Entries for January, 2016
Still sleepy. Mom made sure we're complete for our first breakfast in 2016. I was the last to sleep after our new year celebration I had a hard time waking up.
Just a few hours ago, it was still 2015. I sure had a share of my lowest of low for the past year... But I don't remember them anymore. Right now, I just feel greatful and hopeful that it's gonna be an amazing year ahead.
I still aim to conquer the world this 2016. But first things first. I guess I need to shed off this holiday fats before that 
.
By the way,
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!
May we have it great this year.
I'm positive we will.
High hopes.
10:46 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Was too sleepy I slept away my 1st day of the year.
I had a really odd dream. Was at some auditorium watching something on a huge screen. Then I noticed a couple of nuns waiting outside apparently waiting for their turn in the auditorium. I left to give way. I then proceeded my way back to the office. In there I saw partner sitting in front of our messy desk. I forgot logging in on the phone. There was a little commotion. In the dream, our APAC boys were there except that one of them was not the real life guy but some former j-boss from 1st co named yamamoto-san. Weird. And then in the dream I was searching for some supposed new girl. Saw a girl and asked if she's the new girl and she just wouldn't answer me. Then someone I do not know came up to me saying she has to discuss with me some new setup. Said I need to be working for another account. And that its gonna be English. I panicked and ask if they will downgrade my salary. Though she said no I still continued feeling uneasy coz in the dream I don't want to work in their account. It was then that I woke up and it took me some time to realize that it was just a dream.
My work had always been a constant discussion at home and even among relatives. I don't really have an escape plan yet. In fact, I don't have a plan at all... I don't know. I believe, though, that the Heavens will kick me out of here if He really wants too. I wonder if He'd do it in the same way that happened in the dream.
---
2days more before getting back to the cage. I don't think I'd fit to any of my clothes anymore.
Dear z, mag diet k naman na pleeeeeeeaze. Huhu 
09:12 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Dahil natulog naman ako buong araw, tinatamad na naman akong matulog. It's 12:18am. Eyes are begging for sleep. But I want to read some book I've borrowed from bff, "The 7 habits for highly effective people" (awesome awesome book. A total must-read). Guess the eyes will have to bear with me then.
I just finished reading "big john". Been searching for it for ages. Nung 31 ko lang sya nahanap sa nbs. I didn't know it's a children's book. It's the life story of john gokongwei Jr., one of my favorite entreps in the world (isa sa mga favorite stocks ko ang URC!!) Nakakatuwa lang talaga ung story nia. And I really love this last part of the book:
Can I tell you a secret?
More than all my businesses, more than all the money I have, my family is my greatest happiness.
I am an old man.
I am 85 years old.
I am no longer little John.
I am now Big John who weighs over 200 pounds.
I have a good wife and a good family.
I am happy.
....
Nice right? Hayyy.. Pano ko kaya makikilala si John Gokongwei?
---
With every beginning of the year, I always get hyped up with the things I'd like to accomplish for the rest of the year. This year is no exception. So, as the tradition goes, here's my list for 2016:
1. WIN j-speech contest.
2. Join toastmasters.
3. Launch j-tutorial website.
4. Put up a biz with bro.
5. Be a servant at feast ft.
6. Be below 60kgs (all the time)
7. Absolutely no tardiness at work.
8. Join love life retreat.
There. Gusto ko talaga ma accomplish lahat ng nasa list na to. Nakaka excite rin lang talaga isipin lahat ng mga bagay na gusto mong ma accomplish. I think ang challenge lang eh on actually making it happen.
Well, sana talaga magawa ko lahat.
12:41 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
headache had been a faithful companion for the past week and it hasn't left me since.
oh dear headache, let's breakup na please. huhu..
first working day of the year. i think im sick T_T
02:59 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
wednesday. 6th day of the year.
excited ako sa napakaraming bagay pero tamad na tamad naman akong kumilos.
im still reading bff's book. yung 7 habits for highly effective people. kaya feeling motivated lang ako lately.
sabi dun, "Private victory is more important than public victory." tipong dapat daw ma-win mo muna yung sarili mo before you win other people. feeling ko may sense. nabanggit dun na ang pinaka basic daw na gawin e keep little promises to yourself. like if nag-alarm ka ng relo, wake up as soon as the alarm rings at wag ka nang mag snooze pa. been doing that very same thing for 3 days in a row now.. and guess what, hindi pa ko nale-late!!! wooohooo!! hehe.. but seriously, i never thought that doing something as little as this can make one feel good about oneself. im also trying to develop my discipline lately. mahirap, pero nakakatuwa yung effect. i dont know how long i can proceed on living like this, but i really intend to win myself this time.
