Entries for August, 2017



Tuesday, rain and flood
Tuesday: August 1, 2017



dead sleeeeeeeeeeepy. i ran out of tea. i cant believe i will be this antok without a dose of caffeine. coffee's (and milo) free here at the cage, but i cant risk having GERD back.

just about an hour more and im off.

----

finally thought of a speech for some event in about 2 weeks from now. now i have a place to tell my "jonathan" story. gusto ko sana yung pwede ko na gamitin sa bsp9 or 10 ko. pero ok narin. sayang naman kasi yung kwento kung walang makakarinig. sana mabigyan ko ng justice. excited na kong isulat! sana magawa ko ng maayos.

will be going to ivan's place later to see gabby and everyone else. support lang for their training. might do some coaching. gabby asked me to coach him. antok na antok talaga ko pero nagtatampo na daw kasi si gabby, kaya o sya, pupunta na. gusto ko rin naman pumunta. magluluto daw si gabby. sayang hindi makakarating si LA. sana pumunta si jay. hindi ko alam kung pano ko iko-coach ang taong nag-coach sakin pero siguro ang mahalaga nandun ako kahit for moral support lang. marami rin naman akong nabasa at napanood na tips sa net. maybe i can share that too. or maybe some of my theories on how one can apply aos in public speaking. kahit ano pa man, sana may maiambag ako kay gabby.

everyday yata this week ang training nila. sa sabado na kasi ang contest. nakaka miss din mag  training. excited na rin ako para sa aming mga pambato. sana back-to-back gold ulet for elite. We need a heart-to-heart talk about this, Universe.

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i thought you've made a decision. why are we getting back here?

i love your way of making things happen.

i hate how i keep saying im leaving only to find that my feet had always been planted in that same field from where we started.

know what... para kang ulan.

hindi ba, maganda naman talaga ang ulan?

kaya, o sya...

...

saka ko na iisipin kung pano ko masu-survive ang baha.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:16 PM.

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Level up
Wednesday: August 2, 2017



Dapat talaga secret lang e. Pero ang hirap to keep a secret from a friend. I'm just so excited for me and jay. Mejo puyatan nga lang. Meeting on friday. I wonder if i can do something to ensure we end on time. I will be the tme after all. Besides, the contestants have to rest.

Excited na rin ako for our contestants. Im just a bit worried about the boy. He looked drained. When we talked as we were going home, i was able to confirm if my guess as to why he was being that way was true. Turned out, i guessed it right. I hope he's feeling better now.

Know what, im bothered by how the boy is so much like R. See, I'm a believer of patterns and i haven't seen one failed before, so i really don't know.. Still, baka mali lang ako. But if tama ako, e ano naman? Wala naman problema dun di ba? Ewan ko. 

Para rin kasi syang glass na pwedeng mabasag sa kamay ko. Or baka nako-compare ko lang sya kay R. Minsan kasi parang detached rin naman sya like me. If that's the case, edi walang problema. Or wait, baka wala naman talagang problema. Lol. Praning lang.

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Kailangan ko ng magsulat ng speech. Tumambay na sa pc ko ung jonathan speech ko. Hindi ko mabigyan ng justice. Kasi naman may pagka horror. While writing halfway, natatakot ako na baka bigla bigla nalang may multo. Hahaha. Pak this. Baka umisip nalang ako ng ibang speech. Puteeeeek, anong petsa na? Huhu.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:33 PM.

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jowktym
Thursday: August 3, 2017



badtrip ako sa buhok ko dati kasi buhaghag sya. ngayon naman badtrip ako sa buhok ko kasi ang flat nya.

yung bago ko pa man ding crush, mahilig sa babaeng maganda ang buhok.

hindi na ba talaga ko pwede maging masaya???

CHAROT.

well, sabi rin naman ng crush ko, gusto rin nya yung girls na maganda ang lips..

wait lang... may panlaban ako dyan....

...

tadahhh!!!!

hahahahaha!

hindi ko alam kung paano ako nauto ng ganito ng maybelline pero sumasaya ko pag nakikita ko silang ganyan.

Charot lang lahat ng to. except yata dun sa buhok. yung ex-kalandian kasi nung crush ko, maganda buhok.

k fine. -_-



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:23 PM.

2 comments





The glass and the hand
Sunday: August 6, 2017



So it seemed like the glass found it's way into my hands.

I swear, i didn't to anything.

I do not trust my hands in holding something so delicate, so i handed the glass to someone else's.

...

When my niece was still so small, i rarely carried her. Not because i didnt want to. I just wanted to make sure she won't get crushed in my arms. So i handed her to the arms more able than mine.

Pero hindi ibig sabihin, hindi sya mahalaga....

...

Will this crush me?

