Entries for July, 2019



Kanshashite iru
月曜日: July 1, 2019



Kasi naman, when I told him my expected salary after he asked, he was like, "ah... pasok naman," so kala ko, sakto lang dun sa amount na sinabi ko. That's why I got so surprised when he presented me the actual breakdown.

The last time, I made a bargain with the Heavens that if He'll give me a salary with a certain number of digits, I'll give 10% of that to the Feast. Siguro kailangan talaga ng Feast ng pera. I wonder if this is an answer to their prayers.

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"Basta ako, hindi ako nag-oot."

Ang cute cute talaga ni Sir P, gusto ko na syang iuwi. Promise, hindi ko naman hahawakan. Titingnan ko lang. Lol.

Ang pleasant pleasant nya kasi at sobrang mukha syang harmless. I doubt that he's single though (nega!). Pero malay natin. ^<

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I just sent my resignation letter, effective on Friday, July 5. I'm yet to complete the pre-employment requirements at alam ko naman na marami pang pwedeng mangyari. Sana talaga maging maayos ang lahat.

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Naisip ko lang... I also made another bargain to the Heavens that if He'll have me get married before the year ends, I'll give 100k to the church. I'll add another 100k to that if He'll make our love story epic. Yung tipong kakabugin ang koreanovela sa level ng kilig.

Mukhang pumapatol naman sa bargains ang Langit. Iniisip ko tuloy kung ready na ba kong mag-asawa.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 06:47 PM.

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Ato mikkakan
火曜日: July 2, 2019



Hindi ko alam kung bakit ang praning ko.

What if I fail the medical exam?

What if I won't be able to get the nbi on time?

I still have an unresolved customer issue at the company, what do I do?

Siguro pag naguguluhan ka na, or ginugulo mo na ang sarili mo, I found that the best thing to do is to ask the Heavens for guidance.

I sent my resignation yesterday, and I signed it to day, so it really feels final now. Iniisip ko kung mas mainam ba na hinintay ko muna medical test results at nbi bago ko ginawa to... pero, nagawa ko na e. I can't go without a job though. 

The office people teased me na magpa pizza on my last day sa office. Sa totoo lang, I've got very few money left until I enter the new company, but I still said yes. You see, I've been here 6 years and the people here have treated me very kindly. Ano ba naman yung pizza? Kung may pera lang ako, I'd give them more.

Then there's my friend, Jay. She was elected to be the President of this newly formed club and I know this means so much to her. They will be having an induction ceremony/party on Saturday and she wants me to come. I heard from Gabby that she's planning to have "instagirls unite". I will feel bad if I'll be the reason kung bakit hindi complete ang instagirls. I told the ladies that I need to conserve my resources since I'll be transferring to a different company. Yesterday, Jay told me that she'll pay for me nalang. It kinda breaks my heart. I should be the one sending out support for a friend, tas sya pa magbabayad for me. And the bigger problem is that I still can't commit to come even if the fee will get covered. I'm yet to finish my pre-employement requirements, hindi ko alam kung tapos na ko by then. Heavens, sana naman... and also, penging pera.

Speaking of pera... I'm supposed to have an interpreting gig on Friday. 1-hr event lang so hindi naman kalakihan ang kita, but enough to cover my pambayad for the induction so that Jay wouldn't have to pay for me. Ayun nga lang, hanggang ngayon, hindi pa binibigay ni Client yung details. Part of me wishes na sana di nalang tuloy. Mejo tinatamad din kasi talaga ko.

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I just remember that it's gonna be Dad's birthday next week, then Brother's will be 2 weeks after that. My wallet says I probably wouldn't have the money to even buy a cake by then, but thank God, I have a credit card. Konting hikahos moments nalang, tapos magiging better din ang lahat.

Hopefully.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 06:17 PM.

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Quick
金曜日: July 5, 2019



Very busy times. Tipong wiwi lang ang break. Lol.

But let me write this.

So, someone gave me a very pretty pen. Kulay pink sya and very cute that's why I liked it so much. Turned out na yung sparkly thingies pala on the handle e swarovski tas galing pa pala to Paris.

