Entries for March, 2019
Two things I don't like: goodbyes and change.
It was a sad TM evening. I was told G and I were not coming. It wasn't the first time that the 2 of them failed to attend, and in those times we were able to fare well naman. It just feels different when you know one of them will not be around for a while.
Sa lakas mang-asar nung taong yon, imposible namang hindi ko mamiss yon.
Nakakalungkot. My friends explained the reason. Maybe it can't be help. But 6 months is an effing long time. Kailangan ba talaga? This is so sad.
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Chatting with bff earlier. She's expressing her fears and worries abt the wedding. I tried to console her but failed big time. Because, come on, what would I know about cold feet? I've never been engaged.
She seemed fine naman. I told her I'm happy for her and ask her na i-prayover ang lovelife ko. Sabi nya lagi naman daw. My bff is a Mama Mary levels good woman. I know she meant it when she said she's been praying for me. I wonder what's taking God so long.
Bff told me "mag da move ka na kasi" and that "hindi masama mag flirt". BFF has been away for so long, I think the 'me' that she remembers is a totally different person.
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I'm meeting some dude next week. Business matters naman talaga. It's just that he's someone I was interested to back in the day and the things that bff told me kept ringing in my ears.
Baka mamaya pag nagkita kami masabi ko na, "di ba single ka pa? Tayo nalang. Tara let's get married and have babies."
Tengene. Laugh trip.
12:52 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
"Be like water."
I think it was Bruce Lee who said this. Ang water daw kasi, pag nilagay mo sa glass, it will follow the shape of the glass. It becomes the glass. I think the bottom line is, 'live a life of least resistance'. I've set out to do that since the year started and it seems to be working for me so far.
Sabi ko na nga ba, mahal Mo talaga ko, Universe.
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I gave up dieting completely. Bahala na si Batman. Tomorrow, I'll wrap up my work week and then we'll head to Batangas very early Friday.
Aside from being the maid-of-honor, BFF gave me two more tasks on her wedding.
First, I'm suppose to give the congratulatory toast. She said this should be easy since I'm a Toastmaster. I hate how my club has to be attached to my name since the time I became a member. If I mess up, feeling ko tuloy it can tarnish the image of the club. Takte, tamad na tamad akong mag prepare ng speech. Gusto ko lang talaga mag swimming.
Second is to be the "money girl". BFF said the wedding coordinator refused to handle the monetary gifts for the couple, so BFF chose me as the point person where the guests can hand their envelopes. I told her I'd run off with the money. I wonder how come best friends don't take your threats seriously. Well, I've warned her. Yey, may pocket money na ko for Cebu! Char.
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I was born an Air. Now, I am Water.
I'm planning to join an insurance company soon to earn on the side. The setup looks promising, though the thought that I'll be needing to talk to people and actually ask them to buy insurance products make me feel like I'm having indigestion or something. Lol.
I'm bonded to the cage until end of June this year. I just want to have wider options just so whatever happens, I wouldn't worry about my family starving once I've decided to leave the company or maybe if they decide to kick me out. Options are good. I love having options.
I remember when Partner and I were discussing with our teamlead. I saw how Partner was so worried about the future of the account. It puzzled me a bit because aside from the fact that his salary is twice as mine, he also earn quite a lot on the side. He hosts events, do interpreting and translations, voiceovers and even commercials. What I earn for a month, he can earn in an hour or so. I don't think it can hurt him financially even if he'll leave the company right at this very moment. What's funny was that, sya mukhang nag-aalala, ako super chill lang.
Sabi sa napanood ko, natural lang daw ang fear. Pag natatakot ka daw, ibig sabihin, nag-iisip ka. Feeling ko tuloy, hindi ako nag iisip. Ewan.
Partner mentioned about safety net. I just realized that my only safety net is maybe my brother who has a 4 year old daughter and a wife to feed. To think that I also have my parents under my wings. Mas normal ata na natatakot dapat ako.
I don't know. Maybe I've become like water.
08:29 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Monday, I didn't sleep. Tuesday, I slept, no prob. Wednesday, I didn't sleep again. Wow, MWF na ba to? Takte, hindi ako makatulog!!!
