Entries for December, 2016
as per tim's advice, im on a low-information diet. didnt know it's gonna be hard to try not to read anything informative.
also, im taking the advice not to take on emails first thing in the morning and tackle important tasks first. i think, it's effective. for once it seems like ill be having a quite efficient day today.
---
1st interested buyer for my herbalife product sent me a message yesterday. i sucked at doing sales talk so much it was almost funny. lol. almost. didnt end up with a sale... i wonder if i can get a sale with social media marketing alone and with very less talking.
i wonder if i should read things about sales... but wait, im on a low-information diet.
---
i was with cory back in nini's wedding last week. we were heading home when we had a few talk. the topic: why im no longer an engineer. i told her my reason and i told her how i no longer want to be an employee and on how i want my current job to be my last job and after this, im gonna build my own business.
she then asked, "so what have you done so far..." i felt like i bathed cold water.
i think i read something like this before. about seeing if what you're doing is aligned with what you wish to achieve. i know i wasnt totally stationary all these time, it's just that, maybe tim is right. maybe im munching on too much information that im lacking execution...
---
tomorrow's our club's yearend party. im yet to fully memorize my speech. can i just back out?? huhu...
02:25 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
when you watch something strictly for entertainment, you dont take down notes, z... no, you dont.
left my tim ferriss book so im binge watching apprentice asia--while taking down notes. so much for low-information diet, right?
---
our club's yearend party today and i have a speech to deliver which i havent fully memorized. i wonder if wearing a dress today will turn out to be a bad idea, im starting to scout for some other outfit to change into.
sometimes i wish i live in cubao instead or anywhere nearer.
and a plus. it's a red day today. this had been overdue that for a few days i thought i was pregnant--charot!
still, i think the timing cant be anymore terrible..
but i got this... well, at least i hope i do.
---
long friday ahead... bring it on.
10:39 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
If I am to write a list of things I am thankful for, my list will be filled with names of people.
Our baby kaitlyn's back home after two weeks of visit in her mother's place in cavite. I'm now one happy tita.
Also, today, I had my first sale in my herbalife business. They say business is about love. I now know why. Thank you so much, ate violy. I pray that the product u bought from me will bless ur life immensely.
Then there was my club. I received 500php at the exchange gift which made me feel rich, but the number of greetings and hugs I received made me feel a thousand times richer.
There was neri who made the night filled with stories and laughter. I was touched that she gave me a chocolate from marks&Spencer for Christmas. I love the brand and the choc was sure sweet, but it was the thought that made it sweeter.
Then there was gabby and his tight hug. He's the light of the club. His warmth and generosity had kept in awe since I joined elite. He is one of this year's best gifts for me.
Jay. Being friends with her came as a surprise. She's one of the people who make the club feels like home, and for me, she's family.
Same goes for L. A., Mel and Mina.
And speaking of Mina, thank you for letting me have the toblerone and 500php when you could have exchanged it with ur bento box. I feel bad that u ended up with a light bulb, but thanks for telling me "it's ok". You filled the night with so much laughter it gave me stitches. May the Heavens bless you with heaping and overflowing portions. God bless you Mina. Thank you, thank you!
And of course, Ivan. It took me tons of courage to tell gabby I'm choosing u to be my mentor. The courage was more than just rewarded. I've always felt blessed since that time I chose you. If I have to choose once more, I'd choose you still. For me, you will remain to be the best. Your hug last night will be remembered because that was the first. More than kilig, I feel happy because I think we finally reached the level of closeness where we can comfortably do hugs and beso beso as how people in the club normally do.
When the party was over, we got t o join dhenn and Jeremiah on the way home. Two of our newest members. I'm thankful for them too. I enjoyed the conversation we had as we walk. With the distance, we might have walked for about 15 mins, but because of them, it didn't feel like so. I wish I will get to know them better as i spend more time with them in the club. It's quite interesting how the three of us have so much in common, including the names of people we look up to.
Our next meeting will be next year pa. I will surely miss these people.
If there is one thing that books and people have in common, i think it is that both has the power to change you.
We just started December but I feel positive that lot of great things await the next year. 2016 had been amazing in itself, but I am hopeful that 2017 will be a lot more so.
Thank you Heavens. My networth says otherwise, but I actually feel like a millionaire whenever I count my blessings. They say that feelings have a funny way of manifesting itself into reality...
Today, I'm claiming it.