Wala lang. Yung tao kasing nagbigay e muntik ko nang awayin nung unang panahon. Wala kasi akong tulog then and I felt like andami nyang hanash. Good thing someone else accommodated this person and it prevented me from transforming into Godzilla mode. Buti nalang di kami nagka rift. 

Moral lesson: wag masyadong dragon levels all the time. Dapat chill chill din. And don't judge people based on their worst moments. Tatandaan ko to.

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Very long day today. Gah! Wish me luck.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:03 AM.

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Naoto Altima
金曜日: July 5, 2019



Ang dami nangyayari, ni hindi ako nabigyan ng time to process and feel things.

Yesterday was my Lola's 40th day after her passing. I was on leave then to get some pre-emp reqts, pero hindi parin ako naka attend sa mini handaan. I needed to leave because I already accepted some club's invitation to be their GE.

Tapos today, one of our dogs, Rinda, died.

I just got home in Manda now. Ngayon lang nag sink in lahat ng sakit at lungkot. I'm sorry, Lola. I'm sorry, Rinda. T_T

---------

Quite a day today. I met with Directors, CEO and someone they call "Big Boss" all from a J-company. I was in a grand hotel. I met the Big Boss in his room, overlooking the city, had a meeting in a meeting room with spectacular view. It felt surreal.

I really can't call myself materialistic because I can put up with very little, but I admit, I love fine things. And boy, I love this place.

My client who sent me here is a business woman wanting to tie up with these Japanese businessmen. I seconded when a half-Japanese half-pinoy dude told her that it's best if she'll build rapport first and press with the details later. Too bad she didn't listen. See, J-peeps are very simple. Catch their heart, and they'll give you the world--their money included. She should've shown them that she cared first. I even demonstrated what she should do, e kaso she cut me and said, "mamaya na yan, pakita natin to."

When the meeting ended, at least mukha namang happy si CEO. He even went up to me and gave me his calling card. He asked for my name and thanked me. He didn't do the same to my client. Kahit dun isa pang chuuyaku.

Moral lesson: Love first and let everything else follow.

And also, naisip ko lang... kung malandi ako, tatawagan ko tong si Mr. CEO. He gave me his contact details, I might as well use it, right? Besides, having a Japanese CEO for a boyfriend doesn't sound so bad. I mean, why not?

Lol. Okay, I'm just daydreaming.

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Last day at work today. I emptied my locker earlier and put the padlock inside my bag. It didn't feel real, you know. Hindi pa nagsi-sink in. Iniisip ko nga, baka sa Monday makalimutan ko na resigned na ko at bigla akong pumasok dito.

Busy ako kanina that's why I didn't feel it. Pero ngayon, mejo nafi-feel ko na yung lungkot. I feel like I wasn't able to thank enough the people who helped me while I was here.

They actually asked me to stay until the end of the month. When I asked Sir P, hindi sya pumayag. I asked kahit 1 week, ayaw pa rin. 

Speaking of Sir P, nakakatuwa ang pagiging hands-on ng HR na to. If you'll check my call log, puro name nya. Even my mail inbox, majority ng message galing sa kanya. Siguro type ako neto. Haha.

Ewan ko. Mejo weird nga. Pero baka dahil lang din sa urgent din yung post. Besides, how can I complain? Cute cute kaya non.

I'll be submitting the reqts by Monday. I remember from a print posted near the reception of their office, nakasulat na sa may guard isa-submit yung reqts. Pero sabi ni Sir P, puntahan ko daw sya, may papa encode daw sya. Fishy. Siguro may gusto talaga sakin to. Hahaha. Cheret.

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Ano kayang klaseng company yung lilipatan ko? Sana maging maayos parin ang lahat.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:56 PM.

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K n K
火曜日: July 9, 2019



Last Saturday, I woke up officially unemployed.

Andaming naging aberya ng pre-employment reqts ko, kaya naman hindi ko nadama ang paglipas ng mga araw. Worked on getting everything done from Saturday to Monday, I swear my life was more hayahay back when I was still in my previous work. Lol.

Still, I managed to sneak an ad hoc meeting with my fellow officers on my schedule last night. I just got home this morning and went straight out on a movie date with family + titas - brother (he was at work).

