why...

its been years...

straight pa buhok ko non.

tas kinulot ko.

tas from waist length, naging mid length, hanggang sa naging shoulder length tas ngayon hanggang sa batok nalang ang buhok ko pero pumupunta parin ako dun.

nakailang transform na ko ng sarili. from 2 naging 5 na ang ear piercings ko.

nakailang transfer na rin ako ng trabaho.

but i always go back to that same place where i found refuge n years ago.

a place that made my wednesday special.

I started going there at a time when my life was pretty messed up. i dont remember anymore how i felt back then. but im pretty sure it had been really bad. i dont know how i managed to maintain a composed demeanor when i was a total wreck inside...

in there, i found solace. i found safety. and peace. and inspiration.

i remember being too busy at work and yet found time to go there. i-skip na lahat ng event, wag lang yun.

my wednesday. my beloved wednesday.

since the year started, alam kong hindi na ko nakakapunta dun. hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari. hindi naman nagbago ang amount ng time na meron ako for the past years. ano bang excuse ko? hindi ko alam.

siguro kasi pag ok ka naman, pag medyo masaya ka, madaling makalimutan yung source of comfort mo nung magulong magulo pa ang buhay mo.

nalulungkot ako.

yesterday, i only got to see him halfway through the sermon because we were late.

he's still as good as ever. when the mass ended i just watched him stepped out of the stage, walked at the side stopping from time to time to allow people touch the back of his hands on their foreheads.

we were sitting at the lower box in second floor.

i wouldve been one of those people na gustong magbless sa kanya kung nasa first floor lang ako. if i could be bold enough, maybe i would even give him a hug.

shocks.. this is so heartbreaking.

i wont be seeing one of the most influencial people in my life from now on. for how long, im not even sure. i dont even know if ill ever see him again.

that person who had kept me sane for all these years... and he doesnt even know my name.

that person who had kept me from falling apart... without him knowing anything about it.

i know he was a tool that the Heavens used to prevent me from destroying myself...

tapos ngayon.... tapos ngayon.... wahhhh!!!

grabe nalulungkot talaga ko... good thing im alone at the office, no one will see me crying.. wahh!! takte to. tissue please.. huhu.

sighs..

everything happens for the best daw.

matagal kaya sya don? baka mamaya one week lang pala sya dun nagdradrama pa ko. haha.

sabi may pinapagawa ata sa kanya si pope. training or something. hindi ko na matandaan.

sana maging maayos ang lahat.

..

huhu.

ingat po kayo dun.

balik po kayo.

isasama ko po kayo sa prayers ko.

thank you.

good luck

please come back..

hihintayin po namin kayo...

..

..

love,

z


Written by cinderellaareus at 02:50 PM.

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* * * *
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my name is z


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