Entries for April, 2018



Asdfghjkl
Monday: April 2, 2018



When I was in college, feeling ko ang pinakapainful parts ata ng college life ko e yung bigayan ng class cards. Madalas kasi square root lang naman ng klase yung pumapasa, at dahil most of the subjects e prerequisite ng next, ibig sabihin, pag may bumagsak sa classmate ko, hindi mo na sila magiging classmates sa mga future subjects nyo.

Kung may isang bagay na hindi ako magaling, yun e seeing people go.

Club renewals over and the nomination for the next officers just started. On the same time of the year last year, naalala ko na mejo excited ako. Pero ngayon.... Feeling ko, bigayan ng classcard.

Regardless of what's right and what's wrong, i still feel like we ousted a family member and this is really breaking my heart. But what's there to do?

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A lot of things hurting me lately. Naalala ko lang yung isa sa mga principles ng Stoicism na "amor fati"... " love the life that you were given". 

Kung iisipin ko, sa tingin ko, I love my life naman. Siguro sadyang nalulungkot lang talaga ko.

Naalala ko kasi yung mga bagay na hiniling ko pero hindi binigay ng langit. Kung tutuusin, mas marami naman sa mga dasal ko yung dininig kesa sa hindi. Hindi ko alam kung baket ba ang emo emo ko ngayon. Kakatapos lang ng red days ko kaya sigurado akong hindi to pms.

Pero siguro dapat lang na finefeel ang feelings.

Lord, I'm hurting. Nakalimutan po ata akong balikan ng mga assistants mo dyan sa langit.

Hello, Lord...

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Watched "ready player one" today and i liked it so much that I'm worried i won't be able to like the movie we'll be watching tomorrow because today's movie had set the bar high.

Ang ganda ang ready player one. Panoorin nyo!

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Some days, i feel like maybe i really want to be with you.

Some days, i feel like we aren't really going anywhere.

Then most days, i feel like maybe I'm really better off alone.

...

Bakit ang complicated ng buhay pag may taong involved?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:56 PM.

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Four
Tuesday: April 3, 2018



916. It's been a long day. I'm kinda feeling sad, i need to write.

Will be back to the cage tomorrow. My problems in and out of the cage probably didn't get fixed on their own, so I will have to face them all again tomorrow.

Ano bang gagawin ko?

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A few months since i became a member, i was elected to be an officer right away. Been an officer since. In 2 years I've only experience being an ordinary member for a few mos that I'm not so sure if i remember how it would be like.

I told the people closest to me sa club that i don't want to run na. I think they understand. 

A few more meetings and im handling over my vpe position. Sa totoo lang, petix sa office so in a way, i found delight na at least, sa club, meron akong ginagawa. Without my position, I'm probably going back to being perpetually petix again.

Mejo nakakalungkot din. 

Pero sana with this, totoong magamit ko ung extra time ko to fix my life.

August ang target ko. Lord knows how much I want to free myself. Araw araw ko talagang kukulitin ang langit para dito.

Sighs...

Parang ang corni maging ordinary member ulet. Tsaka sigurado akong sasama ang loob ko pag hindi nila ko inonominate at iboboto even thou i practically asked them not to. Ang labo ko di ba?/lol.

...

August...

Sighs...

Oh, God, please....



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:47 PM.

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11:20 thoughts
Tuesday: April 3, 2018



Inaantok na ko kaya mabilis lang to.

Nagpagupit si Heneral ng mega ikli. Dahil super idol ko yun, parang gusto ko na tuloy magpagupit. Kaso yung crush ko mahilig sa mahaba buhok. Char.

Ang galing ni Heneral. Sobrang brilliant nya. Pero bukod sa galing nya, hat's off din ako sa pagkatao nya. 

Yung mga taong nilu lookup daw naten ang clue sa kung anong bagay tayo talagang passionate.

Sa totoo lang, i feel like life, or just parts of it, is falling apart. Siguro kaya hindi ko maayos yung mga magulo kasi inaayos ko sya from the outside instead from the inside.

Kailangan naming mag heart to heart talk ang sarili ko.

Now, I'm hopeful.

Please, pray for me.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:30 PM.