I was actually looking forward to a couple of restful days or so, but I just got a call from Sir P informing me that tomorrow will be our contract signing and then I'll start by Friday. I still need to work on my clearance on Thurs, plus, the previous co is asking for my help for an ivr recording, so it looks like the rest of the week will be far from restful.

In a way, ok lang rin. At least I was able to spend this day with my loved ones, because today is Dad's birthday.

"Excited ka na ba sa new work mo?" Sir P asked when we saw eachother yesterday. I don't remember how I answered that, but I'm pretty sure I didn't say 'yes', because I wasn't.

I wonder if I am now though. Excitement ba to? Kaba? Idk. Basta ang alam ko lang, I want to stop feeling uncertain already.

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K: Tita, may crush ako--si Kurt.

Z: Paano mo nalaman na crush mo sya?

K: Kasi tinanong nya ko, "Kaitlyn, crush mo ba ko?"

Z: ano sabi mo?

K: "opo".

This was a convo with my 4 year old niece. Mukhang mauunahan pa ata akong magkajowa ng pamangkin ko. Lol.

Ang simple lang ng concept ng crush sa mga bata. Pag tinanong ka ng "crush mo ba ko?" They will just simply say yes or no. I don't know why it's a whole lot complicated for adults. Or is it just me?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:20 PM.

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Over
水曜日: July 10, 2019



Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggagaling ang malungkot na feeling na ito. Siguro dahil mag aalas dos na at ngayon palang ako kakain. Marahil dahil nalipasan na naman ako ng gutom o dahil ilang araw nalang at "red days" na.

Sa harap ko ay lasagna at yayamanin drink na nakuha ko ng libre sa sb. I love lasagna and I love yayamanin drinks. I don't know why I suddenly don't feel like eating.

Something feels wrong. Like I wasn't able to do something I should have. Ganun.

Naisip ko lang ang mga mini landians I engaged in these past few years. If only it all happened with the right person, siguro naka progress na kami into something stable by now.

Sabi sa nabasa ko, isa sa 7 needs ng tao ang uncertainty. Maybe it's true for the young and adventurous. Kasi at some point in our lives, we'll seek the thrill of the unknown naman talaga. But I think I already got past that. I want something sure and predictable for a change.

I was just informed that after the orientation on Friday, my sched for now will be 9AM-6PM, all good. A few weeks back, I overheard a convo where a girl told her other girl companion, "naku, pag nagna night shift pa naman, nabubuntis."

Though I'm perpetually "nene" and I think there's very little likelihood that that will happen to me, mejo nag panic parin ako ng konti. Surely, I do want to build my own family and have kids, but not that way. I don't judge people who've chosen differently, but for myself, I want to do it the conventional way. In a relationship muna, then engagement, then marriage, then kids--strictly in that order. Everyone in our family had it like that.

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Z: bale hindi ko na po kayo need hanapin sa Friday no?

P: Oo, hindi mo na ko kailangan.

...

Sigh. Bye, crushie. T_T

...

Wait, is this why you're feeling sad, Z?

Putek, ambabaw!



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Written by cinderellaareus at 02:16 PM.

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Day 1
金曜日: July 12, 2019



12nn-9pm. We had our orientation today, tas putek, alas siete palang antok na antok na ko. 

I thought of going home, pero box office ang pila sa fx, so I'm in Manda now. Dapat pala dumaan na ko sa prev co para matapos na. I'm yet to do the recording they're asking me to do.

Ok lang naman. Willing naman akong gawin yung recording. Ayoko lang pumunta dun ng gabi. Wala kasi akong kakilala sa mga night shift people. Tas yung taong pupuntahan ko pa e nakaupo sa pinaka kalagitnaan ng buong office.

Any introvert will understand kung gaano kalaking torture ang lumakad sa sea of strangers, not knowing what to do. Kaya eto, kahit hassle sakin, pagpipilitan ko talagang pumunta dun ng umaga. Sa Monday na. At least konti lang ang tao at lahat sila, kilala ko.

So back to my Day 1 at Company no.4... Wow! Naka apat na pala ko. When I was in co#1, I was worried at the thought na tumanda na ako dun at hindi ko man lang naranasan kung paano magtrabaho sa ibang kompanya. Oh, now look at me! Already on my 4th. Congratulations, Z!