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A lot going on. A lot of things I'm looking forward to. I'm all happy. I just wish my wallet can also keep pace with all these.
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Huli na ang lahat para magsisi kung bakit ang dami kong kinain nitong mga nakaraang araw. But I'm not letting these fats get in the way. Gawd, swimming na swimming na ko!
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I'm on my 8th Kdrama since the year started. The last time, I asked Yang that if I am to watch just 1 kdrama in my entire lifetime, anong masa suggest nya sakin. She said "she was pretty" daw, so I'm watching it right now. I have 101% trust on Yang's taste since we like mostly the same things. But I guess I've watch way too many kdrama to appreciate anything right now.
I've been reading a blog of a digital marketer lately. She's one of the speakers from the MSME launch that I attended the last time. It sent me back to learning mode on. I miss this feeling. Soon, I think I'm going to get on my feet and get back to work. I have a business page to revive after FB took it down for branding issue. I'm also planning to gather names of potential customers na pwede ko alukin ng issurance. Of course I need to work on my license first. Why, I feel alive again!
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Sa Sunday na no? I mean, his wedding.
I'm all ok about it now. I'm happy that I feel peace inside. I had a lot of thinking. Somehow, this enabled me to figure out what I could've done better. I used to think that the Universe wasn't so kind to us back then. But looking at the entire course of my life, not only in the love life department, I feel like the Universe is good to those who make an effort. That the Universe has bias for those who take actions.
I genuinely wish that person happiness, you know. Maybe he's a lot more matured now. Maybe now he's more than capable of leading a family of his own. And I wish that he and his wife will make it together and build a happy family.
I was just a girl back then. Maybe it was more than normal to mess up. But now I feel more confident that when the time comes that I'd love again, I'll be a full grown woman in and out. And a good one at that.
I will be rewriting my story with a different person. This time, I would know which parts to correct. Maybe I'd learn something more along the way.
And then if I wouldn't find anyone in the future, at least I would know that still, I became an even better person. And I will feel proud of what I've become.
12:19 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Hello, World! It's a Monday and I'm gonna be back to work tomorrow. Things were going great until I heard things I didn't want to hear.
Not love life related:
"Do not take things personally."
I've known this line for a long time. Nakakainis pag may nararamdaman kang mga bagay na ayaw mong maramdaman. Surely, you can just push the feelings aside and pretend you're not feeling them, pero putek... alam mo yung feeling na najejebs ka pero pinipigilan mo? Parang ganun yun e. Healthy ba yun?
I asked the Heavens to make me stop feeling this way... tapos, Dude, instantly gratified sya by the Universe.
Some sort of bad news arrived. Partner sent his resignation and it was immidiate. I'm all good. I can manage alone. It's just that I'll be needing to take leaves from time to time and now that will be harder since my work requires having at least 1 person to be present. Now that 1 person means me. No one else. Thank you very much.
Pero ok lang din. Teamlead said we'll talk about my leaves tomorrow. Bahala na ulet. I'm bonded until June. I can't just disappear. Bukod don, wala parin talaga akong maraming pera para mabuhay nang hindi nagtatrabaho. So again, bahala na.
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Love life related:
Ayoko na rin talagang i-entertain ang drama. Ayoko na rin patulan ang jokes ng Universe na hindi naman nakakatawa. Takte, nasa isang side ako ng taal, tas yung kasal nya nasa kabilang side lang. Whattheeff. Pero sige. Ok na. Patahimikin na naten ang mga taong lumagay na sa tahimik. Sa tingin ko kaya lang ako ok kasi may nagugustuhan akong iba.
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The other:
So there is this boy I've been eyeing lately. He's quite innocent in many things, but really matured when it comes to understanding. I like how he's such a good man and on how he's always working to be better. I've known him for quite some time. About 3 years na siguro. Ewan ko.
Natuwa lang kasi ako sa kanya the last time na magkita kami. Nakakatuwa yung reaction nya pag nahihiya sya and I like how I can laugh all our awkward moments off.