brother and i started our tiny, molecular biz last mon. ang totoo nyan masaya na ko if mag be-breakeven kami, pero we're actually earning! real, tiny molecular amount, sure, but still, we're earning, and that's something. kahapon nga, 2nd day of the biz and we're sold out.. pero mejo nag short rin kasi kami ng items so could be the reason.. but still..so far so good. it's some sort of a food biz. sis-in-law cooks. she cooks great. my part of the work is to find a venue for a place with better foot traffic. sent countless of emails.. lahat walang response. i intend to level up my search once the pacing gets good.
in another effort to keep promises to myself. will attend TFMS next tuesday night. makikita ko na si brader jan, my kcon crush since kcon 2013! ive been thinking of going for ages.. i guess it's about time to make it happen. its around makati. i asked injan to meet me earlier that night since she works around the area. its been ages since i last saw injan. hindi pa sya preggy non. im so happy im gonna see her again.
6th day of the year.
so far so good.
03:15 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
ive been interested in NLP(Neurolinguistic programming) for the longest of time now.
NLP claims that it can heal phobias, past hurts, depression, anxiety, etc.
I was surprised that there was an NLP-related talk in KCON.
watched a lot of vids and a few audio files and read articles regarding this technique.
there was this NLP technique that claim to remove past hurts.
it requires visualizations where you have to think of a tv and an experience and see yourself as a person outside of that experience. I tried this on a few occasions and on those few, it all worked.
only that tv thingy though. i havent tried the other techniques.
..
remove past hurts...
i wonder if it can do present hurts too..
i remember an audio talk from one NLP practitioner saying be careful not to practice that tv thingy technique on happy memories for you might lose too the happy feelings that come with them.
..
you know what, im actually a low-drama person. i like it that way. i dont like having my emotions all cluttered up inside me...i dont like my emotions getting in the way. i can tolerate drama outside myself.. but rarely inside.
so yeah.. a declutter. maybe. been thinking of this for a while..
today, i decided to finally delete the emotions, both good ones and bad ones, that go with your memory. because i figured it's no longer serving me.
but then when i tried that one nlp technique i know...
...
i realized,
i no longer need too.
.
.
.
time has already done it for me.
10:53 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
"bye ate"
ouch.
it's been a while since i was last called ate by a colleague.
lakas makasakit ng puso, man..
..
haha.
guess, i need to get use to this again.
whatevs
03:59 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
A lot of things depress me lately.
Work, family, personal life, etc. I know there wud be times when an area of ur life sucks, but it's rarely all of them, right?
Maybe because I'm trying to control things that are out of my control. Sabi s nbasa q, meron daw area of concern. within that area of concern merong area of influence. To be highly effective daw dapat mag work k lng sa area of influence mo. Sinusubukan q naman gawin to. Pero sadyang mahirap syang iapply lalo na kung bwisit na bwisit ka na. Lord knows I'd gladly leave if only there's somewhere else I can go. Maybe I got a few more options, but they're not my best option. So I guess I need to put on some more Hollywood smile and do my best to stay put.
----
Just got home. Went to see injan before i proceeded to attend feast makati. Got surprised na naandon na naman si P. Bigla bigla nalang talagang sumusulpot ung taong yun. Went there to actually see brader Jan preach. Ang labo ko talaga. I went there to see him but whenever he's getting near me, I'm running away. Jeez.. Ano bang problema kooo?! Huhu. As a preacher, brader jan's practically a celebrity so normal lang na meron syang fans. And normal lang din if isa ko sa mga yun. Pero kasi.. Napapraning parin ako. Alam nya kaya na ako yung nagpapapicture sa kanya every year? Napansin nya kaya na nila like ko lahat ng post nia sa Facebook at instagram? Nahahalata nia na ba koooo? Wahhhhhh!!!! ?
Oh, OK. I know all these are irrational overthinking. Kasi nga celebrity naman sya at malamang Hindi lang ako ang nang fa fangirl s kanya, d ba? Sh*t I'm so Nene. Know what, Hindi nmn ako gnito ka nene 100% of the time. Madalas naman e chill lang ako. And thou it may not look too obvious, I actually CAN flirt. Sa tingin ko iba lang ata talaga pag face to face k sa taong so close to your ideal. And to think that Jan is different from my usual type (as to how he became an ideal without being my type.... Tinatamad ako mag explain. Hehe )
Hayyyst.. Kung laging ganito, pano na ang kinabukasan ng love life kooooo?