Ok... I keep deviating from the topic. Back to my 1st day at work, well, ok naman. Halos puro kami babae sa orientation, so hindi masyadong masaya. Lol.

The highlight of the day was that I needed to sign again the contract kasi may mali. So I got to see Sir P again. Wash day ata nila today coz he was wearing t-shirt. I usually see him in a more formal getup. Cute parin naman. Mukhang bagong gupit yata sya. Ngayon ko nga lang napansin na kamukha nya pala si Mr. Chill.

Hindi ako visual na tao, I'm more auditory. Pero yung mga lalaking nagugustuhan ko physically, ganito ata yung common. Mejo dark (basta hindi maputi), tamang cute lang, simple hairstyle, parang laging nakangiti yung eyes, tas yung may distinct na way kung ngumiti. Ang cute ng taong yun pag ngumingiti sya.

Sana ganito yung mapang-asawa ko. Yung gwapo sa paningin ko. Kahit sa paningin ko lang. Ako naman titingin e. Haha.

I was the only new hire from our acct. And every time the hr mentioned my name, she went like, "ah yung Japanese. Yung kay Paolo." And the whole time I was like, "so I'm Paolo's now?"

Pinakikilig ang sarili. Shet, ang highschool. Lol.

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Sa Monday I'll meet the people from my acct. I don't really have any expectations whatsoever. Pero sana lang, makasundo ko sila. Or if the Heavens will be a little more generous, maybe He can also help me be good friends with them. Maybe I can get to see this acct as my second home. Maybe I can stay here for good. Well again, wala naman akong expectations. But my hopes are high.

Sana maging maayos ang lahat.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:33 PM.

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Sorosoro kaishi
金曜日: July 14, 2019



Feels like a jobless weekday today. My brother's out to pick my niece from Cavite, it took me some time to realize that, 'wait, today is Sunday!' and 'no, you're no longer jobless'.

I don't feel so high and happy today. No particular reason. I just don't. Maybe that's okay.

Natuwa ako sa napanood ko sa Sacred Sky. The seer said something like, "it's true that it is in darkness that we can create and become creative, but you have to realize that you don't have to stay there. YOU CAN ALSO CREATE IN THE LIGHT. And there's clarity the light can provide that the darkness couldn't."

It took me some time, and I've faught so many battles. But now I can feel like I'm no longer drawn to the darkness and it's such a relief. I don't know if one can really continue to be an artist even after leaving the darkness. But if not, then so be it. I don't really mind being normal. I think 'average' is underrated. All fine.

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At the orientation a few days back, I felt like I'm walking on eggshells at first. I wanted so much to blend in that I found myself downplaying everything abt myself just so people woundn't feel uncomfortable around me. I heard their story. I know we're different. But then I realized, "bakit?"

I think we shouldn't underestimate other people's ability to accept those who are different from them. I know this stems from my own difficulty in relating to those who are different from me. Siguro kailangan mo rin lang talagang subukan.

So I told them I'd be working as a j-bilingual. They had the idea right off about the possible pay. Of course, I didn't tell them. They said, "shala ka pala", so sabi ko, "hindi rin." In the end, ok naman. Sinabi ko rin na wala nga akong ipon, which is true. Baka nga better pa sila sakin on that department.

When they asked, I also told them I was an engineer doing bridge projects in Japan. Some of them gasped, but it didn't make them treat me like an alien afterwards. Siguro nga hindi talaga dapat natin i-underestimate ang kakayahan ng mga tao sa pagtanggap.

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I'll be meeting the account on Monday. Hindi naman kasi talaga ako masyadong friendly and it's making me a little anxious. I want all of us to be in good terms at the very least, pero ideally, sana maging friends ko sila. And I know friendship don't just happen... or does it?

Sh*t, I'm probably just being my control freak self again.

During the orientation, marami na kagad bagay akong na miss sa dati kong company. Una sa lahat, yung bidet. Kasi putek, red days ko kaya, hindi ba necessity naman talaga ang bidet?