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against the current
Thursday: April 5, 2018



its feels like swimming upstream.

or maybe climbing up a mountain, fighting gravity.

well, not that ive tried any of these.

jay told me she doesnt want to hear what the boy has to say na. she's probably fed up and i understand. i told her though that she has to be there because we need her. i know im too soft for these sheeesh.

sometimes i wish there's someone among us who will agree with me so that i wont feel so abnormal. lol.

sabi kasi nila pag may masakit daw ibig sabihin may mali. since masakit, ibig sabihin siguro mali. well, hindi ko naman talaga alam.

i will negotiate for another chance for the boy, even if i too think that he's an as*hole. im doing this not because he deserve this but because... i dont know. this is what feels right for me.

they may not listen, but i want to at least try.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:54 PM.

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夢じゃない
Friday: April 6, 2018



a set of gold measuring spoon.

a hooded bath towel in watermelon print.

airport.

rain.

leopard figurines.

you.

me.

them.

my heart sank and is still sinking, i can barely eat.

sabi daw ni anthony robins, may power daw ang tao na baguhin ang sarili nyang state.

well, let's try...

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results of the nomination came. i wasnt on the list. i thought im going to feel relieved. well, maybe not yet. but im pretty sure my mother will be very happy.

jer seems panicky. i told him to relax. funny, he's talking to me about this when i told him bluntly that i wont vote for him as the president.

he told me, "dapat ikaw to e." i told him "if its meant for me it will never miss me. kaya wala ko dyan kasi hindi para saken yan." after sending, i just realized im probably wrong.

whatevs. this is so boring.

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rereading oliver emberton's blog.

ive been at the edge for some time, i didnt know it will take me this long to get myself out of here.

pero siguro, i cant expect my life to really change if i will just do the same things that ive been doing all these years. clearly, they arent working.

the first (and only) time that i heard God speak, what he said was "I did not give you fear."

iniisip ko kung fear ba yung nararamdaman ko or something else.

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i was 7 when i learned one of the most important lessons ive learned in my life.

today, i was reminded of the same lesson and more.

its bad enough that you dont ask for what you want, but that's a whole lot acceptable than acting like you dont really want it.

what you think, what you say and what you do should be in line with eachother.

i want to engrave these words in my heart just so i will never forget again.

-----------

i feel like my state had gotten even worse after trying. : (

feeling ko lahat ng part ng buhay ko ngayon, hindi ok.

...

z, please dont cry.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:26 PM.

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No to "ok lang"
Saturday: April 7, 2018



I was feeling so bad yesterday that i visited the chap twice and lighted 4 candles.

Everytime i ask something from the Heavens, I often say "ok lang po kung hindi mo ibigay, basta..." Kahit na most of the time, hindi naman talaga ok. Siguro may part saken na ayaw pangunahan ang Langit, but I think maybe the Father would rather have my honesty.

Lord, hindi po ok kung mawawala sya saken at mapupunta sya sa iba, so please don't make it happen.

There. Said it.

------

TM night yesterday. I was hoping to have a drink with the girls to at least flush off the bad feelings. Good thing, i didn't have to ask because bea invited and said it's her treat. We drank and ate at Nommu and Doc Trina was even with us. Nakakatuwa. I love these people.

The only thing that makes me sad about not being an officer anymore is that i wont be able to have an excuse to hang out with them, but then maybe that doesn't have to happen because I'm still a member and they're still my friends. Di ba? I think I'm starting to find that relieved feeling i was hoping to feel before.

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"Z**, hindi nga, may gusto sayo si ***"

"Pano pag ligawan ka ni ***, Z?"

The boy and i had been talking. He reports what's happening to his life and his plans, and I do the same. If he doesn't stand a chance, he should've been rejected a long time ago. But to date, he had never received a single rejection from me. The guy's smart. I'm pretty sure he gets that. If he really likes me, he should've told me already.

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I received an invitation to be a guest speaker in some university. My intestines were screeming "No!" But my fingers typed, "Sure. Please send me the details."

I didn't do so well the last time I became a guest speaker in this other University, that I don't really feel confident that I'll be able to pull it off this time. Still, I want to give it a try para no regrets. Sabi ni Jay, she'll help me day. I love that girl so much, I'm really happy. Still, I just wish the she could just lend me her public speaking skills even just for a day because this whole idea is making my stomach churn already.

------

I feel a whole lot better now but I don't understand why I still can't eat.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:22 AM.

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Patatas
Saturday: April 7, 2018



Mom bought me a swivel chair from a junk shop a few days back. After having it cleaned, they put it inside my room. I hate seeing my miniscule room this crammed up, but I really love how comfy the chair is so i cant really get rid of it. Besides, Mom bought it for me.

