Entries for August, 2018
August 1. Buwan ng wika. In character n naman ang mga kasama ko sa club na kina-career ang pagtatagalog. Bedrock levels ang lalim. Nahihilo na ko.
Gusto ko naman talaga makipag participate kasi nga, "mahalin ang sariling atin". Kung tutuusin tagalog naman kami mag-usap sa bahay. Pero ang tagalog kasi namin e tipong pang kanto, jeje levels na mejo may pagkabisaya (Mom is from Surigao). With sis-in-law in our family now, nadagdagan ng mejo Caviteno. Feeling ko sasama ang loob ni Jose Rizal sa paraan ng pagtatagalog ko.
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Ang daming problema lately. Idaan nalang naten sa tawa.
Hahahahahahahahaayokonauniversehahahahahahahaha!
11:57 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Ito na yata ang pinaka haggard na work day sa buong working history ko. Isang oras at pitong minuto akong late kanina.
ISANG ORAS AT PITONG MINUTO!!!
In years, ngayon ko lang ulet nakitang binaha ang QC circle. I was so tempted to go back home nalang kanina if it wasn't for the mega hassle leave process sa cage. Watebs.
Anyway. Umaaraw na. Gusto ko sana mag zen moment sa coffee shop. Para maiba naman, sinubukan ko mag coffee bean. Mukhang hindi talaga kami meant to be. Noong unang panahon, I tried their macha ice blended chuvanez. Hindi masarap. So this time i tried their hazelnut choco thingy because, one can never go wrong with chocolate, right? Wrong. Panget lasa. Yoko na. Balik nyo 175 ko!!!
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I just booked a reservation for 3 in a hotpot resto on 11th. Nini, Sha and I will be meeting each other after n years. Hindi ko bet ang sabaw sabaw at hindi pa ko marunong magluto. Hindi ko alam kung baket hotpot pa. Lol. Fully booked kasi yung 1st choice ko. Nung college tanda ko, pareparehas kaming tatlo na hindi marunong magluto. But now that both of them are married, I'm thinking maybe they now know how. Sana makain namin ang lulutuin namin.
Ang hirap mag book ng kainan nowadays. Nung unang panahon, you can just freely barge in and eat.
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A lot of things put me down lately. Parang vortex. Parang hole ng isang sink that drains me all the time. Weird though, because this low low feeling sometimes excites me. I remember the last time I felt this desperate... I hope this too will end up like that time.
If you're going through hell, keep going.
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TM meeting tonight. Knowing that one of my closest friends, LA, will not be there, parang hindi na masyado masaya.
I will be the GE if the program will go as announced. It's been a while since I took that role. Pano nga mag GE?
Sana wag na umulan mamaya.
12:38 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
"Ok lang. Sumadal ka dito." He said motioning his shoulder and I was like, "Lol, no."
My head aches and my eyes sear. Had a crying fiesta for no reason and very little sleep. I must be getting old.
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Yesterday, I cleaned up my room and threw away stuff. I decided to let go of the letters I've kept since high school. Some of which were written by people who are already dead now.
"Sana itago mo 'to," I remember he once said. But this is long overdue.
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TM meeting last Friday. JP gave me a whole bag of fruits so heavy that when Gabby said, "samin na kayo sumabay," hindi na ko humindi. In the end, I got home at 3am. Lol.
Was with my Instagirlfriends then. While in the car, the topic went to rated R-ish, I swear I can't understand them-probably more than half of the time.
My friends, even outside TM, are mostly around my age. And yet, at 32, I'm probably still the most nene of them all.
But is that a bad thing?
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Last Friday, Jer told me, he resigned na. I thought he was joking pero sabi nya totoo daw. I remember I was also around his age when I left 1st co and the CE profession altogether. He is a CE too and it seems like he's going to do the same thing I did. It's like seeing my old self in someone else's life. I think Jer will probably do better than I did though. He's very disciplined and always strong in his resolve.
In a way, I'm envious. There's nothing I want more right now than to be free too. Without letting my family starve, that is.
...
Pero wait, kaya ko naman yun di ba?
Kaya ko yon! Puteeek, kaya ko talaga yon!
Wait for me, Universe.