Nung nag talk yung head ng facilities, I brought out the need for bidet. I felt like it raised the eyebrows of some people there and someone asked me, "wala naman talagang bidet normally, di ba?" It puzzled me because lahat ng pinanggalingan kong company may bidet. First world problem. I know right. But I don't plan to give it a rest hangga't hindi naglalagay ng bidet ang facilities. Hindi naman kailangan na sa lahat ng cubicle e. Kahit isa lang per floor. Ang mura mura lang nun e.

And I also miss the free wifi. Sabi ng kapatid ko, hindi naman daw talaga normal na may free wifi, and I was like, "bakit?"

Pero gets ko. Siguro dapat i-tone daw din ang kaartehan, dahil, hello, kapapasok ko lang dito.

When I started in my previous co, wala rin naman  bidet at wifi. So nung nagkaroon ng pa survey, I asked for bidet. I also asked for a full-length mirror sa cr. Both were provided a few days later. No, I didn't ask for free wifi. Maybe they're just feeling generous.

In fairness sa co na to, at least meron silang gym. Sana naman maglagay na rin sila ng bidet.

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Sighs. Ang gloomy ng araw na ito. Baka kailangan ko lang maligo. Nakakatamad. -_-



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:48 AM.

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Day 2
月曜日: July 15, 2019



Because I slept my Sunday away, hindi na ko nakatulog kagabi. Day 2 is a day when I'm supposed to observe. There's nothing to observe though. Walang magawa. Antok na antok na ko. Wala rin naman ginagawa sa dati kong trabaho, pero at least, pwede matulog.

Ansakit ng paa ko. Bakit ba ko nag high heels?

Sabi nila 1 month pa daw yung ganito. Walang ginagawa. I thought this is an urgent position.

Uwing uwi na ko. T_T



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:23 AM.

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Onna Otoko
月曜日: July 15, 2019



Trying to pass time. Alas sais pa out ko. Sabi ng trainor after 30 minutes lecture, bukas nalang daw iba. Namemorize ko na ang mga nakasulat sa dingding. Wala pa kong pc login I have no way of pretending to be busy. Pwede kaya matulog muna?

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Brother and I was having a convo abt men. He said na ang gusto daw ng mga lalaki e yung mejo boyish. Ayaw daw ng mga lalaki yung maarte at matagal mag-ayos. Ayaw din daw nila yung matagal mag shopping. He even joked na nagoyo lang daw sya ng asawa nya.

Iniisip ko lang... may babae bang hindi maarte, mabilis mag-ayos at mabilis mag shopping? Feeling ko kasi, kung lalaki ka, at ganito ang hanap mo, mas mainam siguro na humanap ka na nalang ng isa pang lalaki. Lol.

I got the same thinking though.

Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit pag nagsama sama ang mga lalaki, para silang kitikiti. Pwede naman lumakad ng maayos, may pa sirko sirko pa. Kailangan ba talaga nilang maging laging magulo?

Ngayon, naiintindihan ko na kung bakit ang dami sa mga lalaking nagustuhan ko noon ang bading. Mas pino kasi silang kumilos at hindi yung lundag ng lundag. Lol.

Pero sa totoo lang, gusto ko parin ang mga lalaki.

Iniisip ko lang, paano kaya matagumpay na nare-reconcile ng mga mag-asawa or mag jowa ang mga ganitong differences.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:41 PM.

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Day 3
火曜日: July 16, 2019



I got back the office after a bio break and found people gathering near my temporary seat, solving some helpdesk problem. It looked simple to me, but I shut my mouth. Of course, I could be wrong.

Feeling ko, well, feeling ko lang naman, Nua*ce people can solve most of the work issues here even with their eyes closed. Again, feeling ko lang naman.

... mejo nalulungkot na ko...



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:30 PM.

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I love you 300000 and 1
火曜日: July 16, 2019



Dear Lord,

Pag napang-asawa ko po si Mr. Chill, magdo donate po ako ng 300000 sa simbahan...

So, Lord... baka naman...

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Kung ipapakita ko ang picture nya sa friends ko, alam kong wala sa kanila ang magsasabi ng "gwapo", pero para sakin, gwapo sya.

Ang laki ng tinaba nya mula ng una kaming nagkakilala. Quits lang, ako rin naman. At gusto ko parin naman sya.

Loko loko lang talaga yung lalaking yun. Ayoko talaga sa lalaking makulit. Gusto ko kasi yung graceful and dignified. Pero iba kasi si Mr. Chill.