Today, i spent most of my day sitting on the said chair yawning. A real patatas through and through.

Because of the drinking shesh with the girls plus gabby and ivan fri night that lasted until 2am, it was almost 4 when i got home and was able to sleep past 5. By 9am, the sun was all up and it's too bright so i wasn't able to sleep any longer. Feeling ko umandar lang ang araw ko today nang half asleep ako.

It's Lola's birthday today. She just turned 92. She changed so much from the last time that i remember her. She just lives next to us, but it's been a long while since i last visited her. She doesn't seem to recognize me and my brother. I'm not even sure if she can still speak at all. I wonder how people as old as Lola feels. Dumadating din siguro sa tao yung point na they're too old to even feel no? Well, i dont know.

Sana kung umabot man ako sa twilight days ko, sana by then, nakapag ipon na ko ng magagandang memories na pwede kong balikan. At siguro maraming pera na rin to live decently. Sana by then hindi ako nag-iisa. Jeez, feeling ko kailangan ko nga talaga mag-asawa.

--------

Will be meeting people from the club again tomorrow. Probably my last execom. I wonder how it would be like to be an ordinary member. Sana hindi masyadong nakakalungkot ang mga changes. Sana magkaron din ako ng courage and sipag to use the extra time i have to work on my goals and dreams. Sa totoo lang, minsan feeling ko hindi naman fear ang kalaban ko kundi laziness.

Parang ngayon,

Inaantok na ko, pero tinatamad akong matulog.

Very good.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:44 PM.

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Timelines and type
Sunday: April 9, 2018



I just realized, we probably are in a totally different time line.

I'm starting to think that maybe I'm targeting the wrong guy. I'm so done with waiting for people to be ready.

Ayoko na nga...

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Para sa babaeng tulad ko na hindi marunong magluto, 100x na nakakagwapo talaga sa guy if he can cook.

Pag marunong pang mag bake, ay, 200x na yun!

E kaso sigurado akong hindi nya ko type...

Kaya yun, back to zero.

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1244. Technically Monday na. Need to wake up 330 because i have work. Putek, i cant sleep. T_T

I got the formal invitation from the University who invited me to become their resource speaker. 45 mins yung allotted time. The last time I did was only 15mins. Gumawa nalang kaya ako ng intermission number para maubos agad ang oras ko?

Pero imbis na iniisip ko kung gano kahirap to, iisipin ko nalang on how brilliant and talented i am because the Heavens made me that way. There is no way I can't do this superbly. Galing ko kaya! Whew!

Fake it till you make it. Kaya ko to!



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:53 AM.

5 comments





853
Wednesday: April 11, 2018



Mixed emotions ang araw na to. Parang thriller/horror movie na may nakaka heart attack na SFX.

There was an integrity roadshow this morning. We had a discussion about integrity related rules, sites we're not allowed to visit (which is practically every single website in existence), and so on. They'll do random inspections daw from tims to time. Ang hirap na tuloy mag Facebook in peace. Tas the CEO from America is here for a week too and will randomly visit accounts unannounced. These are making me jumpy everytime the door beeps. Suspense, pare.

Pero ok lang naman. Mas bet ko yung suspense kesa sa drama.

May isang crab na nagmessage sa business ko in fb earlier. Nakakapikon, gusto ko patulan kaso tinatamad ako. Feeling ko hindi rin naman worth it. I just used my seducing prowess to tame her grudge just to be sure she won't cause me problems in the future. Wala rin kasi akong energy talaga to engage in a fight na hindi rin naman magiging profitable saken in the first place.

Then, the boy sent me a message too. Now I'm getting how Gabby and LA felt. This is starting to get exhausting. I'm thinking whether to tell the officers about the convo or not, pero alam ko, pagod na rin sila. This whole issue is getting old. I think we all want to move on na.

------- 

Another suspense (but a good one : >.

My favorite world champ is coming to ph for the Discon on 2019. I cant let this pass so I guess I'll be going to Cebu April next year. I hope I won't be needing to sell a few of my stocks para lang rito. 50% excited na ko!!!! Siguro yung other 50% , saka na pag nakabayad na ko. Ang main concern ko talaga e yung problematic kong digestive system. Sana magaganda at maayos sa CR sa Cebu. 