09:07 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
"Titaaaaaaa! Gawa mo ko tulaaaaa!"
Belted my niece last night. She'll be needing to create and memorize a poem daw for their buwan ng wika thingy at school. She's 3 years old. The poem should be in line with the theme, "Filipino: Wika ng saliksik". WTF, this is supposed to be for 3 yo's???
I just got a message from our VPE asking if I can back him up for the up coming Filipino Speech contest because he will need to send the preggy wife to the final checkup then. Ambait ko, I said yes.
Truth is, I woke up this morning with a heavy heart. It took me a while to remember why.
He changed his status. I guess that confirms everything. I think this is the first time. Siguro wrong timing lang kasi I'm single right to the last fiber of my being at this very moment. Kaya siguro mejo masakit. Ok lang.
Pag alam mo kasing single pa, maiisip mo na baka pwede pa. Pero now na hindi na, maybe its gonna be easier to dust off cobwebs from the past and move on to the present. Maybe I'm just sad.
...
Isang tula at isang speech. Sana kasing dali lang ng pagsulat ng isang blog entry. Pwede bang i-take ko muna yung time ko para ma broken hearted for a while?
Lol. Ok lang yan.
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Kung magtatayo ako ng negosyo sa twing heartbroken ako, yayaman ba ko?
Gusto ko magtayo ng garden at magbenta ng halaman.
02:45 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
On normal days, I might find this creepy. Pero dahil sa mejo broken hearted ako ngayon, na appreciate ko talaga to. Hahaha.
Salamat, dude!
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Ang lakas ng ulan kaninang madaling araw nung paalis ako kaya hindi na ko pumasok.
Kahapon natapos ko ang tula ng pamangkin ko para sa school. Para ma motivate syang mag memorize, ginawa kong tungkol kay Spider-man yung tula dahil mahilig sya kay spider-man. Pramis, effort gawing related sa theme na "Filipino, wika ng saliksik" ang tulang tungkol kay spider-man. Kagabi, nagsimula silang magpraktis. Mukhang hindi effective. Good luck sa pamangkin ko.
Still, it's one down for me. Now speech naman. Insipirasyon, sapian mo ko!!!
09:24 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I asked the Heavens for the rain to stop. Mejo maulan pa pero nakapasok na ko. Putek, ano ba pinaggagawa ko kahapon?
Nakita ko announcement sa FB na ready na daw ang club namin for the Filipino Speech Contest. I remember I'm supposed to back up our initially agreed contestant after he begged off. And boy, I'm so far from ready. Pak, ano ngang pinaggagagawa ko kahapon?
I was home. I think I just spent the day sleeping, eating, repotting my plants, reading posts and articles in facebook about plants and so on. Hindi man lang ako nag attempt gumawa ng speech. Juicecolored!
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I rewatched Jane's reading for August. For some reason, it no longer resonate as much as it did the first time.
Sa totoo lang, hindi ko forte ang magmultitask. Kaya pag marami akong nararamdaman, nadidisorient ako. Sa tingin ko, wala namang hurt. Fear lang. Regret. Sadness. Mga ganun. Naisip ko rin na if mabibigyan ako ng power to snatch the boy back, hindi ko rin naman gagawin. In the end of the day, I also want him to be happy.
Napansin ko lang rin na inuulit ulit ko lang yung mga situation ko sa buhay. I want to focus on making sure that this won't happen again especially because my recent situation is starting to look like it's heading to that same direction.
Fear. Regret. Sadness. Ihalo mo pa yung panic na nafifeel ko about the contest. Pero siguro, katulad ng ulan, huhupa rin naman to.
Tag-ulan man ngayon, the sun will soon rise up. And when that time comes, siguro may bulaklak na yung mga alaga kong jade at cactus. Magiging okay din ang lahat.
08:50 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Sabi sa nabasa ko, bad luck daw ang cactus. Di rin daw advisable na itabi sa jade.
Matapos ko alagaan ng isang linggo, ayoko namang itapon to. Ok lang. I will just work harder.
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80 words. Nagawa ko na ang start at ending ng speech ko. Body nalang. That's 80/800. 10 percent is still better than nothing. Sana matapos ko na bago mag Friday.