Wala akong masabi sa bait ng taong iyon. Sa dami ng lalaking nakilala ko, sya lang yung nakita kong ganun. Sabi nila wala naman daw perfect, pero para sakin, perfect na sya.

Years ago, hiningi ko narin sya sa Langit. Ayun, "hindi" ang isinagot sakin. Or was it "hindi muna"? 

Well, malalaman natin.

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There were a few people na may sakit sa office. With my swollen tonsils, feeling ko magkakasakit na rin ata ako.

I already confirmed my attendance for our meeting this Friday. My attention this week was so focused on my new work that I sometimes forgot that Toastmasters exists and that I belong there. 

This Sunday will be my brother's birthday. We will celebrate on Saturday. Brother will treat us on a buffet meal and he also invited some of our tita's.

Umaga na ko makakauwi ng Saturday. Ang daming nagaganap sa Earth.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:31 PM.

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Smooth
水曜日: July 17, 2019



So the trainer told me that her Citrix is not working so she'll have another agent train me instead.

As the training progressed, the agent said, "actually, ako yung nag presintang i-train ka. Bakit? Kasi, gusto ko lang."

This sounded so damn familiar. Nilalandi ba ko neto?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:14 PM.

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Friday
金曜日: July 19, 2019



Ang busy ng buhay. I no longer chew my food. I just swallow it right away. Lol.

1 hr lunch is not enough to answer chat and messages outside work. I felt Mom's disappointment when I told her I'm not going home tonight. On Sunday, it's my brother's birthday.

.....

Oh wait, here's my food. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:23 PM.

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Random Sunday Thoughts
日曜日: July 21, 2019



I want to have an afternoon tea, British style, like a royalty.

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Packing my stuff as I'll be going back to Mandaluyong by the evening. 

Most of the time, I feel like I have very little time for everything, yet I just spent an hour watching random Youtube videos about social graces.

My bag is often a mess. Also my room, but I really love seeing things in perfect order. It's just so nice watching people displaying manners like a royalty. Gusto kong pumunta ng England.

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I'm starting to feel that walang-gana feeling again. Gusto kong ipagdamot ang oras ko sa mga bagay na masyadong demanding sa oras kahit hindi naman talaga sila mahalaga. Or at least hindi ganun kahalaga.

I'm now employed. Well, 1 week lang naman ang itinagal ng unemployment ko. It's just that, this work is so much different from the one I've had for the last 6 years. This might take some getting used to. Bukod pa don, wala pa rin akong login credentials, so wala rin akong pc. I can't really check emails and messages as often as I used to.

Tinatamad na ko. I think extracurricular activities are called EXTRAcurricular for a reason. Hindi siguro logical na yun pa yung kumakain ng pinakamaraming oras mo. 

I wonder if I should just strip myself off of all these burdensome tasks and focus on things that I truly care about.

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Sabi ng most tenured j-agent in this co, he trained for 2-weeks daw before going live. Tomorrow starts my 2nd training week so I'm preparing myself emotionally for the posibility that real work will start by the ffg week. 

I'm yet to talk to Meguri to teach me the right call spiel. Takte kasi, ang daming ganap. Nahihiya naman akong i-text sya ng weekend kahit na alam kong mag re-reply naman yun. Pero the fact that I have a person to consult and ask for help to, and a very competent one at that, I know I'm more than blessed.

I'm planning to attend J-classes by August. Sana makahanap ako ng native Japanese na sensei. Kasi kung wala, I might need to contact my first Japanese sensei and ask her to teach me. She's probably old by now. 

---------

I'm actually feeling kinda happy these days.

But today, I just want some peace.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:37 AM.

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Blessings and blessed
木曜日: July 25, 2019



I told Meguri that I need help for the speils I need in my new work and he scheduled to meetup right away. Kung ililista ko ang mga blessings ko sa buhay, itong taong to ang isa sa mga mangunguna sa listahan ko.

I told him ililibre ko sa bilang inabala ko sya, pero ayun, ayaw nya talaga. It's kinda making me sad. More for him, really. He always gives, but he's not comfortable to receive. Bakit kaya sya ganun?