Iniisip ko rin.... Well, iniisip ko lang naman... Ang saya siguro if kasama ako sa district contestants sa Discon. Even better kung ako yung mag cha champion. Wala lang, para astig. Pampam kay idol. Haha. Pero srsly, namimiss ko naring manalo.

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Now the comedy part.

May guest kami last fri na niloloko naming admirer ni Jay kasi nag message sa kanya telling her na ang galing nya sa public speaking. Tas pinupusuan pa mga posts nya. The following day, the same guest added me in FB, sent me a message, and we had this convo.

I like this kiddo. May taste sya.

Cheret.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:55 PM.

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行け~
Thursday: April 12, 2018



A lot of things to do. I'm just happy it's Friday tomorrow. 

Activities were already plotted for the weekend,  I had to bail out for the ones that landed on Sunday because I really want to have at least a day of rest. Sana magbunga lahat ng pagpupunyagi for whatever "pagpupunyagi" means. 

A lot of things making me sad today but I don't even have the energy to mourn.

Lol. This is lame. 

Know what, though my friends and I have a lot of things in common, we're just worlds apart when it comes to the way we deal with the matters of the heart. 

I remember when the guy B was dating suddenly stopped seeing her. She wanted to know why because she doesn't want to go on wondering. Maybe because B is a strong woman who can handle the truth. I'm just totally different. 

If you no longer want me, then just go. Don't drop hints. Don't bother to explain. I wouldn't want to know why anyway. It's bad enough that you came only to break my heart. At least have the decency to leave me with my pride intact. 

...

Ilang frogs pa ba bago dumating yung prince?

Pagod na ko, Universe.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:14 PM.

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IMY
Sunday: April 15, 2018



"***, hindi mo na ko pinapansin...."

Countless missed calls and "seen" messages that's been going for almost a year, I wonder when will he stop...

On most days, I feel sorry. But for someone who's hurting because the person she cares about no longer cares for her, i kinda found comfort at the thought na, 'well, at least quits lang.' 

Namimiss lang kita.

I can invent ways and find excuses to talk to you, but that I won't do. The door had always been open from the start. I never had the intention to lock you up. YOU. ARE. FREE.

And i like you better that way. I just miss you.

I don't really need you in my life. I've been fine on my own and there's no way that anyone's absence could break me.

I just miss you. Though I don't need you in my life, I think it would be nice if you can just stay. I miss you.

And I wish you will end finding someone who can bring you more peace...

And thank you for dropping by.

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In my supposed restful Sunday, my parents left for Tito Leo's birthday. With my brother out attending the mass with his family, I was left home alone to man the house, feed the dog and serve customers of our tiny sari sari store.

By the afternoon, I went out to meet a customer for this business that i started.

Sa paunti unting effort na ineexert ko, feeling ko walang nangyayari saken, pero sadyang isang araw pala, magugulat ka nalang na naipon na pala yung paunti unting changes na naging malaking change na bumago na pala sa buhay at pagkatao mo.

Mahiyain kasi akong tao. Pero kanina ko lang na pansin na I am now more comfortable in talking with people. And kaya ko naring mag sales talk! Sa tingin ko, ang best sales strategy is to genuinely care for the customers, because when you feel it in your heart, it will be reflected in your voice, words and actions, and the customers will feel it. Nakakatuwa lang.

Today, I became an inch nearer to my goal. Ang liit na progress, hindi mo nga siguro masyadong madadama. Pero pasasaan ba at mag-aaccumulate ang bawat inch na to para maging meters and miles hanggang siguro magugulat nalang ako na narating ko na pala yung gusto kong puntahan. Sana patuloy parin akong tulungan ng langit.

-------

Minsan may doubts.

Minsan may kaba.

Minsan rin, masasaktan ka. Madi-disappoint. Mapapagod.

Pero kahit ganun, sa tingin ko, maganda pa rin naman ang buhay.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:39 PM.

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Ashes and Rise
: April 17, 2018



Inaantok na ko so mabilis lang to.

May post yung fb friend ko na parang excerpt from an interview ata ng entrep na may-ari ata ng Phoenix.

Mahaba, maraming typo. Pero binasa ko hanggang dulo.

Isa lang talaga ang gusto ko sa ngayon...

Ay wait, dalawa pala.

Pero basta, yung isa, puteeek, gusto ko na isugal lahat para makuha ko na.