Naririnig kong tinatawag na naman ako ng lagnat. Nakakatamad naman kasing magpayong.
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Ang hirap ng pera lately. May order nga ko, hindi ko naman ma-accomodate. Kahit matters of the heart, hindi rin ok. Kasalanan ba to ng cactus ko? Ahahaha.
Gusto kong patunayang hindi malas ang cactus ko. Sana manalo ako sa contest. Kahit wala pa akong speech.
08:08 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Eow powzzz. Mzta powzzz.
Hayst. Ang sakit ng ulo ko sa kakatagalog. Na overuse ko na yung google translate, at paminsan minsan kahit si google sumusuko na saken.
Nabasa kong may eligibility eklabu pala yung contest. Kailangan ko na matapos bago mag 20th. Juicecolored.
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Nahihirapan akong matulog these past few days. Kagabi, nilabas ko sa kwarto ang mga alaga ko dahil sabi sa nabasa ko, may effect daw sa tulog ang plants kaya hindi advisable sa kwarto. Hindi naman effective.
Sa konting tulog na meron ako, I had a very green dream. Like literally green. Kakapanood ko yata ng video tungkol sa halaman. Excited na kong magkapera para makabili na ko ng cacti, malas or not. Parang ang ganda rin ng black prince at iba pang echeveria. Siguro kaya nahihirapan akong matulog dahil iniisip ko kung saang panig ng bahay ko sila ilalagay para maarawan ng maayos. Gusto kong magtayo ng garden at magbenta ng halaman.
Sana mamulaklak na ang mga cactus at jade ko. Yung mga unang kong anak na halaman, promise kong hinding hindi ko ibebenta.
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Was reading Jennica Uytingco's IG last night. I don't know why her posts never fail to send me to a crying fit. Hindi naman ako iyakin. Weird pa dahil kahit yung mga posts na n times ko nang nabasa, nakakaiyak pa rin.
Maybe I'm just getting old.
May succulents din pala si Jennica. Lithops ata yung isa. Yung iba hindi ko alam ang tawag. Mga mamahaling uri. Pangarap ko rin magkaron ng lithops.
Sabi sa bible, come with me all of you who are weary and I will give you rest. I think my heart is just tired.
11:52 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
My head aches. I should be sleeping.
Wala lang. Please let me write. Ang cutie pie ng crush ko. Paano ko kaya to maiuuwi samen? Ahaha.
I need to straighten may hair na. Lord, pengi pera!
I finished writing my speech a few minutes before my shift ended. Actually hindi nga natapos. I had to edit pa while the program was ongoing. Then I just read it lang kanina. I think it's not so bad. Still not good enough to win either. Kung ako lang, ok naman na ko basta mairaos ko lang to. Pero kasi...
1. Kailangan kong mapatunayang hindi malas ang cacti ko (Oo, number 1 talaga).
2. I want to celebrate my victory with everyone from the club para masaya kaming uuwi sa 25th.
3. Para magmukhang ok ako? Well, ok naman ako. Gusto ko lang yung pwede kong ibandera like, "hey Universe, ok lang ako!!!" Ganun.
Ok lang naman talaga ko. Ang leaky lang ng mata ko lately, pero ok lang talaga.
Ano bang gagawin ko?
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I had a slot for Sir Dean's seminar with Yang's help. We were asked to write our plan. I didn't know I have one until I wrote it. Ang tagal pa ng October. Hindi na ko makapaghintay. But to wait or not, time will pass anyway, so I might as well do something while waiting?
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Shet, ang cute talaga nung crush ko. Tas Catholic pa sya. Wala naman akong issue sa ibang religion, pero kung hihingi rin lang ako ng lalaki sa langit, syempre gusto ko yung same religion saken. Tas single daw.
Sa lahat ng heartbreaks na dinanas ko... pagkakataon mo nang bumawi, Universe.
02:02 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Why, I'm back to writing almost everyday. Lol.
I just want to organize my feelings because it can be disorienting when you feel so many things. I remember I was INTP in myers-briggs. I wonder if I'm an INFP now. Lol, I doubt that. I scored only 4% in Feelings then against Thinking then. Ganun ka landslide.