I also met up with my friend, Mel. Isa pa tong taong to. Sobrang bait, sobrang generous, sobrang caring... pero hindi comfortable once ikaw na yung mag re return ng favor.

Hindi ko maintindihan. Bakit kaya sila ganito?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:44 AM.

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Dear Z
木曜日: July 25, 2019



July 25, 2019. Tomorrow will mark your 2nd week at work. How are things going?

Know what, Zah, it's either you dwell on the good, or you dwell on the bad. The choice is yours. Ano gusto mo?

You are being trained by Per*y now. Bilang presence naman talaga ang madalas mong reason kung bakit nagugustuhan ang isang tao, admittedly, you see Per*y, don't you?

Pero siguro this was before what happened yesterday.

Sande*p, the acct manager, brought cake and ice cream for July celebrant. October ang bday mo pero someone from the office told you to join and you did.

A W K W A R D.

Naawa ka sa manager nyong Indian kasi he brought cake and ice cream and invited people to eat with him pero all of you just awkwardly ate there tas wala man lang kumakausap sa kanya. 

So what did this has to do with Per*y? Because he also just stood there awkwardly, not talking. And you thought him to be a whole lot more confident than that. Ambabaw no?

Then there's PK. Do you remember what he said to you? We won't write it here, but it has to do with **. If you had been your younger self, mao-offend ka dun. But you chose not to. And you feel like it paid off. Ok kausap si PK no? He kind of reminds you about Sir Fr*d. Crush mo yun dati, di ba?

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Z, you ought to read the 48 laws of power, kasi may sablay ka. You shouldn't have told Charl*e about "mairimasu". It's probably not wise to send them Meguri's translations either. They might feel corrected. Paano ka kaya makakabawi?

Putek, ito na naman. You're walking on eggshells again. Can we just chill?

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Nag-usap kayo ni Mel kahapon and you felt like what she said made sense. For a change, let's give this whole love life thing a rest.

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2 weeks. You can't really expect things to be perfect the first time, right? I wonder how was it back in co no.3. Siguro hindi naman yun sa kung paano ka nagsimula, kundi sa kung paano mo nagawang i-sustain ang lahat for a long time. 

Whatever happens, let's do our best.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:34 PM.

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Sunday
日曜日: July 28, 2019



I woke up wondering how the eff can I possibly finish the things I'm supposed to do. Ambusy ko e. Pero so far, all I did since I woke up this morning e kumain, makipaglaro sa aso, mang asar ng pamangkin, mag browse sa fb and chat with friends. Jeez, I'm so productive.

Bff flew here from Malaysia to celebrate her mom's bday. Buntis na yon, nagawa pang mag travel. Lol. She's flying back to Malaysia today at 2pm. She asked me to join their party last night, I told her andami kong ginagawa. Ano nga ulet ang nagawa ko kahapon?

Hindi ako masyadong friendly even back when I was young. Iniisip ko kung paano nga ulet nag land sa buhay ko ang taong to? We've been friends for decades. God has been good. Hindi Nya nga ako binigyan ng magandang love life, binigyan nya naman ako ng mabubuting kaibigan. Heavens, please give my bff and that little muffin growing inside her belly a super safe flight.

------

Meeting Ice on Friday. Naalala ko na sa Aug 15 pa daw ang sahod ko at wala pa nga pala akong pera. Ahahaha.

Tumawa nalang tayo. Lol.

------

Physically, I like Mr. Chill's facial features. Simple lang. Hindi flashy, pero pleasant on the eyes. Para sakin ang cute cute nya. Attitude-wise, perfect sya for me. Chill lang. Tamang mabait, sobrang makulit, never ko sya nakitaan ng bad vibes. Yung nag excel sakin about him e yung kindness na nakita ko sa kanya. Loloko loko lang yun, pero alam mong mabuti syang tao.

Si Z naman, well, type ko talaga sya physically. Nice eyes, full-of-character facial expression, tas outstandingly malandi. Talaga namang mahirap i-resist yung mga flirt, di ba? I think a lot of women will agree. Hindi ako sure kung mabait ba sya. Honestly, parang hindi. Lol. But we all know kung anong catch kay Z.