That,

We are yet to find out.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:26 AM.

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Catch and juice
Sunday: August 6, 2017



A lot of things shocked me today. Some rather juicy stuff. 

I was raised in a somewhat conservative environment. Siguro, kung hindi ako nakakilala ng mga taong may not-so-commonly-accepted circumstances, siguro magiging quick to judge and hard to understand din ako.

Different folks, different strokes. Minsan hindi ata tayo ang nasa posisyong sumagot sa tanong na 'tama ba to?' Or 'patas ba to?' Kundi ung taong pumiling ilagay ang sarili nila sa sitwasyon kung san nandun sila. Nakadadag pa yung realization na "wait, that could've been me."

Some people would resort to call out those who do what seems to be wrong. Iniisip ko kung yun nga ba yung tamang gawin.

I think, the Heavens called us to LOVE. Hindi to CORRECT. Hindi ba trabaho na ng Langit ang magcorrect? 

Sabi ni Bob Ong, pipihit pihitin daw ng tao ang katotohanan hanggang sa maging komportable ito sa makasarili nyang puso. Iniisip ko kung ito ba ung ginagawa ko ngayon.

I observed the other side of the spectrum. Those who chose to conform to the things that are accepted as universally correct. Parang hindi naman masaya. Iniisip ko kung basehan ba ung pagiging masaya ng pagiging tama.

Hindi ko alam.

What if i choose the other side. The side who refuse to conform to the socially accepted truth. I wonder how bad i can go.

...

Today, natutunan kong may 5 na uri ng tao.

Those who refuse to catch.

Those who lack the skills to.

Those who catch and release.

Those who catch and collect.

Those who catch and keep.

Can u identify which type are u?

I'm not so sure myself, but I'm pretty sure on what I'd like to become.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:31 PM.

2 comments





37
Thursday: August 10, 2017



that number of minutes and im capping off the week. j-holiday tomorrow so it's a long weekend for me.

asked mom to cook buchi tomorrow. i miss mom's buchi, im so excited.

---

this week's mood fluctuated between super happy to super depressed and those that are in-between. probably the time of the month. ang lakas ko pang kumain. been on cheat day the entire week. ENTIRE WEEK, TEH. gah! kung kelan kailangan kong rumampa sa sabado.

kinakabahan ako. ano na naman ba tong pinasok ko? pero kasi, minsan, kailangan din naten ng konting gulo para mag grow tayo, di ba?

---

ang labo. kaninang umaga ang saya saya ko. tas puteeeek, now, depress na depress ako. ang nakakatawa (nakakainis) pa, hindi ko alam kung bakit.

ugh, damn pms!



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:30 PM.

1 comments





Power and danger
Thursday: August 10, 2017



Last sat,  after the contest, we ate, watched kita kita and then trained a beauty pageant contestant for her Q&A portion. 

The girl's name is Unity. Beautiful name, beautiful face, but more than that, she's a super sweet human being.

But sabi ni gabby, the sweetness should be toned down daw while on stage... Siguro kasi naooverpower ng sweetness ung confidence at elegance na nirerequire ng pageant. 

If there was someone who can project a sexy confidence vibe among us in that table then, that's probably Jay. Nag mark lang saken ung convo nila ni gabby that time. 

G: Jay,  pag ikaw ang may mukha na gaya ng kay Unity,  pano ka kaya? 

J: Ay, baka naging makasalanan na ko. 

Jeez... That Jay gave me a good laugh.

Wala lang. Naisip ko lang na time and again, I've seen how a lot of things can make more potent weapons than good looks. Especially since people often underestimate the effect of these things. 

I've been seeing positive effects. I guess I'm getting better with my weapons. 

Have u ever been trusted with power? When I was young, I was scared of having power for I might mess up. When I got older, I was scared because of what I could turn into with that power. But recently, things are changing. I realized, I'm no longer scared. Siguro finally, na convince ko na ang sarili ko na I can be trusted. Na wala akong gagawing masama. 

Sabi ni Bo Sanchez, ang money daw is neither good nor evil. Instead it is neutral. It doesn't turn u into something good or bad. It can only magnify what u already are inside. So kung mabuti ka,  with money, lalo lang bubuti. If masama ka,  with money,  mas sasama ka pa. I think,  same goes for power. 

I believe I am good. I believe I can be trusted...

Sana nga tama ako. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:13 PM.

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Dear Crush, I am good.
Saturday: August 12, 2017



One down. Isa sa mga problema ko ay natapos na.

So i served as a test speaker today for the area contest of areas 1, 3, 5 and 6. First time to be evaluated by 11 people in one sitting. May mga humabol pa nga ng evaluations after the contest. Nakauwi na ko ng bahay at lahat, meron paring humabol ng evals via messenger. Nakakaliw.