I like listening to his plans. Or yung mga bagay na nilu-look forward nya sa future. Or the things he's passionate about at the moment. Sometimes I wish I can go all out and support him, pero syempre pe-preno ako to ask, "bakit, why, bakit"? Hindi tayo mag jowa, are we friends? Lol. Sa aming dalawa, walang ni isang bumanggit ng salitang 'friends' for these past three years. Takte, we're not friends.
Or are we? Ewan ko. Sana pwede ko nalang itanong. Tas kung ano man ang sagot, no hard feelings, ganun. Lol. Ewan.
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April 28 this year ang Feast of Divine Mercy. Sabi ibubuhos daw ni Jesus ang floodgates ng Kanayang Awa sa araw na yun. If the Heavens will allow me, hihingi ako ng love life, syempre. Pero bukod dun, I want to ask Jesus for healing. Our dog, Gigi, is still sick. Hindi ko alam kung aabot pa sya sa Feast of Divine Mercy.
09:23 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
12am on the dot. Totoo atang MWF akong hindi matutulog. Damn insomnia.
Walang tubig dito sa Mandaluyong. Nakakaiyak. Dapat pala, sa Bulacan nalang ako umuwi.
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Chatting with my ladies now. Nakakaexcite mag plan ng Cebu adventures namin. Ang tagal ko pinangarap na makapunta sa Cebu to meet my idol blogger, Marketman, at makakain sa resto that he owns. Yung Zubuchon. Nakarating na't lahat ang Zubuchon sa Metro Manila, isang lundag lang from the office even, pero hindi parin ako nakakakain sa Zubuchon. Very good.
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Aside from the exam to make me eligible to sell insurance, mejo free na ang days ko until end of April. Gusto kong sulitin ang fact na I now live sa kabihasnan where I can go around the city without worrying how much time I have left to sleep.
I want to go to JFM or check out groups were I can meet j-people. Maybe I can help the company find a replacement for Partner. I could use the referral fee also. It's quite big. I can use that as pocket money for Cebu. Sana makahanap ako.
Gusto ko na rin mag simba ulet. Namimiss ko na mag simba. Sana nandito nalang ulit si Fr. Mario.
I also want to review my Art of Seduction book. No, not to catch a guy this time. Meron lang kasi dun soft seduction na pwede i-apply for selling. I can use that once I start selling insurance.
Dear Tabulas peeps, if you need insurance, please send me a PM.
*okay, that's not very seductive and that's far from soft. I'm so sorry.* lol.
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12:18am. Sana pag gising ko, may tubig na. Ayoko pumasok ng hindi naliligo.
12:22 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Travelled 3 hours back home last night bilang walang tubig. Kahit sa cage wala. Mukhang nasalanta ng bagyo ang cr. Lol.
I was planning to commute home for a while until the water shortage in Mandaluyong subsides, pero sabi ni Tita 3 months pa daw to.
I was on my way to work this morning when my stomach started acting up. I've decided to take a leave kasi ang hirap naman nagloloko tiyan mo tas walang flush yung banyo...
Wahhh! Ayoko na! Pengi tubeeeeeg!
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Gusto ko na manood ng Captain Marvel. I might drop by the cinema later. Mukhang promising din yung Shazzam.
Right now, I just want to finish the training. I want to master all the products involved so that I can help my brother find the perfect insurance tas yung mga future customers ko na rin siguro. It was after all my brother the reason why I'm joining this insurance company in the first place. Ikayaman ko kaya to?
Sa totoo lang namiss ko to. Nakakamiss din palang mag -aral.
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I'm taking one of the prepared speaker roles for the meeting on Friday but I'm too lazy to even craft a draft. Nawa ay sapian ako ng inspirasyon bago mag Friday.
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"Zah, nasa Batanggas ka pala the last time nung kasal ni ***,"
I guess this is not leaving me anytime soon.
10:38 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Ang dami kong pera. Ang dami kong pera. Woohoo! Dami kong pera!!!
*ulit ulitin hanggang sa magkatotoo*
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Finally watched Captain Marvel. The movie ran 2 hours pero sa post credit talaga ko na hook. Syet! Ang gwapo ni Cap! Isang Chris Evans naman, Universe.