Hindi ko alam. Siguro totoong ang mga pangarap e dapat na tinutupad. Pero siguro, sa matters na gaya nito, hindi naman talaga kailangan na lahat ng gusto mo nakukuha mo. Iniisip ko nga rin if gusto ko ba talaga makuha... well, I do... pero... really? now?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:14 PM.

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Daijoubu ka na
月曜日: July 29, 2019



May mga taong ayaw sayo. May mga tao rin na hindi mo gusto. Kaya siguro, quits lang.

Pero sa buhay, natutunan kong minsan ay dapat na binibigyan ng panahon ang mga bagay bagay. When I first met bff, I didn't like her, you know. Same is true for most of the people closest to me now. Siguro dapat na hinahayaang mag bloom ang mga bagay bagay. Relationship takes time. And first impression lasts shorter than what people led you to be believe. Ok lang yan. 

------

3rd week na ng training. Absent si Per*y so I just killed my time on some pc there that I can't really explore so much dahil ang tindi ng security dito sa co#4. Nag review nalang ako ng Japanese. The more na tumatagal ang training, the more akong kinakabahan. Hayst... tatagal kaya ako dito? At saan naman ako pupunta kung hindi? Ewan ko. Tama ba na pumunta ko dito?

I'm still getting calls from other companies. Part of me is wondering if it's wise to turn them down right away. Baka makahanap pa ko ng morning shift lang. Keri na kahit hindi kasing laki yung sahod. I don't hate this co though.

Hayst... kaya ko ba to? Sana makaya ko to.



* * * * * * * * *



Written by cinderellaareus at 07:37 PM.

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Yotsu
水曜日: July 31, 2019



TL: Ok lang ba, shift mo sa Friday, 3pm-12am?

Z: Pwede po ba humindi?

TL: Ah... hindi e.

Ano kaya yun, tinanong pa ko. Lol.

Today marks the 13th day since I met the people in my account. I don't know what could happen in the future, pero right here, right now, thankful ako sa mga taong nasa paligid ko, especially kina Per*y at PK. They treat me well and things are so much more fun and easy with them around. Again, wala namang nakakaalam sa mangyayari sa future, but sana, at the very least, maging friends ko sila. PK is planning to leave though as his family is transferring to Cavite. This saddens me, pero ano namang magagawa ko?

Different shift na ko next week. Sabi ni Boss, baka daw 10am-7pm. Baka. Di pa sure. Tsaka need ko rin daw mag night shift kahit a few days lang. Ok lang naman. Yun nga lang, wala akong kakilala sa night shift. The past 13 days, sila Per*y at PK lang naman ang madalas kong nakakausap aside from the j-speaking peeps. Anong klaseng tao kaya ang mga nasa night shift? Sa totoo lang, I'm not really thrilled about this.

Ang higpit parin dito sa co #4. Kinakabahan ako. Sa ngayon, ayoko muna mawalan ng trabaho.

Sabi ni Boss, the other 3 j-speaking new hires e galing sa same company. Magkakasama daw sila. N1. Yung iba half-j's. Eh N3 lang ako.

Know what, in company no.3, they used to call us j-speakers, "the untouchables". Because, normal employees who break rules can get terminated right away, but those rules were not applicable to us. Hindi nila kami basta basta mate-terminate bilang mahirap humanap ng kapalit. That's why they always tolerated our ways.

Kaya naman mejo nahihirapan akong mag adjust. Strictly 1 hr lunch break, tas dalawang 15 minutes break, feeling ko kulang na kulang sakin ang mga breaks dito. Not really complaining though.

Alam ko rin kasing hindi ako bibigyan ng special treatment dito lalo na't marami kami and I'm sure they can easily find a replacement in case I leave. This company pays well. I wonder how much are they paying the N1 people. Based sa job ad, ceiling na yung sakin. Pero imposible naman na same sakin ang ibabayad nila sa N1. Idk.

Wait, why should it matter?

-------

May bagay akong gustong matutunan. Yung kung paano maging independent ang happiness ko sa kung paano ako i-treat ng mga taong nasa paligid ko. Parang ngayon, masaya ko dahil mababait ang mga taong nasa paligid ko... e pano kung hindi na?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:12 PM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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私の名前はZです。

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