I was once a contestant too so alam ko dapat kinder ako. Pero kasi hindi ako nakapag lunch kanina at gutom na gutom na ko kaya lumilipad yung kilay ko paminsan minsan sa ibang evaluators.

One mentioned about Malcolm gladwell and assumed i read his book.

I didn't.

One assumed i am a CC and the speech i delivered was from an advanced project.

It wasn't an advanced project and im not yet a cc.

One called me Cha.

Another called me Sha.

Another one didn't even know my name and called me "the toastmaster". Weird.

One kept on gesturing towards where i WAS and never hitted my actual place.

I would be more understanding if i wasnt so hungry.

Natutunan ko na being evaluated by that many people pala was no joke. My head started pulsating after the 5th evaluator. 

Pero sulit naman. Nandun kasi yung crush ko. Bakit ba nagiging sulit lang ang kahit anong hassle pag may lalaking involved no? Lol.

Anyway, he was my first Toastmaster crush back when i wasn't a toastmater yet. Yang and i first saw the guy the first time we visited a TM club as guests. I didn't join that club but i remember, he was the GE then, and i was mezmerized.

Simple, effortless at ang gentle tingnan at pakinggan. After a few research (aka online stalking), nalaman ko na, wow, maka Diyos din sya. Smart, magaling na speaker tapos maka Diyos pa. Super perfect! Only, nalaman ko rin na merong konting problema....

Married sya. Hahaha. Magpapamember sana ko sa club nya nun kaso exclusive daw club nila and hindi open to all so i ended up in my club now.

And so, ayun nga, contest. Kita ko yung name nya sa contestants and i was like, "OMG! Yung crush ko!"

Tagal ng hinintay ko, men... 3rd to the last speaker sya e. Pero sulet. Sarap nya parin pakinggan. Ang gentle. Parang ang bait. I was like, "i-uwi ko na kaya to?" Hahahaha... Hayyyyy crush.

Nakakatawa na for the last 5 years, consistent ako. Laging sa dalawang klase lang ng lalaki ako nagkakainteres. Kundi bading, married. Haha. Pero sigurado akong wala akong gagawin, because i am good.

I am good.

I am good.

I am good.

Powerful daw ang words at pag paulit ulit mo daw na sinabi ang isang bagay, malaki ang chance na magka totoo.

I am good.

I am good.

I am good.

-------

I asked LA to invite crush to be our GE in one of our following meetings. But he'll be competing with gabby and we have to keep our aces on our sleeves as Gabby said, so baka matatagalan pa. Ok lang. 

Division contest in a few more weeks. I'm pretty sure Gabby will win, pero excited parin akong makita si crush ba bigyan sya ng good fight.

Also, kanina, kahit mahiyain akong tao, i asked crush for a selfie. Keribels. Hindi nya naman ako laging makikita e. Kakainis lang ang pangit ng kuha. Hindi ko tuloy mapost at nang maitag ko sya sa fb (yes, na-add ko yung crush ko sa FB!!! Gosh, I'm so brave...). Kakaunti lang ang picture ko na kasama ang someone na crush ko. Takte pa, kahit isa yata walang maayos dun.

--------

In-injan kami ni jay at jer so it was just LA and I. We ate our super late lunch after the contest and had our lengthy kwentuhan. I'm so happy that LA was there. Kung wala siguro sya, baka umiyak nalang ako dun. Hahaha.

I told LA of this dude who's a TM from another club. I needed to ask her if it's normal for that dude to constantly chat with another TM. Hindi daw. I told her how the dude is off limits and my reason on why i plan to keep him around.

I know it's hard to accept my unconventional reasoning. I'm just glad that instead of being preachy and all, LA always seem to understand. She's such a wonderful human being.

-------

So yun... 1 down. Isa nalang ang problema ko. BSP9. Oh help me, Lord.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:29 PM.

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9th and how it all started
Tuesday: August 15, 2017



Was searching for an entry on how i first attended a tm meeting. found this on a september 2015 entry:

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it was a happy weekend.

saturday, yang and i went to a toastmasters chapter in QC. extreme nosebleed moment, man. people in there use the english language as naturally as breathing. ang gagaling nila! my normal self would've felt intimidated, but during those times, i didnt feel that way. i was more like... challenged. see, i've seen sha nacino's plaque for winning a toastmasters contest before and since then, i want the same plaque for myself. i dont know how could that be possible.. but yeah.

from what i understand, there would be an inter-division contest where a girl named janelle will be joining as representative for their division. she looked smart. i wonder if she's going to win the contest. i have no idea how good people from the other divisions are. i dont even know what division sha is from. there's also another girl in there who seem to be joining a contest for evaluators. i didnt know they do contests for evaluators too. she' great too, with matching animated face, actions and all.