07:31 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
im dead sleepy. less than 3 hours sleep for the last three days and counting. mom and i went to tita edna's place last night. hours i spent there i couldve spent sleeping but i think it was worth it. she shared stories, offered help and generally provided motivation to help me make some scary decision i have to act out on soon. talking with her had somehow lessen the doubt i had. but it is still here... kinakabahan pa rin talaga ko..pero kasi.. bahala na. the worst case scenario is that id lose a fair amount of money. it's an amount i can afford to pay so i guess, it's gonna be ok, right? so, go!
---
some guy a met about a week back added me in fb. i accepted the request, and promptly turned off my phone. jeez, what's wrong with you, z?
i dont know. im finding men a tad bit threatening lately, they're making my slightly commitment-phobe self want to curl into a cocoon or run for dear life. i think it has something to do with the convo i had with shara a few days ago.
shara is one of my favorite people in the world. i appreciated how she had been concerned, for as long as i remember, about my love life. especially now that nini had just gotten married. she's been texting me and asking me things regarding getting married and all. she's just like most of my other friends and relatives. well,i understand their point. sometimes i wish i can also feel their sense of urgency on this matter though because, if so, then maybe i will be exerting more effort in getting myself out of this as if being single is some major life problem that needs to be solved.
there are so many things i want to do with my life right now and i dont think getting married will help me get them at all. in fact i think marriage could even prevent me from reaching them.
also, i dont want to leave my family. i dont want to leave my comfortable home to live with my in-laws and wash the dishes and clothes, cook meals, sweep floors and change diapers. that would be a downgrade to my current life. it scares me to think that maybe im not really the marrying type...
but then i love the idea of family too. of sticking up together thru good times and bad. on passing the values and skills ive learned to my children. of raising God-loving kids and teaching them to be great citizens. of going to church every week together. of taking care of them when they're sick. of reading stories as they sleep. of sharing coffee with a loving husband on a lazy weekend morning. or a walk by the park when we're both crinkled and old. of fidelity. of proving that im a good woman capable of loving one man and that i can be faithful. of proving that i can be a good and loving mother capable of raising good kids. then this would be an upgrade.
i dont know if i'm gonna get married in this life time or not and sometimes i dont care at all. right now, my dreams are to give my parents a great life. to get rich. to find whatever it is that i was born for. to find greatness. i dont think these things are bad exchanges to dreams of getting married.
03:53 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
slept 5 hours last night which was a lot compared to my usual sleep which is 3-4 hours. But man, im still dead sleepy, i wasn't even taking sleep hormones. i spent more than 80% of my adult life with insomnia, being a sleepyhead might take a lot of getting used to. i cant seem to function properly.
waiting for the results of the voting we did for the date of execom for the officers in our club. i voted dec 9, friday. i cant really commit for a non-friday meeting because--work. i, in fact, just received a love letter from the boss(TL) for my tardiness. in fairness to the guy, this was the first he ever issued one despite my countless tardiness. i should at least exert some effort not to be late again, right? so yeah. execom. not attending if it's not on a friday.
as much as id love to see people from our club again, im just not in my socializing mood right now. i just want sleep.
on sun would be injan's son's Christening. i was thinking of making up excuses so as not to go, but according to injan, i was the only one from our hs friends to be invited. plus im one of the ninangs (hopefully not the only ninang). the kid will be so kawawa if i wont come...
when i was an emo teenager, there were days when i feel like i dont have friends.. but seeing how my schedule since i became an adult had been filled with weddings, Christenings, and children's birthday parties from my friends, i guess i had friends after all. and im more than glad that i was able to keep a few good ones over the years.
pero, sh*t! ninang na naman ako!!! tas magpapasko na.. gawd..
----
a few days before your birthday. at least i can find an excuse to send you a message..hehe.-- or maybe i wont.
----
Christmas is fast approaching again. bro with wife and kid will be in cavite so it's just gonna be mom, dad, and me. not really looking forward to this. i wonder if bff will be coming home for Christmas..
----
i had a terrible dream a few nights back. i wonder if marshall martial (my spelling sucks. Too lazy to Google) law is really coming. my favorite word in the english language is FREEDOM. So, i hope not. i really hope not... : (
02:49 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Had a buwis-buhay trip to dv with mom yesterday.
The crowd was overwhelming and the traffic jam even more so. Still, I wasn't complaining since we were able to buy everything we need at a very low cost....
But with all the walking while carrying heavy stuff we just shopped, I ended up hurting all over, real tired and was totally knocked down to bed, I wasn't able to get up early this morning...
And so...