N times ko nang napanood yung trailer. So excited for the Endgame. Please don't break our hearts, Marvel. Pag na deds si Cap or yung iba ko pang favorite, ayawan na.
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I started crafting the congratulatory toast for bff's wedding right at the reception, few minutes before my name was called. Hindi ko pa natapos because Ice was pestering me. Pero ok naman nakaraos naman.
Sana ganun din tonight.
07:36 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
There's a newly intalled Breadtalk in Shang. Nakakapikon na umaalingasaw ang amoy ng kanilang tinapay, hinahatak yung paa ko papunta sa counter.
Antaba ko na nga wala pa ko pera. I hate you, Breadtalk.
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I can't understand why my FB timeline is full of animal videos. I once saw a cow licking a man's face like a dog. I find it hard to eat hamburger since then. Gusto ko naman talagang maging vegetarian, ayaw lang makipag cooperate ng tiyan ko. Last week, I brought a week supply of fruits from home to my place in Manda. Siguro ganito yung feeling ng mga aswang na nag settle nalang sa pagkain ng buhay na manok at daga dahil ayaw na nilang kumain ng tao. Hindi masaya. Napakain parin naman ako ng karne. Ita try ko nalang ulet next week.
When we were younger, I remember BFF stopped eating pork because she found them cute (she's a fan of Superboink). Maybe if I'll start finding pigs cute too, maybe I'll stop eating them also.
Nalulungkot talaga ako pag kumakain ako ng hayop. Pero anong kakainin ko?
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Extreme tipid mode. Hay, Lord, pengi pera!
10:51 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
So ayun. Medyo tinatamaan ako ng lungkot lately. One of those times when you wish you can invite a friend for a chat over coffee kaso di mo magawa kasi lahat sila may asawa na.
Okay, that's not entirely true. Pero almost.
Iniisip ko kung time of the month ba to. I'm haunted by unwanted thoughts lately, uselessly driving myself crazy over something that might not even be true.
I wonder if that's the purpose of getting married or being in a relationship- having someone to sit down with when you want to stop yourself from overthinking.
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I read his vow. I tried watching the video itself, but poor internet connection prevented me from doing so. Looks like he didn't change so much. Except for his voice. I no longer remember his voice but I'm pretty sure he didn't sound like that. His thinking seems to be the same though and I can't help but see the wife with curiosity. Looks like she doesn't mind that he thinks that way at all.
Between Maria Clara and Gabriella Silang, I'm more of the former. I feel like in a relationship, moreso in a family, the man should be the one to lead. How can he do that if he's always afraid and doubting himself?
Or are my expectations too big?
01:02 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I've known his brother before I met him some time about 2 years ago. They are twins, but not identical. The brother was kinda cute, I was expecting them to at least look the same, but I was suprised that he was taller and a whole lot more handsome.
Before he left PH, he asked that we take a picture together. I wish I asked him for a copy just so I can verify if he was indeed as handsome as I remember him to be.
He's been working as a sea man for the last 2 years. I can't believe a person can change that much for a short period of time. His twin brother is the same as ever. Surely, his eyes still look nice and all, and I'm pretty sure he's still capable of sweeping women off their feet since he's still a smooth talker, but I can't help but feel panghihinayang because I remember he was such an eye candy.
Huhu. Anong ginawa nila sayo?
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Z: *reacts about a logo-making contest she found in fb*
B: Sumali ka. Dapat yan ang mga ginagawa mo. Sa ganyan ka kaya magaling. Wag na yung mga bagay na di ka naman magaling.
Z: San ako hindi magaling? Magaling naman ako sa lahat ng bagay ah.
B: Sa pagbi-business?
Iniisip ko kung may point ba sya.
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I'm done with the online training and will proceed with the classroom room training this Saturday. Hopefully by the following Saturday makapagtake na ko ng licensure exam. Maybe by the start of April, pwede na kong magbenta ng insurance. Naisip ko na nga ang magiging line ko e:
"Hi, my name is Z. I sell life insurance for a living. So if I invite you to have coffee with me, alam mo na. Open-minded ka ba?"