the people we sat with on the same table was a married couple who just recently joined the club. i find it so nice watching them doing something like this together. i think for most cases, after getting married, the lives of a married couple will be all about raising a family, sending the kids to school, etc etc--but will never be about theirselves as an individual or their personal growth... it made me think that maybe, marriage doesnt always mean having to live a life less than the life you had as a single person. maybe you can continue learning. maybe you can continue taking care of yourself. maybe you can continue to be an awesome human being just as how you were as a single person. or even better, maybe you can get to do it all together with your partner. i guess it all relies on picking the right partner... maybe.

aside from that couple, there was another couple there who are much older. indeed, one can never be too old to learn new things and extend youself to your full potential. this said couple were 2 among the 5 who gave their prepared speeches. And despite the age, they were awesome!! i love their stories and i love how they delivered it. nakaka amaze. nakaka.. awe... nakaka... basta.

if it wasnt for the whopping 3200 membership fee, i wouldve join right away. funny, 3200 use to be nothing back in the day, but now i consider it as a whopping amount. hindi naman ako magastos. in fact, the last time i updated my wardrobe was  more than a year ago. And kung uso pa ang piko ngayon, sa sobrang obsolete at lowtech ng phone na gamit ko, pwede mo nang gawing pamato. i dont know why money has the habit of extinguishing itself before my eyes recently. i wasnt even able to take advantage of the recent stockmarket bloodbath. sighs..

siguro tama si yang, ang dami dami kasi naming gustong gawin. laser focus daw ang isa sa mga secret ng successful people-- and that's the very thing i dont have at the moment.

yang and i were thinking of club hopping first tas saka na muna magpa member, kasi nga, mahal. we we're so amazed by their guest general evaluator named jesse. we heard he's from a chapter in cubao. we're thinking of sitting in for that chapter too (to hunt jesse. but he's probably married, #zannen..haha).. mejo inconvenient nga lang yung sched and merong "Membership eligibility criteria required" daw. so im not so sure if we are eligible to sit in. we'll see.

------

fast-forward today, ang dami nang nagbago. ang dami palang pwedeng magbago in a short span of time. i wonder how things would be like if i didnt join elite, if i ended up in another club instead. hindi ko maimagine.

i honestly think that our club is the best. pero syempre, bias ako. i also checked the profile of tm's from another club that i recently added in fb. i have this weird feeling na they probably feel the same about their own club. ganun ata talaga.

TM meeting this fri. im supposed to deliver my bsp9. im still halfway through its completion. halfway palang. anong petsa na? it's gonna be a filipino themed meeting. taglish speech ko. i told mentor i wont be sending him my draft kasi baka uminit lang ulo nya sa wrong grammar ko.

tagalog naman kami magsalita sa bahay. kaso kasi, jeje levels talaga yung tagalog ko so mejo kinakabahan ako this meeting. etong lokong andre pang to was proposing na mag multa daw para sa mga mag-eenglish. ayawan na. mag sa sign language nalang ako.

in character na ang mga kasama kong tm sa aming group chat. ang lalim ng tagalog nila, literal na nakahilo. mukhang mano nosebleed ako sa meeting. magdadala ko ng tissue.

shucks... wala pa pala kong speech. huhu.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:27 PM.

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Jellybeans
Thursday: August 17, 2017



Wait, what? Thurday na?

Parang ang bilis ng week na to. Nakakapikon kasi isang linggo na rin tong monstrous appetite ko. Sa apat na taon ko sa cage, kanina lang nagkaron ng pictorial anik para sa APAC and JP teams. Kung kelan ang taba taba ko na. Thank you very much.

Speech ko bukas. BSP9. Matapos ang matinding pagpilit sa sarili, natapos ko kahapon. Taglish. Sabi pwede daw mag english or mag tagalog ang mga prepared speakers pero walang nagsabing pwedeng taglish. Sighs.. Bahala na bukas.

Naiinis pa ko sa naisip kong topic. Kung kelan persuasive ung speech, tsaka pa ko pumili ng topic na wala akong credibility. I usually try to make my speeches spotless pero kasi ayoko nang ma stuck sa bsp9. Gusto ko na mag move on. Still, sana magustuhan ng audience.

-------

Naaaning ako sa ilang mga bagay bagay... Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla kong naaalala lahat ng nakakainis na ginawa mo ages ago. 

Ang weird, na mimiss ko yung panahong mahal pa kita.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:47 PM.

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Saturday and rain
Saturday: August 19, 2017



One laid back Saturday. It's been a while since a weekend had been like this. I took a nap after lunch and woke up at around 4. Went downstairs and found mom and dad on the sofa sitting with our dog, mongee, beside them. I squeezed myself inbetweeen mom and the dog.