Hayyyst ulet.
----
Naka leave ako for weds. Kaya malakas loob ko mgpuyat. Its 1:49am. Technically Wednesday n. Will be back to work by Thurs. My life at work isnt getting any better. Sana magamit ko yung nipreach ni brader Jan na wonder, wisdom, welcome...etc. Gusto ko rin talaga mag feast dun..but considering my schedule and location...
Sabi ni brader Jan, "before you ask 'how', you say WOW!"
Tama, mag fifeast nako dun every Tuesday!! How? Wow!
01:58 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
constant headache since the year started plus GERD plus that boiling sensation in the stomach and i am yet again sick.
ang sakit ng tiyan, ulo, likod.. erm, lahat ata ng part ng katawan ko masakit. huhu.
it's 4:32pm. i was lying in bed until 3 this afternoon and i wasnt even feeling sleepy. even just sitting up made me all dizzy i needed to be constantly in bed. Im 99% sure im not pregnant though (the other 1% constitutes to the possibility of immaculate conception--lol )
came home late almost midnight last night. i went to sit in for another toastmasters chapter in QC. i wasnt feeling well even then, pero akala ko kasi, it was just my body making an excuse not to come. so not wanting to tolerate any from of katamaran on my side, i proceeded to go to the session despite the nagging head and stomach ache. I glad i did.
after much coaxing, i "volunteered" to make an impromptu speech for their table topic. sure, i messed up, but who cares. i had fun. know what, im this painfully shy type alien who only speaks when someone talks to her first.. but whenever im in the stage, it's wierd that i dont feel shy at all. i dont even notice the people in front of me! it's like the people and the place itself disappear. whenever im giving a speech, i feel like it's just me, the stage and my message. feeling ko nga, im actually born for this e. pero siguro guni guni ko lang. nakakatuwa nga kasi the during the evaluation, a line in my speech was included in the quotes that the language evaluator found memorable. im really considering to join this chapter.
--
GIG tomorrow. i thought of coming. though the date actually landed on the same date as our baranggay's fiesta, i was willing to skip the celebration and go instead.. but then again i got sick. so yeah...
--
i few days to go. the deadline for the submission of entries for the japanese speech contest is fast approaching. at this rate, i dont know what's my chances of starting writing a speech much less finish one.
sighs..
isang malaking BAHALA NA.
04:52 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
friday. 22nd day of the year. 22 days na ring masakit ang ulo ko. sadyang di matinag tinag ang headache na to.
--
wednesday. 2oth. isa sa list ng mga bagay na gusto kong ma-achieve this year ang hindi ko na matutupad.
im not sad. im actually feeling relieved.
--
might be going to the toastmasters meeting again today. if the headache subside a bit..might sign up next week. dunno if its a good move. im actually toying the idea of transferring to makati. need a escape plan for this.
--
speaking of makati.. dreamth of J a few days ago.. dont remember the details.
--
this is as far as the headache allows.
ciao!
03:54 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
monday hey.
weekend was nothing short of amazing. nothing grand.. but amazing.
slept half of my saturday away. mom woke me up early so that i can play with my niece before she go to her mom's place in cavite. they're gonna be there for 2 weeks. when they left, i went back to sleep and woke up only to eat lunch at around 12. i then had a dinner out with the family. we ate at giligan's. the food wasnt good, but the conversations and laughter were enough to make the day. indeed, a day doesnt really have to be grand for it to be amazing, right?
got home almost midnight last fri. toastmasters. got myself registered. i am now TM za! wooohoo! was so excited about it i couldnt sleep the next day. it's been a while since i last felt kilig over something that is not lovelife related. OR it's been a while since i last felt kilig over anything, period.
was at tfftqc yesterday.
a guy sat one seat away from mine. i was alone. his companions were yet to arrive, so he was alone too. we were told to stand up and hold someone's hands so we did, and with our hands together we danced with the "something good is going to happen to you...." song in the background. we were then asked to hug at least 10 people.. the 2 of us ended up hugging twice.. it would have been romantic.. only, it wasnt. but i found it really funny.
i think guys are usually bashful over girls..and likewise girls to guys especially if they're strangers. but that guy from yesterday was really rather friendly. he chatted with me for a bit until his companions arrived. i thought he wont be talking to me again after that, but he did. he even filled up the seat that separated us and sat beside me. id really love to talk to him some more, only brother rj was giving his talk then and i didnt want to miss a word from it. sabi nila magaling daw mag multitask ang mga babae. babae naman ako, how come i wasnt gifted with this skill? really, this is not helping my lovelife. huhu.haha..
anyway, ayun, wala lang naman. sa tingin ko lang, if ill be exposed to more scenarios similar to this, then maybe i can turn my uber shy and nene self into something more like a normal human being... well, at least now i know where to go to expose myself in these kinds of scenarios, right? hehe..