Lol. Iniisip ko kung lalayuan na ba ako ng mga kaibigan ko.
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J-holiday on Thursday. Mom discovered a community hospital for animals near home. Said they also perform complex surgery for free. I'm bringing our Gigi there since I don't have work.
Sana maging ok na ang aming bunso.
09:02 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I'm not liking the upcoming changes in the club. I wish I can just stop caring.
Maybe the best I can do e wag na makigulo pa. For one, I suspect that my intentions are not entirely pure.
Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggagaling ang lungkot na ito.
11:07 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I don't know if there's a scientific explanation on this, yung pag pinagsabay mo ang alak at mint candy, mas malakas ang magiging effect ng alcohol?
Had a little inuman shesh/bonding/meeting with the gang, so today, I woke up and attended the training with a skull-cracking headache.
Namiss ko to. Alcohol and conversations is my favorite mix. The ladies and I are planning for another inuman shesh next Friday. Ang tagal ko nang gustong makipag inuman, gulapay levels. Lord, pengi pera, please.
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Jer saw that Bea's boyfie was working on some stock market-related sheesh on his laptop. We flooded questions on him afterwards, and Bea beamed proudly.
Ang cute ng mag jowang to. I feel so happy for Bea. I think it would be great kung sila na ang magkakatuluyan. I wholeheartedly support these lovebirds.
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If there's something I've learned in the love front as I grew older, siguro yun e yung "little things matter." Ang fragile ng puso ng taong nagmamahal, that's why you have to be extra careful. If you feel like your person is seeking assurance that he's the only one, then by all means, give it to him. Mind games are only for children and inducing jealousy is only cute in koreanovela. In real life, these things can set you apart little by little until the rift grew to a point na hindi nyo na kayang i-reconcile.
Gusto kong tandaan ang lesson na to in case magamit ko in the future. *wink wink*
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Sending Gigi back to the hospital on Thursday. I'm happy that the cage allowed me to take a leave. Thank you, Lord.
Our fur baby might be needing to undergo an operation. Sana ma accomplish lahat ng kailangang gawin on Thursday because I'm starting to feel bad about having to take a leave already.
Gigi looks so much better now. Sana tuloy tuloy na.
01:06 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Whenever I want to talk to you, I write here instead. What's up with that?
I was watching KMJS last night. They featured a love story where a woman met her forever sa pila ng tubig (poso). Natawa lang ako sa part na sinadya nung girl na mag-igib, kuntodo ayos and all, para makita yung guy. Tapos sabi nung nanay nya, "bakit ka mag-iigib, e ang dami dami nating tubig?"
I only have a few excuses left to talk to you. Can we just be together already? Lol.
I've just been learning 'cunning' recently. True blue late bloomer. I did like men even back when I was little, but there were so many things I liked that my attention were all over the place. Hindi talaga ako natutong magpapansin. The very few men who ever noticed me were all men close to me. Probably those who have a thing for weird, nerdy women. Lol.
Some may say that mine is an age too old to still be single. But I feel in my heart that I'm just right where I'm supposed to be. Had I gotten married earlier, I would have gotten myself into trouble, because I know that emotionally, I still wasn't ready. But I'm starting to learn things now, and even the way my heart behaves seems to be changing.
Maybe emotional maturity is already starting to catch up with my age. Finally.
08:45 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
So I was reading a complilation of tweets in fb with #AlamMoBaCrush, and I realized that human beings are the most complicated creatures.
See, look at the animals... pag type nila ang isa pang animal, they won't beat themselves up, asking themselves, "how can I stop liking you," or drown themselves in their own negativity saying, "bakit ba gusto kita kahit di mo ko magugustuhan", (even if they haven't really verified it yet) or make themselves jealous over something they just assumed saying, "alam ko crush mo si *insert name here*, ayoko na mabuhay!"and all that shit.
Nakita mo na ba ang aso nyong nag sulk sa isang sulok at sinabi ang mga bagay na ito? Malamang hindi. Tao lang ata ang ganito ka-complicated.