I love days like this. Doing nothing next to the people you love.

One day, I'm gonna build something like this too.

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We were calling it a night. I got off the car and waited for the bus. He was waiting with me. It was raining and he was just standing there getting drenched. I raised the umbrella over his head to cover us both. He took it from my hand and held it for the two of us.

We know in part, we understand in part that's why i try my best not to judge people especially since i can only see molecular portions of their story. Still, i know that this person is someone good and I've seen how he has taken care of the people closest to him. I pray in my heart that he will be taken care of and will be treated better. I really do.

Tiny role though, my part in his life... I promise, he will always have my respect...

For as long as I'm a part of it.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:24 PM.

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Time is gold. The plated type.
Sunday: August 20, 2017



One month + advanced birthday gift from the parentals.

A shining, shimmering, splendid automatic wristwatch, price of which amounts to the wristwatches i owned in my entire lifetime.

For someone who lived with divisoria bought wristwatch (about 50- 75 php apiece) most of her life...

I cant wipe the smile off my face. Lel.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:48 PM.

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Basic Speech Project no. 9: Persuade with Power
TOASTMASTERS SPEECHES: August 21, 2017



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BSP9-Persuade with Power

Title: Seek and you shall find

Time: 5~7 minutes

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Dama mo ang kada palo ng orasan. Tik tak tik tak tik tak.

Minsan pakiramdam mo para kang time bomb na sasabog nalang.

‘Twing may reunion, itatanong sayo, “trenta ka na wala ka pang asawa?”

‘Twing may ikakasal naman ang sasabihin nila, “Uyyy, susunod na sya…”

Yung pinsan mo na noon baby pa, ikaw dalaga na.

Ngayon may baby na, ikaw dalaga pa.

Napag-iiwanan ka na ba?

Bilyong bilyong tao sa mundo, gaano nga ba kalaki ang chance na at least isa dyan, nakalaan para sayo?

Ayon sa Philippine Statistic Authority, mayroong one hundred four point ninety two milyong tao daw sa Pilipinas. Fifty two point eighty eight million dyan, lalaki. Kung ang target mo ay mula thirty hanggang thirty nine years old, seven point nineteen million. Ang single dyan, three point thirty seven million. Ganyan karami ang choices mo.

Nasa lipunan tayo kung saan tinuruan tayong maghintay at maniwalang kung nakatakda, mangyayari. Kung ukol, bubukol. Na ang tunay na pag-ibig, sa tamang panahon ay ihuhulog lang ng langit kahit wala kang ginagawa.

Bakit nga naman hindi? Si Snow White nga, kumain lang ng mansanas at si Cinderella, nag-iwan lang ng sapatos, pagkatapos, boom! Nakatagpo sila ng Prince Charming.

Nakakatawa na t’wing bibili tayo ng gadget, mag reresearch tayo. Magbabasa ng reviews para sa magandang model. Hihingi ng recommendations sa mga kaibigan at kakilala naten. At bibisita ng napakaraming gadget stores hanggang sa mahanap naten ang gadget na fit para saten.

Pero sa paghahanap ng taong makakasama naten habang buhay, handa tayong saluhin ang unang jerk na ibato saten ng tadhana. Hindi ba walang sense?

Sa libro ni Bo Sanchez na “How to find your One True Love,” sinabi nya na isa sa mga paraan para ma-attract ang One True Love mo ay ang pagiging responsable sa paghahanap nito.

Huwag mong iasa sa langit. Huwag mong iasa sa kapalaran. Huwag mo iasa sa mga bituwin. Sa parehong hindi mo iaasa lang sa langit ang pagtupad sa mga pangarap mo o ang paghahanap ng paraan para mabayaran mo ang mga bills mo.

Pero, teka, kung ako ang maghahanap, paano kung hindi si “the One” yung matagpuan ko?

Na brainwash tayo ng lipunan sa konsepto ng “the One”. Destiny. Tadhana. Na may iisang tao-IISA LANG-na nakatakda para satin.

Pitong biyong tao sa mundo, gaano naman kalaki ang chance na matagpuan mo ang “the One” na yan? One in Seven billion. Mas malaki pa ang chance mong tamaan ng kidlat o manalo sa lotto.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang paniniwala mo, pero naniniwala akong kung totoong may Diyos na lumikha ng lahat, isa syang tagapaglikhang mapagbigay. Pinuno Nya ang mundo ng napakaraming biyaya. Binigyan Nya tayo ng iba’t ibang uri ng puno, halaman at hayop para marami tayong pagpipilian. So, bakit Nya lilimitahan sa iisa ang pagpipilian natin pagdating sa taong makakasama natin sa buhay? Naniniwala ako na marami posibleng maging “the One.”