Nung isang araw, bumili ako ng Toni Robbins book kahit mahal at nagtitipid talaga ko. Alam ko kasi madalas sya magtalk about taking massive action. Feeling ko yun yung kailangan ko dahil I'm so done with baby steps na. Araw araw, sinisugurado kong meron akong ginagawa. Hindi na nga ko nanonood ng kdrama.

Sa totoo lang hindi naman talaga big deal. Pero kasi ang choice ko nalang e to do this or kill myself. So it's a given that I'd do this, right?

Ay, puteek, kinain ako bigla ng lungkot. Lol.

-------

Was talking to neri earlier. She told me, she now have a boyfriend. A few days ago, she was heartbroken, I'm just glad that in the end, everything turned in her favor. As expected from neri, she told me i also have to find my own na. I told her i will, but I'm focusing on something else right now. She didn't buy it. Pag kausap ko yung batang yun, pakiramdam ko life and death matter ang paghahanap ng mapapang asawa. Haha. But i love neri. Loka loka yun, kerengkeng, but she's a beautiful woman inside as much as she is outside. At swerte ng jowa nya because she is a good woman too. I asked her if they kissed na and she said no. Sa wedding lang daw sya magpapakiss. Mama Mary levels. Lol. But I'm proud of that girl. Sana matinong lalaki ang nabingwit nya this time.

So sa love life ko, anong bang gagawin ko?

Hindi ko alam.

Itatanong ko nalang kay Toni Robbins.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:57 PM.

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Heartbreaks and hearts
Sunday: April 22, 2018



It's 0105. I'm sleepy. I'm tired. I'm thinking of you.

It's technically Sunday. I woke up Sat morning planning the day ahead, but I ended up doing completely different things.

Our pups are sick. Parvo, i suspect. Riri's litter was bloody and had that stinky smell of a wet market. Ang sakit ng puso ko. I brought one of the pups, Don Juan, my fav, because he's too weak, his mom and sisters are too hyper, they're hurting him. He's still not eating but I want to believe he'll survive. He seems to love my room. I told him that if he'll get better, if he eats well again, i will not return him to their cage and will let him stay with me in my room. I swear I saw him walked to his food bowl and pretended to eat. I was watching closely. I saw how he just touched his mouth on the food! Naintindihan ata ni Don Juan yung sinabi ko.

It was January 13 when they were born. They're just 3 months. I hope the Heavens will let them live longer.

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"Man kasi. Porket mahilig ka sa boy..." was what gabby said when the topic left for leian contained the word "girl" and I chose the word "boy" to make it apt for leian. I'm pretty sure Gabby has no idea what's going on with my life and probably didn't know he actually made a point with that.

Mahilig sa boy. Puteeek. Maybe I should get myself a real man already.

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He offered a handshake, which I took. His hands were very very cold.

"Is he a man?", I wondered. But how can I force myself to care when i still want my boy.

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I learned this lesson the hard way. That if you tell people that you want or don't want something, they might actually believe you, so you have to be careful with what you are communicating.

I'm reading your games well because I wasn't born yesterday, and i think you know that.

But I cannot let your pretense become true one day (because words and actions have an uncanny way of turning lies into truth). I'm not willing to hand you over.

That was my last card. Now, it's the Universe's turn.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:48 AM.

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Rain
Sunday: April 22, 2018



Late April. It's still summertime, I wonder why it was raining early this morning.

I went to the market todat to buy gatorade and syringe for the pups. I researched the net last night, gatorade can help daw.

Don Juan had gotten worse. He didn't even drink water and his litter too was bloody. I remeber what the vet once told us about how the dog's eyes will sink once it's about to die. Gusto kong maniwalang kaya pa.

It's frustrating when all you can do is be there when someone's dying... He's just three months old. A few minutes before typing this, we lost him...

Mahina lang naman ang ulan kanina. Pero inside my chest, parang bumabagyo. Nakakainis. 

Ayoko nang mag-alaga ng aso.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 04:22 PM.

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Kyoukai no otoko
Tuesday: April 24, 2018



Araw araw ko syang nakikita sa simbahan.

Naririnig ko kasi yung kaluskos pag lumuluhod sya sa pew sa likuran ko.

Bukod sa fact na mejo gwapo sya at matangkad, napansin ko sya kasi paulit ulit ang ritwal na ginagawa nya araw araw.