Anyway, ayun. Same as last week ulit ang Saturday ko. Sleep, eat, take care of my plants, repeat.
May head is still aching. I hope this is just a simple fever and not eyesight related because I just changed my eyeglasses and I can't afford a new one. Lord, pengi pera!!! Huhu. I wonder magkano kaya magbenta ng kidneys nowadays. Lol.
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I got Anthony's evaluation for my speech today via FB. I agree to all his points because I've noticed it too. Hindi ko lang alam kung pano ko iaapply. Dapat siguro inaasikaso ko na ang pag-ayos ng speech ko. Sana naman maging maayos ang lahat. Hindi ko pa nafi-figure out kung pano, pero sana maipanalo ko to.
Tita Nora's surprised birthday party tomorrow. If I can wake up early, maybe I can drop by sa Feast and then lipad nalang right to the venue. Namimiss ko nang magsimba. Namimiss ko na mag-feast. Nakakalungkot lang kasi magsimba mag-isa. Weird because back in the day, I didn't mind. Indeed, I'm getting old.
I filed a leave on Monday so it's a long weekend for me. I dont mind going to work the following day kahit holiday since I know na walang traffic then.
Kung may pera ako, pupunta ako sa Farmers garden to shop for plants. But for now I'd suit myself in collecting pebbles siguro for soil mix. Besides, I also have a speech to fix pa nga pala.
07:44 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Ever stared at your creation and wondered, 'how the eff am I going to make this better'?
Putakte. Ba't nga ba ko sumali sa contest na to? Jusko Lord, help me...
06:38 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Monday. Was on leave. I intended to stay at home and fix my speech. Pero kasi mejo poor talaga ko ngayon kaya ang hirap tumanggi sa libreng sine, so I went out.
Ang babaeng allergic sa wifi. Ang dami kong naaalalang tao. Putek. Dapat siguro, hindi muna ako nanonood ng love story. Nakaka-emo, Bes.
Parang ang daming promising na tagalog films lately. Excited na kong magkapera. Sana may maabutan pa ko next payday.
Hindi naman ako magastos. If it wasn't for this bogus buyer who ordered so many tas di naman kukunin, may pera sana ko ngayon. Grrr. Pero ok lang. Mabebenta ko pa naman to. Tiwala lang.
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I just learned that Joan's wedding is in 25th din pala. Same date ng contest. Heck, it's too late to back out. Pero ok lang din. The venue's far and wala rin naman akong outfit.
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Ang bilis mag shift ng moods ko lately. Parang gusto kong pumunta sa lugar na dead ang signal gaya dun sa 'Ang babaeng allergic sa WIFI" movie. Wala lang. Para wala ako makitang post na di kaayaaya. Madali lang naman mang unfollow ng tao. Ayoko lang.
I'm pretty sure I'm not hurting. Heck, I don't even feel jealous. Puno lang siguro ng what-could-have-been's and stuff. I just miss the connection. It makes me a little sad. Hindi naman kasi madaling humanap ng ganun. Or baka sa mga maling lugar lang ako naghahanap.
Pero despite the sadness, I've been feeling more at peace lately. Maybe I'm already learning to gracefully let go.
Sana next time na magmahal ako, dun na sa tamang tao. Sana by then, 'tamang tao' narin ako for that person.
10:41 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I saw the neighbor's dog, Kilay's dad, at a sarisari store across our house, so I greeted him, "Hello Pogi!"
To my horror, a man nearby, standing next to his motorcycle winked.
Mej creepy. Huhu. : (
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F: Anong age mo balak mag-asawa, R?
R: Siguro mga 30s.
F: 30s daw, Z?
Z: di na tayo magkakaanak non, R
R: edi live in
Z: ano ka, siniswerte
*** I wonder if the girl now will say yes to that. But then he's more than capable of getting married now though.
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Holiday Tuesday at work. My workweek just started and I already want to go back home.
07:27 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
30 days down and 1 more day to go and here's a brand new month.
The month of August hit me hard in so many ways I can't wait for it to be over.
I want to lay low for a while.
I want to believe... more like hope... that my relationships will still be there when I get back.
02:32 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