So, kung hindi iisa ang “the One” at may three point thirty seven million kang pagpipilian, ibig sabihin ba magiging madali lang ang lahat? Uhm… hindi rin.

Si Oliver Emberton, sa kanyang blog ay nagbigay nag formula para sa dating success.

Dating success = Jellybeans x awesome

Isa isahin naten.

Jellybeans.

Kunyari may isang garapon na pupunuin mo ng limang daan na pink jellybeans at limang daan blue jellybeans. Gaya ng karaniwang social circle, hindi gaanong mahahalo ang mga pink at blue jellybeans. Isa ka sa jellybeans na yan at kailangan mong makihalo, makihalubilo, dahil ito daw ang multiplier ng dating success mo.

Multiplier. Kasi mayroon ka nang magandang produkto, sarili mo. Kailangan mo lang iharap ito sa mga potential buyers. O sa kasong to, potential partners. So, mix up.

 

Ang sumunod ay Awesome.

Posibleng merong mga tao na mas attractive kesa sayo, pero ibig sabihin ba, wala ka nang magagawa tungkol dito?

Sabi ni Oliver Emberton, “make a life that’s awesome”. Kapag awesome daw ang buhay mo, tumataas ang attractiveness mo.

Maraming taong single ang nagtataka kung bakit nananatili silang single. Magaganda naman sila, matatalino, mabubuting tao.

Karamihan sa mga single na ito ay ginugugol ang bawat weekend nila sa harap ng TV. Paminsan minsan, tatayo sila papuntang ref. Tapos babalik sa harap ng TV. Ref TV Ref TV. Kailangan nilang ma-realize na sa pagitan ng ref at TV, walang masyadong potential partners dun. Kailangan mong palawakin ang mundo mo. Gawin mong awesome ang buhay mo.

Mag volunteer, sumali sa mga clubs, sa Toastmasters. Matuto ng bagong sports o di kaya ibang languages. Sa ganitong paraan, parehas mong mami-mix ang jellybeans at makakagawa ka rin ng buhay na awesome. Karamihan sa mga kakilala ko ay nakilala ang naging partner nila sa buhay sa mga ganitong klaseng activities.

Tandaan mo, may magagawa ka para sa kinabukasan ng sarili mong love life. “Seek and you shall find,” sabi nga sa bible.

Kapwa Toastmasters at mga panauhin, ang pagpili ng taong makakasama naten sa buhay ay isa sa pinakamahalagang desisyon gagawin natin. Huwag naten itong ipaubaya sa tadhana, huwag naten tong isa walang bahala. Dahil ang mga bagay na mahalaga, pinag-iisipan, pinagpaplanuhan, at kung sakaling hindi mo pa natatagpuan, hinahanap.

---------------

This speech lacks coherence, but for some reason, I ended up the best prepared speaker that night.

the GE who was a law student said gusto nya daw ako kasuhan for having so many english words for my supposedly filipino speech. lel.

So long as my audience is happy, then im happy. im just so glad bsp9 is done and over with. wooohooo! Plus, this is my first (and maybe, only) speech in tagalog.

bsp10 na lang. pero saka ko na siguro to pro-problemahin.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:59 AM.

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Random thoughts before i snooze off
Wednesday: August 23, 2017



Everyday i brainwash my niece, "love ka ni Tita," and since then, her response to "love mo ba si Tita," evolved from "hindi" to "mamaya nalang" to "opo" to "love" to "lablab Tita".

Sabi na nga ba, powerful ang words. Matry nga sa crush ko. Hahaha. Charot.

Sighs. Just trying to lighten things up for it wasn't a good day. Iniisip ko nalang na this is the Heaven's way of pulling me out of here. Make me experience pure hell so i will have no other choice but find a way to get out. Gusto kong maniwala na magagawa ko nga to.

Was looking at a friends profile in fb. Aside from seeing what i initially sought, i found a picture of a boy resting on her chest. Probaby "The Guy". I've been wondering about this even back then. How she's highly social, sexy and confident with gazillions of other wonderful traits. i thought then that there's no way someone wouldn't notice her because patterns said there should and I'm a believer of patterns. If the guy is indeed "The Guy", then the pattern still works pala.

If so, then all i have to do is to folllow the pattern and get the same result. Kaso nakakatamad.

Kung magiging honest ako sa sarili ko, sa tingin ko, hindi ko pa talaga kailangan. Lalo na ngayon na magulo pa lahat. Na sarili ko nga hindi ko maayos. Minsan siguro, binabato lang saten ng langit ang mga bagay na kaya na natin saluhin. Sa totoo lang, ok lang naman talaga saken.