--
there would be a humorous speech contest in our tm chapter this fri. syempre hindi ako sasali. pero naeexcite na kong marinig yung mga piece nila. there was this new member who delivered his first speech last fri. he was so good and so funny i wont be surprise if he'll end up winning the up coming contest next fri (if sasali sia) kahet bago palang sia. grabe ang galing nya..
next next week will be the inspirational speech contest. may level atang required for this so not everyone will be eligible to join... ang saya sigurong sumali sa mga ganito.. naeexcite na kong manood.
and sumali.
balang araw.
yay.
03:03 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
got this mail from my inbox this morning.
OMG!! I'm going to have a mentor!! wahhhhh!! puso ko!! hahaha..
i didnt know magkakaron pa pala kami ng mentor.. tas kami mamimili???!!! woooooow!! as in, WOW!
i already have someone in mind. si I. he was the one who evaluated the impromptu speeches(table topics) i gave before. i heard na lagi daw syang nananalo sa mga contest for table topics speeches..
I WANT HIM TO BE MY MENTOR!!
hmmmm.. may case kaya na tumatanggi yung taong gusto mong maging mentor? like, ayaw nia maging mentor, ganun? haha. idk. baka praning lang ako. but whatebs. sya gusto ko. so push. i havent heard him make a speech before, but since everyone's requested to join the upcoming contest, maybe i get to hear his speech this time. cant wait!
jeez.. im such a weirdo, i can't wipe the smile off my face right now.
10:59 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
1:14am now. I can't sleep. Probably because I've slept half of the day already. Plus I'm having scary thoughts I'm not sure if these were my intuition talking or my overactive imagination.. (Yang, if you're reading this, please text me.. Huhu T_T)
Sighs... Sana naman OK lng ang lahat..
---
1st day as an official tm last Fri. Wasn't our usual meeting since we had a contest. They had me as the timer. I'm gonna be ms. Timer din next week for another contest. Then after this meeting we're gonna be back to our normal meetings and I'll be delivering my first basic speech project. That is on 12th.,,
I have more than 1000 entries here in tabby. Kung sipag din lng, masipag naman talaga akong magsulat. Ang di ko lang maintindihan e yung kung kelan need q magsulat e tsaka naman di maawat awat ang self-doubt sa kakabulong na "Hindi mo kaya.." Or yung sobrang convincing na, "Hindi k magaling.." Or ung nightmarish na banat like, "Hindi nila magugustuhan yan..."
Sheesh.. Any hirap kalaban ng sarili, di ba? Ewan..
May 2 weeks p naman ako. Pero sana naman maisulat ko na sya this week para next week e yung pag mememorize nalang at practice ng delivery yung aatupagin ko. Hindi ko alam kung baket pati ang creative juices ko e Hindi rin nkikipag cooperate saken..
---
Got a lot of things to work on. I decided to cut off my partnership with Kuya for this food biz that we're setting up. We obviously have different vision on this. I figured that if I go on I will just end up impeding their progress. I want to work on something I like doing. Something I'm really passionate about. I know cutting the partnership off will just mean that I have to start over again. Sighs.. Pero choice ko to.. And so I am now again back to zero... Sana Hindi ako nagkamali...
---
I was being :my typical normal self lately.
I mean, he's obviously gay. But my eyes can't help turning his way.
Some tall, dark guy.. Over achiever.. Nice hair.. Neat.. Smart.. He has it e... I mean, how can I not?
So, kung Hindi may asawa, bading naman??! Anong klaseng taste ba yan, z?? Huhu..
But, sa tingin ko OK pa naman ako.. Siguro natutuwa lang ako sa kanya kasi nga magaling sya..
Kakainis lang feeling ko kasi he and this other guy, g, are a couple...
Wait, I need to punch something... Wahhhhh!!!
Man, this sounds bad... Huhu.
---
1:58pm.. Ang daming gagawin. E Hindi ako makatulog. So, Baket ko pipiliting matulog kung marami nga akong gagawin?
Wait, that makes sense right?
02:00 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