I'm so sorry injan, I can't make it to your baby boy's Christening today. Huhu!
Kung gusto maraming paraan, pag ayaw maraming dahilan. I'm a believer of this and I don't deny. The more honest truth (though the other one is an honest excuse) is that I spent the whole day out of the house yesterday, I missed kaitlyn and I want to play with her today. My brother just got home from bacolod and might be having another work assignment to some far-off island so I want to spend time home while he's here and we're complete. And... Yeah, my tim ferriss book. Been wanting to read this on a weekend, but the weekend had been fully booked forever I barely had time.
So I decided to have an LBM today... I'm sorry Injan.. T_T
09:51 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
kasi konting pindot lang naman yun ng keyboard..
kasi ilang segundo lang naman ang kakainin nun sa oras ko.
kasi tingin ko hindi naman dapat ginagawang komplikado ang mga bagay bagay.
kasi sa pagkakakilala ko sayo.. malulungkot ka pag walang babati sayo (e bakit mo kasi tinanggal yung notification sabay disable ng feature na pwede mag post sa wall mo? uhmp ka.) malamang naman meron, pero just in case~
oh sya, sige.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
pag ni seen mo ko hindi na kita bati. hahaha!
yun na!
jaa!
10:43 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
you're still keeping your record. no "seen" to date.
said you're sick. if we're the same as we used to, i wonder what would i do?
and why am i not doing that now?
kahet konti ba sumaya ka? you used to get so happy with little things.. and likewise sad for the most trivial...
years passed and a lot had changed... but a few remains... i was quite fascinated with my newly-discovered capacity of not forgetting you.
but this is taking us too long. this is taking me too long...
2017 will be the 10th year since graduation. perhaps that's more than enough time.
...
..
pag wala ka pa rin ng 2017.. promise, ayawan na. 
01:41 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
sleep has been elusive for the past few days.
you used to invade my dreamland and now i find it unfair how you invade both that and my waking hours too.
there was this Neuro-linguistic programming practice that i learned a few years back. it was being used as a cure for phobia caught from traumatic expreriences. the technique was pretty simple. i tried using it more than a couple of times to "forget" people. most of the time to "delete" heartbreaks. i find heartbreaks time-consuming and absolutely unnecessary so i skip going thru them through this technique. i know this is a coward's way out, but--
The effect is that you'll remember everything, but the feelings that you feel for the person or for the experience itself will just miraculously disappear. You can see the person or remember the event but it can no longer affect or hurt you. it works wonders, really.
i thought of "deleting" you too, you know... because you're taking so much space in my head and so much time, and not to mention, you're preventing me from sleeping. but--- i dont know. ayaw e.. i cant seem to do it. leche, right? also, im scared that maybe the technique is not reversible. i cant imagine "forgetting" you forever.
so yeah, maybe instead that, the most effective approach right now is to ignore whatever this is. since there's no chance that id see you, i think you're basically harmless to me. it's just that, im still that painfully jealous type who would fume at the slightest provocation, like when someone mention a girl's name, relating that girl to you or when you get flirty flirty with someone we both know and whatnot.
leche, i should delete you... but--
yeah, i think this is just a phase. besides, it's december. i remember you every december year after year after year, so what's new?
i wonder what will happen if one day ill find out that you have someone else na.. im not scared, im more like curious. really curious. how will i react? will it kill me? i think that's ridiculous...
but then, not impossible.
so yeah.. i guess, i wont "delete" you after all.. maybe not now.. or maybe never.
and... give me a few more days and ill get over this... oh, watch me.
03:58 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
got a bit pissed off because of some customer earlier. it is in these moments that i really wish i can just get out of here real quick. ugh. a week straight of having an averange of just 2-hours sleep can make one somewhat short-fused, really. good thing here's the weekend.
not a plan for the next 2-days. must be a family's day out plus i need to run a few errands for my mom. i can take a day's rest and then maybe work on my bsp7 and some planning.
still reading my tim ferriss' book. i hate how his words made sense and how trying it out in real life scares the sh*t out of me. i guess the hardest to fix are really the problems that are inside you. sabi, it is when you're down to your last option that you'd start doing incredible feat, e di ba wala naman na talaga akong iba pang option?
sometimes i wish the Heavens will just miraculously fix my life for me.
--
sir jay said that you have to do at least 1 important thing a day towards your goal and that can make a massive impact overtime... i think 1 important thing per day wouldnt be so hard. this could probably be worth trying so..yeah.