Pagpasok nya, luluhod sya sa parehas na pwesto araw araw. Yung pangalawang pew mula sa harap. Magdadasal ng ilang minuto, tapos tatayo palabas. Hihinto sya saglit sa may labasan para magsindi ng kandila. Apat na kandila na pinagdidikitdikit nya sa iisang tirikan. Tapos magdadasal ulet. Ginagawa nya to approximately same time araw araw. Iniisip ko tuloy kung dito rin sya banda nagtatrabaho.

Ano kayang pinagdadaanan ni kuya at bakit sya araw araw nagsisimba? Para mag effort syang pumunta don araw araw, siguro may mabigat syang dinadala. Kung ano man ang pinagdarasalal nya, siguradong importante yun sa kanya. Naku-curious ako kung ano-ano bang mga bagay ang pinagdarasal ng isang lalaki sa Diyos. Finances kaya? Work? Business?

Gwapo si kuya, so hindi naman siguro love life...

Kaninang umaga, mejo nalate ako ng punta sa simbahan. Pagdating ko, nakapagtirik na ng kandila si kuya at nagdadasal na ulet. Pumasok ako at umupo sa parehas na pwestong inuupuan ko araw araw. Yung pinakaunang pew mula sa harap. Nagdasal ng ilang minuto, tapos tumayo palabas. Huminto ako saglit sa may labasan para magsindi ng kandila. Apat na kandilang pinagdikitdikit ko sa iisang tirikan. Narealized ko na parehas na parehas pala kami ng ginagawa ni kuya. Parehas kaya kami ng ipinagdarasal?

Pagdaan ko sa tirikan ng kandila kanina, sinindihan ko yung apat na kandilang naiwan ni kuya na wala nang sindi. Sinindihan ko na rin pati yung mga kandilang nasa tabi nito. Kung ano man ang pinagdadaanan ni kuya, kung ano man ang ipinagdarasal nya... Kung mabuti yun para sa kanya at sa mga taong nasa paligid nya... Sana makuha nya.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:50 PM.

2 comments





take it slow, take it slow
Thursday: April 26, 2018



umuulan ulit kahapon.

sabi nila, pag nag-alay ka daw ng mga hurt mo sa langit, makakapagligtas ka daw ng mga kaluluwa sa purgatoryo.

sa dami ng hurt na inalay ko, iniisip ko kung may natitira pa bang kaluluwa sa purgatoryo. lol/

..

naniniwala talaga ko na pag masakit, ibig sabihin may mali.

siguro if lagi kang nasasaktan dahil sa isang tao, then maybe dahil yun sa hindi sya yung tamang tao?

well, hindi ko rin naman talaga alam.

pero mejo ok na ko today.

last night, i was rummaging with my stuff. i took all the cans where i place my money intended for different things. i need to pay gabby 4500 for the discounted discon2019 tickets. i emptied all 3 cans and counted. i was still 1000 pesos short.

for some reason, it made me smile. kasi it felt like rock bottom na and i remember how the Universe hates vacuum. i think, it finally noticed me.

something tells me that this is going to be the last time that ill ever have problems with money.

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1 year to go and mukhang pupunta nga ko sa Cebu with the people from the club. after knowing na andaming pupunta, hindi na ko excited. antisocial as ever. bukod don, pinoproblema ko rin yung kung ano anong kinakain nila. sana hindi sila masyadong ma hassle sa kaartehan ko T_T.

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started a keto-ish diet since monday. i think ive lost about 2 kilos in 4days. that's slow considering that i can lose about a kilo per day with atkins back in the day. but im liking keto better kasi hindi umaatake ang GERD ko and day 2 palang, i think i totally lost my appetite na. ewan ko lang kung sa keto ba to or dahil sa heartbreak. lol.

4 na pirasong meatballs lang ang baon ko for lunch. yung 2 pcs, isang oras kong pilit kinain. yung other 2, mukhang makakauwi pa sa bahay namin.

tsaka parang nakakaganda ng skin... or guni guni ko lang ba?

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a happy turn of event. a customer sent me a message and ordered 3k+ worth of products that im going to deliver tonight. yehey! may pamasahe na ko!!! Thank you, Lord! T_T

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ang aga ni kuya sa simbahan kanina. kahit maaga akong pumunta, paalis na sya. and he was looking at me!!! hahaha. well, mahirap nga namang hindi magkatinginan kung laging kayo lang dalawa ang ang pumupunta sa simbahan. lol.

maybe it wouldn't hurt if i give away a shy smile or something. lel.