This is so 16 years old, but I'm really glad that I'm crushing on someone right now, dahil kung hindi dahil sa kanya, I'm probably sulking, depressed over losing my first love who married off to someone else. Instead I'm all goofy, all smiley, sometimes annoyed and a little crazy, but I must say that this is so much better than being depressed and heartbroken.
There is this tarot reader that I follow in YouTube. Her readings these past months resonated so much it filled me with so much hope. Pero yung latest reading nya for the month of April, hindi ko nagustuhan. Said we're having communication problems (which is true), and I'm getting bored of waiting (also true) and that there are other offers (maybe true as well). She said I'll stop waiting and accept a better offer and this will leave the other person with so much regret.
Kaya siguro nakalagay sa bible na ayaw ni God sa fortunetelling because hindi naman talaga sya laging healthy. The reading made me sad for a while until I realized that the power is still in my hands. I'm free to like whoever I want. At least for now, it's still that person. I don't want anyone to regret anything. I'll take care of my own feelings, he'll take care of his. No further complications needed.
I know it took me some time, but really right now...
I'M NO LONGER AFRAID.
08:15 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I sleep about 6-7 hrs a day. That is a lot considering that it used to be 3 hrs. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit antok na antok ako.
Was on leave yesterday to bring our dog to the hospital. Now I look like I came from a cat fight with so many scratches. Things are all good though. Gigi will just have to be on meds. No operations needed. Earlier that day, we were debating as to whether we'll let her have an operation or not. We all love Gigi. Hindi ko tuloy gets kung bakit iba-iba ang opinyon namin about this. Good thing hindi na namin kinailangang magtalo pa. She'll be fine. Thank you, Heavens.
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Ang daming kaganapan para sa susunod na buwan. Next week may exam ako. Alam mo ba kung bakit Math ang paborito kong subject? Kasi takte, bwisit na bwisit akong mag memorize. At least sa Math, pag hindi mo kabisado ang formula, pwede ka namang mag derive.
I have the mock test. Kakabisaduhin lang naman talaga. Bad trip lang tamad na tamad talaga kong gawin to.
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I saw a historical fiction in poetry form made by a certain ECD. It's a love letter na kunwari e sulat ng isang sikat na bayani para sa naiwan nyang jowa nung lumusob sya sa himagsikan wherein na deds sya a week later.
Sobrang ganda ng pagkakasulat. Lumulundag ang fangirl heart ko.
Still, mas masaya siguro kung yung totoong bayani yung nagsulat.
One of the reasons why I loved the film Goyo e dahil dun sa sulat ni Apolinario Mabini narrated by the actor who played the role. Ang gaganda nung bitaw ng words e. Iniisip ko kung yun ba talaga ang sinabi ni Mabini.
Kung magiging sikat ako balang araw, siguro magiging historical artifacts ang mga loveletters na sinulat ko. I poured every ounce of my writing prowess sa bawat sulat na sinulat ko, I'm confident that it will not disappoint.
If I will try to track down the love letters I wrote in this lifetime, I think I wrote about 5.
Earliest was written around 1998 or 1999. Anonymous love letter na sinend ko sa crush ko na kapatid pala ng classmate ko.
Next is 2002-2003. Loveletter na ginawa ko for a friend na pinadala nya sa crush nya.
Then 2004-2006. 3 letters na sinesend ko every Christmas noon.
I'm pretty sure there will be no way for me to get back the first 2 letters, pero yung last 3, kahit paano may possibility.
Naniniwala ako na kung matino syang lalaki, dapat ay naitapon nya na yung letters ko bago sya naikasal. Still, kung sakaling nasa kanya pa... well, kung sakali lang naman... pwede ko pa kaya makuha? Hahaha. Iniisip ko palang, parang na kong lalagnatin.
....
I'm really curious how people wrote(or write) their love letters. If you happen to have written one, pabasa naman! : )
01:04 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
So I was booked to be a wedding host on September and I have 2 reactions on this:
1. Oh, wow! I'm going to host a wedding!
2. Gawd, I also want to get married. T_T
Bummer.
10:02 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