--
december is now showing its fangs and it's biting. the days are colder and im finding it hard to get up in the morning, much less take a bath. normally, i would heat the water but i figured, in order to make my eyes look more awake, i need to bathe cold-to-normal water temperature. for that kaartehan purpose, im risking catching pneumonia. leche.
nakakatamad gumising.
nakakatamad maligo.
gusto ko nalang matulog forever.
emo.
...
i dont feel so good today : (
--
i learned from fb that a highschool classmate's daughter is battling the same blood cancer that killed cristina just months back. she's just 7 years old.. : (
apparently, some people have much more legitimate concerns than i do. i wonder if that is suppose to comfort me. it isnt.
12:51 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
12 days before the year ends
i just found out that there was something paranormal that happened at home. i think some ghost is residing or maybe-- hopefully, just got lost in our house. it was a week ago when brother was at the kitchen washing the dishes when the stove opened on it's own. mom, who was at the sala with kaitlyn then heard the stove gave a 'click' sound. brother was the only one in the kitchen then. our stove is a manual stove. is it possible for it to open itself on it's own? i dont know. ghost or not, it sure scared the sh*t out of me. i feel sorry for dad he's the one most affected with all of this. since then on i had to wake him up early to accompany me downstairs 'coz i cant really stay there on my own knowing that there could be 'something' in there. our family had always been the type who loves entertaining guests.. but please.. yung tao lang.. yung buhay na tao lang. huhu.
---
a few bad news came to our family lately. we will be needing to shut down some well-performing biz we have come 2017 just because the provider decided to stop the service. though my salary could well suffice the needs of our family, that biz gave us the luxury of eating out every weekend without damaging our family's budget. with it shutting down we will be needing to lower down our lifestyle or find another biz to sustain it. brother said, "mukhang pangit ang pasok ng 2017 naten ah.." to which i countered with something hyperpositive but in truth, i was just trying to be optimistic.
but then, mom is a business woman. i know she can find a way. she always does.
---
2016 wasnt bad. it, in fact, exceeded expectations. if im not mistaken, the theme i chose for 2016 was "expansion" and i think the year was able to give justice to that. i want 2017's theme to be "transformation"...
transformation.
ang gandang pakinggan.
12 days to go before 2017. some challenges already visible in the horizon. But i think, so long as i have the people i love and care for, i am going to get through all these with a smile.
11:04 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
one more day left and im free. a few days left before Christmas and I'm on vacation mode already. been dead sleepy for the past few days i can barely function.
kaitlyn and sis-in-law will be leaving the house tomorrow to spend Christmas in Cavite. though i love my niece and all, i cant help but look forward to having peace at home. You cant really have so much peace when you have a 2-year old, little ball of energy in the house. they'll be back home before new year so i dont think id miss her that much. maybe just a little. right now, i prefer peace.
---
had an exchange gift-the bad santa style-at the office earlier. 4 Christmases in this company and i think this was the best so far. i just learned that my officemates indeed know what a good gift looks like. the gifts were good. got a big pillow which was cute and i kind of liked the color. funny i was thinking of buying a pillow to fill a side of my bed just to make sure i wont wake up with some white lady or any monstrous creature next to me. the world really knows how to fill one's requests no? even partner got what he wanted. i think i like exchange gifts without wish lists just like this one. the way people pick up gifts for other people says a lot about them. i think, in a way, i was able to know my workmates better.
---
not-so-good days lately. ive been feeling off and i think im having Christmas blues.
i used to love December and now i cant wait for this to be all over.
im looking forward for the new year though.
new year is a new promise. that thought alone gives me hope that things will get incredibly better.
---
today's Cristina's birthday. she wasn't able to make it to her 31st. if there is one thing i fear the most, it is seeing someone i love in a casket. dead. i think i can take any hardship in life. anything that life will throw my way, except that. anything but that.
a man i was riding with at the jeep this morning was talking about his brother who died of leukemia and the hardships they've gone through in trying to keep him alive. i remember my classmate's daughter who's currently sick of that same illness. i dont want to be nega and all but im not so sure if she's going to make it. well, cristina who was a lot older didnt.
03:25 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
got back to work since yesterday pero nagbabakasyon parin ang utak ko.
nakakatamad.
--
cousin's wedding today. obviously not attending. parang kailan lang, baby pa yung batang yun. i was wrapping mom's gift last night. naisip ko lang, bilang ate, dapat siguro meron man lang din akong regalo. im not really used to giving gifts... not because i dont want to or that i cant. i think its because ive always seen giving gifts as something only adults do. funny, i need to remind myself over and over again that im also an adult now. ive long been and it seems like its not yet fully sinking in.
next year, i want to learn to give gifts like an adult.