...

pero ang ibon daw, madaling hulihin pag nakatali pero mas madaling hulihin pag may sugat... kaya siguro, hinay hinay muna sa landi. hehe.

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will do some food tasting tomorrow para sa 7th anniv ng club on May. the sight of food makes me want to puke. hindi rin pala masaya pag wala kang appetite.

shucks, wish me luck.

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2 more months. 3 more regular meetings and i will be a normal human being. i mean, i normal member. im checking meetup.com to see some group would interest me to fill up my time. gusto ko matutung umarte para sa speech ko. wala naman palang ganun sa meetup. im thinking of joining peta or other acting workshop...

okay, daydream lang:

pag nanalo akong district champion sa inspirational speech contest, i will walk up to dananjaya and tell him, "remember my name because im going to be the next world champion."

eeeeeeeeeeee!!!

putek, ang sarap mangarap. Lord, penging pambayad ng workshop!

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pero wait lang...

bago ang lahat ng to... sana magawa ko na yung target ko by August. araw araw kong kinukulit at araw araw ko pang kukulitin ang langit para dito.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:54 PM.

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Homey
Saturday: April 29, 2018



Sunday pala ngayon. My brains felt like it's Saturday. I don't have work tomorrow, I'm going on vacation. 

The weekends had been long. Yesterday, I killed 10k plus to fund my business. Yehey, wala na naman akong pamasahe. Lol. Naalala ko bigla lahat ng may utang saken. Haha.

Today, I spent the day taking pictures of my products for fb marketing. I didn't know taking pictures could take this much time. I'm not even halfway done.

I also met with a customer earlier and I realized, meron rin pala akong trust issues. Lol.

Teka, tinatamad na ko magkwento.

11:18pm. I'm sleepy, but my room's a mess. Taking photos requires so much props, I wonder if I should just hire a photog for my own sanity.

---------

Eto na naman tayo. Namimiss na naman kita. Iniisip ko kung kelan ba nagsimula 'to because the last thing I remember was that I'm into someone else. Parang walang transistion. Basta bigla ka nalang sumulpot. 

When the year started, I tried writing a daily journal containing the list of the things I'm thankful for and the list of the things that I wish for. Ibang pangalan pa ang nasa list of wish ko dun. As far as I can remember, I didn't see you the same way then.

But I noticed though that you're name was always written in my thank you list. Nakakainis na sa tamad ko magsulat, walang details kung bakit ako thankful sayo. Basta nandun lang ang pangalan mo. Ang weird na hindi ko rin talaga maalala.

Siguro sa mga little favors, or baka yung mga times na napangiti ako sa simpleng banat mo. Siguro yung presence. Maliliit na bagay na nag accumulate at maging fondness, na nag grow into liking and then developed into what it is right now.

Sabi nila, love is an action word. Ngayon naiintindihan ko na.

Namimiss na kita.

Low drama akong tao. Ayoko naman talaga ng mga mushy na bagay. Pero sa tingin ko, kung aalisin ang feelings at iiiwan ko lang ang logic, convinced ako na we can make a good pair.

May mga tao who seek a love that will make their hearts skip a bit. Where they can feel the high, the adrenaline rush. With their hearts pounding inside their chest, and butterflies in their stomachs.

Pero hindi naman kasi ako adventurous the tao. I prefer calm over adrenaline rush. I'd rather have stillness and peace, than hear the crazy pounding inside my chest. Silence, calm, comfort, home.

Home.

I think, what I seek is a love that feels like home. Sa tingin ko, that was what I found in you...

...

Pero baka hindi rin. Ewan ko.

Ok lang rin naman.

I'm fine naman on my own.

Sa tingin ko, sadyang namimiss lang kita.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:52 PM.

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Chrises
Monday: April 30, 2018



Sabi sa librong nabasa ko, lahat ng tao daw, pinanganak na bisexual. Yung society lang daw ang nag brainwash saten to have preference for the opposite sex.

I never liked a girl romantically, so I don't really know if this is true. 

Pero pag nakikita ko si Chris Evans at Chris Hemsworth,

Siguradong sigurado akong babae talaga ko. Hahahaha!

Puteeeek, ang gwapo gwapo, ayokonah!!! T_T



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:34 PM.

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« 2018/03 · 2018/05 »
C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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