A few people lurking. One's a charmer. I don't trust charmers. They are the most deceitful type, i think. I'm familiar with their weapons 'coz partly, i am one too. That makes it harder for me to trust them all the more. Normally, i would at least take a look, but not now....

Been feeling so low. Plus there's the headache which started since Monday. I'm probably PMSing. I still eat like a construction worker. My pants don't fit anymore. Pero ayoko na magreklamo. Balang araw mawawala ang PMS at baka hanap hanapin ko naman sya.

Naiisip kita. Oo ikaw.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:01 PM.

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Darkness and gloom
Thursday: August 24, 2017



Things went from bad to pretty fucked up. And i can't think of anyone else who knows the worst time to give a bad joke than my dad. It didn't help that my niece was also having tantrums then.

I didn't particularly snap, i just answered sarcastically, which would've ended fine if only i said it lightheartedly, but i didn't. Dad went silent. I noticed his occasional 'singhap' and he even wiped his eyes for about a couple of times. I hope he wasn't crying. He's not the type who would. This doesn't prevent me from feeling awful though.

Pag may masakit daw, ibig sabihin may mali. Mukhang ako na naman yata ang mali. Alam ko namang may problema at alam kong hindi ko pwedeng forever na isisi to sa PMS. Can i just die? Ugh! Damn this.

---------

Probably just one of those days. The really dark ones. Experience told me that dark days do pass. I know these too will. Hopefully soon... before i create so much more damage.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:44 PM.

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flashlight
Friday: August 25, 2017



considerably feeling better. for one, friday na. plus i also had a good sleep and so far, hadnt eaten anything crappy.

to perform your best, kailangan ata talaga na nasa best shape ka.

my problems didn't fix itself when i woke up this morning. they're still there, but at least now, i can stare at them dead in the eye without panicking. Or, okay, i did panic, but only a bit.

i just spent a few pesos for market testing. the results arent looking good. i dont have any other bullets left and after this i dont know what to do next.

hahahahahaha.

or maybe i should say,

huhuhuhuhuhu.

i dont know. i thought maybe i should slow down. like the years of having not much result weren't that slow already. i want to fix my state first. at least for a couple of weeks of so. naisip ko yung "law of pure potentiality" and i want to see what it can do for me.

"begin with the end in mind," they say. Pero di ba, sa buhay, parang kang naka flashlight na naglalakad sa dilim. makikita mo ba agad yung end ng road? hindi naman di ba? makikita mo lang kung ano yung abot ng ilaw ng flashlight mo. pero kahit ganun natatapos mo naman ang paglalakbay mo kahit sa pakonti konting ilaw lang. kahit hindi mo pa nakikita kung anong nasa other end.

kaya siguro ok lang kahit hindi pa naten alam lahat. kahit hindi pa naten alam kung ano ba yung nasa kabilang side of kung ano bang kahihinatnan ng lahat. baka minsan kailangan lang talaga naten na magpatuloy sa kahit anong konting liwanag meron tayo. parang flashlight.

sighs...

...

im feeling considerably better.

pero nalulungkot at nag-aalala parin ako.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:16 PM.

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Saturday's pain
Saturday: August 26, 2017



Headache and red days cramps.

Thank you very much.

Would've joined gabby to club hop in camanava today but had to say no. Buti nalang din na hindi ako nakasama dahil parang hinahampas ng baseball bat yung tyan ko. Ang hirap maging babae.

There was a scheduled screening for a medical mission near our place. Patients came and customers flooded our sari-sari store. But the screening didn't happen. Nakakalungkot na porket libre ung mission e hindi na nagkaron ng decency ung organizers na iinform ang mga tao na hindi tuloy. These are sick people, for crying out loud.

This sure benefitted us, pero nakakaawa parin kasi.

---------

Bought palabok earlier. Im supposed to go back to healthy eating pero siguro sa monday nalang ulet. Nakakainis na ang sarap kumain. The family plans to eat out tomorrow. Id rather stay home kasi puteeek, ang sakit talaga ng ulo at tyan ko. Huhu. Sana sa bahay nalang kami kumain ng masarap.

---------

Was reading an article about a man's lament on the society's double standards and i think he's right on most points. He said common daw sa ladies ang mabigyan ng compliments pero may mga lalaki daw na nadededs nalang without receiving one in his entire lifetime.

Appreciative naman talaga akong tao and often express my appreciation through words. Generous ako in giving praises most of the time... Except sa mga lalaki. I don't know.

I remember back when i thought of R as a younger brother, i often tell him "ang gwapo mo ngayon" or "bagay sayo yan"... It was when i started seeing him as something more that i stopped doing all that.

Parang mali no? Di ba dapat kung sino ung mahalaga, sa kanila dapat mas pinaparamdam at pinapaalam na naaappreciate naten sila?