--
a few days before 2017. ive actually been feeling off since Christmas. or maybe since December started. a lot of thoughts clouding my head that there are days that i dodnt sleep at all.
--
i think, there's someone close to his heart now. i dont know who. but i know how he's like. he do ridiculous things when in love. i remember, he was like a glass. will he break again this time around? maybe i shouldnt care.
--
humupa na ata ang bagyong nina, pero hindi parin humuhupa ang bagyo sa isip ko.
02:03 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
last day at the cage for year 2016. there is something sad about the air. it feels like im leaving something which is weird because im not yet even leaving. idk. i wonder if this is just due to lack of sleep.
j-holiday on jan 2 and 3 plus i filed a leave for 4 and 5 so im gonna be back here on the 6th. that's a whole week vacay. hoping to work on some biz. my figure is in no way fit enough to be convincing pero bahala n. kung hindi e di hindi. i wish i have a better resolve than this. i think i only have one shot, so dapat maayos. kaso. bahala na ulet. wahh!
just recieve another love letter from the office. was asked to send a written explanation for my XX minutes late for the month of dec alone. funny i needed to check my archives here to remember my reason. i can just fabricate reasons, pero kasi... idk. parang nakakalungkot kasi magsinungaling... sigurado akong hindi eto dahil sa mabait ako. lol. alam ko namang hindi ako tatamaan ng kidlat agad agad kung magsisinungaling ako. basta ayoko lang. i swear, i lie from time to time though..
---
club contest in january. dont know if im joining. sabi sa nabasa ko before, "absence can make a heart grow fonder," daw,---OR FORGETFUL. i dont know. lately kasi i dont miss tm meetings so much anymore. ive actually been thinking of not renewing my membership come march so that i can narrow down my focus. i can just imagine what would happen if i do that. my life basically lacks human interaction and our twice a week meetings are the only time that i get to interact with REAL people, tapos, mag-ki-quit pa ko?!! i dont know what's wrong with me. i think im just feeling tired lately.
may speech pala ko next week. takte, hindi pa ko nakakasulat. huhu.
---
there was this certain "irish" i found in facebook. i dont know her but i think she writes about celebrities and is quite making a name in the industry. i cant verify my info kasi tinatamad akong mag google. but i followed this irish kasi i saw a post of hers that someone shared on facebook. it was politics related and aside from the fact that i totally agree with her point, i love how she was able to verse herself with her words. galing e.
kanina she posted her reaction about someone who posted something about the person's disappointment for the changes in mmff lineup. i read her peice and my jaw dropped. takte, ang galing nitong taong to..
wala lang... ive been writing since forever. even before i learned to read.. nakakapagtaka lang, bat kaya hindi ako gumagaling? haha. in a way, parang ok lang naman. sa tingin ko, ayoko rin naman magsulat para sa industry. hindi nga rin ako sigurado kung gusto ko talagang magsulat. pero tuwang tuwa ako pag may taong sobrang galing magsulat tas biglang meron something inside me na sasakit at mahu-hurt kasi gusto ko rin maging ganun kagaling. pero hindi yung masamang hurt. baka nga hindi hurt e. siguro hunger? flame? passion? i dont know. ang gulo gulo ko kasi. bakit ba ang hirap hanapin ng sarili?
i remember richard branson once said something like ang dami daw sinirang buhay nung pag hahanap ng ONE thing that we were born for. kasi, maybe we were not necessarily born for just ONE thing, right?
I think same goes for the ONE person that most people search. I think it doesn't necessarily have to be just ONE. That maybe we're not really meant for just one person. That it's not like there's only one "THE ONE" and the rest are wrong ones and maybe there could be a lot of rights ones we can choose from. well, i actually just read the idea from bo sanchez's "how to find your one true love" book, and i totally agree. But, ok, that's another story.
siguro ino overthink ko na naman ang mga bagay bagay so enough na nga.
---
one more day and 2016 will be over. just a few days ago i was excited for 2017. i dont know what's with this sad sad sad feeling. i swear im not being emo. did something just happen that i dont remember? sheesh.. what's wrong?
PS: gusto ko mag 8/8 in this year's MMFF... 8x250php... that's roughly 2000php.. ang mahal.. so sad... 
but im watching.. im watching.. promise!!
02:23 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