Years passed and i don't think i changed much. But then, at least now, i always make sure that i say thank you.

...

Nasabi ko na ba? Always bagay sayo ang naka coat. Always.

Kahit anong color ang polo underneath, bagay. Pero favorite ko yung grey polo at black coat combination. Pag di ka naka coat, bagay sayo ang pink.

I also like your hair brushed up. Bagay sayo. Ang gwapo mo. Fyi.

Mula ngayon, pag aaralan kong iexpress ang appreciation ko pati sa mga lalaki. Lalo na sa mga lalaking gusto ko.

Puteeeek. Iniisip ko palang para  na akong lalagnatin.

Chicken.

-------

Chatting with the boy now. R and I were like this back in the day. Nagkakagusto na ba saken tong batang to? Assuming lang. Hehehe. His bday and R's are just a few days apart. Baka kaya parehas sila ng ugali kasi parehas sila ng zodiac sign. I dont know if u believe in that. Pero tingin ko, baka wala lang. Malandi lang naman to sa group chat pero pag kami lang dalawa, hindi naman sya flirty. Instead, he talks about his dreams, his plans. Sometimes, he would also ask me to join him. But he was never flirty. Yun ung pinagkaiba nila ni R. 

-------

2017 ang deadline ko. Promise, after this year, hindi ko na babanggitin ang pangalan(initial) mo.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:49 PM.

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Silence and Home
Monday: August 28, 2017



Was trying to do meditation. Hindi naman talaga ako marunong. What i did was turn off the light, set the alarm to 30 mins and try not to think of anything. Mahirap palang hindi mag-isip pero kahit pano, at least for 30 minutes, nag slow down ang pag iisip ko.

Habang patay ang ilaw at dama ko ang hangin galing sa electric fan, naalala ko yung time na nasa manila bay (baywalk?) Kami ni jenna.

Tama ba? Baywalk nga ba ung malapit sa luneta? Tinatamad ako mag google.

Anyway, kunyari baywalk nalang sya. So, college ako non. Strict parents ko eversince. Tipong dapat, right after ng klase, uwi kagad. Pero that day, tumakas ako. Nagyaya kasi si jenna na abangan namin ang sunset sa baywalk kaya kinalimutan ko ang galit ng nanay ko at sumama ako sa mga kaklase ko.

Sulet. Ang ganda talaga ng dagat. Paborito kong klase ng dagat o ano mang katawang tubig e ung HINDI perpekto. Hindi parang beach sa boracay or el nido. Gusto ko ung ganda na may halong gulo. Gaya nung sa manila bay. Or yung port na daungan ng barko. Parang ung osaka bay na lagi naming pinupuntahan ng bisikleta kong si Mandy.

Nung araw na un, inabangan talaga namin na tuluyang bumaba ung araw hanggang matabunan na sya ng dagat. Yun yung goal. Kaso nung sobrang konti nalang ang natitira sa araw, biglang may dumaan na barko. Humarang sya mismo dun sa harap ng araw. Mega hintay kami pero OA sa bagal ung barko. Parang pusang buntis na may habit na tumawid kung kelan may sasakyang dumadaan. Tas pag alis nung barko, wala na, hindi na namin na witness ang tuluyang pagbaba ng araw.

Pero ok lang. Hindi parin ako nagsisi. Sulit ang galit ng nanay ko sakin kasi ang ganda ng dagat. Ang ganda ng araw. Ang sarap ng hangin na humampas sa mukha ko at kahit ung mga parang ipis na gumagapang sa batuhan malapit sa dagat, na appreciate ko.

Yun yung naalala ko kanina habang sinusubukan kong mag meditate at ramdam ko ang hangin sa mukha ko galing sa electric fan. Bukod sa pagmamahal ko sa dagat at hangin, narealize ko na mahal ko rin ang katahimikan.

Naisip ko rin...

Gusto ko makasama sa baywalk ung taong magiging importante saken. Gusto kong abangan namin ang sunset at sabay na ma upset pag biglang may dumaang barko. Mag kwe-kwentuhan, mag-iinisan, at pag naubusan na kami ng mapag kwekwentuhan, tatahimik. Gusto kong ma spend ang silence na gaya nito kasama ang taong mahalaga sa akin. Silence kasama ng taong tinuturing kong... Home.

Know what, self-sufficient akong tao. Sakali mang hindi ako makahanap ng mapapang asawa, sigurado ako magiging ok parin ako. Pero siguro.... Siguro lang ha... Kung matatagpuan ko yung taong gugustuhin kong makasamang damhin ang katahimikan sa baywalk....

Sa tingin ko.... Talagang aalagaan ko.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:06 PM.

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